Back to the beginning
I am so unfit. I ran the Saturday before last, just a slow three miles, and then was aching for days afterwards. Oh dear. I didn’t think my little 20 minutes most lunchtimes effort in the gym counted for much although it obviously did as I am turning into a bit of a bloater, even if the scales this morning did show me as 9st 3 which, although isn’t too bad, is still the wrong side of 9st for my liking.
But as I had to cancel my gym membership, due to me now being unemployed and a lady of leisure (although I’m waiting for the leisure bit to kick in, hmm, I think I’m waiting for the lady bit too), I’m going to have to up my training on the running front and so last night I thought to myself, I’m going to go out for three miles first thing tomorrow morning, but then I remembered that I had to go to the Post Office to collect a parcel and they’re only open in the morning and also I had to go to the letting agents to give them lots of money and also needed to buy a disgusting lampshade fit for a tenant (or more to the point, a lampshade that will fit over a Fire Angel Smoke Alarm) and so I thought to myself I’ll just have to get up early and so this morning I got up at 6:50 and only waste an hour on Facebook and I wonder whether I need a long sleeve t-shirt or will a short sleeve one do and I go to the drawer where all my running and gym stuff is crammed into and I pull out what I think is my long sleeve red t-shirt but it’s my little Helly Hansen top and I think I’ll wear that, it fits nicely and at least I’ll look ok from the neck down and I wait about three years for my Garmin to get a signal and I leave the house and after a little while I want to stop and walk and I feel like I’m a beginner at running again and I look at my Garmin and it says I’ve only gone .5 of a mile and I think oh dear and a little bit later I wonder if I’ve gone a mile yet and my Garmin says I’ve gone one mile exactly and then I see a train heading towards Liverpool Street station and I think ha ha ha, I’m not on that train and I don’t have to be on that train again, hurrah, and then I think I wouldn’t be on that train anyway as I wouldn’t be leaving for another half an hour and I wonder if all the people on the platform who I used to see every day but never talked to will realise I’m not there anymore, people like Fred Perry Tattoo Neck Man; Mr & Mrs Minger; Noel Gallagher Lookalike Man; Andy from Corrie Lookalike Man; Short Black Girl and the Really Annoying Talking Woman and I wonder if they had a name for me and I think it’s probably best I don’t know and I go under the bridge and a cyclist makes me jump and I struggle up the
slope really steep bit and there’s an old man with about sixteen dogs and he says morning and I say morning back and I hope he doesn’t call an ambulance as I sound like I’m about to do a Heather in Eastenders and collapse with an asthma attack and my Garmin gets to 1.44 miles and I think come on, just another mile and a half, that’s nothing and I’m going so slowly I might as well be walking and I think it may well just be another mile and a half but I think it’s going to take me three weeks to do it and I eventually get home and bloody hell, I’m knackered.
Distance: 3.01 miles
Pace: 11:16 m/m
Gym memberships: 0
Faith No More