The Grim Greensand Beast

Because I’m off to London tonight to meet my friends with the impeccable taste in music (i.e. the Cardiacs chatlist people), I decided to save my energy and not do Grim: Beast in the East with Shaun, Grant and Tom, but to do my own cross-country 10k here instead, taking in some of the Greensand Way.

Although Shaun kept waking me up while he was getting ready to go by coming back upstairs to inform me that a) the cat had done a poo; b) it was really smelly; c) it was also quite runny; and d) he’d covered it over with litter (you will note he hadn’t cleaned it up. When it comes to litter-tray incidents, that’s when the cat becomes *my* cat), then back upstairs again to tell me that a) he hadn’t gone yet; and b) he’d made me a cup of tea, I had a decent night’s sleep and got up reasonably early and I’d said to Shaun that I would set off for my run at 10:30, the same time Grim started but that meant I had two hours to wait and so I decided that because they’d probably finish about an hour before me, that I should get a headstart anyway and so at 9am, I decided I’d get changed and head off for my run.

At 10am, I’m still sitting in front of my computer and hadn’t even changed into my running gear and so I decided I might as well head off the same time as Grim and so I got changed and went downstairs and put on my clown shoes and went outside and waited for it to be 10:30. (Why is it when you’re sitting in front of your computer dicking around on Facebook and Twitter, time whizzes past, but when you’re looking at your watch (or in my case the clock on my ipod), waiting for three minutes to go by, it seems like it takes for ever?)

The clock eventually ticked over to 10:30 and I set off on my cross-country 10k. All was well until I got to about the fifth field and at the end of the field were some horses and I didn’t want to run towards the horses in case they got scared and gallopped towards me and trampled me to death and I was scared enough being in a field with the horses in the first place as I used to think horses were friendly until someone on Twitter said her son’s girlfriend got attacked by one and had to go to hospital and so I walked slowly past the horses with what I hoped was my I’m-friendly-and-while-I-don’t-have-any-sugar-lumps-for-you-I-mean-you-no-harm face and the horses stared at me but didn’t look particularly interested in attacking me and then I got to the next field and at the end of the field was a toilet with a wooden seat and a basin and I wondered who dumped their bathroom in this field and then I wondered if I was near the gypsies house and then I was on the road and further along there was indeed the gypsies house with their lovely classy stone lions and stuff and all their gates were open and I was scared of their dog coming out and barking at me and chasing me down the road like it did to Shaun but no dog came out and a bit further up are some woods and I got to the woods and I went round the woods which didn’t take very long and then I had to decide which way to go as I’d only done about 2.75 miles and going back the way I had came wouldn’t have got me up to 6.2 miles but I decided to go back the way I had come and try and loop some more miles in and so I went back through the bathroom field but instead of walking past the horses again I went through a different field and up through another foresty bit and then I got to the road and I wondered if going on the road when I was supposed to be doing cross-country was cheating and I decided it was and so I turned right and went over what must have been the twentieth stile so far today and back through the fields I first went through and then I went down the cycle path as, even though it’s not really cross-country, it does feel like you’re in the countryside if you look to the fields to the right and not at the housing estate on the left and then I was back on the road and I decided to go through the park to finish up as there’s water there and Grim involves water and so although I wasn’t going to jump in it, I could at least incorporate some water in my run and so I went through the park and past the pond and I got out of the park and I did 6.2 miles in a very slow time but in my defence there were about sixty stiles to go over and a field of horses to walk through.

Distance: 6.2 miles
Time: a long time
Pace: slow
Calories: 531
Grims wimped out of: 1
Cats doing smelly, runny poos: 1
Boyfriends cleaning out litter trays: 0
Hours wasted until leaving the house: 2
Stiles climbed over: about sixty
Fields of horses walked through: 1
Fields with bathrooms in: 1
Forests: 2
Ponds: 1

Juneathon 2009 Days 17 & 18 (and an extra credit)

I didn’t slack yesterday, honest.  I cycled 8.5 miles and here’s the splits to prove it:

And here’s a photo of a horse posing by my bike that I took yesterday to prove I was there.  Ok, so I should have had the horse holding a copy of yesterday’s newspaper in his teeth, but I didn’t pass an Evening Standard seller, funnily enough.

A horse posing with a Raleigh Shopper

And you’d better say bye to the Raleigh Shopper as, on Sunday, we’re going to pick up this

which is my new bike and I’m very very excited as it’s the prettiest bike in the whole wide world.

In the evening Shaun decided to drag me out on his Juneathon run on my bike to carry out carrying shopping duties after he’d taken a Juneathon detour through Sainsburys, and because I had already Juneathoned and as 8pm is a time for watching telly or reading or playing on Facebook or eating crisps or drinking wine or all of the above but definitely anything that doesn’t actually involve exercise I have made an executive decision and decided that being a shopping basket counts as an extra credit and cancels out one of my slacker days.

And today, after my successful 3 miles on Tuesday, I decide that this morning I will go out for 4 miles.  This actually turns into 1 mile sort of running and then turning round and walking most of the way back home.  But I did slightly redeem myself by going on the rowing machine for ten minutes when I got back and I’ll be going for a bike ride at lunchtime before doing some work that I should have done yesterday and that I’ll have to do before Dell send a courier to collect the shit pc they sold me.

Stats Juneathon day 17 part 1 (cycling)
Distance: 8.56 miles
Time: 56:38
Speed: 9.1mph
Calories: 232
Horses posing with bikes: 1
Pink Pashley Poppys being picked up on Sunday: 1
Weight: 9st 4
Juneathon’s completed: 15/30

Stats Juneathon day 17 part 2 (cycling)
Distance: 2.44 miles
Time: 18:41
Speed: 7.8mph
Calories: 76
Shopping basket duties: 1
Executive decisions made that this cancels out a slacker day: 1
Juneathon’s completed: 16/30

Stats Juneathon day 18 (running)
Distance: 2.08 miles
Time: 26:25
Pace: 12:43 m/m
Calories: 186
Shit pcs that Dell sold me: 1
Juneathon’s completed: 17/30

Stats Juneathon day 18 (rowing)
Distance: 893 ft
Time: 10 minutes
Count: 364
Calories: 24.3

Stats Juneathon day 18 (cycling)
Distance: 5.21 miles
Time: 33:00
Speed: 9.5mph
Calories: 150



A little (Raleigh) Shopping

I don’t care if my scales say I’m 9st 2, my scales are lying.  Either that or my mirror is as I am turning into a dumpy country thing and I have no intention of being fat and forty, so I think today I will run and then I remember this

Raleigh Shopper

is living in the garage, having arrived yesterday and after giving it a test run last night, decided it’s the best bike in the whole world, even though when I was given a pink Raleigh Shopper by my parents when I was about 10, I wasn’t very impressed, as I hankered after a racer like my brothers had and didn’t want to be seen on a stupid girl’s bike and especially a pink stupid girl’s bike with a basket but now I love my stupid girl’s bike and will even buy it a basket especially although I won’t be going so far as to spray it pink. and so I decide to take my stupid girl’s bike out for a couple of miles and then come home, get changed and go out for a run and so I get my SGB out of the garage and venture outside on a bike on my own for the first time in about 30 years and I get to the tree a mile away and I think I don’t want to go back yet, I want to go further and maybe I can do the 7 mile loop I looked at on gmaps but it was ages ago I looked on gmaps and I can’t remember what the route is and so I just keep on going and I see lots of bunnies and not dead ones this time and there’s a car coming up behind me and I try not to wobble and remember what Shaun said about they don’t want to hit me and it overtakes me and woo hoo, I don’t wobble and it doesn’t hit me and I go past a road and I wonder if I should turn off there but I still carry on going straight and  I see some horses and I think that makes a change from sheep and I go past some houses that the owners probably think are posh but they look new and like they should be in Essex and after a while I get to a residential area and I think hmm, I think I’ve gone tReebok 5 Series Roweroo far and so I turn round and go back the way I came and I can hear something behind me and I don’t know what it is but it sounds big and it overtakes me and it’s a trailer or something with HUGE wheels and I think I don’t want to end up under them and then I’m back at the tree and the road is very narrow and a car comes along and there’s only just enough room for both of us and I pretend not to be scared and then I’m home and decide not to run but because I am sort of hardcore, I try out our new rowing machine which is harder than the one in the gym and after 15 minutes I’m knackered.


Distance: 6.91 miles
Time: 40:53
Speed: 10.1mph
Calories: 212
Stupid girl’s bikes: 1
Bunnies: lots
Horses: some
Trailer things with HUGE wheels: 1
Rowing machines: 1
Runs: 0

Everything looks like a cow

For some strange reason, although I was up early yesterday, spent the day out and about or inside packing, and completely knackered by the evening and falling asleep reading my book in bed, then I couldn’t sleep and kept waking up and was even woken up by the cat being sick and the bread machine doing it’s thing and so at 6:30am I get up before my fake sunrise comes on and before the bread machine has finished doing its thing and as I’m not aching after yesterday’s pitifully slow three miler, I decide to do another run.  Woo, get me, Miss Finely Tuned Athlete.

I clean up the cat sick and go into the bedroom to get changed into my running gear and I realise that yesterday when I carefully picked out enough clothes, including running gear (on the assumption that I’d do two more runs this week) to last me until Saturday as I packed away all my other clothes (two bin bags full for the bin, four bin bags full coming with me), I didn’t keep out any running socks and so I’ve got to wear normal socks to run in and then I’ve got to decide whether to wear the ones with monkeys, sheep, cats or cows on and I decide on the ones with sheep on and my Garmin gets a signal in record time and I leave the house at 7:30am hoping the postman doesn’t come in the next half an hour as I’m expecting three more parcels of stuff I bought via eBay and I hope I don’t have to wait all day for the postman as I need to get to the sorting office before 1:00 when it shuts to see if they’ve had my parcel from Saturday returned there yet and I don’t want my tenant getting all my parcels and parading around in my new sunglasses, whilst drinking out of my new cow mug and making jewellery with my new beads.

Ladybird Book of Farm AnimalsI go to the marshes via the boring way first this time and as I go towards the bridge another runner’s coming towards me and I think, aah, another hardcore runner, running early in the morning, I bet he says hello to me, the hardcore runners are usually the friendliest and he does indeed say hello to me and I say hello back, so he knows I’m also a hardcore runner and not just a red-faced shuffling thing and I get through the bridge and I think I see cows and then I think no, they’re not cows because a) the cows aren’t due back until July; and b) they’re horses and I think I’d better get the Ladybird Book of Farm Animals before I move so I don’t go up to horses and say moo and look stupid in front of the Country People.

And then I’m back to thinking about what to pack next, as I’ve still got a desk to sort out and the entire contents of my kitchen to pack and I think I could pack all my dishes and stuff and just use one plate and knife and fork and wash them up every day and then I think HUSH!  WHAT AM I THINKING? DO MY OWN WASHING UP? I don’t think so and then my thoughts turn to Juneathon and I wonder if Joggerblogger/[rich] will mind if I take over if he can’t do it this year and Hauling My Carcass has asked what the Rules of Juneathon are and so here’s a quick rundown and I will be reminding everyone later in the month and cracking the whip then.

Juneathon rules
Run or exercise every day
Blog about it

Easy, huh?

And then I get home and my hair’s all over the place and I think maybe I should get a hairband like the new doctor in Eastenders wears when he’s out for a run (which seems to be most of the time) and I think no, he looks like a dork.

Distance: 3.03 miles
Time: 34:20
Pace: 11:20 m/m
Calories: 255
Cat sick: 1
Fresh loaves of bread: 1
Pairs of sheep socks: 1
Hardcore runners recognising me as a fellow hardcore runner and not a red-faced shuffling thing: 1
Horses: lots
Cows: 0
Plates I’m going to wash up myself: 0
Rules of Juneathon: 2
New dorky looking doctors in Eastenders who do nothing but run all day: 1
Foo Fighters
Duran Duran
Electric Soft Parade
Cardiacs & Affectionate Friends