Why I love my gym
I love my gym. Here’s why.
1. It’s posh.
Well, it’s posh compared to all the gyms I’ve been to in London. Admittedly, the only gyms I’ve been to in London have been City branches of Fitness First and although spending my lunch hour there was infinitely more enjoyable than sitting at my desk listening to secretaries cackling, they are small, dingy, windowless, overcrowded and cramped (except for the one in Leyton which was big and had windows opposite the new flats which meant I could watch people eat their breakfast).
My gym is clean, big, bright, airy, has huge floor to ceiling windows and there’s never any queuing for machines. It also has the music on at a reasonable level and doesn’t play that ravey shit but plays some decent stuff. I went in the other day while they were playing Black Crowes’ Hard to Handle – how cool is that?
2. It’s cheap.
My big posh gym only costs £25 a month. There is a Bannatyne’s in town which is apparently proper posh, and I recently met a woman who’s a member there and I asked her what extra did she get for £80 – a fluffy white towel? and she said they used to give out fluffy white towels but they don’t any more. So what does the £80 give you that I don’t get? For my £25, I get to use the gym whenever I want, classes, swimming pool, steam room, sauna and café. I just have to take my own towel but, hey, life’s a bitch sometimes.
There are cheaper gyms in town. Fitness First is only £19.99 a month and The Gym Group is only £16.99 a month (or £10.99 for students) but they’re about another half a mile away and I bet they’re not as nice as my gym anyway.
3. It’s inclusive.
My gym has thin people, fat people, young people, old people, people with all kinds of disabilities and a few of your usual gym bunnies and meatheads. I don’t understand people who say they want to join a gym but are too self-conscious. NO ONE IS LOOKING AT YOU. Even in London where the clientele were mostly City-types, they’re all doing their own workout and are not taking the slightest bit of notice of anyone else. I have the lowest self-confidence of anyone I know – I’m so scared of using the phone, I can’t even call the speaking clock, but I’m completely comfortable at the gym.
4. I get to see pony sex.
I cycle past a field that has a horse and two ponies in it. Sometimes I get to see the horse have sex with one of the ponies. It’s over so quickly that I don’t have time to get my camera out and take a photo so I just stand there and watch instead. I do feel sorry for the pony though – the horse’s dick is bigger than the pony’s head, ouch. And I also feel sorry for the other pony who never gets any pony sex. And now I’m going to shut up about pony sex in case I start sounding weird.
So, that’s why I love my gym. What do you love about your gym?