B&Q bathroom installation – day 8

Day 8
Danny’s not here bright and early today. He’s still not here at 8:30 and just as I’m thinking “I bet he’s rung in sick or something” someone from his office calls (it wasn’t one of the Dragon Ladies, they must have been busy sharpening their tongues or something) to say that he’d left a message on their answerphone to say he’d suffered from his asthma in the night and had to go to the doctors. The girl on the phone says that she doesn’t know if he’ll be able to make it today as they can’t get hold of him and will call me back later to let me know what’s going on. I tell her that if he can come back he can let himself in as he has keys (although I’m not exactly confident that he hasn’t lost them).

I think I’m going to kill someone.

I quite fancied killing the woman on the tube who wasn’t only content to stand so close to me that her frizzy hair was right in my face but she also had to elbow me in the face. Then she smirked at me. I should have headbutted the f*****g bitch.

I am not in a good mood today. You may have noticed.

I ring my new best friend Alan at B&Q and tell him that the fitters are useless and haven’t they got a more reliable company they can use. He says it’s unfortunate about the asthma attack but that it doesn’t help me and he’ll ring the fitters and see what he can sort out.

Update #2
The very patient Alan at B&Q rings me back to say that he’s spoken to the fitters and that Danny’s going to be round this afternoon. I say that’s great and he can let himself in as he has keys.

I am now thinking happy positive thoughts that Danny does still have the keys, that the bath waste B&Q gave me on Saturday does indeed solve the tap/bath problem and when I get home tonight I’ll have a functioning bath. Please please please God of B&Q Installations, give me my finished bathroom. And hurry the f**k up with it too.


Update #3
My positive thinking plan didn’t work (or maybe when I was praying to the God of B&Q Installations I shouldn’t have involved the word that usually precedes the word “off”), as Danny the most unreliable builder in the world didn’t bother to come round this afternoon. What a f*****g surprise. Aarrgghh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am more than a tad annoyed. I am f*****g livid and I think if Danny the most unreliable builder in the world decides to show up in the morning I might have to stab him to death. This is legal, right?

And not only did Danny the most unreliable builder in the world not bother to come round and install my bath but neither he nor his office bothered to phone me and give me some bullshit excuse as to why he wasn’t coming round to install the bath.  Why can’t these incompetent fools let me know what’s going on?  At least on Wednesday last week Danny the most unreliable builder in the world left a note to say there was a problem.  Although me getting a note when I get in doesn’t help much.  If I get a phone call in the afternoon then there is a chance I can do something about it.  Twat.

I am so annoyed I have had to open a bottle of wine. Yeah, yeah, any excuse.


State of bathroom so far (7 working days in):
A working toilet
Half a leaking sink
A bath with no taps
No tiles
No floor
No plastering
No decorating

B&Q bathroom installation report continued

Day 7
So I did the fitters’ job for them on Saturday and went to B&Q and picked up the new bath waste unit.  I rang them this morning and said I’ve got the new waste, come and install my bath for me please.  Dragon Lady (it was a different Dragon Lady but she’d obviously been to the same doctor’s receptionist training school as the one from last week) said did I get a long waste as I need the long one, not the short one.  And how the fuck exactly am I supposed to know that?  I said I didn’t know, I just got what B&Q gave me, they said it was a standard one and would fit my bath.  Dragon Lady said not to ask her any more questions as she didn’t know anything and that they didn’t have anyone available today to come round and will ring me. 

I ring B&Q and tell them that the fitters haven’t got anyone available to install my bath and Alan the B&Q man said that he’d ring them and see when they could come round.  I’m obviously getting assertive in my old age as I said it wasn’t a question of when they could come round, I want someone here first thing tomorrow, I’ve been without a bath for a week.  Alan the B&Q man left a message on my mobile about an hour later to say that the fitters will ring me to let me know when they’re coming back which hopefully will be tomorrow.  Hopefully’s no good.  I want my bath installed.  Waa!!  I had to pay £20 yesterday at the hairdressers just to get my hair washed.

F*****g bunch of idiots, the lot of them.


I ring the Lea Bridge Road store to speak to Maryam to see if what she gave me was a long or short waste but she’s not there and Riaz isn’t around either.  I leave a message for Riaz to call me but he hasn’t yet.

I ring the B&Q installation service centre to pester them again to phone the fitters for me and I speak to an exasperated sounding but patient Alan again and say that I need to know that the fitters are coming back tomorrow as it’s the second week now and all I’ve got is a toilet and half a sink and there’s tons of work left to be done.  He says he’ll chase the fitters for me and will ring me back in 45 minutes.  He rings back as promised and says that the fitters will be round tomorrow.  Hurrah!  My persistence has paid off.  He doesn’t know what time though so will ring them again to find out and ask them to phone me. 

I ring the store again to speak to Riaz to check the waste unit will definitely be ok and get told that he’s out on visits all day.  I haven’t got his mobile number on me and they’re not allowed to give out mobile numbers.  Oh nooooooo, what if the waste is the wrong one?  B*****ks.

Update #2
Mid-afternoon and no one’s rung to tell me what time the fitter’s coming round so I brace myself and ring Dragon Lady.  She says oh, didn’t B&Q ring you?  I say no, not this afternoon.  Fitter will be round in the morning.  First thing.  I ask if Danny gave them my keys that he had.  She says it’s Danny who’s coming round.  I say oh, I thought he had left the company.  She says he’s staying on for another week.  I’m hoping he didn’t spend the weekend googling himself (oo er) and stumbled across my blog, otherwise I dread to think what he’ll do to my bathroom.

B&Q bathroom installation update

B&Q are such tossers. I’ve never met such a bunch of incompetent fuckwits. Here’s a run down of the events so far.

Day 1
Bathroom installation man (I’ll call him Danny. Because that’s his name) turns up as arranged (although it is the second arrangement as they were supposed to have been here three weeks previous) and says today’s work is going to entail stripping everything out but leaving me with a working toilet. He also says he needs to get Big Al round soon to get rid of the rubbish. I get home and find he’s true to his word and didn’t slope off after removing a couple of tiles and relieving me of my stock of PG Tips. I have a room with a toilet, no sink, no bath, no floor and no tiles. I am impressed by Danny’s work and he’s even hoovered the stairs for me and everything’s nice and tidy and Big Al has indeed been round and got rid of the old suite and tiles. I think to myself, hurrah, everything’s going to be ok after all. Although he did leave a teabag in the sink. Why can’t people put teabags in the bin?

Before and after pics of the toilet:

Day 2
Danny’s here bright and early at 8ish. He asks to use my phone to get his office to ring him back on his mobile.  He says the sink’s going in today which is going to take a long time as the pipes have to go in the wall. He says a carpenter may be here too as some of my floorboards are horrendous and need replacing. I get home and half the sink is on the wall and there is new boarding on the floor where the bath will go. Also he’s cleaned the kitchen and tidied up the front room. That was nice of him. All that housework must have made him thirsty though as today there were 3 teabags in the sink.

Before and after pics of the sink:

Day 3
Danny’s here bright and early again just after 8 but says he was on the way here when a lorry opened its door and smashed into the side of his van and damaged the door and smashed the window and he has to go back to the yard as the insurance people will want to see the van asap. He uses my phone again to ring his office.  He says the bath was supposed to be going in today but he’ll see if he can send someone else down. Uh oh. Doesn’t sound good. But I get home and he has been back as there’s a bath where a big bath sized gap was but, uh oh, there’s a note from him saying can I wait for him in the morning as there’s a couple of props [sic] with the bath and taps. Waa!!

Before and after pic of bath:

Day 4
Danny’s here bright and early at 7:45. He says the taps don’t fit the bath. He’s showing me something under the bath and saying something about how any idiot could see that they won’t fit, but what with me not being a plumber, I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. He said I could choose some different taps. I said I liked the taps I’ve got so he said I could choose a new bath. I said he could go to B&Q and just get me any old bath as long as it’s plain and white. He said ok then, he’ll do that and off he went. So I went off to work thinking that I was going to come home to a new bath, complete with taps. Duh. He hasn’t been back.

Day 5
Danny’s not here bright and early today. He’s not even here by the time I go to work. I get a call in the afternoon from B&Q to say that the fitters were wondering when I was going to go and collect a new bath. I said I don’t even drive, I can’t go and get a bath and anyway, Danny said he was going to go and get a bath for me. B&Q said can I tell the fitters that. I ring the fitters and speak to the old dragon who answers the phone there. She says that Danny didn’t say that and they don’t go round choosing baths for people in case they don’t like what they’ve chosen. I said I don’t mind what bath I get, I just want a bath and can they get one for me. She said no. I said I can’t choose a bath. I said how will I know if the taps will fit a bath I choose, I’m not a plumber. Dragon lady just kept saying blah blah blah, we don’t choose baths, Danny’s working up here now, blah blah blah. I ring B&Q and say Dragon Lady says they won’t get me a bath, can you choose a bath for me and I need it delivered tomorrow, I haven’t had a bath for a week and I want a bath installed asap, my bathroom should be finished by now and I’m getting frustrated by it all. Girl on phone says she’ll speak to the designer and get him to see what baths I can get. Riaz the designer phones me back at 5:15 and says that it’s the pop up waste unit that’s causing the problem and if I get a standard waste unit then the taps will fit. I say can I get one in the Lea Bridge Road store, as I can come tomorrow and pick it up? He says yes, he’ll leave one out for me and he’ll be in the store anyway. Hurrah! I stop being on the verge of tears and go home happy(er). Okay, I went out to the pub happy(er).

Day 6
I go to the Lea Bridge Road B&Q and say to the man on the customer services desk that Riaz was leaving out a bath waste unit for me but I don’t know where to pick it up from. He says to go down to the showroom and see the girl down there and she’ll sort it out for me. I go down and see Maryam and she says Riaz is running a bit late. Riaz was obviously running very late as some people were there waiting for their 12:30 bathroom consultation appointment and it was 1:30. Riaz eventually turns up and sends Maryam off to get me a waste unit. I get my waste unit and say will this fix the problem. She says, well, it might, you can try it. Waa!!!!! That’s not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that it was definitely going to solve the problem and I can have my bath installed. I get home and ring the installation service and speak to a rude old dragon and ask her if she can get hold of the fitters to make sure that someone was coming first thing Monday morning. She said she couldn’t because it was a Saturday. I said don’t you have an emergency number or mobile number or something? She said no, I’ll have to ring them Monday morning. I said fuck off you unhelpful old bag and hung up. Actually, I didn’t say that, I just said thank you, bye, then rang again hoping I would get someone more helpful and I did. A nice man called Sam said he’d ring the fitters on their mobile and ring me back. He rang me back almost immediately and said that he got the office answerphone and the mobile was switched off but he’ll leave a voice message and keep trying the mobile for me. I have no doubt that Sam is not spending the entire afternoon trying to get hold of the fitters for me but at least he was more helpful than the unhelpful old bag. Riaz the designer said in the beginning that my bathroom would take two or three days to be done, Danny the plumber said it’d be five days. It’s been five days and all I have at the mo is a toilet, half a sink and a bath with no taps (the words chocolate and teapot spring to mind). There’s plastering, painting, tiling and flooring still to be done. Grr.

How not to run a 10k

I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure one of the fundamental rules of running is to stay upright. So guess who ended up face down on the path? And how did you do that, I hear you ask. Well, I was watching two guys tackling each other on the football pitch the course ran through and thinking hmm, that football’s a bit too close for my liking, hope it doesn’t come onto the path and trip me up when – oh yes – as soon as I thought na, it’s ok, it’s nowhere near me, the bastard thing is there under my feet and sends me flying. Waa!!!!!

Look, I’ve got injuries, here’s my injured elbow:
And here’s me checking out my injured knee:

But being the brave little soldier I am, after I’d stopped crying like a complete wuss, I thanked the three girls who picked me up and swore at the footballers on my behalf, and carried on (hoping my mascara hadn’t run, in true vain girly stylee). And I even carried on to beat my target time of 1 hour 10 minutes and finished in 1 hour 8 minutes, woo, go me!

Why are my races always disasters? First I’m injured after the Crisis 3.5 miler and unable to hardly walk, let alone run, for 2 months; then I go the wrong way at the Savitri 5k and now I’ve been attacked by a football. Grr. What’s going to happen next time? I’m not sure I want to know.

Still, apart from that minor detail, it was a great day. The weather was lovely and me and my friends went for pizza afterwards. And as my hangover can testify, we spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in the pub. Me and Gary ended up in our ex-local pub that we used to drink in and get £1 a pint back in 1993 and had a game of pool and bet pizza like we used to (although that was in the days when we were poor and our limited finances only stretched to frozen pizza from Somerfield) and I won, hurrah! Although I only won because he potted the black and not, unfortunately, because I thrashed him with my outstanding pool playing abilities.

Bathroom update:
Work has started on my bathroom. I have a room with a toilet in it now, but no bath, sink, tiles or floor. It’s exciting. Yes, I’m that sad. I said to the bathroom fitter man this morning, when I come home tonight, will I have a new toilet. He said yes. I said ooh, that’s exciting although probably not to you as you see new toilets every day. He didn’t disagree with me. He didn’t think much of my tea making skills though as he left the tea I made him but had made himself another one. Ho hum.

Miles: 6.30
Total time: 1:08:41
Average pace: 10:53 minute/mile
Average speed: 5.5mph
Max speed: 7.1mph
Total calories: 622
Weather: 64F
Footballs trying to scupper my chances of finishing: 1
New toilets: 1

Countdown to my first 10k

Tonight’s run was a short two miles, the last run before the 10k on Sunday. I went out with my new running accessory, which I bought as I got a bit spooked after a girl got attacked over the marshes a couple of weeks ago and decided to upgrade my personal safety. So now if anyone tries to mug me, attack me, or even just try to talk to me when I’m in a bad mood, they’re going to get 100 decibels down their eardrums, whilst hopefully alerting the local knight in shining armour that there’s a damsel in distress who needs rescuing.

People keep asking me if I’m prepared for the 10k. I am more this week than I was last week. Last week I wanted to back out of it but then I bought myself some new running clothes and that motivated me. It’s a girl thing.

And as well as asking me if I’m prepared, I’m also getting comments like “you’d better memorise the map” (thanks Gary) and “at least if you’re doing laps there’s less chance of you getting lost” (thanks Bernard). Anyone would think I have no sense of direction.

Bathroom update:
I finally got a works schedule from B&Q which said something about making good the walls after taking off existing tiles not included in the price and would be quoted after the pre-fit survey. As I didn’t get a pre-fit survey due to the man not having any plans I rang B&Q and said I didn’t know what was included as I didn’t get a pre-fit survey. The not particularly bothered man said no, it won’t be included and you’ll have to have a pre-fit survey. I said that if I had to pay any more then I was cancelling the whole thing as it’s been delayed enough and I’ve already been living with the bathroom suite in my front room for the last three weeks because the fitters couldn’t begin to install it on 9 October like they were supposed to and if I’ve got to have a pre-fit survey, then it’s going to be delayed even more. Not particularly bothered man said that he’d ring the fitters and see what was happening and that he’d ring me back. Not particularly bothered man obviously couldn’t be bothered to ring me back as the woman I spoke to on Tuesday rang me and said am I cancelling the whole thing if any extra work’s not included? I said yes, that’s right. She said, if you continue with the installation then we’ll cover any additional work that needs doing. So I said ok then, can I have that in writing and are the fitters still booked to come on Monday and she said yes you can have it in writing and yes the fitters are still booked. So, hurrah, I’m getting my new bathroom at last. Although I’ve yet to get in writing about the free additional works and hopefully the fitters won’t forget about me again.

I really should have gone to MFI.

Oh, and can someone tell me why my Garmin says I’m burning less calories than I used to? It used to be about 100 a mile, now it’s about 75. I haven’t changed my profile on it. Does it just assume I’m fitter now that I’ve been running for a few months? Gadgets can’t just go around assuming things, bloody cheek.

Anyway, I am now officially resting until Sunday, so I’ll update after then and post my report which hopefully won’t contain anything about me going the wrong way.

Miles: 2.02
Total time: 22:13
Average pace: 10:59 minute/mile
Average speed: 5.5mph
Max speed: 8.1mph
Total calories: 154
Weather: 64F
New running accessories: 1
Jeff Buckley – Murder Suicide Meteor Slave
Transvision Vamp – Andy Warhol’s Dead
Kasabian – L.S.F. (Lost Souls Forever)
Ween – The Stallion Pt. 3
Ash – Goldfinger
The Fall – Victoria

Today’s excuses

Woo, I have lots of excuses today as to why I, once again, made a pathetic effort in my 10k training.

Firstly, as someone got attacked over the marshes recently and I was dreaming about it last night, I decided not to go over there this morning, especially as it was dark, grey and raining so I thought there might not be any dog walkers or cyclists over there and I didn’t fancy being over there on my own at the mercy of a random rapist. So instead I took to the mean streets of E17 which isn’t as pretty as the marshes and there is a distinct lack of cows and horses. Although I did see a ginger man carrying flowers. I suppose when you’re ginger you need all the help you can get.

Secondly, as it was raining, I put on a waterproof top. Bad idea. The b*****d thing was flapping around all over the place and v. uncomfortable. But, what with every cloud having a silver lining and that, that means that I need some new running clothes, so I will have to go shopping for some, hurrah!

Thirdly, I got too hot due to having a long sleeved top on.

Fourthly, my trousers kept falling down. It’s not funny. Stopping in the street to pull my trousers up isn’t the kind of cool, sophisticated look I try to go for. Although cool sophistication doesn’t really come into it when I’m huffing, puffing and shuffling down the street.

Fifthly, um, I’m sure there was one but a combination of the above will do. Different route, uncomfortable clothes and, most importantly, no cows.

So, should I back out of the 10k next Sunday? It’s only a week tomorrow and I’m not going to improve by then and I can only do 4 miles at a push. B*****ks.

Search engine query of the day: B&Q bathroom disaster

Seems I’m not the only one then. I’ve sacked B&Q. Phoned them yesterday and said come and collect your bathroom, I’m cancelling everything. Nice man on the phone asked if he could ask why.

I said because there’s a bath panel missing, there’s not enough paint, there’s no paint for the woodwork, the fitter came round to do a pre-fit survey but couldn’t as he had no drawings or plans, the fitters were supposed to start work on the 9th but they didn’t have any record of it, I have no works schedule or anything itemised so I don’t know what I’m paying for and what you are and are not going to do and I have lost all confidence in you.

Nice man on the phone said, um, let me see if there’s anything I can offer you to make you change your mind. Nice man came back and said no, he couldn’t think of anything.

Back to square one on the bathroom front then. Well, almost, still waiting for B&Q to ring me to say when they’re going to come and collect the bathroom suite that’s living in my front room.

Never mind, I’ve waited nearly 5 years for a new bathroom, I can wait a bit more. Don’t really want to pay B&Q thousands of pounds to f**k it up when I can pay someone else thousands of pounds to do it properly.

Miles: 4.13
Total time: 48:09
Average pace: 11:40 minute/mile
Average speed: 5.1mph
Max speed: 6.9mph
Total calories: 363
Ginger men carrying flowers: 1
Cows: 0
Hot Chip – Keep Fallin’
Stereo Total – Nationale 7
Ash – Uncle Pat
The Crescent – Parallel
Hot Chip – Baby Said
Radical Dance Faction- Firepower
Cardiacs – Victory
Franz Ferdinand – Outsiders
Manic Street Preachers – My Guernica
Ween – Laura
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Our Time
Sultans of Ping FC – You Talk Too Much

You can’t do it when you B&Q it

Another feeble run by me today. My training schedule said to do 4.5 miles and I’m assuming it meant running so I did 3.2 miles and walked a lot of it. Maybe something to do with the amount of crap I’ve eaten over the last two weeks since my pledge of no pizza and chocolate ended? Should have said I’d give it up for a year. Or maybe for ever, eek!

It doesn’t look like my cheque for the 10k got lost in the post as I was hoping, as I got an email from them yesterday saying the race packs are currently being sent out and I should receive it soon. Damn, looks like I’ve got to do it after all. And only two more weeks to train, as I don’t think any training in the week leading up to the race makes any difference. Oops, I’d better start doing some proper training then.

Oh and if you’re getting a new bathroom, don’t go to B&Q. The incompetent fools. First they can’t find my house because it’s not on their GPS system, then they can’t do the pre-fit survey because they didn’t bring the drawings, then they don’t deliver the right stuff, then when I ring the fitters to see what time they’re coming on Monday they have no record of the installation being arranged and said they’ll ring B&Q to see what’s happening and they’ll ring me back. They don’t ring back so today I rang B&Q and they said that as far as they’re concerned the installation is starting on Monday and they’ll ring the fitters and ring me back. Have they rung me back? Have they b*****ks.


Miles: 3.29
Total time: 40:23
Average pace: 12:15 minute/mile
Average speed: 4.9mph
Max speed: 6.5mph
Total calories: 307
Scissor Sisters – Electrobix
The Damned – There Ain’t no Sanity Clause
I-Monster – Everyone’s a Loser
Scissor Sisters – Comfortably Numb
Soft Cell – Tainted Love
Manic Street Preachers – Repeat (Stars and Stripes)
Stereo Total – Wir Tanzen im 4-eck
The Police – Canary in a Coalmine
The Who – You Better You Bet
Boomtown Rats – Like Clockwork

Good days and bad days

Had a bad running day today. Only managed 3.2 miles with two walking breaks 🙁 Why does that happen? After Monday’s good running day of 5 miles I started thinking about a 10k and got an entry form for one at the end of October, but now I’m not so sure. Hmm.

My best runs seem to be on a Saturday morning after drinking and eating pizza the night before and not eating anything before running quite soon after getting up. Last night I had no alcohol and a healthy dinner and had breakfast today and went running at lunchtime. So maybe I really am powered by pizza?

I would have gone out earlier but I had to wait in the for the B&Q man. He rang to say his GPS thingy didn’t have my house number on it but he was at the park and could see my road. I tried to explain that if he could see the park then he was near enough at my house. He said he was going to drive around the block a few times until he found my house. If he could see my road, why he couldn’t have just got out of his car and walked up the road until he got to my house, I don’t know. My road isn’t exactly big. It’s only got about six houses on each side. Maybe it’s like people who search for a lost remote control for 10 minutes instead of going over to the telly and turning it over. Even when he got here he wasn’t much use. He didn’t have the plans with him and if I asked him anything, he just said “er, don’t really know…” and I was only asking him stuff about what was going to happen with the bathroom, I wasn’t asking him to do advanced mathematics or spell a long word or anything. I’m not having much faith in them doing a good job.

Nothing much to report out today. There was a pensioner picking up grass or something, wasn’t quite sure what he was doing. He wasn’t wearing much though which wasn’t a very pretty sight.

Miles: 3.22
Total time: 38.18
Average pace: 11:53 minute/mile
Average speed: 5.0mph
Max speed: 6.5mph
Total calories: 275
Weather: 68F
Stupid men from B&Q: 1
Pensioners not wearing much: 1
Days without pizza and chocolate: 7
Blondie – Nothing is Real but the Girl
Bobby Conn – The Homeland
The Cult – War (The Process)
Hole – Be a Man
Rachel Stamp – Stealing Clothes From Shelley Barrett
The Kooks – Jackie Big Tits
Sonic Youth – Disappearer
Basement Jaxx – Where’s Your Head At
Human League – Non-Stop

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