Lardathon Day #7

I sleep a deep deep deep deep sleep and dream that my cat’s a kitten and lost in my bed and when I wake up after ten hours sleep I don’t know where I am and I realise I’m at home but it feels weird and I see my cat and she’s not a cute little kitten but still a fat fucker and I get up and I go downstairs and I think I must have slept too long because my house feels strange and I think I should go over the marshes and see the cows but I’m feeling a bit shit but I get changed and go out and I get to where the cows live and they’re the laziest cows in the world and still lying down. There are cows in here somewhere, honest.

And so I think maybe if I go round to the other side of the fence I’ll be able to see them better but I still can’t see them so I go back and continue my route up the river I wanted to do and as I’m going up the river I see some baby swans. Aah.

At least, I think they’re baby swans. Angela will probably come along soon and tell me they’re blackbirds or something.

And I get to the end of the marshes and I think do I want to do two miles on the road and I think no I don’t want to go home yet, I want to stay in the marshes so I get to the bridge and I turn round and come back the way I came and I go past the rowing club again and they’re all sitting outside a cafe drinking tea and eating their breakfast and I think I fancy a cup of tea which is strange as I gave up drinking tea about a year and a half ago and I also fancy a fry up and I think that’s not good thinking for a finely tuned athlete and I go past the houseboats and there’s a boat for sale for £10,000 and I think ooh, I’ve got £10,000, I could buy that boat and live on the river and rent my house out and live off the rent and never have to leave my boat on the river and become a hermit except for going to the pub but then I’m thinking how would I get back from the pub as I’m not going to walk through the marshes at night time and do boats have broadband and would my cat like to live on a boat and I think she might fall in the river and then I get back to where the cows live and two of the cows are standing up. Hurrah.

And I think it would be nice if they had some pigs over the marshes and maybe some sheep but cows will do I suppose and we do also have horses.

And I eventually get home after going twice as far as I meant to and my fat fucker of a cat has nicked my chair so I kick her off so I can write my blog.

Today’s route

Miles: 6.61
Total time: 1:26:30
Average pace: 13:04
Total calories: 589
Cows: 4
Baby swans: lots
Calvin Harris – Acceptable In The 80s
Mark Ronson – Stop Me
Jamiroquai – Space Cowboy
The Rolling Stones – Sympathy For The Devil
The Damned – Gigolo
Jamiroquai – Light Years
The Secret Machines – You Are Chains
The Secret Machines – Pharoah’s Daughter
Jamiroquai – Virtual Insanity
The Secret Machines – Lightning Blue Eyes
Scissor Sisters – Monkey Baby
Janis Joplin – Kozmic Blues
Mark Ronson – Just
The Secret Machines – 1000 Seconds
Jamiroquai – Do You Know Where You’re Coming From

Lardathon stats
Starting weight: 9 st 4
Current weight: 9 st 3
Lunch: Crunchy peanut butter on granary toast
Dinner: Caribbean coconut, courgette, spinach and butternut squash curry with wholegrain basmati rice
Other: Pine nuts, nectarine
Drinks: Cranberry tea, hot chocolate


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