Tag: Walthamstow marshes

Magic beans, angel dust and Ninja Turtles

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I get up at 6am – two and a half hours before I need to leave for work – and have a productive morning, then get to work to be unproductive and, because my boss isn’t in today, I spend the day doing a bit of work, a lot of browsing the internet and no being sworn at.

And because it’s a lovely sunny day, in order to not get too lethargic in the afternoon thus thwarting my plans for a running commute, at lunchtime I go for a walk along the river, a walk cut short when it’s looking very likely that I’m going to get trampled on by the 22,000,030 runners along the Embankment, so I cut my walk short, cross the road and go back to the office to carry on my boss-isn’t-here-so-I’m-going-to-have-a-long-lunch-break thing.

2:45 comes and I’m eyeing up the energy bar on my desk.  Shall I eat it now or wait a bit?  I ponder this for about three seconds and five seconds later the energy bar is no longer on my desk but somewhere inside my digestive tract.  Or on its way there.  Biology was never my thing.

Also in preparation for my run, I’d bought some Gourmet Beans from The Jelly Bean Factory that I’d been eyeing up in WHSmith over the last few weeks, as they proudly state “gelatine free” which means they’re not made of bones and hooves.  Oh no, they only contain shellac which apparently is insect secretion and The Vegetarian Society says to treat it like honey (i.e. leave it up to your conscience whether you want to eat it or not) so if The Vegetarian Society says it’s ok to eat insect wee, then it’s ok with me.  Yum.

At 4:00 I’m bored so I decide to play “guess the jelly bean flavour” (which isn’t just an excuse for gluttony.  As if) and sample some beans and I can’t guess the flavour (I’m also crap at guessing smells; someone was eating Kentucky Fried Chicken in the office the other day and I thought it was fish) but mmmm, they’re very nice and I manage not to eat all of them and at 5:00 I do my boss-isn’t-here-so-I’m-going-to-leave-early thing and then I’m trying to cross the road but a cyclist goes through the red light and I try again and another cyclist goes through the red light and I think OI CYCLISTS, STOP GOING THROUGH THE RED LIGHT AND LET ME CROSS THE ROAD YOU WANKERS and I get to Angel and I get dust in my eye again and I think why do I keep getting dust in my eye when I get to the Angel? and I think ah, it must be angel dust and maybe it’s lucky dust and I go past Foxtons and have a better look through the window at their fridges and I can only see Coke and water and I think maybe I won’t go in there and pretend I can afford a house in Islington then if I’m not going to get any free wine or beer and then I see a trampy bloke pick up half a cigarette off the pavement and I think aah, poor trampy bloke and I go to get a cigarette out of my rucksack to give him then remember I don’t smoke anymore and I run past Hackney Downs station without wimping out and getting on a train and then I’m waiting to cross the road and I see the steep bit and I think I need a jelly bean to help me up the steep bit and I don’t know what flavour it is but it’s very nice indeed and I get up the steep bit and through Murder Mile and I think, do I deserve a jelly bean for getting through Murder Mile without getting murdered? and I decide I do and I recognise it as coconut and think this one’s not so nice and I’m wondering if it’s light enough for me to cut through the marshes and I decide it is and I go to cross the road and the lights are taking ages to change and I think hurry up lights, or it will get dark and I eat more jelly beans while I’m waiting for the lights to change and I go through the marshes and I can see a man on a bench up ahead and he seems to be doing some sort of push up thing and I think why’s he doing that there? and I wonder if I should go back onto the road but I decide to be brave and I go past the stables and I think the horses will save me if anyone tries to murder me, perhaps even Champion the Wonder Horse himself, although he’s probably been dead for about 50 years and I think oh shit, I’ve got to go through the bread factories now, I didn’t think of that and I get to the factories and there’s people working there and I think hooray, maybe I won’t get murdered after all, the bread people can save me, perhaps even Mr Hovis himself if there was ever a Mr Hovis but even if there was, he’s probably been dead longer than Champion the Wonder Horse and I’m wondering who the modern day heroes are and maybe a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle will come and save me but wouldn’t it be a bit embarrassing being saved by a turtle, especially a mutant one? and I decide to save any embarrassment, I just won’t get murdered.

Running stats:
Distance: 5:00 miles
Time: 59:21
Pace: 11:52 m/m
Calories: 435
Productive early part of mornings: 1
Productive later part of mornings: 0
Bosses swearing at me: 0
Energy bars: 1
Cyclists going through red lights: 2
Trampy blokes picking up cigarettes: 1
Jelly bean flavours recognised: 1
Music:
Rollins Band
Jeff Buckley
Foo Fighters
Nirvana

Flood!

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As last week’s run was powered by half a slice of sun-dried tomato and jalapeno bread which seemed to do the trick, this morning, as I’ve told myself I’m doing eight miles today, I thought I’d better eat a whole slice of this morning’s freshly baked sun-dried tomato, jalapeno and pumpkin seed bread although I’m not really hungry and then I procrastinate for an hour and 45 minutes and I’m eventually out the door at 9:30 and the footpath is still closed and I’m wondering if eating bread before running is a good idea and I’m feeling bloated and I think I’ve got a carb belly, unlike Leighsa who gets a carb face (no, I haven’t a clue what she’s on about either) and I pull my tights up to hold my belly in and I’m hoping I don’t get camel toe instead as I’m hardly a picture of sartorial running elegance at the best of times and before I left I was reading Adele’s blog and she mentioned diggers in the river and I was thinking what is she on about? is she running in some parallel marshes universe? but when I get to the river I see there is indeed a digger in the water and as I get round the corner there are two more diggers in the water and I get round the marshes and there’s far more footballers playing than usual and they even have spectators today and I wonder why and as I’m approaching the bridge that brings me back to the stables there’s a lake on the path and I think that’s weird, there’s not usually water here and I wonder how deep it is and there’s no way around it but my feet are hot and I think it will cool them down so I go through the water and it is deep and very cold and it has cooled my feet down but now they’re all squelchy and as I get to the bridge I see it’s flooded and there’s water pouring down into it and so I go up to the road instead and there’s a girl standing in the road and I think don’t stand in the middle of Lea Bridge Road, it’s busy,  you’ll get run over and then I realise there’s no cars and I wonder where all the cars are and I look to my left and the road’s cut off and and so I go over to be nosy investigate and there’s a burst pipe and the road’s flooded and I wonder how Shaun’s going to get to mine and I cross the road and go back into the marshes and go out the way I came in and I think bollocks, I’m going to have to do two laps of the park and I hate doing laps of the park and I get to the park and I carry on down the road and go round the block and then I go into the park for the last half a mile and there’s loads of people with babies and buggies in there and I knew there was a reason why I don’t like going into the park and for some reason it seems to be all men with buggies and I’m wondering if it’s National Single Dad Day today or something and I go past a man with a buggy and he smiles at me and I think don’t be getting any ideas mate, I’m not being a replacement mum for your kid and babies aren’t a stop and talk and gurgle and coo or whatever thing for me, they’re a run very fast in the opposite direction thing and I get home after my eight miles and remember that someone from Nike+ spammed me and didn’t offer me any freebies, bah, but asked me to link to this Facebook page and I’m not really sure what it is, some Men v Women thing, so go and have a look.

Stats:
Distance: 8.18 miles
Time: 1:31:41
Pace: 11:13 m/m
Calories: 717
Loaves of sun-dried tomato, jalapeno and pumpkin seed bread: 1
Diggers: 3
Floods: 1
Men with babies: loads
Links to some Nike+ Men v Women thing: 1
Music:
Cardiacs
Ladyhawke
MGMT
Polyphonic Spree
Maximo Park
Faith No More
Pulp
Hole
Black Wire

A JogBlog world record

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Because I am an idiot, I get to the gym yesterday after work and realise I’ve forgotten my trainers and I think OH NO, BUT I HAD A CHOCOLATE BISCUIT AND NOW I’M GOING TO GET FAT AND IT WASN’T EVEN A NICE CHOCOLATE BISCUIT and so this morning I think I’d better go and burn some calories as although the scales are still showing me at 9st 2, the quicker they show me under 9st the better and as I’m running towards the footbridge I think this is scary obsessional behaviour and probably how anorexics start out and I think I have no plans to turn anorexic, at least not until after I’ve gone out for pizza tonight and I go past the stables and I can hear people behind me and I turn around and there’s a couple running behind me and I think well overtake me then and they don’t overtake me and I can hear their footsteps right behind me but then they do overtake me and I think hmm, actually, I don’t want you to overtake me and I wonder if I can catch them up but I don’t bother and they go through the bridge and I think wait for me, you can save me from any murderers under there and I wonder if they’ll be able to hear me gurgle if I get stabbed in the neck but I get through the bridge without being stabbed in the neck and the girl runs up the steep bit and I think if she can run up the steep bit then so can I and I’m wondering if I’m going to have to follow them all the way home but they turn off towards the marina and I’m going down the boring bit and a dark grey beetle comes past and I think it must be the same dark grey beetle that came past me last week as surely there aren’t two people in Walthamstow so boring that they would buy a dark grey beetle when you can get cool yellow ones instead

Yellow Beetle

which is the only car ever ever ever that would tempt me to learn to drive although if I’m as successful at driving a car as I was riding a motorbike it’s probably a better idea to stick to walking everywhere and I get home and fuck me, I’ve done the marshes in under 30 minutes for the first time ever ever ever.  YAY GO ME.

Splits 8 November 2008

Stats:
Distance: 3:03 miles
Time: 29:13
Pace: 9:38 m/m
Calories: 288
Chocolate biscuits: 1
Dark grey beetles: 1
Marshes in under 30 minutes: 1
Music
Cardiacs
Muse
Jeff Buckley
Bobby Conn
The Who