Juneathon Day 27 – Warning: Contains A Bit Of Swearing

This is what I posted on the Juneathon Facebook Page this morning:

Juneathon Facebook page screenshot

The clean version

When I said ‘scuppered’, what I really meant (and what David was referring to) was this:

Facebook status update screenshot

The slightly more Tourettes version

 

Yes, parkrun fucking well fucked up my fucking challenge that I’d been fucking looking forward to for fucking weeks.

*Non-sweary bit*

In case you don’t know what my challenge was, I’d challenged myself to run my local parkrun at 9am, then get to the gym in time to do a spin class at 10am. Although there are only two miles between the park and gym, given how slow I am at a) running; and b) cycling, an hour – although not impossible – would be cutting it fine but, as long as the parkrun started on time, my challenge would be completed successfully and I could spend the rest of Saturday walking around saying things like, ‘yay, go me and my successfully completed challenges’.

*End of non-sweary bit*

But, did it start on time? OF COURSE IT FUCKING DIDN’T. I got to the park with plenty of time to spare but the introductory talk thing didn’t start until 9:05 and instead of just getting on with it and starting the run, the bloke started doing the crappy clapping everyone thing and so I thought fuck it, this is going to go on for at least another five minutes, I’m going to the gym, as I don’t want to miss spin and so I fucked off from the stupid fucking parkrun and went to the gym and went on the rowing machine and treadmill instead before going to spin.

Stupid fucking parkrun fucking up my fucking challenge.

Bah.

Stats

Running: 0 miles because stupid fucking parkrun
Challenges completed successfully: 0 because stupid fucking parkrun
Cycling: 4 pointless miles because stupid fucking parkrun
Rowing machine: 15 minutes because stupid fucking parkrun
Treadmill: 15 minutes because stupid fucking parkrun
Spin: 45 minutes. Yay for spin

Juneathon Days 21 and 22 – No Slactivities For Me

Friends of Pilgrim Hospice Social Rides

I’m fourth from left in the pink top and pink shoes. A lovely summer’s day at the seaside. Brr.

Ha, you thought I’d slacked off yesterday, didn’t you? Well, I’m here to tell all you disbelievers that I didn’t slack off, so there. In fact, I went on a 30 mile bike ride yesterday (after getting the day right). I couldn’t be bothered to blog when I got in and sat and read my book in the conservatory instead (Twenty Thousand Streets Under The Sky by Patrick Hamilton, in case you’re interested. I love Patrick Hamilton. If you haven’t already, read Hangover Square, it’s brilliant.) and then later on, I sort of forgot. That’s ‘sort of forgot’, as in ‘totally forgot because I ate pizza and drank wine and then watched crap all night on telly instead’.

This morning I went to the gym and did 20 minutes on the rowing machine, 22 minutes on the treadmill doing Audiofuel’s 180 Pyramid Max interval session, then 20 minutes on the cross-trainer. I also booked spin classes for tomorrow evening and Saturday morning. As you’ll remember (if you’ve been paying attention that is but, if not why not, hmm?), I challenged myself to a parkrun/spin challenge. The challenge involves running parkrun quick enough, then cycling back quick enough to get to the spin class in time. To be honest, although the timing is quite tight, it’s nowhere near impossible and unless my legs or wheels fall off or an unlikely but extremely unlucky combination of both, it should be fine. Touch wood, fingers crossed, stroke a black cat, etc.

Also this morning, Carla, Rachel and I have been discussing arrangements for Sunday’s Great Kent Bike Ride (where fellow Juneathoner Helen will also be joining us). It didn’t take long for the discussion to turn to where we’ll be eating and drinking after the ride and we are all now looking forward to our Wetherspoon roast. Yum.

You may be wondering where my marathon training is going to fit into all this spinning and cycling. I’ve been wondering the same thing myself and have decided Saturday’s long run of 7 miles is going to happen on Wednesday, although I’m supposed to be doing 4 miles tomorrow, so it’ll probably be more of a 7 mile walk.

Stats

Cycling: 30 miles
Rowing machine: 20 minutes
Treadmill: 22 minutes
Cross-trainer: 20 minutes
parkrun/spin challenges coming up: 1
Great Kent Bike Rides coming up: 1
Wetherspoon roasts looking forward to: 1

Juneathon Day 6 – An Ultra-Parkrun And A Sunny Spin Class

Sunshine

Helen left a comment on yesterday’s post suggesting we go to our respective parkruns and give each other a virtual high-five. We did this a while back as we’d both been slacking in our running (she probably had a good excuse like just having had a baby or something and I probably had a slightly less good excuse like just having been to the pub or something) but Helen is now running regularly and recently ran London Marathon, whereas I have done fuck all by way of running for weeks and so I’d only be high-fiving myself which, let’s face it, would look a bit weird.

And, anyway, I’d booked to go to spin and although on a good day, I could get back in time from parkrun for the class, I didn’t think today would be one of those good days so I said I’d do 5k on the treadmill at 9am instead.

However, when I woke up, my legs, shoulders and arms were aching. Plus, it was after 9am when I got to the gym and I didn’t think I’d have time to do 5k on the treadmill before spin so I decided to do 5k on the rowing machine instead. This plan was scuppered (don’t you just love the word ‘scuppered’?) when my heels kept slipping out of my trainers. This has never happened before so maybe along with my recent weight-loss my feet have also shrunk. Still, after pulling my trainers back up for the third time in five minutes, I unsurprisingly lost my patience and abandoned the rowing machine and decided to do 5k on the cross-trainer instead. This took about 20 minutes and I still had time left before my spin class, so I did another mile and decided that meant I’d done an ultra-parkrun. Get me and my highfalutin ultrarunner ways.

After my ultra, I ambled over to the room in which the spin class is taken and found an empty room. ALL THE SPIN BIKES HAD BEEN STOLEN BY FAT THIEVES WHO WANTED TO GET THEIR BEACH BODIES READY FOR SUMMER.

Gits.

Except they hadn’t been stolen – by fat thieves who wanted to get their beach bodies ready for summer or otherwise – the instructor had moved them all outside so we could have a sunny spin class. Yay.

I have decided though that a parkrun/get-back-in-time-for-spin challenge would be a good Juneathon thing and, unless I get a better offer for the morning of Saturday 27 June, this will be happening then.

Stats

Rowing machine: about 5 minutes
Cross-trainer: about 26 minutes / 4.2 miles
Spin class: a sunny 45 minutes
Juneathon’s completed: 4/30

 

 

Juneathon 2014 – Days 25 and 26 – All The Exercise

Well, I certainly can’t be accused of slacking yesterday, even if I didn’t blog in the evening. I’m not much of an evening blogger – I’m not much of an evening anything, really. I used to blog all the time in the evening as I used to blog as soon as I’d come back from a run, whatever time that was, even if if was straight after a run commute from work. So, yes, my blogging over the years has definitely slacked off – a bit like my running, I suppose.

Anyway, yesterday morning I went for a five mile run, then in the evening I went to the gym and spent 30 minutes on the rowing machine, then 15 minutes on the cross-trainer, before going to a 45 minute spin class. This morning, I had planned to do my body pump DVD (the 30 minutes of it I like, anyway) but I couldn’t be bothered. However, as we all know, in Juneathon slacking is not an option, so I got on with it.

I do need to do some walking later though as I was perturbed to see I’d lost my number one position on the Fitbit leaderboard and after holding the top spot for a few days, I’ve become pettily competitive about it and I want to be number one again. Stupid Fitbit.

Juneathon 2014 – Days 13 –17 – Including A Run With Other People

I haven’t slacked as much as you might think, so there. On the 13th (last Friday) I went for a run/walk along the Greensand Way. It would have been more run than walk but the second field had hip-high grass and even a walk was difficult.

The next day I redeemed myself by going to the local parkrun. Despite going along on my own as usual, Helen said she was going to hers and also on her own and she was sure she was going to be really shit as she’s still getting her fitness back after having a baby. So, we decided to telepathically encourage each other round the course. It worked, too, as we both ran it a lot faster than we thought we would. Virtual high-fives all round, yay.

Sunday I walked to Tesco and back. IT COUNTS.

Monday I did some kettlebells and on Tuesday I decided to go out with the local running group (not to be confused with this local running group who were horrific and quite literally pushed me out the door when I said I didn’t know they were running so far and I’d come back another time) and join them for their speedwork/laps session. What they failed to mention on their schedule is that sometimes these laps are HILLS. I hate hills. We slowly ran up to the bottom of the hill and were told to do as many laps as we could in 30 minutes. I tagged along with a couple of the others who have just finished their beginners schedule and after three laps (half the lap is the hill, the second half is a lovely downhill) we decided we’d had enough, but then one of the other girls came along and said ‘come on, you can do one more’ so we gave another lap a go and ran some of the hill and I was pleased with my three and a bit laps as usually when I see a hill, I don’t even attempt it, I just stop and walk up it.

Today, so far I have done 30 minutes of body pump and I’m going to the gym later and then to a spin class.

See, told you I haven’t been slacking. Just slacking on the blogging.

Audiofuel Powerblast: Turbo Training

audiofuel-logo

The stationary bike is what I hate most in the gym. It’s rare for me to go on it, I usually stick to the rowing machine and the cross-trainer. I do like spin classes though and so I thought, how can I make the stationary bike more fun? And then I thought, I know, I bet Audiofuel’s bike tracks will make it fun and so today I took the Audiofuel Powerblast session to the gym with me to try out.

audiofuel-powerblast

Audiofuel’s bike sessions are designed for use with a turbo trainer or spin bike (not to be used outside on the road). I have no access to a spin bike at my current gym but I thought it’d be fine on a normal stationary bike. And fine it was. This track goes on for an hour – I thought how the hell am I going to stay on a stationary bike for an hour without dying of boredom? But then I thought, ho hum, I’ll just stay on until I get bored. There was no boredom. It was all fun. In fact, it was absolutely great – Sean (founder of Audiofuel who does the coaching on the track) talks you through what you’ll be doing and tells you what cadence (RPM) to ride at (80rpm in the recovery bits and 95rpm in the speedy up bits).

Sean also tells you what gear to put it in, saying things like big back cog and little cog. Proper cyclists will probably understand this, I just changed the resistance on the bike according to how I felt (mostly by cruising on the recovery bits and making myself work harder by upping the resistance on the sprint bits).

It’s like a spin class but without an annoying instructor trying to make you wave your arms in the air or getting off her bike and ramping up the resistance on yours to full as she thinks you’re slacking.

The impossible has been made possible. Stationary bikes can be fun.

Audiofuel’s Powerblast is available on the Audiofuel website along with other tracks for the turbo trainer or spin bike, including ones coached by Chrissie Wellington (Ironman champion and spit of FitArtist).

p.s. Still plenty of time to sign up for Janathon!

Zombie Proms and Polka Dots

I went to my spin class today and when I got there there was only one other person on a bike but loads of other bikes had been reserved by people putting their towels on it as if they were flipping German or something and eventually people got on their ‘reserved’ bikes and the instructor turned up and I thought EEK, WHERE’S THE USUAL INSTRUCTOR? I’VE NEVER SEEN THIS ONE BEFORE AND SHE MIGHT MAKE ME WAVE MY ARMS IN THE AIR AND STUFF but she did have an absolutely gorgeous figure and I thought if waving my arms in the air gets me a body like that well… bring it on, although obviously what I was really thinking was, fuck, hope she doesn’t make me wave my arms in the air.

But she didn’t make anyone wave their arms in the air. In fact, it was a fucking fab workout – great music (although not something I’d listen to by choice but great for spinning to) and the instructor was absolutely relentless and she kept us going and going and going and I was absolutely knackered by the end of it. Which is how it should be.

Then I cycled home and picked up my new polka dot dress from Tesco (stop laughing, Tesco do some nice stuff) and I even bought a pair of sandals to go with my nice new dress (I usually wear biker boots or Converse with everything and although I don’t mind looking a bit odd, I don’t like to look completely stupid and didn’t think boots or Converse would go with polka dots) and although my new sandals are only 2-inch high wedges, I’m doing my usual tranny shuffle through the house while trying to get used to them.

polka_dot_dress

And tonight I’m going to wear my new dress and my new shoes to the Zombie Prom, which a uni friend is performing in.

Stats
Cycling: 5 miles (with another 6 miles later)
Rowing machine: 20 minutes
Cross-trainer: 10 minutes
Spin: 45 minutes
Bikes reserved by people putting towels on them: lots
New spin instructors: 1
Fab workouts: 1
New polka dot dresses: 1
New pairs of sandals: 1
Tranny shuffles through the house: lots
Zombie Proms: 1

Pump it up

This morning I went along to the gym for my usual body pump class where I was very hardcore and used heavier weights and hurrah, my arms didn’t crack on the tricep tracks, so the glucosamine that I’ve started taking again must be doing their thing (or it’s the magic bracelet) and then after body pump I went and did twenty minutes on the rowing machine, then I had planned to do just a mile on the treadmill, although running on the treadmill doesn’t really count as running, but then I decided to do Thru the Gears and then usually on a Friday I go and do spin too but as I have a five mile run tomorrow, I didn’t really want to wear myself out even if it is Juneathon and so I wimped out of doing spin and got changed and then I had to go to the library and I decided to leave my bike where it was and walk the half mile to the library as after all, it is Juneathon, and Juneathon is all about making an extra effort and so I walked to the library and as I passed Top Shop, I saw a sign saying 20% off for students this week and so I went in and saw a stripey t-shirt that I had been eyeing the other day and I tried to work out what 20% off would be and then I saw a t-shirt with Mickey Mouse on it and I wondered if I was too old to wear a t-shirt with Mickey Mouse on it and decided I was and left the shop and opposite was Dorothy Perkins with a sign saying 30% off today and so I went in but there was nothing I liked so I went back into Top Shop and thought fuck it, if I want to wear a t-shirt with Mickey Mouse on it I will and so I bought the Mickey Mouse t-shirt and the stripey t-shirt and with my student discount got £8 off and then I went to the library to collect the books that had been reserved for me and then I strolled back through the town looking at all the teenage girls smoking over their babies and got back to my bike and cycled back.

Stats
Body pump: 45 minutes
Rowing machine: 20 minutes
Treadmill: 15 minutes
Walking: 1 mile
Cycling: 5 miles
Calories: about 845
Stripey t-shirts: 1
Mickey Mouse t-shirt: 1
Library books: 2
Teenage girls smoking over their babies: A few

That’s the boobs sorted, all I need now is a belly bra

As I don’t have one of those proper day job things that involve sitting in an office all day, I don’t get that Friday Feeling but I still feel the need to celebrate public holidays by drinking and eating too much and wasting time on Facebook and Twitter, but wasting time on Twitter can pay off. My last three web design clients have come from there (a charity in Devon and two authors) and the other day, I tweeted about my new sports bras that had come in the post (yes, my tweets are that exciting) that no, weren’t freebies but yes, I had paid for them.

Shortly after tweeting this mega-exciting update on my life, Boobydoo tweeted me and said oh, you should have got in touch with us, we’d have sent you something, and so I said I could always do with new sports bras and so they sent me a Shock Absorber Run Bra.

It looks highly technical with all its straps and clasps. My favourite sports bras have been the crop top type that you pull over your head and then struggle to get off after you’ve sweated all over it. This one has kind of polystyreney feeling adjustable straps going down the back (don’t let that put you off, I’m not sure ‘polystyrene’ is the right word but I can’t think what I mean; maybe more neopreney than polystyreney). They’re different to the usual bra straps where you have to lengthen the strap by tugging at it and adjusting it as these have little hooks that you pull out of a little sleeve and put in another sleeve, either higher or lower.

shock_absorber_run_bra

There’s also a clasp at the top and the usual hook and eye clasps at the bottom. As I’m lazy and used to my crop tops, I try to pull it on as a crop top and don’t undo the bottom clasps, but it gets stuck around my shoulders so I pull it off and undo the clasps and try to do it up like a normal person. It takes a while to do up as I’m not very good at doing up bras but I get there eventually and this must be the comfiest bra in the world ever. Being the most comfiest bra ever isn’t the most major factor in sports bra factors though: boobage movage is, so I tested this by jumping up and down. Nothing moved. Result. Another good thing about it is that it’s not padded like the Shock Absorber bra I got at the traumatic Mateivator workout that has removable pads that which, because they’re removable, get all twisted and folded up in their pockets when they’re being washed and then you have to faff about taking them out and untwisting them and putting them back in. So, comfort, support and lack of faff, splendid.

I put on the rest of my gear and decide to wear my Haile Gebrselassie world record breaking shoes and set off down the street.

My world record breaking shoes are really light and I feel like I’m gliding along (I’m well aware that any witnesses would probably not have used the word ‘gliding’ if asked to describe my running style) and my boobs are staying in place which is more than I can say for my belly which is wobbling about and I wonder why no one’s invented a belly bra and if any inventors are reading my blog, can you invent one please?

I decide just to do two miles and to do it without stopping but I get to two miles and I’m feeling good and so I decide to do three miles and whoop whoop, I do three miles at under 11 minute miles which must be some kind of miracle or maybe it was the new bra, which is by far the best sports bra I’ve ever worn (I’m never going back to cheap ones again) or maybe it was the Trion:Z bracelet or maybe it was the world record breaking shoes or maybe it was my athlete’s dinner last night of two slices of garlic bread and half a flapjack or maybe it was all the spin and body pump classes I’ve been going to?

And speaking of spin and body pump classes, I’ll be doing those at the gym tomorrow morning, where I’m going, not to avoid the Royal Wedding, but to avoid Twitter where my fellow human beings will dishearten me by directing a load of scorn, contempt, hatred and abuse at a young couple purely for having the nerve to get married. I mean, they’re hardly Jordan and Alex Reid, are they? Just because Prince William’s mum was a media-hungry attention-seeking strumpet, doesn’t mean he and his bride-to-be are. Good luck to them, I say.

Stats
Distance: 3.02 miles
Time: 32:48
Pace: 10:53
Calories: 317
Friday Feelings: 0
Boobage movage: 0
Belly movage: lots
Fantastic new sports bras: 1
Nasty mean people on twitter to be avoided tomorrow: hundreds
Music
Jamiroquai
The Wombats
Ladyhawke
The Jam
The Killers