Big twin, little twin, swimming in the water

I got to the gym in record time today – 13 minutes – and went on the rowing machine for twenty minutes and listened to some David Mitchell podcasts, including one about marathon running and I thought this is similar to the assignment I wrote for my non-fiction class although his podcast was funnier and why couldn’t I have heard this two months ago, then I could have stolen his jokes.

And then I get on the cross-trainer for ten minutes before my spin class begins and I can hear someone talking a few cross-trainers away and oh, what a surprise, it’s the girl who never shuts up and she looks like she’s put on a lot of weight and I need this podcast to hurry up and finish so I can put some music on and drown her out and then WOAH, she’s suddenly wearing different clothes and standing in front of the cross-trainer and she’s also lost about two stone in weight and then I realise that she hasn’t put on a lot of weight, THERE’S FLIPPING TWO OF THEM! and they both talk and talk and talk and never shut up and they even talk to themselves when there’s no one else to talk to and I wonder if they’re twins and if they talk all the time because when they were growing up they did it to take the attention away from the other one and pseudo-psychology bullshit aside, I just want them to shut the fuck up and then it’s time for my spin class and as I’m spinning I can see small twin down below in the swimming pool and I’m wondering if she’s going to talk while she’s swimming and yep, there she is, talking to someone while she’s swimming and then she’s swimming with her head under the water and I think surely she’ll shut up now and I’m looking for bubbles near her head but there aren’t any and so maybe she has shut up for however long she’s going to keep her head under the water and then my spin class finishes and I go into the changing room and big twin comes in and says apropos of nothing and to no one in particular that it smells like horses and I think is that what people say when they’ve got nothing to say? that places smell of horses? and I think if that’s the case then I’m glad I’m a taciturn kind of person.

Cycling: 4.45 miles
Rowing machine: 20 minutes
Cross-trainer: 10 minutes
Spin: 45 minutes
Big twins: 1
Little twins: 1
Twins who never shut the fuck up: 2


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