Baa, moo (learning the language of the country)

I moved to the countryside on Saturday and I was going to go for a run yesterday but it looked a bit windy, so I stayed in instead, trying to remember the new systems of the house, such as cold drinks go in the cold drinks cupboard and hot drinks go in the hot drinks cupboard, unless they’re unopened cold drinks, then they go in the hot drinks cupboard until they’re opened, then they go into the cold drinks cupboard.  And also there is a specific space for tinned tomatoes in the cupboard and I need to learn how to close curtains properly.  And I thought he was an easy going kind of chap. 

But today I thought I would be brave and venture out and try not to get run over by a tractor or a sheep or run over by anything really and I decide to be sensible and not take my iPod so I can hear the cars coming as I’m going to have to run along those stupid roads without pavements things but I am unable to get out of the door without it and I decide to be semi-sensible and take it with me but have it on low and I can’t be bothered to wait for my Garmin to get a signal and I think it will probably be a lot quicker round here anyway so I start without it and hope I can remember where I need to turn off and after a little while my Garmin gets a signal and I carry on running and I see a turning and I think I need to go down there and I cross the road and there’s a car coming and Shaun said there wouldn’t be any cars but I don’t think he’s to be trusted anyway, as he could have told me about the cold drinks/hot drinks thing before I moved in and discovered he had OCD and then I could have stayed at home with my cupboards that are in disarray with hot and cold drinks happily intermingling and I could put the tinned tomatoes anywhere I feel like it, maybe in the hot drinks cupboard if I’m feeling particularly rebellious and then I get to a field with nothing in it

and I think what’s the point of having a field with nothing in it? there should be sheep in it and I wonder when I’ll see some sheep and just up the road there’s some lambs chasing a pigeon

and I think aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, cute, and across the road are more sheep

and I think I’m bored of sheep now and I want to see some cows but I’m not up to where the cows live yet, but there are some more lambs playing with some hay or straw or something

and then I see an escaped lamb

and I wonder how he got out and maybe I can steal him and take him home with me, as he’s cuter than the ugly sheep at the bottom of the garden and then I get to where the cows live but they’re a bit far away

and so I leave the far away cows and carry on running and then there’s another road and I don’t remember this road being here when Shaun took me out on Sunday to show me the route and I wonder if I’ve gone the wrong way and I carry on going left and don’t recognise anything because it’s all just green and looks the same everywhere and no burnt out cars or shopping trolleys to act as a landmark and seven cars come down the road and I could have sworn Shaun said I wouldn’t see any cars and I’m getting fed up of getting out of the way of cars and I can’t see round the corners and I think if a car comes round the corner I’m going to get squished and then a car does come fast round a corner and I nearly fall into a ditch full of nettles and I think I want to go home to London and run round the marshes and I don’t like the stupid countryside with its stupid pavementless roads and nowhere to run and then I’m nearly home and back on a pavement and there’s a squashed dead pigeon with no head and I wonder where its head’s gone and I get home without being run over.


Distance: 2.4 miles
Time: 31:00
Pace: 12:43 m/m
Calories: 222
Boyfriends with OCD: 1
Lambs: lots
Sheep: lots
Far away cows: lots
Pigeons with no heads: 1
Roads with pavements: 1 and a bit.



  • Wow, it’s soooo green! Those country roads are a pain, you need to find routes with bridle tracks and the like, but then you might have to contend with overgrown nettles and climbing over styles…hope you are enjoying your new – ordered – life!

  • well, i left the countryside in Ireland and moved to amsterdam so it makes me homesick to read about tiny country roads and having lots of animals to look at while running. I miss it here, because I only see other runners in the park and it’s like were are all running drones doing the same thing, living the same life. I guess if I had to share the space, I’d rather share it lots of cute lambs. It was a nice post.

  • Lambs are nice, cars aren’t. Especially the one that nearly ran me over.

  • hehe … this country blog is going to be hilarious 🙂

  • Thank you. Now every time I feel sorry for myself living on my own like the sad spinster of the parish that I am, I shall go to my cupboard and look at all my tins and packets and jars and hot drinks and cold drinks and alcoholic drinks and biscuits all intermingled (i.e. a right bloody mess), and feel all warm and content inside.

  • Will you still be able to get your Veg box delivered weekly or will you just go outside and pull your own stuff out of the ground?

  • Welcome to the countryside, I’m sure you’ll get used to it eventually.

    At least it isn’t Cornwall, you’d need to take banjo lessons and start wearing dungarees if you moved down here.

    How long do you think you’ll be able to resist unleashing the inner anarchist on the food cupboards?

  • If i’d realised it was OCD, i’d have had counselling or something. It’s nice to count, just like it’s nice to know where the drinks are when I fancy one. It works for me! Welcome to the country. And my house. It’s okay really. Honest.

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