How to turn 3 miles into 11

Due to people turning up on my doorstep at 2am and making me stay up all night drinking, I spend Saturday morning in bed then go for a fry up at the local greasy spoon instead of training in a I’m a fat lazy slob kind of way, then spend the rest of the day feeling guilty like it really matters and then I go out and drink too much unlike Jo who very impressively only has one and a bit glasses of wine and I also eat too much and I think there’s no way I’ll be out running tomorrow and this morning I’m woken by my alarm and I think oh no I don’t want to go to work today and then I think hang on a minute, isn’t it Sunday today? and I think yes I’m sure it’s Sunday as I’m sure yesterday was Saturday so unless I slept for 24 hours it must be Sunday and I think why the fuck did I set my alarm then? and I get up and turn the alarm off and go back to bed and I wake up a few hours later and think I’m not going running and then I think well maybe I’ll just do three miles, it’ll only take half an hour and I’ll still have time to go to the supermarket and I’m wondering if I can be bothered to even do three miles but then I’m getting told off in text messages and on facebook for not training and I think ok ok I’m going to do three miles and I leave my house and just as I start off an old lady stops and says something I can’t hear due to the singer of the Wombats telling me Christmas has come early for him but I think she says ooh, you’re brave and I think why am I brave? and I get over the footbridge and up to the stables and I think maybe I’ll go round Hackney Marshes and do more than three miles after all and I think I haven’t got my alarm on me though and you shouldn’t really go to Hackney without an alarm and a gun and a big dog but I decide to throw caution to the wind and risk getting murdered or harpooned or something and I get round the marshes without getting murdered and then I’m back to the relative safety of Walthamstow marshes and I’ve done five miles and I think shall I head off home now or carry on? and I decide to carry on and then I’ve done 10k in my quickest time ever and I think yay and I decide to carry on past the marina and I get to seven miles and I think maybe I should do the full 11 miles and I’m wondering if I can manage another four miles and I think I probably can and I go into Tottenham Marshes and carry on past the bridge where the race last year started and I get to the point in the race where my leg started hurting and Bum Crack Girl overtook me and I think I remember there being a bridge up the top and I think I’m going to go up to the bridge then come back down and I’m carrying on going and I still can’t see a bridge but I can see Ikea which means I’ve run to Edmonton and I still can’t see a bridge but then the bridge eventually appears and I run back down and I’m back on the street with about two miles to go and a car stops and asks me directions for a street I’ve never heard of and I’m tired now and I think maybe I’ll walk for a bit but I keep running and I think I’ll walk for a bit when I get to the tube but I run past the tube station and keep going ’til I get home and my three miles has somehow turned into eleven, yay for me.

Today’s route

Stats
Distance: 11.01 miles
Time: 2:02:31
Pace: 11.07 m/m
Calories: 1,035
Ikeas: 1
3 miles turning into 11: 1
Music
The Wombats
The Like
Bobby Conn
The Killers
Hole