I don’t care if my scales say I’m 9st 2, my scales are lying. Either that or my mirror is as I am turning into a dumpy country thing and I have no intention of being fat and forty, so I think today I will run and then I remember this
is living in the garage, having arrived yesterday and after giving it a test run last night, decided it’s the best bike in the whole world, even though when I was given a pink Raleigh Shopper by my parents when I was about 10, I wasn’t very impressed, as I hankered after a racer like my brothers had and didn’t want to be seen on a stupid girl’s bike and especially a pink stupid girl’s bike with a basket but now I love my stupid girl’s bike and will even buy it a basket especially although I won’t be going so far as to spray it pink. and so I decide to take my stupid girl’s bike out for a couple of miles and then come home, get changed and go out for a run and so I get my SGB out of the garage and venture outside on a bike on my own for the first time in about 30 years and I get to the tree a mile away and I think I don’t want to go back yet, I want to go further and maybe I can do the 7 mile loop I looked at on gmaps but it was ages ago I looked on gmaps and I can’t remember what the route is and so I just keep on going and I see lots of bunnies and not dead ones this time and there’s a car coming up behind me and I try not to wobble and remember what Shaun said about they don’t want to hit me and it overtakes me and woo hoo, I don’t wobble and it doesn’t hit me and I go past a road and I wonder if I should turn off there but I still carry on going straight and I see some horses and I think that makes a change from sheep and I go past some houses that the owners probably think are posh but they look new and like they should be in Essex and after a while I get to a residential area and I think hmm, I think I’ve gone too far and so I turn round and go back the way I came and I can hear something behind me and I don’t know what it is but it sounds big and it overtakes me and it’s a trailer or something with HUGE wheels and I think I don’t want to end up under them and then I’m back at the tree and the road is very narrow and a car comes along and there’s only just enough room for both of us and I pretend not to be scared and then I’m home and decide not to run but because I am sort of hardcore, I try out our new rowing machine which is harder than the one in the gym and after 15 minutes I’m knackered.
Distance: 6.91 miles
Stupid girl’s bikes: 1
Trailer things with HUGE wheels: 1
Rowing machines: 1
As yesterday’s run was more of a run a bit, take photos of sheep, run a bit more, take photos of lambs and run a bit, take photos of cows kind of run, today I decided to be a proper hardcore runner and go for a run without my camera and not stopping to look at the cute farmyard animals, especially as, since I cancelled my gym membership, either my scales are lying or I need to do more exercise. And obviously eat less crisps (and somehow cakes have crept into the fridge) but one thing at a time, eh?
I spend most of the morning procrastinating as usual before putting my trainers on and I even excel in my usual procrastinations by wasting time looking for cat poo, as the cat and I moved in on Saturday and she hasn’t been in her litter tray yet but has weed on the rug which Shaun was really pleased with. At least, I think he was, as he marched into the living room with a brush and a bucket full of disinfectant and I know how much he likes cleaning, so she did him a favour really.
As I put my Garmin outside to get a signal, the cat makes a break for freedom and I get her back in the house and she meows at me and I shut her in the house and run up the road and when I turn the corner I see some old people with dogs and an old lady says hello and I try not to make eye contact in case she has magical powers and turns me into a countryside person and I mumble hello and look at my feet and in a field is a bunny and I think aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, cute bunny and then there’s a baby bunny and I think AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH, CUTE BABY BUNNY and he runs off and then there’s another baby bunny sitting with the lambs and I wonder if it’s the same bunny? and how come it’s scared of me and not scared of the lambs? and then I’m on the road with the corners and I get to the bend I didn’t like the most yesterday and I go further to the edge and my ankle ends up in a hole and the rest of me ends up in the road and I think ouch and I want to get up off the road before I get run over and I stand up and a tractor goes past and then three cars behind it and I take a few steps and my ankle’s not that bad and I carry on running and I think I’ve gone past where the cows live as I didn’t see any and didn’t see any fields I recognise as being the one they live in and I must have been too traumatised after falling over to notice them and I think that I’ll have to either a) give up running and get fat; or b) move back to London where we have PROPER PLACES TO RUN IN and then I see the sign for Headcorn and I don’t remember seeing the other sign that says it’s a mile and a quarter away and then I think I’m on the road that turns into a pavement in a bit and then it does turn into a pavement and I get round the corner and walk up the hill to get over the trauma.
Distance: 2.34 miles
Pace: 10:41 m/m
Cats weeing on rugs: 1
Old ladies with magical powers: 1
Baby bunnies: 2
Roads fallen onto: 1
Twisted ankles: 1
Londoners moving back to London: 1