The modern scientific training regime

As is becoming a bit of a Friday habit, I stay up late drinking wine and get the munchies but I have it on good authority that the most important elements of a modern scientific training regime are: (1) quality rest periods; (2) balanced nutrition; and (3) effective hydration. AKA lie-ins, chips and beer.  Or in my case lie-ins, cheese toasties and wine.

So I get up late and email Bear and say I stayed up late drinking wine, do I have to go out for 7 miles this morning? and he emails me back and says no, you have to do 8 miles, I checked your schedule.  Bollocks.

I eventually leave the house around lunchtime and I go past a house that’s for sale which has the advantage of being on the edge of the marshes but also has the disadvantage of being about 5 seconds walk from Ex Boyfriend’s house and I wonder if I bought that house how accommodating would he be if I went round to borrow a cup of sugar and I decide probably not very so I decide not to buy that house and as I get to the bridge where Ben came off his bike and broke his jaw there’s a man running really slowly and I follow him through the bridge and I’ve nearly caught him up and he’s obviously more of a finely tuned athlete than I am as he runs up the bridge at the marina whereas I do my usual stop and walk up it thing and I’m thinking please don’t go the same way as me as I’m going to have to overtake you, even I don’t run that slowly and if I overtake you, I’m going to feel bad and he does turn the way I’m going but he sticks to the path and I go alongside the river and I overtake him and then I get to my favourite bridge and Slow Bloke doesn’t go over the bridge but carries on and I get over the bridge and I think hang on a minute, weren’t the cows here last week? but the cows aren’t here now and I think maybe they’ve gone back to where they used to live and I wonder if the cows got confused with all this moving about or maybe they just got pissed off and I got to where the cows used to live but THE COWS AREN’T THERE.  Fuck.  Where have the cows gone?

And in place of the cows is this building thing.

And I think that’s no good, cows are better than buildings and what the fuck is it anyway?  And I get across the road and there’s a group of cyclists stopped off at the pub and I think I quite fancy a drink but I have no money on me and I wonder if they’d swap a pint for a photo of a cow and I think probably not so I continue on my way.

I get through Hackney Marshes without getting murdered and as I go through the bridge at Lea Bridge Road, Slow Bloke comes through and he says morning and I say hello back and then I wonder which route he took and then I think oh my god, if he came the direct way here from where I left him, that is seriously slow and I think no, he must have gone a different way and then I think why did he say morning when it’s about 1:30pm? and then I’m back at the stables and I’ve gone 6 miles and I need to do another two and I’m only a mile from home and I don’t know which way to go to make up the miles and I think shit, I should have thought of this before I left the house and I continue through the marshes and go through the bridge and there’s this sign

and I don’t know what it means.  Who’s not dedicated to the public and why not? And I leave the marshes the way I came in and then I’m at the park and I have about a mile to do so I go into the park and there’s people playing football which doesn’t help much with my football phobia and I do a lap of the park and then go round the edge of the sports field and back onto the street and then I’m home and I’ve done my longest outside run ever ever ever.

Today’s route

Distance: 8.29 miles
Time: 1:33:59
Pace: 11:20
Calories: 720
Cows: 0
Slow Blokes: 1
Dedication to the public: 0
Polyphonic Spree
Rollins Band
Faith No More
The Cure
Stereo Total
Mark Ronson
The Cooper Temple Clause
The Damned
The Horrors
Junior Senior
Sex Pistols
White Stripes


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