The fourth of Juneathon
I was happily drinking water yesterday, ignoring all the usual Friday tweets of ‘mmm, beer’, ‘I have beer’, ‘it’s beer o’clock’, ‘I’m going down the pub’, etc., until about 7pm when I thought sod it, I want beer too.
I was very moderate for me though and only had a couple of cans (ok plus another one) (ok plus a Pimms, too) and although I didn’t go to bed until the early hours, I got up at a reasonable time (this might have something to do with someone jumping on the bed ringing a bell shouting ‘SLEEP DISTURBANCE’) and headed off for my scheduled five miles.
I got to the rather annoying road and turned my Garmin off so it wouldn’t make me look even slower than usual while I waited for the lights to change and as I was waiting another runner came up and waited for the lights and I smiled at him but he blanked me and looked away and I thought you fucking miserable bastard and he didn’t wait for the lights to change but was brave and ran across the road but I waited for the lights to change as I don’t like to run across roads in case my laces come undone and I fall over and get squished by a car and Mr FMB is running really slowly and I think just you wait, when these lights change I’m going to overtake you but when the lights do eventually change, he’s got too far ahead and so I think well, I’ll get you next time and then I get to the trail I was hoping to find that I saw on Google Earth and hurrah, on the other side of the ditch are the biggest cows I’ve ever seen or maybe they were normal size and I just haven’t seen cows that close up before and then there’s two dogs not on a lead and one looks suspiciously like an Alsation and I don’t want to run in case it attacks me but I don’t want to stop so I run really really slowly and the maybe-an-Alsation doesn’t take much notice of me and his little Westie friend comes over and I try not to tread on it and then I’m wondering whether I should run or not as if I run away from the dogs will they run after me and I especially don’t want the dog that looks suspiciously like an Alsation to see me run up to his owner and it might run after me and attack me and rip my arm off and throw me around like a rag doll and other clichés that local newspapers come out with when anyone’s attacked by a dog but I continue to run and the dogs don’t attack me and I run past their owner and I get to the end of the trail and cross the road and run down the trail I usually go down and I get to the end and through the housing estate and I’ve only done three miles and I’ve got two to go but I’m only a mile from home and I’ll have to do some looping round the lanes and I think bah as I hate running in the lanes and I go down the trail and then back out on to the road and down a lane and stop at the bottom to look at the parish noticeboard as I like looking at parish noticeboards to see if there’s anything exciting happening although you’d think after a year and a half I would have realised nothing exciting happens round here and there’s nothing on the board except for a vacancy for a parish counsellor and I think do I want to be a parish counsellor? and I think na and then I remember that there’s lawnmower racing at a country show a few miles away this weekend and then I’m walking for a bit and then I go up another lane and I’m still walking and I always end up walking when I go up lanes as it just sucks all motivation out of me and I’ll have to find more cycle paths and footpaths to run around and then I get home and I’ve gone into double figures for Juneathon, even taking off the mile I did on a treadmill yesterday, as that doesn’t count but today’s run has been really really slow because of all the walking and I upload my data to the Running Free Online website and it gives me my estimated times for various distances based on my time today and I will have to up my game as if I did a half in 2:51 I would shoot myself in shame.
Stats
Distance: 5.01 miles
Time: 1:01:38
Pace: 12:19 m/m
Calories: 493
FMBs: 1
Dogs that looked suspiciously like an Alsation: 1
Westies: 1
Parish noticeboards: 1
Lawnmower races: 1
Juneathons in double figures: 1
A LAWNMOWER race?!
That’s surely worth investigating.
It would be but have missed today’s and tomorrow it’s on about 10:30. Too early!
Woo hoo double figures!
Those stats on running free are so depressing. As if we’d have to stop for lights or dogs when propper racing!
True. I may be slow but I have done a half in 2:25 with no training!
If running on a treadmill dosn’t count, then what’s the point of running on a treadmill?
Fitness? To me, it’s not like running, so I don’t count it as a run. Although, it’s harder than running outside and mind-numbingly boring, so it should count twice really.
Treadmill running counts. I don’t have access to one at the moment, but I have done some big distances on them in the past.
That is some achievement getting such a big paragraph done with so little punctuation 🙂
I’ve done 8 miles on a treadmill in the past but if I’d done 8 miles on a treadmill for Juneathon, I wouldn’t count it.
I know I shouldn’t laugh but your last line made me laugh out loud… But then I realized that may be a real possibility at the moment because my marathon was only 10 minutes faster than your predicted one and now that I’ve broken my running I’m a bit scared that I may have to shoot myself at the end of my next half marathon 😮
I’m sure you’ll be fine. Don’t take any notice of these silly Running Free estimates.
Was the lawnmower racing at the Hamstreet Show? It was advertised in the Guardian and we wondered if you’d be going, but I wasn’t allowed to tweet and ask because Ginge had imposed a twitter ban over breakfast and then I forgot.
And bloody hell, I hadn’t noticed the time equivalents. That’s hideous, I’m going to have to get sorted with some kind of training. Any kind of training.
Yep, at Hamstreet. Not going though as it’s raining and miserable out. Might go to the vet open day round the corner instead. After Juneathoning in the rain, of course!
Me and my ‘teen’ had a good laugh at your blog again Cathy. 🙂