Month: November 2006

No one turned up to do any decorating this morning so I ring the B&Q installation centre at 10:45 and speak to Jackie.  I say the fitters didn’t ring me yesterday.  She says she left a message for them this morning and will chase them to see what’s going on. 

I tell her they’ve ripped my kitchen floor.  She says oh no, what type of floor is it?  I say it’s vinyl and it’s been torn.  She says is it old?  I say no, it’s only been down about a year.  She says she’ll speak to her compensation team and find out about getting some money out to me for a new floor.

I hate B&Q.  Well, I hate their fitters, anyway.

At 11:09 Dragon Lady from the fitters rings and says she can get the tiler to me on Thursday.  I say okay then, first thing?  She says yes.

I ring Jackie at the installation centre and say a tiler’s coming on Thursday.  She says just a tiler?  Did they say anything about decorating?  I say  no, just said the tiler’s coming on Thursday.  I say this has been dragging on for ages now, this is the fourth week.  She says I know, I’ve been looking at the notes of everything you and Alan have been trying to sort out, it’s awful isn’t it?  She says she’ll ring the fitters and try and get everything sorted for me.

Sigh.

Jackie from the installation centre rings at 12:45.  She says she’s spoken to the fitters and they’re waiting for the plaster to dry out and the decorator will be round on Friday and the tiler’s coming on Thursday.  Jackie also says that she’s mentioned to them about the kitchen floor and they’re going to look into it.

I don’t know who’s doing the bathroom floor.  Will I have to wait two weeks for a floor man?  And they need to send the carpenter back to make a new bit of architrave as a piece has mysteriously gone missing.  And they’re supposed to be adding some skirting board.  Who’s doing that?

Tossers.

Alan the plumber arrives at 8:30ish with his young plumber’s mate and apologises for being late. I say are you going to install the bath today? He says yes. Hurrah. I say can you phone me when it’s done? He says don’t you want it to be a surprise? Oi matey, cut out the wisecracks, I want a plumber, not a comedian. No I don’t want it to be a surprise, I’ve been without a bath for three weeks. I say do you still have my phone number or shall I write it down again? He says he has it in his van.

Fingers crossed then (again).

Update
Alan at B&Q rings me at 3:15 and asks if the plumber turned up today. I say he did and he was going to ring me when he’d installed the bath but he hasn’t yet.

Alan asks if they said anything about finishing the job. I say no but I’ll wait and see if I’ve got a bath before I worry about anything else. He says he’ll ring the fitters and see if they know anything.

I don’t think they know anything at all. I’m surprised they even know how to get out of bed in the morning.

Update #2
Alan the plumber rings at 4 and says the bath’s been installed. Hallellujah! He says when I get home I’ll see that it’s full of water and silicon’s been applied. The silicon might still be wet so best to leave it ’til about 8 before I use it. He also says that he’s put the pop up waste in the sink and made good the wall.

At 4:15 I ring the installation centre to see if anyone’s coming tomorrow to start on finishing the work. Jackie answers the phone and says oh yes, as soon as work has started, it carries on until it’s finished. Yeah right. I say but because there’s been delays, there might not be anyone booked to come round. She says she’ll find out and get back to me.

Jackie rings back at 4:45 and says the fitters are going to ring me this evening to sort out the rest of the work and she’ll ring me tomorrow to make sure they did ring.

Hmm.

I get home and Alan has indeed installed the bath. Look, taps, woo hoo:

And my cat is very impressed with her new water bowl:

But somehow the fuckwit has managed to tear a hole in the kitchen floor:

Bloody hell, can’t they do anything right, ever?!!! For f**ks sake, to say I’m annoyed is an understatement, bet they deny doing it too but when I left for work this morning I didn’t have a kitchen floor with a hole in it.

Tossers.

Grr.

Nothing to report yesterday as it had been left that a plumber will be round today between 11 and 12. Please please please please let him turn up and fit the taps and not give me any “taps don’t fit” nonsense.

How much chance have I got of a plumber finishing one job on a Friday morning and then going to another for the afternoon? Aren’t they more likely to bugger off home, or even more likely, to the pub?

Alan at B&Q probably didn’t know what to do all day with me not ringing him to moan every five minutes, maybe I should have given him a ring to complain about the fitters losing my keys and scratching the shower spray. Got to keep him on his toes after all.

Fingers crossed then. He’s not late yet, it’s only 6:50am.

Update
It’s 12:00 and no plumber. I ring the fitters and get put through to “someone who knows what’s going on”. Louise gets put through to me and says sorry, he can’t make it, he got held up on another job. I say why didn’t anyone ring me? She says I did, I left a message. I say where? She gives me a number which isn’t mine. I say that’s not my number. She gives me another number. I say that’s not my number either. She says do you live at [address], I say no. She gets my name right eventually and says oh, Clive’s coming out to you. Then she says oh, Andy’s going to be with you this afternoon, hang on and I’ll find out where he is.

I have started growling already. If Andy is not here within half an hour I’m going to kill someone on my way to work.

Update #2
12:20 and no one’s rung me back so I ring the fitters and get their answerphone and leave a message saying I need to know if the plumber’s on his way, I’m leaving my house in 20 minutes, can you call me back please.

Tossers.

I ring Alan at B&Q and say plumber not here, I have to go to work now. He says oh dear, you’re not having much luck are you? I say not exactly, no. He says do I have to go to work right now? I say yes, in ten minutes. He says he’ll ring the fitters.

Louise from the fitters rings me just after I put the phone down to Alan and says Andy will be with you this afternoon. I say but you said between 11 and 12 and I have to go to work now. She says she’s really sorry. She said am I available next week? I said it has to be first thing Monday. She says she’ll see who she can pull off another job and ring me back.

Wankers.

Update #3
Alan rings and says the fitters say your keys were left in your gas meter box. I say why didn’t anyone tell me that, that’s not the first place I’d think of looking for them. He says no, well, you wouldn’t really would you?

He says he thinks the fitters are coming out on Monday. I say you think? He says they are. I say first thing? He says yes. He says if they don’t come, then they’ll get Reactafast (or something like that) to come out but they will only do the bath, not the decorating. I say well the bath’s the main priority at the mo, this is going to be the third weekend without a bath, I can’t take any more time off work, my boss is already spitting feathers with all the time off and phone calls I’m making. He says let’s see what happens Monday, see if the fitters turn up.

Sigh.

At least it’s Friday I suppose. Hurrah.

Update #4
My keys were indeed left inside the gas meter box which means either a) that Danny had no intention of coming back, because if he did, he’d have put the keys through the letterbox like a normal person would have done, but if he’d have done that I’d have thought “oh, that’s weird, why has he posted the keys, isn’t he coming back?”; or b) that he left them in there every day instead of taking them with him which means that he’s just as security conscious as that Alan idiot who left my window open as any random passing burglar could have seen him take the keys from the gas meter box every morning he was here.

‘kin hell.

Update #5
At 4:30 Louise from the fitters leaves a message on my mobile to confirm that Alan the plumber will be round on Monday morning to do the taps.

At 5:00 Alan the plumber rings about my “dreaded” bath. He says he’ll be with me first thing on Monday. I say brilliant, 8 o’clock? He says thereabouts, do I have to be out of the house at a specific time. Well of course I do dickhead, I have to go to work and earn money to pay for a new bathroom. I say I have to be out by 8:30. He says he should be there by then, he has to pick up a few bits and pieces on the way so he doesn’t have to go out in the day. He says he needs access to the back garden. I say that’s fine, he can have keys. And if you forget to lock the back door, like you forgot to shut the window, it’s going to be you who’s going to need new plumbing matey.

I think Monday is finally going to see the end of the bath saga. Yah!

Are you as bored of this as I am yet? All good evidence though for when I write my really long letter of complaint.

I ring the plumber at 10:04 and say did you look at the website? He says yes, the taps go on the corner with the handheld spray to the left of them on the back edge. I say yes, can you do that? He says, well, if that’s how they are in the picture, then that must be where they go.

He says he has a reservation though. If I use the spray as a shower, then there’s a danger that water will get through the hole, as it’s not meant to be used as a shower. I say but if I’m aware of that then it’s not a problem is it? He says no.

I say can you come and do it tomorrow? He says he’s spoken to his office and they’ll be in touch as and when. He says whoever comes round will need access to the back garden. I say that’s fine, as long as they lock up afterwards. (I was tempted to say you left my window open you twat, but restrained myself.)

He says the office will be in touch.

I ring Alan and say that the plumber didn’t have a solution last night, it was just going round in circles again but he’s looked at the website now and has seen where the taps go and says he can do it. I say he said his office will be in touch “as and when” but that’s not very good and ideally I need someone there first thing tomorrow, can he chase them for me please? He says will do.

Fingers crossed! What do you reckon? Bath installed tomorrow?

Update
Dragon Lady from the fitters phones me at 11:00. She says the plumber can come round Monday afternoon. I say that’s no good, I need someone round tomorrow morning, it’s been going on for three weeks now. Dragon Lady says he can’t come earlier, he’s on another job. I say I’m going to ring the Installation Centre.

I ring Alan and say Dragon Lady says plumber can’t come back ’til Monday afternoon. He says it’s Wednesday now so that’s another five days, hmm. I say it’s no good, I need someone tomorrow morning, it’s been three weeks. I say afternoon is no good either, that’d involve taking a day off work. He says he’s running out of ideas but it’s been going on for too long and he’ll speak to his manager.

Waa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I’m going to cry. Again.

Update #2
Alan rings at 11:40 and says that he’s spoke to the fitters and the plumber who came round last time can’t come back until next week but they’re going to see if they can get someone else. I say next week’s no good, I can’t let this drag on to next week. He says if they can’t send anyone this week then they’re going to get their managers involved. He says he’ll keep me informed.

Five phone calls already today and it’s not even lunchtime yet. Just as well I didn’t go on holiday and leave them to it, like I’d thought about. I thought if they start work on the Monday morning, I could just come home on the Friday and I’d have a nice new bathroom. Duh! Six weeks later (they were supposed to have originally started work on 9 October [it’s 15 November today] but the fitters had f****d up) and I’ve still not got even a functioning bathroom, let alone a finished one, or even a nearly finished one.

Grr.

Update #3
Dragon Lady from the fitters rings at 12:35 and says I’ve rescheduled, the earliest I can get someone there is Friday mid-morning, I’ve got someone round your way first thing, he can come after.

I say okay then. She says will you be there? I say no need, he can just come through the window your other dickhead plumber left open.

Okay, I didn’t say that. I say yes, oh but do I need to be, you have keys, I gave them to Danny, did he drop them back round your office? She says she’s not sure, she’ll double check. I say but it’s best I’m there anyway, I’ll be there, what’s the latest he’ll be there? She says she’ll book him in for between 11 and 12.

I tell my boss a plumber’s coming Friday mid-morning. He says what does that mean? I say it means I need Friday morning off. Boss not happy. Oops. I can’t go another weekend without a bath though. Boss appreciates that B&Q are wankers (his words) and says it’s fine, no need to book the time off, just come in when I can. Friday afternoon is going to be v. stressful at work, bah, but fingers crossed though that at least I can go home to a nice hot bath.

Update #4
Alan rings at 2:17 and says the fitters say they’re coming to you Friday pm, is that right? I say yes, but between 11 and 12, hopefully. I say obviously it’s not ideal but better than Monday afternoon but I’ve had to take Friday morning off and my boss isn’t very happy about it. He says oh dear.

I say I’m probably jumping the gun a bit, but after the bath is installed, is work going to carry on until it’s finished? He says yes. I say but they probably haven’t got anyone booked in for Monday but anyway, it’s probably best to see if the bath does get installed and then worry about the rest of the work. He says yes that’s probably best but the fitters have said that they’ve got a tiler arranged. Like I believe what the fitters say. I just hope they turn up on time.

Can everyone send good vibes my way and pray that my bath gets installed on Friday. Ta.

Oh, but this is good:

The phrase

B&Q bathroom installation problems

brings this blog in at no. 2 on google. And the phrase

B&Q bathroom installation

brings it on the bottom of the first page. Hurrah, this will mean that they’re going to lose quite a few potential orders. This has made me happy 🙂

Yawn, here we go again.

I ring the B&Q installation service centre at 11:18 and speak to Jackie who says that Alan was speaking to someone about my bathroom a while ago and that he’s on a tea break and will call me back in 10 minutes.

At 11:50 Alan calls and says that the installation manager can’t come out to visit for another week and obviously that’s too long. His manager is in a meeting at the moment and will speak to him when he’s out of the meeting to see what can be done and will call me back in a hour.

This is obviously another one of those B&Q hours. They live in a world where one of our minutes equates to about five of theirs.

Update
No one’s rung by 2:36 so I ring and Jackie answers and I say Alan said he was going to speak to his manager, has he done that yet? She said she knows that he’s been busy all day trying to get things resolved and speaking to the expert team and that she’ll ask him to call me. I say he said he was going to ring back in an hour and that was at 12 and she said well, like I said, he’s been running here, there and everywhere trying to get it sorted, I don’t think it will be resolved today, but I’ll ask him to give you a call.

Alan calls back at 2:45 and said the fitters will give you a call to explain a solution they have for the taps. I say why are they phoning me? He says so they can explain what they’re going to do, I can’t explain it, it’s too complicated. I said but why do they have to phone me to say what the solution is, why can’t they just come round and do the solution? He says, I don’t really know, I think it’s so they know that it’s what you require. I said I just require taps on my bath, that’s it. He says he tried to get different fitters but none are available. I say will they come round tomorrow? He says he’s not sure, they’ll ring me and he’ll ring me before he goes home to make sure they do ring me.

Sigh. This is doing my head in. It’s only a bath. It’ s not even a fancy bath or anything. I just want my bath installed. I suppose I should be grateful that I do have a toilet installed. Could be worse I suppose.

Bah.

Update #2
Alan rings at 4:45 and says have the fitters called you? I say no. He sighs and says he’ll chase them for me.

The fitter rings at 5:00 and says he can put the spout and the hot and cold taps in the corner by the wall. I say fine. He says but then where does the shower spray go? I say I thought you or someone from your company had spoke to Donald at the store so he could tell you how to fit the bath? He says he doesn’t know anything about that. I say as far as I knew, you and Donald were going to meet at my house and sort it. He says he can put the taps in the corner but the shower spray won’t fit on the other corner, the hose won’t be long enough. I say can’t you get a longer hose? He said B&Q will have to source one. I say aren’t they standard? He says one end is smaller than the other. His phone is very crackly and breaks off. Either that or he got fed up and scrunched up a packet of crisps and hung up.

I have a brainwave and phone him back and say if I scrap the shower spray and get an electric shower instead, can you just put the taps on? He says no, the shower spray is connected to the taps underneath the bath.

We go round and round in circles about how the taps won’t fit. I say but we’ve been through this, the taps come with the bath, they’re designed to go anywhere on the bath. He says in the store in Romford the taps are on a different bath. I say I know the one you mean but the bath I’ve got is part of the range, it’s the one you get if you get a straight edged bath, I’ve seen this bath on the website with these taps. He said have you seen the bath on the website with those taps? I said yes. He said where are the taps placed? I said, well, from memory, the taps are in the corner and the shower spray is just to the side of them on the edge. He said I can do that if you’re happy with that. He says I’ll look on the website tonight to see where the taps go and call you tomorrow.

WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!! I’ve been saying for two weeks, I don’t care where the taps go, I just want my bath installed. Two weeks of f*****g around and plumbers saying the taps don’t fit and all he had to do was be shown a picture?  I printed the photo from the website, think I’ll draw a big red arrow on it pointing at the taps, that might help the fuckwit out.

I think I’m going to kill myself.

Yes, another bathroom post, sorry.

I ring the installation centre at 8:10am but am on hold for 11 minutes so decide to go to work and ring from there. I ring at 10:45 and Alan answers (is he the only person who works there?) and I tell him that the fitter had been round on Thursday and said the taps didn’t fit and so I had rung the store and Donald had come round on Friday morning to see what the problem is and that he said that the taps will fit and he is willing to meet the plumber at my house and show him how to fit it. Alan says he’ll phone the store and speak to Maryam or Donald and then speak to the fitter. I tell him the fitter left my window wide open. He said, when you weren’t there? I said yes, I came home from work and it was wide open. He said would I like an installation manager to come round to the property to see what the problem is as they have more clout and I seem to be having a lot of problems. I said I just want my bath installed and I can’t keep taking time off work. He says he thinks the installation manager can visit in the evening. He said he’ll ring Maryam to arrange for Donald to meet the fitters and get back to me.

He hasn’t rung by 12:20 so I ring him and he says that he spoke to Maryam, and Donald will meet the fitter on site and that he needs to get a fitter arranged He asks if it is just the bath that needs installing. I say, no, nothing’s been done since the Tuesday of the first week, we’re now in week three. I only have a toilet, half a sink that leaks and a bath with no taps. I’ve got no flooring or tiles and there’s decorating to be done. Oh he says, there’s quite a lot of work to be done then. I mention again about the fitters leaving my window open and he says he forgot to make a note about that. He says he’ll speak to his supervisor and call me back at 1:00.

Alan calls back at 12:53 and says the fitters are willing to come to the house with Donald. I say is it the same fitters. He says yes. I say but they’re no good, they leave my window open. He says he’s going to get the installation manager to go there to see them also as someone’s mucking up somewhere and it’s been going on for too long. He’s waiting to hear back from the installation manager and will get back to me.

Update
Alan’s not rung me back by 4:50 so I ring and get through to Jackie. She has a look at my notes and says that the fitter, planner and installation manager are to come out and thinks Alan’s waiting for the installation manager to get back to him and that he’ll ring me, probably tomorrow.

Grr. Another day goes by with f**k all being sorted. How did I manage to turn into a project manager (although obviously not a very good one, seeing as nothing’s getting done)? The reason I’m paying over the odds for my new bathroom is so that everything’s taken care of at one place and I don’t have to spend time chasing people up. I’ve done nothing but chase people up since getting the designer round at the end of July.

Grr.

Update #2
Maryam from the store calls me at 5:20 (woo, someone actually called me to let me know what was going on) to say that Donald, the fitters and the installation manager are all going to meet up and see what can be done.  She asks about the pre-fit survey.  I say I didn’t get one, the lad came round, said he didn’t have any drawings or plans, took a photo and left after about five minutes.  She says did I sign the paperwork.  I said he asked me to sign that he’d been there.  She says she’s got paperwork with my signature on it showing tick boxes to say that I was happy with everything.  I said all he did was ask me if everything was staying in the same place and I said it was and he said it should be okay that he couldn’t do a full survey.  Maryam says they might have copied my signature from somewhere.  I say the lad who came to do the survey was from the fitters, wasn’t he?  She says yes.  I say well then, they’re not to be trusted.   The lad came round to do the survey on 31  August.  I even say in that post that I don’t trust them to do a good job.  Why didn’t I trust my instincts?

Grr.

Anyway, I’m going out for a run now.  If anyone gets in my way, god help them.