On the 22nd day of Juneathon, I walked most of my 3 mile run

I decided the other day that if I can run 5 miles without stopping, I should be able to run 3 miles a bit quicker than I have been recently. My long-term goal, as usual, is to run 10 minute miles but I don’t think I’m up to that yet so I set up Cedric to pace me for 10:30 minute miles and off I go down the road and I want to change the screen so it shows pace, time and distance but I press the wrong button and it’s gone onto laps so I press another button and the timer stops and I think bollocks to it and I start the timer again and forget about pacing myself and just carry on but after .75 miles I get a strange crampy type feeling in my bum and I want to stop and so I stop and walk for a bit and then I start to run again and at 1.3 miles I want to go home but I think no, I am hardcore and will not wimp out at 1.3 miles and I get to Tesco and decide to go down a different road to the one I usually go down and then I’m going down a path through a housing estate and there’s a sign that says no boating, swimming or fishing and I wonder what it’s talking about and I peer through the bushes and I see a tiny pond of murky green slime and think no one’s going to want to boat or swim in there anyway and I’d be very surprised if there were any fish living in it either and I wonder if they have difficulty getting pizza delivered round here as most of the housing developments aren’t on Google Maps yet and the pizza drivers are a bit stupid and Perfect Pizza can’t find our house, even though it’s on a busy main road although Pizza Gogo found it without any problem but Pizza Gogo have closed down and it’s very sad as they made really nice pizzas and didn’t turn up half an hour late with cold pizzas like Perfect Pizza do and then further up the path I see a hoody walking towards me and I think what’s a hoody doing here? and the hoody gets nearer and I see it’s not a hoody but a Muslim girl and I think I haven’t seen one of those since leaving London and then a cyclist goes past me and gives me a dirty look and I think why’s he giving me a dirty look, I’m on the grey bit of the path and he should be on the red bit of the path and there’s even a big picture of a bicycle painted on the red bit in big bold white lines and I think GET ON THE RED BIT WITH THE PICTURE OF A BICYCLE ON IT, YOU ARSEHOLE AND STOP GIVING ME DIRTY LOOKS and then I’m in the little park and I can’t remember which side of the park the next path I need is on and I get to the end of the park and it looks different and I look to my left and I think well, it’s definitely not that way and so I go right and then I get to the end of a road and I think huh? the road doesn’t end here and I wonder if it’s the same park and it looks different and then I realise I’ve come down a different way and I’m looking at it from a different angle and the path is opposite and I go down the path and I’ve still been mostly walking all the way so far and I wonder if I can run to the gate and I run about two feet then stop to walk and I walk for a bit and then tell myself that I am going to run to the gate and I do run to the gate and then I’m knackered and I walk down the road and I tell myself that when it starts going downhill, I’m going to run and it starts going downhill and Paul Weller starts singing about being in a tube station at midnight and I run down the hill and get home having not quite achieved the 10:30 minute mile thing.

Distance: 3.04 miles
Time: 39:05
Pace: 12:52 m/m
Calories: 277
Different roads: 1
Murky green slimey ponds: 1
Hoodies: 0
Muslim girls: 1
Cyclists not recognising pictures of bicycles: 1
The Jam


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