JogBlog running blog

I was going to go the gym this morning but Shaun said it was nice and sunny and bright and too nice a day to go to the gym so I said I’d go for a bike ride instead and did he want to come too? but he said no, he wanted to carry on building his shed and so I said that’s not very romantic, you should be taking me out somewhere and he said I’ll take you to Tesco later and so I went out on my bike and it was indeed a nice bright sunny day but it was windy and the wind had brought in tons and tons of litter all over the place, except I don’t think wind can be blamed for the carpet and the mattress I saw dumped; the blame for that would lie with some chavvy local Ashfordian.

Stats (cycling)
Distance: 14.26 miles
Time: 1:30:54
Speed: 9.4 mph
Nice bright sunny days: 1 
Romantic days out to Tesco: 1
Litter: tons
Pikey chavvy local Ashfordians: lots

When I was in the pub with Helen after our traumatic experience on Wednesday night, she said she was thinking about doing the Ashford 10k. I said ooh, that’s near me, aren’t there any 10ks in London? and she said no, not in the Spring and she wants to do one as part of her marathon training, and so I said come down for the Ashford 10k then, and I’ll do it too.

Today I was wondering if it was such a great idea to enter a 10k that is only three weeks away, seeing as my training’s not been up to much for about, um, 18 months, so I went out for a run to see what I could I do.

And I did 3.76 miles WITHOUT ANY WALKING BITS and yes, it was a pathetically slow 3.76 miles but it means that a 10k in three weeks is not completely impossible.

Yay.

Stats
Distance: 3.76 miles
Time: 44:56
Pace: 11:58 m/m
Calories: 394
Ashford 10ks to enter: 1
Walking bits: 0

I had planned to go swimming today, as with my gym membership, I can use the pool in the posh(er) gym in town for free. Gym and swim for £20 a month, bargain. But I haven’t used my bargainous membership at the swimming pool yet because I haven’t been swimming since I was about 14 and don’t know if I can still swim and even if I can, I don’t know how to use a swimming pool. I remember there’s a little pool of water you have to walk through first but I can’t remember changing rooms and lockers and things and I’ll have to ask where they are and how to use them and I don’t like asking things as my confident days are few and far between but I’d been having a good week and was feeling good and so I thought I’d be brave and go swimming, then get something to eat in town after but this morning I got up late and the weather was minging and so I decided not to go into town and I decided I wasn’t going to bother with Janathon at all today as I wasn’t in the mood but then I thought I suppose I’d better do something and so I decided to go on a little bike ride and I cycled down the road and my hands were cold as I’d forgotten to put on my gloves and I couldn’t see as I’d forgotten to put on my glasses and I did a puny 1.77 miles but it’s better than nothing and it all counts.

Stats (cycling)
Distance: 1.77 miles
Time: 11:48
Speed: 9mph
Calories: 50
Free swimming pools: 1
Free swimming pools went to today: 0
Puny bike rides that are better than nothing: 1

Although yesterday’s workout session was traumatic and although I didn’t get home ‘til after 1am and although I was slightly hungover, it’s January and therefore Janathon and therefore I had to get my traumatised, tired and slightly hungover body out for some exercise. I decide to take it to the gym and try out the Shock Absorber sports bra I was given yesterday.

The gym only has one woman in there who is – shock horror – RUNNING on the treadmill. I get on the rowing machine and do 20 minutes on there and then I decide to go on the treadmill and I do 20 minutes on there: 16 minutes running and 4 minutes cool down.

After I’ve finished I’m soooooooooooo grateful to Janathon, as without it, I’d never have done any exercise and now I’M FEELING GOOD and over the trauma of last night.

The sports bra was good, too.

Stats (rowing machine)
Distance: 2945 metres
Time: 20 minutes
Calories: 145

Treadmill
Distance: 1.4 miles
Time: 16 minutes
Pace: 11:26 m/m
Calories: 147
Gratefuls for Janathons: 1

I was invited to the Shock Absorber Mateivator Blogger Event which was to give us the chance to preview a workout devised by personal trainer Elise Lindsay where you work out with your friend in order to get the best results for your body.

As I don’t have any friends in real life, I decide to ask my blogging/Facebook/Twitter friend and fellow Janathoner, Helen, if she’d like to come along and she said yay freebies, cool, ta. (They may not be Helen’s exact words.)

We arrange to meet outside the Tottenham Court Road branch of Fitness First, where the event is being held but Helen texts me and says she’s been down the length of Tottenham Court Road and can’t find it. I too have been walking up and down Tottenham Court Road and can’t find it either and so I tell her to meet me at Goodge Street Station and we’ll get lost together. When she gets to the station, she says she’s found it and it’s hidden up a side street.

Once inside, Shock Absorber’s PR girl hands us a goodie bag containing a Shock Absorber sports bra, a water bottle, and a keyring with a locker token thingy the size and shape of a pound coin (which wouldn’t be of any use in a Fitness First as their membership cards lock and open the lockers but my local gym uses pound coins).

We’re taken into a room where Elise Lindsay gives us a talk about, um, I’m not sure because every other word was ‘literally’ and that’s all I could focus on and when we’re led into the studio for our workout, I say to Helen if Elise says ‘literally’ one more time, I’m literally going to walk out.

There’s about twenty of us in there to do the workout and Helen and I hide at the back and Elise puts some REALLY LOUD AND REALLY RUBBISH music on and starts to shout over it but shouting doesn’t make any difference, as I still can’t hear what she’s saying. She starts jumping about and stuff and we’re supposed to follow her. Everyone else starts jumping about in time in a nice coordinated manner but no matter how hard I try, I can’t do it. I decide to not try and do it and just stand still instead and hope no one notices. Shouty Woman notices. Shouty Woman comes over and says ARE YOU INJURED? and I lie and say I’ve got a dodgy knee and point to my knee in case she doesn’t know what a knee is. She shouts something I can’t hear and goes back to the front of the room to shout some more and do some more of that jumping about thing.

PR girl has also noticed that I’m standing at the back not doing anything and comes over and asks if I’m ok. I say yes but I’m really uncoordinated and I can’t follow what they’re doing and I’m a runner and I do running not aerobics and she says it’s not really aerobics and I think BUT THEY’RE DOING FLIPPING STAR JUMPS and I don’t want to do star jumps and I feel stupid and ridiculous and embarrassed and self-conscious and now I feel bad for not doing anything and Shouty Woman and PR girl probably think I’m acting like some petulant sulky teenager and I want to sneak out and then Shouty Woman tells us to put boxing gloves and pads on and I’ve got the pads and Helen’s got the boxing gloves and Helen says I don’t want to punch you and I say I don’t want to be punched but Helen manages to only punch the pads and not my face and then we swap and I have to punch Helen for a while and then Shouty Woman says we’re going to do squats and lunges and I think oh no, I can’t do squats and lunges as they hurt my knees and when I used to do Body Pump the instructor didn’t let me do squats and lunges as she said I leant over one way too much and I would injure myself and so I sit down and Helen says she can’t do squats and lunges either as she’s got a bad back and the PR girl and the Shock Absorber girl have blocked the door so there’s no escape and I feel really really uncomfortable and find the whole thing excruciatingly embarrassing but after they’ve done their squats and lunges, Shouty Woman tells us to get some weights and I think hurrah, I can do weights, yay, and we do stuff with weights, then we do things with a heavy ball and then THANK FUCKING GOD it’s all over and there’s a Q&A with the Shouty Woman and I say to Helen shall we skip that and go to the pub instead and Helen says yes, that’s a splendid idea (they may not be Helen’s exact words) and so we get changed and go to the pub and have a couple of ladylike pints of lager and then we go and get pizza and garlic bread and drink lots of wine to get over the trauma of it all.

Stats (workout)
Star jumps: 0
Being punched: lots
Doing the punching: lots
Squats and lunges: 0
Things with weights: some
Things with a heavy ball: some
Hours of excruciating embarrassment: 1
Free sports bras: 1
Pints of lager: 2
Pizzas: 1
Litres of wine: 1 (between two)

I woke up this morning feeling fat. My own fat, that is, and there was flipping tons of it. I weighed myself to confirm there was flipping tons of it and lo! there was indeed flipping tons of it. I thought to myself ‘how could this be? I’ve been doing Janathon, I haven’t eaten any Pringles for ooh, at least 48 hours, and I haven’t been drinking tons’ so what could I blame it on? Do I blame it on the goats cheese tartlet? Do I blame it on the pink lemonade? Do I blame it on the mince pie ice cream? Do I blame it on good times? Do I blame it on the boogie?

I didn’t know which of the above to blame it on but I reckoned I should go out for a run, even though I’m going to be Janathoning at a gym in London tonight with Helsbels at some Shock Absorber Sports Bra workout with a celebrity trainer thingy something or other event I was invited to.

So, a double Janathon. How smug do I feel?

I go out for my run and the first track to come up on my ipod is some Audiofuel and I think yay, this will keep me going and it does indeed keep me going and I a) do a whole mile without any walking bits; and b) do it in under 11 minutes. Go me.

I get to the downhill bit and there’s about twenty million sheep in the horse field and I wonder how sheep just magically appear in fields? and I also think how nice it would be if twenty million cows magically appeared in a field one day, ideally in the field a few doors down, then I could see them every day.

When I get to the traffic lights I wait for the red light and I walk across the road in case I fall over and the lights turn back to green while I’m lying in the middle of the road and an oncoming lorry doesn’t see me and squishes me as flat as the hedgehog I saw the other day and then I get back to the house and the Christmas tree is still up on the village green and I think ooooooooooooh, it should have been taken down by now and it’s bad luck or something and WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE.

But in the meantime, here’s a cute kitten pic, as requested by Travelling Hopefully.

Stats
Distance: 1.96 miles
Time: 22:31
Pace: 11:28 m/m
Calories: 205
Fat: flipping tons of it
Part 1s of double Janathons: 1
New sheep: about twenty million
New cows: 0
Christmas trees still up: 1

I had to get up early, i.e. when it was still the a.m. bit but I did it and got the train down to Brighton to meet up with Kay to talk about her new book and website and stuff and on the train in the aisle opposite was an annoyingly noisy French girl rabbiting away in French on her mobile but she eventually shut up and I managed to make my fingers work the keyboard on my netbook and got six pages of my assignment done (I thought I’d got ten pages done, but on getting home and checking it, turned out four of them were blank. Bah.)

Upon arriving in Brighton, Kay and I dropped our gear off and got changed at the New Writing South offices and went out for a run. As much as I hate running without my Garmin going, I also hate standing around waiting for my ancient 301 to get a signal (the 405 that the lucky Janathon winner will receive gets a signal in a few seconds. I can’t win Janathon. Bah.) so we started to run Garminless until the satellite locked after about half a mile. We ran another half a mile or so along the seafront (I’ve never run along a seafront before, yay) and then did a walking bit back up to reclaim our gear and get changed before going for a very nice lunch where a very evil old lady stole the sample of Kay’s book that she had given me. Bad old lady.

Then because we hadn’t eaten enough, we went off to get some weird ice cream. I tried some mince pie flavour ice cream and some custard cream biscuit ice cream and I was absolutely gobsmacked that ice cream could actually taste of mince pie or custard cream biscuits! I ended up with half a scoop of mince pie ice cream and half a scoop of chilli chocolate ice cream and unlike the Lindt chilli chocolate and the Whittards chilli hot chocolate, I could actually taste heat from the chilli.

Another walk took me back up to Brighton station where I got on the train with three seconds to spare and ended up once again sitting in the aisle opposite the annoyingly noisy French girl rabbiting away in French on her mobile.

Bah.

Stats (running)
Distance: 1.39 miles
Time: 20:30
Pace: 14:47
Calories burnt: 112
Evil thieving old ladies: 1
Weird ice creams: lots
Annoyingly noisy French girls: 1 x 2

As I had my yearly hair cut the other day, now I need to give my hair it’s yearly dye but first I must Janathon and so I get dressed in a purple long sleeve top and a purple hoody and I get my purple bike out of the garage and do a measly three miles and see a very squished hedgehog and then I get back and dye my hair purple and when I realise it’s been a bit of a purple day, it reminds me of a conversation I had about 15 years ago with my friend Lorraine who said if I like purple that means I’ve got delusions of grandeur and I replied that they weren’t delusions.

Stats (cycling)
Distance: 3.27 miles
Time: 20:29
Speed: 100
Purple long sleeve tops: 1
Purple hoodies: 1
Purple bikes: 1
Squished hedgehogs: 1
Purple heads of hair: 1
Delusions of grandeur: 1

Up late again, due to spending all night watching The Apprentice, The Goodies and The Day John Lennon Died (I was going to watch To Kill A Mockingbird that I had recorded, but it had the little deaf dude in the corner and it was distracting me) and so I get up around lunchtime and go to the supermarket and when I get back I make some hot chocolate and I think oh no, I’ve forgotten about Janathon and it’s going to be dark by the time I go out and when I get round to going out I put on my hi-vis jacket and get my purple bike that has lights on out of the garage and I go down the road and then remember that country lanes don’t have streetlights and I’ve only ever cycled back from town before where it’s light and it’s pitch black and I can only see about two feet ahead of me and it’s quite scary and whenever a car comes in the opposite direction their headlights are so bright I can’t see anything at all and that’s not quite scary, it’s fucking well scary, and I get back to the main road and there still aren’t any streetlights and I think why the hell aren’t there any lights on the main road and I get back after cycling 5.5 miles in the dark.

Stats (cycling)
Distance: 5.5 miles
Time: 34:10
Speed: 9.7mph
Calories: 171
Deaf dudes: 1
Hot chocolates: 1
Streetlights: 0

I didn’t get to sleep ‘til 3.30am but this was due to me sitting up late drinking wine and watching Sex and the City and so when I get up at lunchtime this morning Shaun tells me off for staying up so late and I say I’M AN ADULT AND THERE ARE 24 HOURS IN A DAY AND I CAN CHOOSE WHICH ONES TO BE AWAKE IN and although it’s lunchtime a bit later than when I usually run, I am hardcore and put on my running gear and go outside and run up the hill then past the sheep field then around the cycle path and then down the other cycle path which leads back to the sheep field and I realise I’ve been doing a lot of walking and then Polyphonic Spree’s ‘Running Away’ comes on

and I think I have to run to this as I used to run to it all the time over the marshes and I didn’t used to slack off so much then but then I’m walking again but then I think intervals are about going faster, then slower, aren’t they? and so I decide I am not a slacker but have just devised a stunningly brilliant new interval session.

Stats
Distance: 2 miles
Time: 25:08
Pace: 12:18
Calories: 201
Hours in a day: 24
Hours in a day I’m old enough to choose which ones to stay awake in: 24
Sheep fields: 1
Stunningly brilliant new interval sessions: 1
Music
Ben Folds Five
Polyphonic Spree
Hole
Audiofuel