A fashion guide to the countryside

As you may have noticed, I haven’t blogged for a while and you also may have noticed that the last time I blogged it was about how I didn’t run the Reading Half Marathon, only turning up for the important bit, i.e. the drinking beer and eating pizza bit.

As you may also know, I have a move to the countryside coming up and whilst thinking about things like letting my house out to women with kids (kids?  In my house?  Eek.) and telling the mortgage company and the insurance company and the TV/broadband/phone company and the Inland Revenue and the gas and electric companies and countless other companies (do I need to tell the man in the local off licence to tell his kids not to expect any Christmas presents this year due to Santa’s profits being hit?) it occurred to me that I’m going to need some posh new running gear so people in the countryside don’t think that Londoners are a bunch of scruffs.

So what do I buy to impress the countryside people?  Do they even care?  If I buy green will I look like a tree and run the risk of having a dog wee on me?  And what size do I get?  I’m going to have lots of running time on my hands (or should that be feet?), so will I run so much I’m going to shrink to a size zero?  Ooh, I hope so.  Or maybe I should get a size 14 as, as well as having lots of running time, I’m also going to have lots of time to explore the new fridge and its plentiful supply of chocolate that I know lives in there.   Or maybe some hi-vis gear due to the fact that I’m going to have to run on the road (or lanes or whatever it is countryside people call that three foot wide long bit of concrete they drive down) and risk getting run over by a tractor.

Maybe I’ll just stay here where it’s safe and there’s less likelihood of being weed on by a dog or run over by a tractor.  But then where would my excuse for buying new clothes come from?

3 comments

  • And you didn’t even mention beating Cedric two weeks ago-that’s modesty…or shame at laziness in blogging? I vote for bright colours and staying away from MY chocolate supplies when you arrive! But no size zero. Just athletic will do.

  • I see your point about the country being a scary place. What would impress the local chickens most? Will bright colours scare the tractor drivers? And the perenial, will these shoes survive those muddy lanes? Okay. I admit that I live in the country and, after 15 years or so, I’m practically a local. Now, even my job is in the sticks. Out here we like things we can trust. Things that have some history. If I had to buy one bit of kit to make the transition from urban thrills to rustic charms, I’d get some Polaroid sunglasseshttp://www.polaroidsunglasses.co.uk/sunglasses/sports/running.htm. Our agency has the Polaroid account – so I know the brand and wear them myself. This year’s styles, are lighter and better. It was warmer this weekend and my new pair didn’t even slip during my Sunday run. By the way, dogs are colourblind, so don’t worry too much about dressing for them. Bright colours help, and don’t be upset when the local youths yell at you when you’re on a run. They don’t have much to do out here…
    Good luck.

  • Thanks Laura

    Do you have any tips for avoiding being shot at by gypsies?

    And if you get any Polaroid running sunglasses freebies, feel free to send me some.

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