JogBlog running blog

I know I should have blogged about the Folkestone Half. I even started it a day or two before the actual race but then didn’t finish it. I did finish the half though, although in a very very very slow time. Afterwards, me, iliketocount, helsbels, Travelling Hopefully, Travelling Hopefully’s husband Rich and helsbels’ two friends Jimmy (who will be getting a blog as he will be doing Janathon) and Helen, went to Googies for lunch. You can see my lunch and my recent recreation of it on my Planet Veggie blog.

Helen, Jimmy and Helen drove back to London afterwards, while me, iliketocount, Travelling Hopefully and Rich went to the pub. A very strange pub that you’d never think was in Folkestone due to its mahogany tables, crystal sherry glasses behind the bar, a baby grand piano and Mendelssohn and Brahms coming through the speakers (I know it was Mendelssohn and Brahms: not because I’m a secret classical music fan, not because Shazam told me (although I did try it) but because the Classic FM DJ told me).

Shaun then took us to his favourite pub in Folkestone. Shaun’s favourite pub is a dirty shithole full of scary people with more tattoos than teeth and so we quickly drank up and left Travelling Hopefully and Rich to continue with their Folkestone pub crawl while we headed back to Ashford.

That was two weeks ago.

I almost didn’t make it to the Royal Parks Half. I looked at the train times and the only train to get me to the start on time was leaving at a stupidly early hour and there was no way I was getting up at 4am to run a race I hadn’t trained for. Even if there was going to be pizza and beer afterwards.

helsbels kindly offered me her sofa bed and at first I accepted, mostly due to the fact that it meant we could go out for pizza and beer the night before the race but then I declined as I knew I just wouldn’t be able to sleep as I can’t sleep in a strange bed.

But then, hurrah! a new train was added to the high speed timetable that would get me to the start on time without leaving at a stupidly early time.

So yesterday morning, I got up at 6am and caught the 7:43 to St Pancras. I arrived at Hyde Park with what I thought was plenty of time to put my bag in and go to the toilet.

Then I saw the baggage queue.

It was a long queue. Luckily, it did go down quite quickly and then I joined the toilet queue. Which didn’t go down quickly and I was still in the queue well after 9:30 when the gun for the first wave went off.

I eventually crossed the start line at around 9:55am and did my first mile in under 10 minutes, fast for me at the moment. The second mile didn’t take much longer. 5k came quite quickly and I was feeling fine until 5 miles when my leg started hurting. My leg has been hurting all through my training and during Folkestone Half but luckily hadn’t turned into an injury. Because I didn’t want it to turn into an injury, I seriously thought about DNFing at 5 miles as I didn’t want to walk/limp for 8 miles. Then I decided I didn’t want to wait ages for everyone else to finish and I also didn’t want to turn up at the restaurant and tell everyone I was a loser.

Then at 6 miles a smile spread across my face as I saw Shaun on the pavement, camera poised. I gave him a ‘thumbs up’ (which is really naff and almost as annoying as that ‘fingers-as-quotation-marks-thing’ that makes me want to bash with a hammer the fingers of the person who is doing it) and said ‘my leg hurts’, to which he replied ‘no pain no gain’ which made the girl running behind me laugh. Seeing Shaun gave me a bit of a boost and I carried on running, albeit very slowly, until about mile 8 when my leg started hurting too much for me to carry on running and so I started walking. Shaun popped up again at mile 12 and told me to stop walking and to start running. I hobbled along a bit quicker for a while then started walking again, when he ran up to me and said not to start walking as soon as he was out of sight. Bah.

I walked up to the last stretch and Shaun, Helen and Jimmy were there to cheer me on but I didn’t have it in me to run again until I was practically at the finish line. I ran/limped over the line, turned off my Garmin, which despite me taking flipping hours, was still ticking over, and got my medal and goody bag. Which was just a bag with nothing in it. I JUST RAN 13.1 MILES AND YOU GIVE ME A BAG WITH NOTHING IN IT? It’s a swindle! Luckily in the park there was a tent giving out free stuff and we got free biscuits, Shreddies, teabags and toothpaste.

A pub was found, then we went off to meet fairweatherrunner, fortnightflo and abradypus – who had also done the race – for lunch at Prezzo.

Then, strangely enough, me, helsbels, Jimmy and Shaun went to another pub on the way home.

I saw a camera on a tripod at the beginning of the Ashford 5k on Friday, but thought nothing of it at the time. Then a video nasty appeared on Nice Work’s Facebook Page.

You can see me wonkily lumbering past at about 30 seconds, just as the race had started, and not quite in last position yet.

I had trouble embedding the video, but you can watch it here.

You can also see iliketocount part-way through the race at 8:41 and crossing the finish line with a very manly grunt at 15:18.  

There’s also lots of interviews with the winners and a few other runners (she didn’t want to talk to me though. Not that I saw her talking and filming anyone, but that’s not the point).

It was the last of the local 5ks on Friday. I made a last minute decision to run it and when I got to the park, realised that in my haste to leave the house, I had forgotten my Garmin. While getting my race number, I mentioned to Martin – Nice Work’s race director – that I’d forgotten it and he immediately offered me his to borrow. What a gent!

The race started, I trotted around the park for 31 minutes and 49 seconds and crossed the finish line…

… last!

But with a time of 31:49, that’s not really something I can be ashamed of. And anyway, seeing as I was hardcore and ran for longer than anyone else, I reckon I was the winner really.

So there.

And so… on the 31st day of Juneathon, I cycled to the gym, did twenty minutes on the rowing machine, fifteen minutes on the stationary bike, a forty-five minute body pump class, cycled back home, submitted a story for a local event, started writing an article for submission to a magazine, went downstairs to read a book in the conservatory where I promptly fell asleep as it’s so warm in there, got woken up when Shaun came in who asked if I still wanted to do the 5k, as he didn’t really want to do it as he was knackered from cycling to and from work all week, but I wanted to do it because it was local and because I’ve never done a properly measured 5k before and because it was a lovely sunny evening and it was being held in a nice park and so we drove over to the park where there was a girl in her underwear and men doing stretches and things, i.e. proper athletes, and so I held off from entering as there were only a few people there and after seeing the results for Staplehurst 10k where the final finisher finished in only 1 hour and 12 minutes, I was scared I’d be last but we paid our entry fee and the race director said to me oh Cathy, we’ve got the medals now if you want one and I said for the Hamstreet race? and he said yes and I thought how does he know who I am and I said did you see it on my blog? and he said yes, it’s a good blog and I said thank you and thought, yay, I’m famous and then Shaun wanted to go to the toilet but the toilets were closed even though the race organisers had organised for them to be open and so we drove back home again and went to the toilet then drove back to the race and there were a couple of women carrying pink water bottles and I thought surely I can beat women who carry pink water bottles round a 5k and I set Cedric to pace me for 11 minute miles although I thought this was probably a bit optimistic, given my current running speed and we all walked up to the start and I said to Shaun I think it’s a couple of laps round the park and a man next to us said yes, it’s a couple of laps and I said I’ll follow you then if you know the way, how fast do you go and he said oh, only 17 minutes and I think only? and I say, I’m not following you then and then the race started and it started on a nice downhill bit and everyone sprinted off and then I slowed down and fell into a consistent pace and I kept ahead of Cedric all the way and there were marshals in all the right places except for the one in the middle of the slightly slopey bit really big hill as I don’t like to walk past marshals and so I had to run up the really big hill so as not to look like a lightweight in front of the marshal and the last two miles were spent behind a man who seemed to be plodding gently along and I overtook him for a bit then with .4 miles to go he steamed ahead of me for his final sprint and I thought I’m not going to try and catch you up as that really big hill is just around the corner and as I get to the hill for the second and final time one of the women with the pink water bottles is just behind me and I think fuck, I’m going to be beaten by a woman with a pink water bottle and I wonder if I sprint off will she decide to  pick me off and sprint past me and I get to the final downhill bit and I run and I run and I run and I get through the finish line and a man puts a medal round my neck and I’ve done my fastest 5k ever ever ever and I go and get a Jaffa Cake and say to Shaun shall we go now and he says let’s wait for the prizes shall we? there can’t be many more to finish and the last finisher comes in and we go to the prize-giving thingy and the race director gives the prizes to the overall winners and then he gives out the prizes to the category winners and he calls Shaun’s name out and I give a sharp intake of breath and Shaun says what? who? me? really? and the race director says yes, you and so Shaun goes and gets his prize which is a bottle of wine and although he hates wine he says I can’t have it because he won it and he’s never won anything before and then we go home very very happy.

Stats
Distance: 3.19 miles
Time: 31:16
Pace: 9:48 m/m
Calories: 336
Days of Juneathon: 31
PBs: 1
Prize winning boyfriends: 1
People very happy: 2

The official website said “The course will be run along quiet country lanes and we’ll be looking to set a flat or slightly undulating course to enable some fast times to be posted.”

Hmm, nice, I thought.

But…

The Runner’s World page said: “A first-time race around the tracks and trails around the village of Hamstreet, and, primarily, through Hamstreet Woods.”

Run Britain called it ‘Hilly’

Hmm, I thought. Who is right? Surely, the official website?

No.

THE OFFICIAL WEBSITE WAS LYING ITS LITTLE HEAD OFF! BAD OFFICIAL WEBSITE! BAD BAD BAD!

It was muddy and hilly and hilly and muddy and muddy and hilly and hilly and muddy and, well, you get the picture. This picture, in fact.

You can see from my splits that the hills may have slowed me down a tad.

I’m glad the official website was wrong though, as it was great fun and definitely a challenge, as I’ve never run that far through woods before.

Unfortunately, it proved to be a touch too challenging for one poor chap who I passed as he was lying on the ground being attended to by marshalls (who tried to block my view of him; I wasn’t being a vulture, I was making sure it wasn’t Shaun [who passed him on the course and upon seeing he was in trouble tried to help him]).

Shaun was there to meet me just before the finish line and told me to give it one last big push but I had nothing left in me and I shuffled around the lap of the field and to the finish line where I was given a generic medal

instead of one engraved with ‘Hamstreet 10k’ on the back of it. Presumably they’d run out of those by the time I finished. They’d also run out of goodie bags too, but apart from those two minor points and the major point that the official website described the route in a way they couldn’t have got more wrong, I went home weary and happy and headed for the pub for lunch.

Stats
Distance:  6.25 miles
Time: 1:15:41
Pace: 12:07 m/m
Calories: 628
Lying official websites: 1
Hills: All the ones in the world ever
Flat bits: None
Mud: Lots
Generic medals: 1
Roast lunches: 1
Boats of gravy: 3

After dozing off on the futon in the conservatory on Wednesday afternoon, I spent the evening feeling massively tired and didn’t wake up feeling any better on Thursday and so I emailed Shaun at work to tell him that I was officially pulling out of the Crisis Square Mile Run. This ended up with him coming in at 3:30pm and pulling me out of bed and dragging me on the train to London with him.

Bah.

Although, it wasn’t bah really as I felt really sad at the thought of missing Crisis as it was my first ever race and I’d done it five years in a row and if there was ever a race I wasn’t going to miss, it was that one.

This year, my feelings towards Crisis had changed and this year was going to be my last due to me not being very happy about changes to the organisation this year.

First, the entry fee went up by £6 from £12 to £18. That’s quite a big rise and makes it quite an expensive race, considering the organisers never know exactly how long the route will be (last year it was advertised at 3.5 miles but turned out to be 4.2) and so it is just a fun run.

Still, with eyebrows slightly raised, but unperturbed, I went to sign up and pay my entry fee. Now I did get perturbed. Muchly perturbed. To enter this year’s Crisis, I was FORCED to create a Virgin Money fundraising page. Fucking cheeky pisstakers. I even emailed them to tell them they were fucking cheeky pisstakers (I promise I was more tactful than that).

A few weeks later, I received a cardboard cut-out of a foot, in an envelope, with postage paid on it, reminding me to sign up for the race. I SIGNED UP WEEKS AGO, WHY ARE YOU WASTING CHARITY MONEY SENDING PIECES OF CARDBOARD IN ENVELOPES TO PEOPLE? Shaun also received the same piece of cardboard in an envelope. Was he equally rankled? Oh yes. He was rankled enough to email them and complain.

Then everyone received an email saying how delighted Crisis were to be offering chip timing this year. What the hell is the point of offering chip timing for a route that is a different distance each year? Pointless. And to be even more pointless, you could only get the pointless chip timing if you collected your chip from London the day before the race, which is fine if you live or work near the chip collection place. Not so fine if you live, say, 60 miles away in Kent.

I decided that this year would be my last run for Crisis due to the immense arseholery of this year’s organisation.

This year though, we walked the mile or so from London Bridge to Paternoster Square where we met up with Tom and Grant and picked up our red t-shirts. I usually get changed in Corney & Barrow but this year there were scary looking bouncers outside so I decided to get changed in the toilets in the square.

Because I’d told my friend Gary the bag lookerafterer I was officially pulling out of Crisis and therefore he was off bag looking after duty, we had to use the official bag storage and so we dumped our bags then went back to the square to wait for the start. Along with the usual embarrassingly cringeworthy dancing warm-up thing, everyone had to lie on the floor for a photograph to be taken to raise awareness of people sleeping on the streets.

The race started on time. Yes, on time. Proper on time and everything. 7pm on the dot. Shock shock horror horror shock shock horror, etc.

At 2 miles, I decided I’d had enough of people pushing me and cutting me up and elbowing me (that really hurt; can’t fat people have fat elbows too?) and I wondered which was the best way to get back to St Paul’s but then I thought I might as well carry on the last two miles as it’d probably take me longer to find my way back and anyway, did I really want to DNF? and I decided I didn’t really want to DNF, as it wasn’t like I was injured or anything, I was just feeling a bit sick and fed up and so I carried on and I was walking and walking until I got to the path that leads under the Millennium Bridge and I saw Shaun standing next to Tom and Grant on the bridge and so I started running as I didn’t want them to see me walking but they all had their backs to me and there were two men in white t-shirts next to them waving to someone and I thought about trying to get their attention so they could poke Shaun and make him turn round SO HE COULD SEE HIS GIRLFRIEND RUNNING UP TO THE BRIDGE but I didn’t get their attention and so Shaun didn’t see me and when I got under the bridge I thought fuck it then and started walking and I walked over Southwark Bridge and got over taken by two ladies of a certain age wearing those skanky “I 2 Run” Royal Parks Half Marathon 2009 t-shirts and I thought you flipping well don’t look like you heart to run as you’re shuffling along looking very uncomfortable indeed but they are at least going faster than me and they get quite a way ahead and so I make it my personal target to beat them and so I start running again and when I get to the bottom of Southwark Bridge, there’s stairs going down to the path that leads up to the Millennium Bridge and I think I could cheat and go down there and it wouldn’t really be cheating as it’s not like I’m going to win or the time’s being recorded or anything and anyway, I would declare it on my blog but then I think I might get caught and so I decide not to cheat and I go the proper way and as I go round the block and back onto the path, two girls who have OBVIOUSLY CHEATED run past and the marshall looks a bit surprised in a ‘where did they come from’ kind of way and I’m glad I didn’t cheat as I think the girls look like twats for cheating and I catch up the I heart to run ladies and they’re walking up the Millennium Bridge and I don’t think I’m in any danger of them doing a sprint finish and so I run past them and run all the way down the bridge to the finish line and then Tom goes home and me, Shaun and Grant go to Harry’s Bar and get one of the nicest pizzas ever and then Grant heads off to King’s Cross and me and Shaun head back to London Bridge and Shaun goes into Londis and buys butter and milk but won’t buy me a Nutrageous Bar as he says at 89p they’re too expensive. Bah.

Stats
Distance: 4.19 miles
Time: 49:38
Pace: 11:51 m/m
Calories: 438
Crisises done so far: 6
Crisises doing in the future: 0
Ladies of a certain age: 2
Girls cheating: 2
Nutrageous Bars: 0

They short-changed me. I entered in good faith a 35 mile bike ride and my Garmin only measure 33.39 miles.

Bah.

I got to the park where the start was and although it was supposed to be a ride and not a race and a family event, it was full of serious looking cyclists wearing lycra and on proper bikes, not pink ones with wicker baskets. I felt like I was in fancy dress.

Still, I cycled 33.39 miles around Kent and got a few ‘hellos’ and ‘mornings’ and one ‘OH MY GOD, LOOK AT YOUR BIKE, I WANT THAT BIKE. THAT IS AWESOME!!!s’ and got to the finish line and the man on the tannoy said ‘that’s the first proper bike I’ve seen come through so far’ and I go and buy a nice red t-shirt from the nice lady on the www.bike-events.com stall who says I’m the spitting image of her cousin and then Shaun comes to collect me and we go to Wetherspoons and I have a roast dinner containing 1,039 calories and he has burger and chips containing 1,270 calories.

That’s a lot of calories.

Stats (cycling):
Distance: 33.39 miles
Time: 3:10:50
Speed: 10.5 mph
Calories: 1,099
Proper cyclists on proper bikes and wearing lycra: hundreds
Unproper cyclists on pink bikes with wicker baskets not wearing lycra: 1
Roast dinners containing 1,039 calories: 1
Burgers and chips containing 1,270 calories: 1

Yes, I’m late with this. I’m also late with days 11, 12, 13 and 14, so this is going to be short.

Crisis Square Mile Run 2010 highlights:

• Meeting Fit Artist for the first time
• Meeting up with Eating Trees for the second time
• A little girl running alongside me for a little while
• My fastest mile in a race, ever (I think)
• Beer
• Pizza
• More beer

Lowlights:

• Stupid girl barging me on the bridge at the finish
• Missing Fit Artist at the finish line
• Having to leave the pub to get the train home

Stats:
Distance: 4.47 miles
Time: 45:29
Pace: 10:11 m/m

This year’s Crisis Square Mile Run started off a bit differently from other years.  About 60 miles differently.  Instead of walking up the road after work to take my place with the rest of the red t-shirt brigade, I get on a train for an hour and meet Shaun, who’s been on a course in Ye Olde Londone Towne (well, Brentford to be precise), at London Bridge outside the cycle shop and he points and says what do you think of that

and I think it’s the prettiest bike in the whole wide world and it’s got a silver pump and a bell and everything and Shaun eventually tears me away from the window and we walk up to St Paul’s and I say I’m hungry, can we skip the running bit and just do the beer and pizza  bit and Shaun says ok then but I don’t think he means it and I go into Pret to get some water and accidentally buy a packet of Croxton Manor Cheddar & Red Onion Crisps which I scoff in about three seconds and we get to Paternoster Square and I get my red t-shirt and Shaun queues up for his as he didn’t get a registration pack but they’ve got his name down and I go to Corney & Barrow to get changed and Shaun strips in the street

then we go to St Paul’s station to wait for Bernard who’s not running AGAIN but is going to be the official bag looker afterer again although he’d been emailing me all day to say he wasn’t a donkey, and even sending me a picture of a donkey

just to reinforce this fact and Gary turns up and says he can’t run as they’ve lost his registration and I say are you going to run anyway? and he says no, he’s got a dodgy knee and the run’s about to start and Shaun takes his place with the speedy types and the gun goes off and I’m not sure where I’m supposed to start so I wander over to the pens and it says fast runners only and I look at the people there and I think no way are they fast runners, especially the middle aged woman with the fashion rucksack over one shoulder and so I start there and we get over the start line and people have started to walk already and I think YOU COULD AT LEAST RUN OVER THE FLIPPING START LINE and as usual the first half a mile is a bit of a stop/start but not as bad as previous years and we don’t stand under London Bridge for quarter of an hour this time and at 0.8 miles I get a stitch and I think oops, maybe I shouldn’t have eaten those crisps and I think I can’t stop to walk after a mile, I’ll look like one of those annoying walking people but the pain gets worse and I have to stop and walk and it eases and so I start running again but I’m quite tired and it turns into a walk/run kind of thing and then we get to the London Eye and I walk across the grassy bit as I don’t like running on grass and then I see an upside down cow thing and I wonder what that is and it says bar open and I think AN UPSIDE DOWN COW BAR, HOW COOL IS THAT?   and I want to go to the upside down cow bar and we get off the grassy bit and I start to run again, happy that I’ve seen an upside down cow, and we go over Blackfriars Bridge and a girl behind me asks a man where his sister’s from and he says Cheshire and I think shut up, I don’t care where your sister’s from, stop talking and I’m getting really tired and want to finish and go and get a pint and a pizza and I wonder what route this is going to take as I can’t see it finishing any time soon and I’m a bit confused and then there’s a  girl on my shoulder and I want to shake her off and so I speed up to lose her but then she’s there again and I think get off my shoulder and speed up again and I eventually lose her for good this time and then we’re going over Southwark Bridge and I think maybe this is the finish as we’ve done three miles now and usually the route is less than the advertised 3.5 miles and usually under 3 and I don’t want to go any further and I think is this ever going to finish and I thought it ended over the Millennium Bridge but that’s far away and it’s going to be way over 3.5 miles and I eventually get to the Millennium Bridge and my Garmin says we’ve gone 4.17 miles and I think HALF A MILE EXTRA, ARE YOU TAKING THE PISS OR WHAT? and Bernard sees me coming over the bridge and takes my photo

but Shaun misses me as he’s busy inspecting the contents of his goody bag and we go to the pub and have a couple of pints, the second pint making us a few minutes late to meet Megan and Meg (sorry we were late, great to meet you both) at an inexplicably empty Harry’s Bar for more beer, garlic bread (with and without cheese) and pizza.

Route

Stats
Distance: 4.17 miles
Time: 48:59
Pace: 11:45 m/m
Calories: 415

In preparation for today’s Santa Stampede, Shaun and I decide to recreate our race preparation for the Tottenham 5 although with the hope of avoiding any young Polish men based road rage incidents this time and hurrah, we get a taxi from the sex change pub and get to the restaurant without our cab driver swearing at any young Polish men driving in bus lanes and cutting him up and I drink too much wine and don’t really remember my pizza which apparently doesn’t mean I get another one to make up for the one I don’t remember and we get up in the morning and make our way to Dagenham and meet up with some of our mountain mates and get our Santa suits which aren’t exactly a size zero and I could fit at least three of me into mine and Shaun could probably fit four of him into his but somehow Alan seems to have got a bespoke Santa suit as it fits him perfectly while the rest of us would be arrested if we got anywhere near ho ho ho-ing distance of small children and we hang around waiting for the start and the man starting the race says something about fast runners going to the front and Shaun says he’s going to run with me and take it easy and just treat it like a training run and then the countdown from ten begins and as soon as the countdown’s finished, Shaun zooms off leaving me for dust and I’m trying not to slip on the ice and at one mile a horrible little eight year old boy pokes me and I think two inches lower and I would have punched him and I drag myself round the streets of Dagenham wondering if a bottle and a half of wine was a good idea the evening before a race and at 2.5 miles there’s a photographer and I attempt a smile but I think I failed and as I’m nearing the end Alan overtakes me and Shaun’s waiting on the corner and I get to the finish line in 29:22 which would be a PB but my Garmin says it’s only 3.03 miles and I think waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, why can’t they ever measure a proper 5k route and I know it’s a fun run but it would be more fun if I knew if I’d PB’d or not and I’ve never done a proper 5k, it’s always less, and Shaun says he finished in 21 minutes and there was a 13 year old girl who did 6:30 all the way round and then the others finish soon after me and Tracey turns up, driven by her mum who’s given her a lift all of, um, about quarter of a mile and we go to the pub where I’ve booked a table and we look at the not very impressive menu which says there’s vegetarian options available and Tracey asks what they are and the waitress looks at us like WHAT THE FUCK? VEGETARIANS? QUICK, CALL THE POLICE! and she says er, I’ll check but I think it’s vegetable hotpot, macaroni cheese and cauliflower cheese and the waitress goes off and comes back and says we have no hotpot, only macaroni cheese and cauliflower cheese and Tracey says I’m allergic to cheese and the waitress looks blankly at her and Tracey says do you have any sandwiches? and the waitress goes off and comes back and says we can do you a beef or turkey sandwich and Tracey says um, I’m vegetarian and the waitress goes off again and says we can do you a tuna sandwich, do you eat fish? and Tracey says no, and so we decide to leave the pub that offers vegetarians beef, turkey and tuna and go to the Wetherspoons up the road and get a nice veggie roast dinner.  Yum.

Splits

Stats:
Distance: 3.03 miles
Time: 29:22 minutes
Pace: 9:42
Calories: 276
Road rage incidents: 0
Pizzas: 1
Pizzas I remember: 0
Santa suits: 1
Horrible 8 year olds poking me: 1
Pubs offering vegetarians beef, turkey and tuna: 1