I am not amused

I hear about Niketown’s running club which goes out on Mondays and Tuesdays at 6:30pm and I think that is exactly what I need, although Monday is sexist night as it’s for ladies only and the longest run is 4.5 miles, but on Tuesdays it’s for everyone and the longest run is 7.5 miles.  Don’t they think girls can run 7.5 miles?  Cheek.  But I try all day to ring them to see if they’re still doing it and I can’t get through, all I get is a recorded Yank telling me to press 1 if I want to know the store times.  Bollocks.  I don’t want a wasted journey going up to Oxford Street for no reason as I know I’ll never get out the door when I get home if there’s no running club and so I go straight home and try to leave the house without opening the post or checking Facebook or my email and I manage one of the three and I’ve received my race pack for the Serpentine New Year’s Day 10k and it says STRICTLY NO HEADPHONES and I think they must really mean it as not only have they written it in uppercase but it’s also in bold and underlined and they say if anyone is found to be wearing headphones they’ll have their race number taken away and disqualified and I think well, you’re welcome to take my race number as you’ve given me number sixty fucking nine which is SO NOT FUNNY.  And I’m looking at my race number and I think I can’t wear that, people will laugh at me and I turn it upside down but it still says 69 and I think well, it would do really wouldn’t it, and I think why can’t they just leave out number 69, like Americans leave out floor no. 13 and I don’t want to wear my race number and I think maybe I’ll go out on New Year’s Eve after all.

I eventually leave the house after checking Facebook but resisting the urge to check my email and head off on my five mile route and as usual there’s too much traffic and having to stop every two yards to cross the road is seriously pissing me off and then I’m wondering what the song is that’s just come on my iPod and I run out in front of a car and I think oops, maybe the race organisers have a point about the headphones and I say sorry to the woman who nearly ran me over and I carry on and I get to the corner of the High Street and I think to pass the time I’ll count how many kebab shops and takeaways there are between here and the station and then I go past the Vic pub and they’ve got a sign up saying they’ve got a roof terrace and I think since when? do they just mean you can sit on the roof? and I think I should investigate, maybe on Saturday and then I realise that I am so intrigued by the Vic’s roof terrace that I’ve forgotten to count the kebab shops and I was up to 13 and then I’m going down Lea Bridge Road and there’s a power cut on the side of the road I’m on and it’s not making me feel any safer and there’s a tower block which is completely unlit, except for three windows which have lights flickering in them and they must be sitting in candlelight and then I’m back on a bit which has lights and it’s not like the 70s anymore and then I go round the corner and a hoodie comes along and leans over and says something to me but I can’t hear what he says and I think well, there’s a plus point for my iPod but then I think I probably wouldn’t have been able to understand him anyway, even if I didn’t have my music on and then I’m nearly home and I think I need to change my route and find a quieter one as an hour to do 5 miles is really shit.

Distance: 5.10 miles
Time: 1:00:13
Pace: 11:48
Dodgy race numbers: 1
Cars nearly running me over: 1
Power cuts: 1
Unintelligible hoodies: 1
Baby Teeth
Elysian Fields
Edie Sedgwick
The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster
The Electric Soft Parade


  • So does this mean you didn’t follow through with the Nike running club investigation? I want to know if it actually exists. I bet it doesn’t, they couldn’t even be arsed to do runlondon this year!

    What is it with anti headphone people, they do my nut in. It’s not like we force them to wear headphones and listen to hip country music and stuff and really its our problem if we run in front of cars – not that you get many of those in Hyde park. I suppose you could trip over one of the queens swans or somesuch.

  • No, feel free to try and get through to them on 020 7612 0800, I tried again today but no luck. I generally try to avoid Oxford Street so it’s not very likely I’ll be able to pop in and ask, although I could go up Thursday lunchtime I suppose. Now there’s an idea. An organised run for 4.5 or 7.5 miles at 6:30pm on a Monday or Tuesday in the West End is absolutely perfect for me so I really really really hope they’re still doing it.

    No runlondon this year? I would even be prepared to pretend I live in South London, just so’s I got an orange t-shirt. I don’t like green.

    Apparently it’s a health and safety thing due to Winter Wonderland being there and lots of people/tourists, etc. Not that tourists aren’t people but you know what I mean.

  • can’t you insist they change the 69 thing? 🙂
    i hope nike do that north/south run in 08 – there’s nothing on the runlondon website about it yet..

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