I get an early night and get up full of beans (well, I am a vegetarian) with my fake sunrise and don’t forget my rucksack with my gym kit in it today and I go to work and check Facebook and find out Tracy – another mountain mate – has also signed up for the Reading Half and I’m beginning to feel like the Pied Piper of Half Marathons and maybe I should get a musical pipe and lure everyone to the pub afterwards and I should go to the gym after work tonight and do the two miles I should have done last night but didn’t due to my responsibility to the human race involving not falling asleep whilst running and therefore being a danger to myself and others and I go to the gym and Blame it on the Boogie is playing and I’m not sure they should be playing songs by
kiddie fiddlers Celebrity Big Brother contestants and I get on the treadmill and I think shit, I don’t know what two miles is in kilometres and I’m thinking um, 5k is 3.1 miles so it’s a bit less than that and 10k is 6.2 miles so it’s about a third of that and I’m thinking idontliketocount and I’m wondering if 1.6k is 1 mile or is it the other way round? and I decide it’s 1.6k to a mile and that means 2 miles is about 3.2k and I decide to stick on that and on the TV is Come Dine With Me and I want to watch and listen to it so I stick my headphones in the speaker thingy on the treadmill but the volume’s not working so I stick my headphones back in my iPod and on the other screen is an advert for Celebrity Big Brother and it’s showing Ukrika and Lucy up for eviction and I decide Lucy should be evicted because I haven’t a clue who she is but then I think I haven’t watched it all week, so have no idea who is the bigger pain in the arse and I decide they both probably are and therefore should be be evicted and while they’re at it, they should evict the rest of the Z-listers too and I take a peek at the man on the treadmill to the left of me and he’s doing 15.4kph and I take a peek at the man on the treadmill to the right of me and he’s doing 9.5kph and I think oh, that’s ok then, as I’m doing 10kph but after 10 minutes I slow it down to 9.5kph and at 15 minutes slow it down further to 9kph and I’m getting fed up of the treadmill and think the faster I go, the faster it’ll tick round to 3.2k and I speed it up to 10kph at 18 minutes and at 19 minutes I speed it up to 11kph and it eventually gets to 3.2k and I do the five minutes cooling down bit which involves walking really slowly like you’re in a Race for Life or something and I think I’ll go on the rowing machine while I’m here and I get off the treadmill and no rowing machines are free and I think DAMN YOU, NEW YEAR RESOLUTION PEOPLE, don’t you know it’s Friday, no one except me goes to the gym on a Friday night, don’t you have pubs to go to? and so I go back to the changing room and I get changed and there’s a girl fully dressed, using the hairdryer to blow dry her armpits and I think what the fuck…?
Distance: 1.99 mile
Time: 20:45 minutes
Pace: 10:26 m/m