Drunks can bounce

Another sleepless night. I spent it trying to get Janathon out of my head by thinking up iambic pentameter but this didn’t really work, as the first one I came up with was

The Janathon is keeping me awake

but by 3.30am I hadn’t come up with anything better than

or maybe it was the biscuits I ate

and therefore bored myself to sleep and now I’m wondering if iambic pentameter is the new sheep.

After eventually getting to sleep and dreaming about bright white dogs with bright blue eyes and no noses, I get up about 10:30 and I had planned to Janathon at the gym today but on looking out the window and seeing sunshine and bright blue skies, decide to go for a run but then I decide to go for a bike ride instead.

A few months ago, I was offered the chance to ask Haile Gebrselassie a question* ahead of his New York Marathon on November 7th where he would be wearing an exclusive pair of Adidas Adizero Adios featuring the times for all of his 26 World Records.

In return for my question, I was going to receive exclusive footage of my Q&A along with a pair of Adidas Adizero Adios World Record Breaking shoes, which are only available to buy at the NY Marathon booth. Yay!

Apparently there were communication problems between here and Ethiopia, so I didn’t get the footage of my Q&A, but this morning the postman delivered my shoes


and I wonder what to do with them as they’re too light for me to run in and I’d get laughed at them down at the gym and so I decide to wear them for my bike ride as at least then I’ll be visible; well, my feet will, anyway. I put them on and blimey, they’re comfortable. They’re as comfy as my most comfy Asics, but I suppose world record breakers need comfy shoes don’t they? After all, if Paula Radcliffe doesn’t stop for a poo, Haile’s not going to want to stop to put a Compeed on his little toe, is he?

After putting on my new comfy world record breaking shoes, I go to the garage to get my bike. I have three bikes: a pink one, a white one and a purple one and after deciding which colour bike to ride (purple), I get on my way. While I’m cycling along, I’m thinking about my purple bike which I have fallen off many times while cycling home drunk after a night out and it’s been subjected various times to the chain coming off, the brakes snapping, gears breaking, wheels bent and plenty of bumps and marks, while I’ve escaped with not a scratch but the one time I fall off while sober, my (pink) bike ends up without a scratch, while I end up with a badly grazed left knee, a badly bruised right knee and a thumb I can’t bend for a week, and I come to the conclusion that either drunks can bounce or I should stick to the purple bike.

Distance: 11.45 miles
Time: 1:15:57
Speed: 9mph
Calories: 332
Sleepless nights: 1
Lines of iambic pentameter: 2
Sheep: 0
Pairs of world breaking shoes: 1

*You want to know what my question is, don’t you? I’m ashamed to say I couldn’t think of one, so asked Twitter for  help. Gene at Accountability came up with ‘Do you have a mantra you chant to keep your cadence?’  (That’s not verbatim, as I can’t remember exactly what it was… sorry…), which I thought was a splendid question and much better than one I’d have asked, which would probably have been something like ‘what’s your favourite Square Crisps flavour?’ Thanks Gene!


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