JogBlog running blog

I went to the gym today to do my two miles and I thought it’ll be busy in there as it’s Monday and everyone will be panicking about the half a glass of wine and packet of crisps that they consumed over the weekend and will be cycling furiously trying to burn it off but when I get there, there’s only two people in there and I wonder where all the Monday people are and I also wonder if all the New Year newbies have fucked off now and I think yay, I get the place to myself then, result and I go to the changing room that only I seem to use and I put my stuff in the locker that only I seem to use and go back into the gym and there’s a man walking on a treadmill and so I do the British thing and get on a treadmill further away, leaving a respectable gap between us but the screen’s in kilometres and I don’t want kilometres, I want miles and so I get on the treadmill next to the man and this one’s in miles and I think hurrah and I do my two miles and then I decide to go on the rowing machine and the pacing man is doing his pacing round between weights thing that’s really annoying and I wish he’d just sit down and count to thirty or whatever in between sets instead of walking around the gym and two women come in and they start walking on the treadmill but after about ten minutes lo! they actually start to run on it and I’ve only ever seen one person run on the treadmill in the gym before and the old man who showed me how to use one of the weights machines comes in and sits on his favourite machine, the back machine or whatever it is and I wonder where the old lady who I used to talk to in the New Year is as I haven’t seen her for ages and I used to see her every time I went to the gym and I wonder if she was just a New Year newbie and has lost interest and then I go on the bike even though the bike is very very boring and although I haven’t got my glasses on, I can just about make out that prick Gok Wan or whatever his name is on the telly and I finish on the bike and I go into the changing rooms and someone’s left their stuff on the bench and I wonder why they don’t use the lockers, they are free after all and then I go home and tomorrow I will go back to the gym and then on Thursday, I will run outside for three miles in my new running shoes.

Stats:
Distance: 2 miles
Time: 20:44
Pace: 10:22
Calories: 207
Men walking on treadmills: 1
Women running on treadmills: 3
Men pacing about between weights sets: 1
Old men on their favourite machines: 1
Old ladies who used to go to the gym every day: 0
Pricks called Gok Wan: 1
Pairs of new running shoes: 1
Music:
Detholz
Cardiacs
Silvery
Blur

Juneathon always spurs me on to take up another challenge during July and last year I became vegan for a month and so this year I wondered how well being vegan would go down now I don’t live on my own anymore and do most of the cooking and I didn’t have to wonder for very long as I know exactly how well it would go down and it would go down like the proverbial and so I’ve decided to give up crisps for a month and even though there are two multipacks of Walkers and two big bags of Phileas Fogg crisps under the stairs, I will resist.

And even though this morning I was slightly hungover after going to the pub last night to discuss the important business of the Juneathon winner (and yes, I know I promised to announce the winner today and I will later, so it’s at the top of the page and will stay at the top until I run/blog again), I put on my serious athlete head that I thought I’d left in London and look at my half marathon schedule and adapt it so it covers more weeks and ups the mileage to 12 miles instead of 10 miles and today I’m down for three miles and strength exercises that I also got from the Hal Higdon website and so after rehydrating myself with a cow mug full of fruit tea and a pint of lemon and lime flavoured water I get changed, put some sun lotion on and head off into the sunshine.

After 1.14 miles, Sleeper come on and Louise Wener starts telling me not to call her unless I’m dying in a traffic accident and I think I can’t call her at all, traffic accident or otherwise, as the only thing I’m carrying is the back door key and if I am in a traffic accident, the police will have to try the key in all the houses in the local area until they find the right one or maybe they’ll look at my Garmin and check out the houses in a 1.14 mile radius or maybe they know how to use a Garmin properly and use it to navigate back to the house or maybe they’ll go back to the station and download SportsTracks and look on Google Earth and find my house and let themselves in and find my mobile phone and find Shaun’s number so they can tell him I was in a traffic accident but I’ll probably be dead after all that faffing around so I decide I should try not to die in a traffic accident and a car goes past to test the not dying in a traffic accident theory and I don’t die and I don’t wobble or shake or hold on to a tree or anything and I carry on until I get to 1.5 miles and turn around and at 2 miles I stop and I think noooooooooooooo, don’t stop and I skip through my iPod to try and find some inspiring music and I skip past Faith No More and Rollins Band (sorry rock people) and the Levellers come on and I think I wonder what the Levellers would do? and I decide that they would probably stop running and go and sit in the nearest field and drink cider and smoke dope and I decide that’s probably not very good half marathon training and so I carry on with a bit of run/walk for the last mile and I look at my Garmin and I’ve only got .8 of a mile left to do and I think how hard can it be? and I try to run but I’m feeling a bit tired and heavy and sick with lemon and lime flavoured water sloshing around in me and it took me ages to decide between summer fruits flavour and lemon and lime flavour and now it’s making me feel sick and I blame Shaun for introducing me to flavoured water, as good old fashioned plain tap water used to do me just fine and I get home and there’s a million bugs stuck to my sun-lotioned arms and face.

Stats (running)
Distance: 3.02 miles
Time: 35:35
Pace: 11:48 m/m
Calories: 264
Crisps given up for July: all of them
Traffic accidents: 0
Lemon and lime flavoured pints of water: 1
Cow mug full cups of fruit tea: 1
Bugs stuck to me: a million
Music:
Sleeper
Levellers
Hard-Fi

Stats (weights)
Bench press: 2 x 12
Rowing: 2 x 12
Overhead pull: 2 x 12
Curls: 2 x 12
Crunches: 3 x 15
Lunges: not many as knee started making cracking noises

Stats (rowing)
Distance: 0.6 miles
Time: 14 minutes
Count: 542
Calories: 32.2

Thanks for all your messages of support yesterday, I might even attempt a run again next week, but not tomorrow, as tomorrow I’m scrapping the Staplehurst 10k which I probably wouldn’t finish until midnight and therefore waste valuable drinking time and instead I’m going to be a WAG and watch Shaun play football which he was coerced into doing by Gary.  I said to Shaun, do you even know how to play football? and he said um, er, well, I’ll just run around and try not to get beaten up and tackle some people and try to pass the ball to people wearing the right colour and that sounded about right to me and so tomorrow I’ll be swapping my wellies for a pair of heels, in particular these ones

if they turn up in the post today and I haven’t worn heels for ages and ages and only actually owned one pair that I threw away when I moved here because a) I can’t walk in heels and look like a man in drag tottering around; b) heels hurt my feet and I’m too much of a wuss to let vanity take precedence over comfort; and c) I’d be taller than Shaun if I wore anything higher than a pair of my variously coloured completely flat Converse but I was browsing amazon looking at books and accidentally wandered into the shoe department and I saw these boots and thought they look very cool and don’t look very high and they’re not made of dead animals and they don’t even cost £10 and therefore I MUST OWN THOSE BOOTS and now I’m going to, hurrah.

And I seem to have turned into a girl and blogged about boots, for which I’m very sorry and I did Juneathon this morning, honest.  I was going to go out on the Pashley but it was raining and as the rowing machine was still out and I didn’t have to spend 15 minutes unfolding it, I went on that for half an hour.

Stats Juneathon day 26 (rowing)
Distance: 1.4 miles
Time: 30 minutes
Count: 1085
Calories: 68.5
Music: Ladyhawke
Pairs of cool pink & black boots: 1
WAGs: 1
Juneathons completed: 23/30

I seem to have lost what little running ability I once possessed and can’t even manage two miles now and so I might as well either a) go back three years and do a run/walk program; or b) move back to London where there’s proper places to run; or c) give up completely.

I don’t like running in the countryside; I can’t have my iPod up loud, the roads are full of holes so I have to look at the ground all the time to avoid them and then there’s the traffic of which there isn’t much, admittedly, but I can’t just switch off, otherwise I’ll get run over.

So, on what may well be my last ever run, I managed .96 of a mile before stopping to walk, then running a bit further to the tree, went around the tree and came back the way I came, stopped to let a tractor pass, ran down the road towards the house where an old lady said something to me; I wasn’t sure what she said as I’d turned my iPod up loud once I’d reached the safety of the pavement so I assumed she said morning and so I said morning back and then she said something else that was drowned out by Devo so I just smiled and carried on walking (I’d stopped running about half a mile back) until I got back to the house where I spent longer getting the rowing machine unfolded and ready to use than I spent on the stupid thing. 

Stats Juneathon day 25 (running)
Distance: 2.19 miles
Time: 28:44
Pace: 13:06 m/m
Calories: 186
Tractors: 1
Old ladies talking to me: 1
Juneathons completed: 22/30

Stats Juneathon day 25 (rowing)
Distance: 736 ft
Time: 10 minutes
Count: 355
Calories: 20

I didn’t slack yesterday, honest.  I cycled 8.5 miles and here’s the splits to prove it:

And here’s a photo of a horse posing by my bike that I took yesterday to prove I was there.  Ok, so I should have had the horse holding a copy of yesterday’s newspaper in his teeth, but I didn’t pass an Evening Standard seller, funnily enough.

And you’d better say bye to the Raleigh Shopper as, on Sunday, we’re going to pick up this

which is my new bike and I’m very very excited as it’s the prettiest bike in the whole wide world.

In the evening Shaun decided to drag me out on his Juneathon run on my bike to carry out carrying shopping duties after he’d taken a Juneathon detour through Sainsburys, and because I had already Juneathoned and as 8pm is a time for watching telly or reading or playing on Facebook or eating crisps or drinking wine or all of the above but definitely anything that doesn’t actually involve exercise I have made an executive decision and decided that being a shopping basket counts as an extra credit and cancels out one of my slacker days.

And today, after my successful 3 miles on Tuesday, I decide that this morning I will go out for 4 miles.  This actually turns into 1 mile sort of running and then turning round and walking most of the way back home.  But I did slightly redeem myself by going on the rowing machine for ten minutes when I got back and I’ll be going for a bike ride at lunchtime before doing some work that I should have done yesterday and that I’ll have to do before Dell send a courier to collect the shit pc they sold me.

Stats Juneathon day 17 part 1 (cycling)
Distance: 8.56 miles
Time: 56:38
Speed: 9.1mph
Calories: 232
Horses posing with bikes: 1
Pink Pashley Poppys being picked up on Sunday: 1
Weight: 9st 4
Juneathon’s completed: 15/30

Stats Juneathon day 17 part 2 (cycling)
Distance: 2.44 miles
Time: 18:41
Speed: 7.8mph
Calories: 76
Shopping basket duties: 1
Executive decisions made that this cancels out a slacker day: 1
Juneathon’s completed: 16/30

Stats Juneathon day 18 (running)
Distance: 2.08 miles
Time: 26:25
Pace: 12:43 m/m
Calories: 186
Shit pcs that Dell sold me: 1
Juneathon’s completed: 17/30

Stats Juneathon day 18 (rowing)
Distance: 893 ft
Time: 10 minutes
Count: 364
Calories: 24.3

Stats Juneathon day 18 (cycling)
Distance: 5.21 miles
Time: 33:00
Speed: 9.5mph
Calories: 150

I didn’t sleep well and decided to have a lie in because, um, I can and I get up about 8:45 and think today I am definitely going for a run and I’m going to attempt three miles but not go down the bad road but just go past the tree for half a mile then come back again and by the time I’ve wasted time it’s 10:30 and I had told myself that while I don’t have much work on, I’ll study in the morning and work in the afternoon but now the morning’s going to disappear by the time I’ve run and showered and washed my hair and everything and I also need to go to the library to return The Kite Runner DVD (brilliant book, crap film) and I think how come when I’ve got all day to do whatever I want to do I still don’t have any time? and I need to read my time management book that I haven’t found time to read yet and I go out for my run and a few cars come along and I ignore the cars and just look at the road so I can avoid the holes and the cars go around me and I get to the tree and I carry on for half a mile and The Veronicas start singing Untouched and I love the start of this as it sounds like something out of Flashdance or Fame or something and I want to put on leg warmers and start doing backflips and stuff but I’m not sure that would be appropriate in the middle of a country lane and although I could do backflips when I was about 9 and wanted to be Olga Korbut, I’m not sure I could still do them now, in fact I’m 100% sure I would probably break something if I even attempted one and I turn around and go back the way I came and ignore more cars and then I’m back out on the street and it’s a bit of a slope really big hill and I’m not sure I can run up it and I remember reading what RunningAmok said Fit Artist said Runner’s World said about looking at the floor and pretending it’s flat so I try this but it just makes me feel sick and I stop to walk and I think get running, it’s not far now, only a few hundred feet and a man’s indicating to turn into his driveway and he pulls over and I wave to say thank you but he’s not indicating to turn into his driveway, he’s stopped to ask directions and I think oh no, I’m not going to know where he wants to go, I can barely remember where I live most of the time and he asks me where Weald Golf Club is and I think huh? I don’t know about a golf club, there’s a bowls club and then I think aha, I do know, it’s where the gym is that I enquired about and I say is it the one in Sutton Valence? and he says yes and I point up the road and say it’s about two miles that way and he says thank you dear, sorry to have bothered you, and I say that’s ok and then I think woo hoo, go me giving directions, that almost makes me a local, I think.

Route

Splits

Stats Juneathon day 16 (running)
Distance: 3.05 miles
Time: 32:24
Pace: 10:38m/m
Calories: 278
Mornings disappeared: 1
Time management books ignored: 1
Cars ignored: a few
Cars ignoring me: a few
Flashdances done: 0
Men asking directions: 1
Mes able to give directions: 1
Weight: 9st 4
Juneathon’s completed: 14/30

Stats Juneathon day 16 (rowing)
Distance: 1.4 miles
Time: 30 minutes
Count: 1028
Calories: 67.5

Despite not sleeping well, I get up at 6:45am and decide today’s Juneathon will be 20 minutes on the rowing machine and a 7 mile bike ride.  The 7 mile bike ride idea quickly got abandoned when I saw what the weather was doing.  Pissing me off mainly.  But as the rowing machine doesn’t involve going out into the rain and the cold but merely going a few steps into the back bedroom, I didn’t have any excuses to slack off that as well.  Until I tried to unfold the damn thing, that is.

I had to move it and try to position it between the computer desk and weights and the stupid thing won’t move although it’s got wheels and I’m pushing and pulling but it’s not going anywhere and I think I’m going to give up in a minute and go cycling instead but the persistent side of me perseveres and I eventually get it where I want it to be and then I need to unfold it and I can’t remember how to and I pull one bolt out and then there’s another screwed in bolt thing that says loosen then pull out and I do this and unfold it and replace the screwed in bolt thing but the other one doesn’t want to go in and I remember Shaun said something about lifting the frame first so I try this but it doesn’t do anything so I try again and it still doesn’t do anything so I think sod it, does it really matter? and I decide it doesn’t matter but then I decide it might matter and I don’t want to break it and I try again and it goes in eventually and I think hurrah and then it’s 8am and I started unfolding the stupid thing at 7:45am and thought I’d be finished on it around 8 and so much for best laid plans and all that and after my unfolding workout, I start my rowing workout and after I finish I decide to be more productive today and do some work and studying, so if anyone sees me on Facebook or Twitter (@jogblog), tell me off please.

Stats (rowing)
Distance: 0.9 miles
Time: 20:00
Count: 669
Calories: 44.2
Minutes unfolding the stupid machine: 20
Hours spent on FB or Twitter: not many, maybe a bit at lunchtime but that’s all.  Honest.
Weight: 9st 5
Juneathon’s completed: 10/30
Music:
Hockey
Kasabian

For today’s Juneathon I decide to utilise Shaun’s (I don’t know why he insists on calling it mine; he paid for it, it’s in his computer/exercise room and he uses it) rowing machine and you’d think this would be as easy as walking the twenty feet from my computer room to the back bedroom but no, I have to move the radio and then it’s out of tune and although Radio 1 was seriously bugging me yesterday (I can’t get a good signal for XFM down here), the first station my radio tunes into is sounding scarily like Terry Wogan and I think am I 60?  Should I be listening to Terry Wogan? and I decide I shouldn’t and so I keep trying to find another station and something comes on that doesn’t sound too annoying and then I realise that I need that plug socket to plug the rowing machine into and so I go downstairs to get a double plug but the only one I can find has the holes in the wrong place and the rowing machine adaptor is too big to go on it and then I realise that the plugs next to it are turned off so I unplug them and plug the adaptor in and because I’d unplugged the radio again, it’s untuned again so I retune it and start to row and have it on the manual resistance and it’s still bloody hard and after about 9 minutes I decide to see if I can turn the resistance down and I press the down button and the whole screen goes off and I think eek, I’ve broken Shaun’s rowing machine and I’ll get told off like I did when I put the cold drinks in the hot drinks cupboard and the tinned tomatoes in the wrong place and I’m pressing the buttons and nothing’s happening so I turn it off at the wall and turn it back on again but it’s still dead and so I pull the adaptor plug thingy out of the machine and plug it back in again but still nothing, so I unplug it at the wall and the machine and plug it back in and then it beeps back into action and I think hooray, it’s working again and I get back on it and can’t remember how many minutes I’d done but it was about 9 and I’d planned to do 30 so I decide to stay on it for another 20 minutes and it’s bloody knackering and after a few minutes I decide to be brave and press the button again to lower the resistance and hooray, it doesn’t break this time and this is far far far easier and after a few more minutes I decide to stop being a lightweight and turn the resistance back up and I eventually get to 30 minutes and this rowing machine is far far far more hard work than the ones in the gym.

Junethon day 3 part 2

After spending the rest of the morning writing 500 words as part 1 (of 3) for my Open University assignment that’s due in on Friday, I decide to take the bike out for a spin before lunch.  I ride up the pavement as usual but there’s a car parked on the pavement and a man walks along towards me with a dog and I’m going to have to go on the road and the man with the dog stops to let me go past and I say thank you and I feel bad as I shouldn’t be on the pavement anyway and I’m going to have to go on the road in any event as there’s a car parked on the pavement and I can’t get past it so I’m brave and go on the road and the cars are overtaking me but I’m brave and don’t wobble and I turn off and cycle up to the tree and there’s a man walking up ahead of me and I don’t want to overtake him as I think my jeans are falling down and he’ll see my bum but he gets to the tree before me and I go round the tree and go back the way I came without the man seeing my bum and I pull my jeans up with one hand and there’s a couple of people walking up the road and I think more people? I don’t usually see anyone here and they give me a half smile and I give them a half smile back and then I’m back on the main road and I think I’ll be brave and cycle back on the road and anyway the car’s still there parked on the pavement so I don’t really have a choice and I cycle on the road and weeeeeeeeeeeeee, I feel liberated but the cars are going fast and I don’t care if the sign a few feet ahead of me says there’s a speed limit of 30, I think they’re doing about 180 and I get home and feel proud of myself for not being a wimp and sticking to the pavement.

Stats (rowing)
Distance: about a mile
Time: about 30 minutes
Strokes per minute: about 20

Stats (cycling)
Distance: 2.09 miles
Time: 11:46
Speed: 10.6 mph
Calories: 67
Weight: 9st 4
Juneathon’s completed: 3/30