B&Q bathroom fuck up – day 43

The electrician arrives at 8:20 and looks at the lights and says oh, I didn’t know they were spotlights, I can’t install them today as I haven’t got the right tools.  He goes to phone his office and says that they’ll phone me in a minute.   Louise from the fitters leaves a message on my mobile asking me to ring her.  I ring her when I get to work and she says that she’s spoken to the electrician and he couldn’t install the light because they’re spotlights and they weren’t booked to install spotlights and my ceiling is plaster and lathe and they can drill through the plaster but not the lathe and there’s no access to the ceiling from the attic or something like that and she’s going to charge me for a wasted visit.  Is she fuck.  I say oh no you’re not.  She says she is.  I say you’ve ripped my floor, left the window open twice, left the keys in the gas meter box in the front garden and last night I came home to find out you’ve burnt my toilet seat and now you want to charge me a call out fee, you’re taking the piss.  She says she doesn’t know of any of these problems.  I say yes you do because I told the installation centre who told you and the installation manager’s coming tomorrow to look at the kitchen floor and I’m going to be showing him the burnt toilet lid too.  She says B&Q haven’t mentioned anything and if there are any problems then I should call her direct.  I say I’m not calling you direct, I’m doing everything through the installation centre because they log everything on their computer system.  She says what’s this about a broken toilet.  I say it’s not broken, it’s burnt, the last fitter which was Clive must have been smoking in there.  She says Clive doesn’t smoke.  I say well it’s burnt so someone was and it wasn’t me as I don’t smoke and no one’s allowed to smoke in my house anyway.  She says it’s company policy that no one smokes on site.  I say well it’s burnt, I can’t think how else it got burnt.  She says why didn’t you tell us about it earlier.  I say I only saw it last night.  She says she’ll find out who left my window open.  I say you left it open twice.  You  left my keys in the gas meter box.  She says didn’t you want them left in there?  I say why would I?  They must have been there for a week, I didn’t know where my keys were.  She says she’ll look into everything and call me back later.  She doesn’t mention the call out fee again which is probably in her own interests. If she’d had been standing in front of me, I’d have punched the stupid bitch.  Fucking call out fee.  Is she on drugs?  All the time I’ve wasted waiting in for fitters who didn’t bother to turn up, all the phone calls I’ve made, they ruin my property and she wants to charge me?  Jesus, four hours later and I am still fuming.

I call my friend Alan at the installation centre and tell him about the spotlights and that Louise said she’s charging me a call out fee and that I’m not paying anything.  He says no of course you’re not paying anything.  I say I’ll get a new light that they can install.  I say they burnt my toilet seat, they must have been smoking in there.  I say the installation manager’s coming tomorrow and I’ll show him.  I say I mentioned to the fitters about ripping my floor and leaving the window open and that they said they hadn’t been told about it and he says they were told and I say yes, that’s what I said.  I say I’m sick of the fitters and Alan says that he is too.  I say they said I should phone them direct with any problems but I’m not going to as you can log everything and he says yes, that’s right.  He says when can I get a new light?  I say anytime, I’m off after today.  He says he’ll see if he can find an electrician in my area.

I now know what being incandescent with rage means.

Fucking fitters.  Aarrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

B&Q bathrooom installation – day 42 (cont.)

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I come home and go and survey my new bathroom (for the millionth time) and put the toilet lid down to make it look nice and tidy (and get to see its swanky hydraulic action again) and see that there’s a bit of dirt on it (I’m not usually that house proud but this is my brand new bathroom we’re talking about). Never mind, I go to brush it off but FUCK NO, IT’S A FUCKING BURN!! This can only mean that Clive was smoking in there yesterday and put his cigarette down on my toilet lid and burnt it. What an idiot. Why was he smoking in there anyway? What’s wrong with outside? And why would you put a cigarette on a plastic toilet lid anyway? Even when I smoked I didn’t do that. Fucking pikey Essex tosser twat. It must have been him because I don’t smoke anymore, I don’t know many people who smoke, no one who smokes has been round since I’ve been going through the B&Q bathroom installation saga and my friends smoke outside now anyway.

Look, here’s the burn:

It may look small, but it’s not just dirt, that’s a burn that is not going to come off. It’s melted the lid and turned it black.


This means that even if the electrician does come round tomorrow, I’ve now got to arrange for a new lid to be delivered (and no doubt they’ll want to deliver a whole new fucking toilet) and then arrange for a fitter to come and fit it. This is going to carry on into the new year. I can’t believe it.

Somebody wake me up.

B&Q bathroom installation – day 42

I wait until 9 for the electrician then ring the installation centre to tell them he’s not here and I have to go to work and while I’m on hold, Louise from the fitters rings my mobile.  She says is it ok if they send an electrician over to me today?  WHAT THE FUCK?  I say I was expecting him already, he should be here by now and I’ve got to go to work.  Louise says, oh, we haven’t got anyone booked to come to you this morning.  I say well the installation centre said yesterday that he was coming first thing.  Louise says they shouldn’t have said that as they didn’t speak to them.  If there’s no one in this afternoon, we can send someone to you tomorrow first thing.  I say ok then. 


But while I’m on the phone to Louise, the postman rings the doorbell and I’ve been sent a box of chocolates from a web design client.  Yum 🙂

I ring my boss and say I’m going to be a bit late, I was waiting for an electrian but he’s not here.  My boss says it’s no good, I’ve got a meeting at 2 and there’s stuff I need you to do first.  I say I’m leaving now, I won’t be long.  I don’t like getting told off and when I get to work, my boss has his bad mood face on and says it’s a fucking waste of time waiting in for those wankers.  I think he hates B&Q more than I do.


Alan at the installation centre rings at 2:45 and says did the electrician turn up this morning?  I say no and they rang at 9:10 and said that they hadn’t anyone booked to come round and you didn’t speak to them yesterday and that you shouldn’t have said an electrician was coming today and stuff like that.  Alan says, oh.  I say they’re sending someone tomorrow first thing.  I say they don’t know what they’re doing, do they?  He says he’ll decline to comment on that.  Alan says that he’ll make sure they definitely send someone first thing tomorrow and is that the only thing that’s outstanding?  I say yes, just the electrician.  He says let’s see what happens tomorrow.

Maybe tomorrow my bathroom will be finished?

B&Q bathroom installation – day 41 (cont.)

Woo, I get home and think I’ve been burgled as I’ve got so much more floor space now. This is because it’s not being cluttered up with flooring, edging, bath panels, bathroom cabinets and a sink. This is because IT’S ALL BEEN INSTALLED IN MY BATHROOM! Yah!! Only the lights left to do, and the electrician’s coming tomorrow (fingers crossed).

I haven’t seen my living room floor since 5 October, and now I can get to the table so I won’t be eating my Xmas dinner off of the boxes containing the sink that I didn’t need.

Here’s my new finished floor

and the whole sink

and the cabinets

and the bath panels

and the riser rail. Hurrah, my old shower broke over three years ago, now I can have a shower again, yay.

B&Q are still off my Xmas list though but I am a happy bunny now 🙂

Can’t believe I lived with my bathroom like this for nearly five years but with all the hassle I’ve had getting my bathroom done, I don’t think I’m going to be getting it done again, ever.

B&Q bathroom installation – day 41

Clives arrives at 8:15 and apologises for being late.  I say you’re not late, you’re early, they said before 9.  I say are you finishing up today?  He says should be, have you got the floor now?  I say yes.  I show him where the cabinets are to go on the wall and tell him that the parts for the sink are somewhere in the big boxes and he’s to take the sink away after.  I put the pipes that are in the back garden out the front and ask him if he can take them away.  He says he should be able to.  I say can you put the riser rail up for me?  He says yes.  I make him a cup of tea and leave him to it and leave the cat hiding under the bed and go to work.  If they send an electrician out, then everything will be finished today 🙂

Alan at the installation centre rings at 11:45 and says did the fitter turn up this morning?  I say yes, he was here about 8ish.  He says that’s brilliant, are they going to finish today?  I say well I don’t know if they’re going to send an electrician.  Alan says that if the guy today can’t do the electrics then Yvonne at the fitters said they’ll send someone tomorrow.  I say he can’t do the electrics today, he already told me.  Alan says then they’ll send someone tomorrow and he’ll check to make sure that they’re definitely coming.

Alan rings me back and says that he’s spoken to the fitters and they’re sending an electrician tomorrow.  I say at about the same time?  He says yes.

Tomorrow it will be finished then 🙂


B&Q bathroom installation – day 40

I ring Alan at the installation centre at 10:45 and say the fitters didn’t ring me on Friday to say when they’re coming back. Alan says aarrgghh. I say I’ve been to the store on Saturday and picked up the end panel, so I’ve got everything now that I need for it to be completed. Alan says it’s just that the fitters need to come back, he’ll give them a call.

Alans rings at 2:20 and says he hasn’t forgotten about me, he’s still chasing the fitters. He says they’re going to speak to their manager and see when they can come back, they should be calling back within half an hour, hopefully it’ll be done before Christmas.

Yeah, but which Christmas? I’m going to be eating my Christmas dinner off the two big boxes containing the sink that I don’t need at this rate.

My cat likes sitting on the boxes though, she’ll be miffed when they go.

Update #2
Alan from the installation centre leaves a message on my mobile at 4:30 to say that he’s spoken to the fitters and they should be able to get someone to me tomorrow before 9am and if there’s any problems, to give him a ring.

Could my bathroom be finished tomorrow?

This is what needs to be done:

Flooring to be finished.
Bath panels to be put on.
Ceiling light replaced.
Toilet to be fixed.
Bottom of sink to be put on.
Riser rail put up.
Cabinets put up.
Pipes removed from back garden and taken away.
New sink to be taken away.

And not to f**k anything up and not to leave my window open.

B&Q bathroom installation – day 39

My carefully laid plans for Friday and Saturday were to go to the gym after work on Friday and get up early on Saturday, go for a run, see the roofer at 11, then go to B&Q to get the bath end panel.

What happened was that I got to work on Friday morning and Tracey’s sent me an email saying do you want to come for a drink tonight?  I said, ooh, tempting, very tempting, as I haven’t had a drink all week, but I was going to go the gym tonight.  She said you can go to the gym tomorrow.  I said my rucksack is very heavy.  She said there’s a cloakroom in the bar, sorry I’m being a bad influence, aren’t I?  I said that’s ok, bad influences are good, hmm, if I’m tempted to go for a drink now at 9:50am, then there’ll be no hope for me come 5 o’clock.  I said if you’re working in Farringdon, shall we go for a vegan Chinese first to soak up the alcohol?  She said good idea.

So we went and stuffed our faces with a vegan Chinese all you can eat for £5 buffet in Leather Lane and then went and drank organic lager, dutch lager, wine and champagne cocktails which wasn’t exactly conducive to me getting up early this morning to go for a run.  In fact I only got up half an hour before the roof man came round.  I was scared about the roof man coming round as the TV programmes would have you believe that all roofers do is charge you £2,000 to go and sit on your roof and eat chips and drink tea but this roof man said to be honest, it’s not too bad, it only needs a bit of pointing, it’ll cost £80.  £80!  Cool.  He said you haven’t got any lead flashing like the other houses but it doesn’t really matter.  I said how much would that cost.  He said £800.  So it’s up to you, £80 or £800, I know what I would do.  I said yes, I think I like the £80 solution best, when can you do it?  He said probably mid-week, it depends on the weather, I can’t do it when it’s raining as it will just wash away.

So hurrah, I’m going to get my roof fixed and it won’t rain inside the house now when it’s pissing down outside 🙂

After my good roofing news, me and my hangover take a little walk down to B&Q and go up to the bathroom department but Maryam’s busy designing a bathroom for someone (eek, don’t do it!!!) so I say to Kuldip I’m here to pick up a panel.  Mayam overhears and says yes, it’s in the warehouse.  Kuldip goes off to the warehouse and comes back and says what kind of panel?  I say it’s an Aloha one.  He goes back off and comes back with the panel and says is there any paperwork, do you have to pay?  I say no, I don’t have to pay for it.  He says hmm, I think you should pay with bribery.  I let him off for being unfunny as he has a nice voice and as I’m leaving the security man says did you come in here with that panel?  I say no, I just came to pick it up.  He says you came to pick it up?  I say yes, if you want to check you can ask Maryam.  He says it’s ok and decides not to arrest me for stealing an end panel.

So now I have the end panel, I have everything I need to finish my bathroom.  Except the fitters who, woo, what a surprise, didn’t ring me yesterday to say when they were coming back.

But I don’t care because my roof’s only going to cost £80 to fix and as I was walking to B&Q I saw a poster for a funfair in Hyde Park and I like funfairs, only problem is most of my friends are too scared to go on the good rides so it looks like I’m going to have to drag Bernard there, as he likes the scary rides too 🙂

B&Q bathroom installation – day 38

Donald from the store rings at 12:10 and says the panel is at the store and he’ll bring it round tonight on his way home, some time after 6.  I say I’m not in this evening, can I pick it up tomorrow?  He says yes, he’ll be there from 8-11.  I say I won’t be there by then, I’ve got someone coming to look at my roof at 11.  He says that’s  ok, Maryam will be at the store all day ’til 6.  I say actually, could you bring it round on your way home tomorrow?  He says he’s  not going straight home, he’s going to South London.  I say ok, that’s fine, I’ll pick it up myself, no problem.

I ring Alan at the installation centre at 2:10 and say Donald from the store rang to say my panel’s there and I’m going to pick it up tomorrow.  Can you arrange for the fitters to come back some time next week please?  He says he tried to ring them earlier but couldn’t get through and he’s sent them an email and he’ll try and ring them again.

Alan rings back and says he’s spoken to the fitters and they’re going to look at their book and phone me to say when they can come back.

They’d better not start bleating about their completion note again.

Another B&Q post

Whilst I was having a browse through pages of some more disgruntled B&Q customers on the web (and, believe me, there’s a lot of them – why couldn’t I find any six months ago when I was looking for stuff about B&Q bathrooms and deciding whether to go with them or not?!!!), I came across this news article.

That is funny, wish I’d been there 🙂

I think this guy is particularly pissed off with them too.

B&Q bathroom installation – day 37

Pete Hawkins the installation services manager leaves a message on my mobile at 11:27 asking me to call him to arrange a site visit.  I call him back at 11:30 and leave a message on his mobile.  He calls me back straight away and says he needs to arrange a site visit, when I am available?  I say either first thing, evenings or Saturday.  He says he doesn’t do evenings or Saturdays and he’s just about booked up until after Christmas but he could do Thursday or Friday next week.  I say, actually, I’m off next Friday, I can do then.  He says what time?  I say any time, morning would be best.  he says 10:30?  I say yes, that’s fine.  He says ok then, see you 10:30 on Thursday.  I say no, it’s Friday.  He says oh yes, sorry.  I say Friday of next week, 22nd?  He says yes.

Oh goody, I’m going to get to rant face to face to a B&Q manager on my birthday, heh heh 🙂

(I’m not actually very good at ranting either on the phone, or face to face, only in writing.  I’m actually a complete wimp.)

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