Salomon XT Wings Challenge – the end

As today is the last day for my Salomon XT Wings Challenge, I have to make up the shortfall of the 100 miles which is about ten miles. Eek. I had promised Monica I would go up to Alexandra Palace but that would work out more like 15 miles and I’m feeling lazy and Monica is currently in Italy and therefore will never ever find out so I decide to go round Victoria Park and I get out the door and hurrah, there’s two new clean and shiny recycling bins on the wall and I’m wondering which ones they are that I ordered as I ordered two twice online and two on the phone as they were taking about sixteen million years to deliver them so maybe I’m going to get four more and they’ll think I’m greedy but my one disappeared one day and so I stole my next door neighbour’s recycling bin as she hasn’t lived there for about two years and her latest tenants had moved out but then the day after I stole her recycling bin I saw her and she said she was moving back in and I’m thinking you haven’t lived here for two years and now you move back in the day after I steal your recycling bin? and I’m feeling guilty for stealing her recycling bin but the next time the recycling bins get emptied I don’t get my stolen one back and now it doesn’t matter as I have my own bins now that aren’t stolen and I’m thinking guilt free recycling bins are the best ones to have and I get to the marshes and I’m wondering whether to miss out Springfield Park and I think if I skip it then I’ll miss out on my new favourite view and so I go into the park and there’s some kids there doing some running thing and then about 20 million more kids come down the hill and I’m thinking there must be some kind of sports day going on and then another 20 million kids come down the hill and I’m thinking this is a bad day to be in the park and I get up the hill and there’s a man on the bench where the God Women were the other day and I wonder if he’s a God Person but he doesn’t appear to have any magazines with him and I get past him without being offered any magazines and I see my new favourite view which isn’t as good as usual and I’m thinking the novelty must have wore off and I’ll have to wait until August when I go up some mountains and as I’m going past where the cows used to live and will hopefully live again come July there’s a man with no shirt on walking up the path towards the bridge and I’m wondering if I should follow the man with no shirt on over the bridge or should I go over the road and I decide to go over the road in case the man with no shirt on is dodgy which he might well be seeing as he’s over the marshes with no shirt on and without a dog to make him look less dodgy and as I get to the sex change pub I see a sign for a hypnotist

and it reminds me of my dream last night when I dreamt that I was in the pub smoking and Paul McKenna came over and said he could stop me smoking and I said to him I don’t actually smoke, I haven’t smoked for two and a half years and I don’t know why I’m smoking this and after I’ve finished this packet, I’ll stop again and also in my dream was a photo of me and Tracey looks at the photo and says were you half the weight you are now and I say yes and also half the age and when I wake up I’m thinking I must be feeling old and fat but at least the fat bit is my fault.

After I’ve finished being reminded of dreams about hypnotists and old photos I go through to the Middlesex Filter Beds which apparently were used to clean the water for the residents of North London until 1969 which is the year I was born so they obviously didn’t think I was worthy of clean water and thought I should just drink sewage or something and then I stop to take a photo of which I assume is a pump from the olden days when they used to clean the water and not try to kill me with sewage.

And another one.

And then there’s the plaque about the magic fish.

But you can’t see the magic fish, all you can see is weeds.

And I’m thinking Hackney Council need to get their gardeners on the case as I couldn’t see the deer the other day because of the weeds and now I can’t see the magic fish although I have seen the magic fish and they’re a bit crap really but it’s typical that the one day I want to take a photo of the magic fish I can’t.

I get to the end of the marshes and decide I don’t want to go to Victoria Park and I carry on going round and there’s a man on a bicycle and he stops to look at the helicopter that’s flying overhead.

And it’s just hovering in the sky and I’m thinking it must be looking for an escaped convict or something and I don’t want to be in the marshes with an escaped convict and so I think I’d better get out of there and then a man comes towards me and I’m wondering if he’s an escaped convict and I decide he’s not as he’s got two dogs with him and then when I get to the end of the foresty bit there’s another man coming towards me and I decide he does look like an escaped convict but not one that’s likely to murder me, maybe he just didn’t pay his TV licence or something and I must be looking at him like I think he’s an escaped TV licence payment dodging convict as he waves and says hello and I give him a sort of half smile and I carry on and get over the bridge back to Walthamstow and leave Hackney the home of the escaped convict and I decide to go up past the river and as I’m going over the boardwalk and I can see the helicopter still there hovering in the sky and then it turns towards me and I’m wondering if it’s a guardian helicopter and it’s come to look after me while I’m in the marshes but then it turns in the opposite direction and I decide it hasn’t come to look after me after all and I’m hoping the cows come back soon as they’re due back in July and then I get onto the path and decide to run again and then something wiggles across the path and I jump over it and then I’m thinking IT’S A SNAKE! How cool, I’ve never seen a snake over the marshes before and I get my camera out but it’s too quick and wiggles into the grass and I go to have a look but I can’t see it any more and I think bollocks, I wanted a picture of a snake but the snake is gone and the rest of the journey is pretty uneventful and there’s no more hypnotists, men without shirts, helicopters, escaped convicts or snakes, just this broken tree

and I’m wondering how the tree got broken and I get to the park and I’m not sure if I’ve done my 100 miles yet so I decide to do another half a mile and I’m skipping through my iPod to find an uplifting song and Is This The Life by Cardiacs comes on and I think how perfect it is that my favourite band in the whole world ever ever ever are going to be the soundtrack to the finish of my 100 mile challenge.

Distance: 10.06 miles
Time: 2:17:37
Pace: 13:41
Calories: 837
Hypnotists: 1
Filterbeds not working since 1969: 1
Magic fish: 0
Helicopters: 1
Escaped TV licence payment dodging convicts: 1
Cows: 0
Snakes: 1
Broken trees: 1
Salomon XT Wings Challenges successfully completed: 1
Juneathons completed: 20/24
Stereo Total
Rolling Stones
Graham Coxon
The Smiths
The Mission
Miles completed
100.42 out of 100 / end of challenge

Hampstead Midsummer 10k race report

I still haven’t learnt how to prepare for a race and I sit up late drinking and watching BB on Saturday night and don’t go to bed ’til 3am and I wake up at 6:30 and remember I’ve got a race and my alarm will be going off at 7 and I’m wondering if I can be bothered to go to the race and I’m thinking Golders Green is far north and why do people go there to get married and I think oh no, that’s Gretna Green which is even further north and I’m still trying to decide whether or not to go to the race and my alarm goes off and it reminds me of the olden days when I had a job and I lie there for 40 minutes listening to my alarm and thinking I should go to the race, I’ve paid for it, in fact I paid twice so I should definitely go and apparently you get a mug and I’ve never got a mug in a race before so I get up and get ready and leave the house at 8:30 and I get to Golders Green at 9:30 and there’s a couple on the tube and the man’s wearing shorts and I wonder if he’s going to the race and I can follow them to the start but I can’t decide if he’s a runner or not, he might just be wearing shorts today as it’s sunny and I get off the tube and as I’m standing on the corner peering confusedly at my map the man who was on the tube comes over and asks if I’m doing the race and I say yes, do you know where it is? and he says the newspaper vendor said it was this way and so I walk up to the race with the couple and I say to the girl you’re good, willing to stand around for an hour waiting for him and she says she decided to be supportive and it’s the first race she’s gone with him to but doesn’t think she’d wait at any races longer than a 10k and especially not if it’s raining and the man hasn’t got a number so he queues for his number and I put my bag away and we go to the start line and I say bye, good luck and the race starts and we have to go up the longest hill in the world ever and I think oh no, I’ve got to do that three times and I wonder how the speedy types will lap me as the pavements are narrow and after the first lap there’s a man spraying people with a hose and I think I don’t want to get my hair wet but I can’t avoid Hose Man and I think I don’t want to be sprayed by Hose Man another two times and after a couple of miles I’m getting lapped by lots of fit blokes and I think actually maybe laps aren’t so bad as then I get to see lots of fit blokes and as well as the longest hill in the world ever is a nice downhill bit but I’d better get used to hills anyway because I’m going to be seeing three very big hills when I do the Three Peaks Challenge in August and then I’m doing a lot of walking and my bladder is telling me maybe it was a mistake to drink three-quarters of a litre of orange juice just before the race and the marshals are very friendly and they’re clapping and I start to run again as it’s embarrassing to walk past a marshal and someone behind me says thanks marshal and I wonder how many marshals are called Marshal and I know a clerk called Clark and I walk/run the rest of the race and get to the finish and get my medal but there’s no signs of any mugs, only watermelon and I can’t see anyone with a mug and I think bloody hell, I got up early after only 4 hours’ sleep and I don’t even get a mug and I get back to the changing rooms and I still haven’t seen anyone with a mug and on the table are bottles of champagne for the speedy types and I unsurprisingly don’t see one with my name on it but I look at my Garmin and it tells me today I got a PB. Hurrah.

Racing bling

Today’s route


Distance: 6.22 miles
Time: 1:06:33
Pace: 10:43 m/m
Calories: 625
Longest hills in the world ever: 3
Men with hoses: 1
Fit blokes lapping me: lots
Medals: 1
Mugs: 0
PBs: 1
Juneathons completed: 18/22
Jeff Buckley
Ting Tings
The B52s
The Beatles
The White Stripes
Mark Ronson
Bobby Conn
Miles completed so far
89.23 out of 100 / 2 days left

All Niked up and somewhere to go

I dream Canary Wharf is burning down and I escape by boat and the boat’s heading in the direction of an iceberg and I wake up and try to get back to sleep as I want to see the iceberg as I don’t think you get many icebergs in the Docklands but I can’t get back to sleep so I get up and look out of the spare room window to see if Canary Wharf is still there but there’s a tree in the way so I think I’ll check on it when I go through the marshes and I get dressed in my new running kit which comprises a pink Nike t-shirt

three-quarter length Nike trousers

and some running socks

and all for the princely sum of about £20 and I think I’m getting good at being poor although I don’t have to be poor any more since I got my old job back and I get to the marshes and I can see the Gherkin but I can’t see Canary Wharf and I think ohhhhhhhhhhhh, maybe it really did burn down overnight but then I see it and I think hurrah, Canary Wharf hasn’t burnt down after all and I go round Springfield Park and there aren’t any God People in there today trying to give me magazines and I get to the bridge and there’s a piece of graffiti

although as it’s only one piece of graffiti, that would actually make it a graffito and I wonder what it means and it’s a question not a statement and I wonder if I’m running for my life and I decide I’m not and on the other side of a bridge is a ramp

and I think bloody hell, the amount of times I’ve crossed this bridge and I never noticed there was a ramp before and I get home and decide to go out shopping this afternoon to veganise my fridge in preparation for 1 July.

Today’s route


Distance: 3.88 miles
Time: 43:01
Pace: 11:05 m/m
Calories: 356
New running t-shirts: 1
New running trousers: 1
New pairs of running socks: 2
Canary Wharfs not burnt down: 1
Graffitos: 1
Ramps: 1
Veganised fridges: 1
Juneathons completed: 17/20
Manic Street Preachers
Soft Cell
Jeff Buckley
P J Harvey
Basement Jaxx
Ting Tings
Miles completed so far
83.01 out of 100 / 4 days left

Out with the new, in with the old

Tuesday of last week I email my old boss and ask for my job back and he emails me back and says it’s fine with him but he’ll have to check with the HR woman who’s off ’til Monday. He emails me on Monday and says HR woman here has to check with HR in head office in Liverpool and he’ll email me the next day and when did I have in mind to start back and I say I don’t mind really, I can start any time although it would be nice to have a few days off first. He emails me back on Tuesday and says they’re waiting for a call from Liverpool but he’s confident he’ll receive the ok and can I start back on Monday 30 June and I write back and say can I come back on Tuesday 1 July as I’m going to Cornwall at the weekend and he writes back and says that’s fine. He emails me this morning and says HR here are waiting for one thing and he should get the go ahead later today. He emails me later and says yes it’s fine, I can go back to work and he’ll see me on 1 July. So from 1 July I will no longer be an unemployed pikey and a few days ago I decided not to drink in July and for some reason last night I decided to be vegan in July so during the month of July I shall be an employed tee-total vegan.

After I’ve recovered from the shock of my lady of leisure life being taken away from me, I go to the gym and after I’ve been to the gym I go into TK Maxx and buy myself some new sports gear and also some new not sports gear but a cool hoody with pink and black striped sleeves and some black combats which I think are probably going to be too small but after a month of being a tee-total vegan should fit. Hopefully.
Juneathon stats:
Walking: 4 miles / 80 minutes
Cross-trainer: 1.55 miles / 15 minutes
Bike: 3.1 miles / 15 minutes
Rowing machine: 15 minutes
Treadmill: 1 mile / 9.5 minutes
New old jobs: 1
Tee-total vegans: 1
Miles completed so far
79.13 out of 100 / 5 days left

The Deerhunter

I get up this morning and decide to go to Victoria Park to visit the deer, also taking in Springfield Park which I’ve always been too scared to go in to, due to it looking like a park that kept appearing in a recurring dream I used to have, but Adele said it’s a lovely park and I should go in there and on the way there’s a dummy hanging off the bridge

and I wonder if it belongs to the screaming brat that was in Sainsbury’s yesterday as that could have done with a dummy to shut the thing up and then I get to Springfield Park

and it looks a bit hilly for my liking and so I walk up the hill and at the top of the hill are two women sitting on a bench and one of them says hello so I say hello back and she gets up and comes towards me and shows me a magazine called Awake! and on the front of it it says “How well do you know your children?” and I say I don’t have any children and she says I’ll show you this one instead and she goes to give me a magazine and I say I’m sorry, I can’t carry anything, I’m just out for a run and she says oh, ok, and I carry on walking and then I’m thinking I’d better start running as I just told the God Woman I was out for a run and if she sees me walking she’ll think I’m a liar and I’m not sure what happens if you lie to God People and I think they throw lightening at you or something so I start to run and then I get to a pond and it has a pond dipping platform

and I haven’t a clue what a pond dipping platform is and as far as I’m concerned it’s a photo based emergency platform and I go onto the photo based emergency platform and take a photo

and I get round the corner and I feel like I’m on top of a mountain and there’s a great view

and Springfield Park certainly is lovely and shall feature in future runs and then I’m running alongside the river and I see some swans sleeping

and I get to the Princess of Wales pub which I found out recently used to be called the Prince of Wales until Diana mania set in and now boaters call it the sex change pub.

I eventually get to Victoria Park

and I look for the deer pen and I find what I think is the deer pen but I can’t see any deer, all I can see are weeds

and I think bloody hell, I’ve come all this way to see deer and all I get to see is weeds and then I come across a garden

and a squirrel who stays still long enough for me to take its photo

and then I head back home and do half a lap of the park to take me up to ten miles and then I get home and because I am very stupid, I put the wrong postage on the envelope for my original entry form for this Sunday’s Hampstead 10k and because my cheque didn’t get cashed, I assumed it was languishing in a Post Office somewhere in North London so I re-entered online and got my race number last week and then today the postman has brought me my postal entry number so I have two numbers now. Any takers?

Today’s route


Distance: 10.23 miles
Time: 2:24:05
Pace: 14:05 m/m
Calories: 826
Dummies: 1
Parks: 3
God Women: 2
Sleeping swans: 5
Sex change pubs: 1
Deer: 0
Squirrels staying still: 1
Numbers for the same race: 2
Juneathons completed: 15/18
Primal Scream
Jesus & Mary Chain
Manic Street Preachers
Modest Mouse
Soft Cell
Polyphonic Spree
Bee Gees
Bobby Conn
Duran Duran
Foo Fighters
Jeff Buckley
P J Harvey
Miles completed so far
78.13 out of 100 / 6 days left

Juneathon Day 16

I am woken by scratching and scrabbling noises in the attic and I wonder what it is and Amanda emails me and says it’s squirrels and they’re going to eat my entire house and I think I don’t really want my entire house to be eaten by squirrels and I do some investigating on the internet and it says to play loud music and I wonder if there’s any music in particular squirrels don’t like but later on they’ve shut up and I decide to do my three mile route round the marshes as I haven’t got long to complete my Salomon Challenge and also I haven’t forgotten it’s Juneathon and I’m already down three days on that and I’m not going to win Joggerblogger’s cat and I get my personal alarm and my wireless headphones as my normal headphones have broken and as I’m waiting for my Garmin to get a signal I see Bad Cat’s Friend and before I get to the footbridge there’s a work’s vehicle on the pavement so I jump over the wall and go through the carpark but there’s a digger thing there and I think how am I supposed to get through? and the man stops the digger thing to let me go past and I go over the footbridge and past the stables and onto the path and through the bridge and back down the boring bit and there’s a squirrel and I think why don’t the squirrels stay over the marshes instead of coming to live in my attic and then I’m home and as usual I haven’t managed to do my three mile route in 30 minutes.


Distance: 3.03 miles
Time: 32:31
Pace: 10:45 m/m
Calories: 285
Noises in attic: lots
Bad Cat’s Friends: 1
Squirrels in marshes: 1
Juneathons completed: 13/16
Black Kids
Miles completed so far
67.45 out of 100 / 8 days left

Terrapins and Tofu Love Frogs

Because Adele asked Londonjogger on her blog if she’d seen the terrapins in Clissold Park, I think I WANT TO SEE THE TERRAPINS and decide to venture over there and look for myself and I consult the A-Z and I think I know the way and when I get to the marshes, all the geese come to say hello to me

and they’re saying hello in a hissing kind of way and I’m glad they’re behind railings and I’m trying to remember the last time I went to Clissold Park and it must have been at an anti-Criminal Justice Act festival in the early 90s and I wonder how we got there as we certainly wouldn’t have walked and we certainly wouldn’t have had any money for taxis and I decide we probably got a bus and I’m trying to remember who played and I think there was a band with Frog in their name or something but I can’t remember and I go through the marina onto Spring Hill and it’s not lying about being a hill

and there’s a sign that says if you drop litter you’ll get fined £50,000

and I think bloody hell, £50,000 just for dropping a carrier bag? that’s steeper than the hill I’m about to run up and how would they get their £50,000? If I got fined £50,000 I’d have to sell my house to pay for it and I decide that it might be a good idea to just not drop any carrier bags in the first place and then I’ll still have somewhere to live and then I’m in Stamford Hill and I get to Abney Park Cemetery

and I think ah, I saw that in the A-Z, maybe I can cut through here to Clissold Park but I don’t know the way and I don’t even know if you’re allowed to run in cemeteries but then a man jogs past me so I decide it must be ok after all and so I go into the cemetery and it’s like a forest.

And in the middle of all this greenery is a single red rose.

And a grave with a lion on top

and I decide I want a lion on my grave but then I think no I don’t actually, I just want to be thrown in the sea and I’ll stick to Plan A and being thrown in the sea is probably a lot cheaper than having a big fuck off lion on your grave and I’m still running in the cemetery forest and I’m a bit lost and don’t know where I am and wonder why I keep getting lost in forests and it didn’t look very big on the A-Z so I can’t be far away from civilisation and I don’t want to be lost in the cemetery all day as I WANT TO SEE THE TERRAPINS and I eventually get to a bigger path and I see a gate and it’s the gate I came in so I’ve just gone round in a circle so I go down Stoke Newington Church Street and go past a shop that in the olden days repaired fountain pens

and I wonder how many people took their fountain pens in to be repaired and I wonder when Bics were invented and people didn’t have to take them in to be repaired, they just chucked them away but hopefully not in Spring Hill because then they’d get fined £50,000 and then I eventually get to Clissold Park and Emily told me to stop practising looking at trees because there are no trees in Cornwall but to practise looking at fields instead and I wonder if this is a field

and I decide it isn’t really but it’s the nearest I’m going to get to a field today as later I’m going to the Barbican and therefore will be surrounded by nothing but concrete and then I get to a lake

and I go up to the railings and I peer down into the water to look for terrapins but I can’t see any and then I’m hugely disappointed and I carry on going and I see a swan in the middle of the lake so I go over for a closer look and THE SWAN IS SITTING ON A LOG WITH TERRAPINS. Hooray for terrapins.

And I thought terrapins were little and lived in goldfish bowls and I would have thought these were turtles but what do I know? I only found out the difference between a crow and a blackbird last year and then I carry on going round Clissold Park and get back to where I came in and I head back home and go down Spring Hill

remembering to take care not to accidentally drop a carrier bag in case I have to sell my house to pay for the fine, therefore rendering me homeless like being jobless wasn’t enough for the time being and on the bridge is a sign for a festival

and it says the Tofu Love Frogs are playing and I think fuck me, that’s the name of the band I was trying to remember and I can’t remember if they were any good but I’ve got a race that day and so can’t go to the festival anyway.

Today’s route


Distance: 8.22 miles
Time: 1:46:39
Pace: 12:59 m/m
Calories: 724
Geese: lots
Hills: 1
Cemeteries: 1
Lions: 1
Fountain pen repair shops: 1
Terrapins: 3
Black Kids
PJ Harvey
5 o’Clock Heroes
Kate Nash
Miles completed so far
56.07 out of 100 / 10 days left

Mad dogs and Englishmen

I’m not a man and I’m only quarter English, so I must be a mad dog and I go out in the midday sun and get the train to the forest to practice looking at trees to acclimatise myself for my upcoming trip to Cornwall, as the frequent postings of photographs of verdant ruralness on Emily’s blog are making me a tad nervous, even if she did post a photo of a pavement for me to try and reassure me that there is a bit of concrete around.

I decide to be a sad cow and let my Garmin track me on the train and 4.31 miles and 14:02 minutes later I’m in the forest looking at trees.

And then there’s an uphill bit and I walk up it because I am a weed.

But what goes up must come down.

And it really is a beautiful sunny day and I had planned to run in the forest next week but instead I accidentally went and de-unemployed pikied myself and have to go and sit in an office all week instead instead of running around in the sunshine and practising being a country bumpkin.

And then I see a road and I think eek, I didn’t want to see a road yet, I’m still practising looking at trees but it’s a road without a pavement so it’s like those stupid roads in the countryside with no pavements.

Because I am not brave enough to go on roads without pavements, I stay in the forest but the path has disappeared and now there’s only mud.

And I get nice and muddy and I pass a man with a husky dog and come to a gate which appears to be locked and I’m wondering how to go over the gate and then I SEE A BUNNY!!

There is a bunny in that photo, honest. And then husky dog man just pulls the gate open as it is only pretending to be locked and I’m glad the bunny distracted me long enough so I didn’t try and climb over the gate that was pretending to be locked and look like a muppet.

Then as I’m going past some lake thing

“Last Chance on the Stairway” by Duran Duran comes on and starts off with what sounds like a cigarette being lit and someone inhaling and I’m thinking OH MY GOD, MILLIONS OF 11 YEAR OLD GIRLS LISTENED TO THEIR RECORDS AND THEY’RE ENCOURAGING SMOKING and then I’m thinking I started smoking when I was 11 and it would appear that it’s all Simon Le Bon’s fault and how much can I sue him for and I decide probably quite a lot as he’s probably worth a few quid.

And then when I’ve got over the shock of Simon Le Bon being to blame for millions of 11 year old smokers in the early 1980s I realise I’m a bit lost and haven’t a clue where I am and I come to another road and this one has a bit of a pavement on it and I run down it.

And I come to a residential area but I still don’t know where I am and it would appear I’m not even in London anymore as the road signs don’t have postcodes on them and then I see a sign that says I’m in Loughton and I think I could get the Central Line home but I don’t want to get the tube, I want to get back to Chingford and then I think aah, my Nokia N95 has GPS and maps on it, my N95 will get me home safely but it doesn’t want to get a satellite and the maps aren’t much help so I decide to go back the way I came and I see a duck or a goose or something

and there’s a baby one with it and I want to go closer and take its photo but the big duck or goose or whatever it is starts hissing at me and the baby duck or goose or whatever it is gets in the water and they all swim away and I’m still lost in the forest like Robert Smith and I’m wondering if I’m ever going to get home and then I remember my Garmin has a navigation thing on it but I don’t know how to use it and it doesn’t seem to make any sense and the start keeps moving and the arrow just moves around so I give up on that and trust my instincts that I’m going the right way and then eventually I come to a bit which a sign says is Chingford Plain

and I think this must be where I came in but it doesn’t look familiar but I am in the right place and I get the train and it’s still nice and sunny so I decide to get off two stops early and walk home but I don’t know the way so I consult my N95 and head off in what I hope is the right direction then I get to the medieval house

and I think hurrah, I know where I am now and I’m no longer lost and nearly home.

Today’s route

Distance: 6.56 miles
Time: 1:36:10 minutes
Pace: 14:40
Calories: 511
Trees: lots
Mud: lots
Roads without pavements: 1
Gates pretending to be locked: 1
Bunnies: 1
Ducks or geese: 3
Medieval houses: 1
Juneathons completed: 8/8
Duran Duran
Ting Tings
Foo Fighters
The Jam
Rolling Stones
Jeff Buckley
Miles completed so far
44.53 out of 100 / 16 days left

The sound of silence

After reading the sound v silence debate on Runner’s World, I am inspired to conduct my own experiment and go for a run without my iPod, although why there even needs to be a debate about it is beyond me as Walkmans were invented for running with, so really it should be compulsory.

Off I go without my iPod and have forgotten I haven’t got it with me before I’ve even got to the gate where I go to switch it on. I haven’t even got to the end of the road before I’ve tried to push in my headphones further into my ears. I start to run and I don’t think I like this running without music thing and I keep thinking someone’s running behind me but it’s just my trouser legs brushing against each other and I get to the traffic lights and there’s a dead mouse or bird or something but I don’t stop to take its photo and I go over the footbridge and it’s all echoey and scary and I need my iPod to protect me and I think why does it feel safer when I can’t hear anything around me, is it like when you’re a kid and you think an axe murderer has broken in to bludgeon you to death, you hide under the covers because that will obviously save you and further down the path is a green chili and I think how did that get there? but I don’t stop to take a photo and then I get to the bridge and I think oh no, I don’t want to go under the bridge without my iPod and as I’m going through the bridge THERE’S A MAN COMING TOWARDS ME AND HE HASN’T GOT A DOG and I think I’m going to have a heart attack but he walks past me without murdering me and then there’s a man with a dog and I’m wondering if maybe I’ve got it wrong about men without dogs and maybe it’s men with dogs you should watch out for but the man with dog is friendly and he says morning and I say morning back and then I see some cherries on the ground and I think there must be a cherry tree here and I look up and sitting in the cherry tree is a bird.

And then there’s a woman yapping away on her mobile and I’m thinking if I had my iPod on I could drown her out and then I’m home and my experiment has come to an end and I have come to the conclusion that I prefer running with music and maybe I should go and start a 16 page thread about it.

Distance: 2.96 miles
Time: 34:48 minutes
Pace: 11:45
Calories: 297
iPods: 0
Dead mice or birds or something: 1
Green chilis: 1
Men without dogs: 1
Men with dogs: 1
Cherries: lots
Birds sitting in cherry trees: 1
Women on mobile phones: 1
Juneathons completed: 7/7
Miles completed so far
37.97 out of 100 / 17 days left

New shoes on Thursday

Yesterday in the post came a letter from the crooks offering me a decent amount of compensation, so like any self-respecting money grabbing whore, I decide to take the money and run and I book a flight to Cornwall so I can go and visit Emily in a couple of weeks, yay.

And after I’ve finished getting letters from crooks and booking flights to Cornwall, I sit up late drinking, watching Lost and ringing people to laugh at them for being over 40 tomorrow and therefore officially old, I get up too late for the yogalates class I’d planned on going to at the gym.  Still, because I am not a wuss and because it’s still the month of June and therefore Juneathon must be done and also because it’s not the 24th yet and I still need to clock up 100 miles, I decide to run to the gym.

Because I’ve decided to ditch the Nike+ Sportband due to it being a worthless piece of crap, I put on my new shoes

although my new shoes are trail shoes and I can’t remember there being any trails between my house and the gym and they’re not very comfy but they get me to the gym in a weedy run/walk kind of way and I get to the gym and do 20 minutes on the rowing machine and go to do 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer but wimp out after 1k and then manage a feeble 2k on the bike and then I walk home and it’s 2:15 and I think where did the day go?

Distance: 2.07 miles
Time: 29:28 minutes
Pace: 14:15
Calories: 165
Letters from crooks: 1
Flights booked to Cornwall: 1
Runs to gym: 1
Walks back from gym: 1
Feeble efforts in the gym: 1
Juneathons completed: 5/5
The Beatles
Young Knives
Plain White Ts
Manic Street Preachers
Mark Ronson
The Cure
Sisters of Mercy
Miles completed so far
35.01 out of 100 / 20 days left

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