A blog post where I get to post a pic of Noel Fielding

I wanted to try out the wireless pulse monitor today on a run, to see how it compared with my Garmin. This meant taking my iPhone out with me and so I had my Garmin on one wrist, my pulse monitor further up the same arm and my iPhone strap on my other arm. I decided not to wear my wrist wallet, but to put my keys in my back pocket (thankfully I was wearing tights with a pocket) because although the symmetry would have been pleasing, I looked stupid enough with three black straps on my arms, let alone four. God knows what the neighbours thought; they probably thought I was going to three funerals that day or something.

One strap I didn’t have on (blimey, that would have made five) was my Cram Alert Sport ID. I am aware that owning a Sport ID and not wearing it is like having a smoke alarm without batteries in it but then I thought aha! I’ll have my phone with me – If I’m found lying in a ditch (why is it always ditches? I want to be found somewhere much more rock ‘n’ roll than a ditch; like Noel Fielding’s bed or something),

the paramedics can look at my phone and find out who I am from there. Although, they wouldn’t get much information from the list of my recent phone calls; I rarely make a phone call and the only ones I receive are from cold-callers. The best way to find out who I am and who I’ve communicated with the most recently would be to have a look at the Words With Friends or Draw Something apps but then they might start finishing my games for me and forget about me lying there dying in a ditch/Noel Fielding’s bed and they’ll only remember me when the battery runs down.

Still, I stopped worrying about paramedics running my battery down by playing MY games of Words with Friends and Draw Something and went on my run. I shuffled along until I got to the slope where I usually stop and walk and decided to give my pulse monitor a little spike by running up it

and then I ran through the housing development and on the fence just outside it was a sign. No, not a sign from God, just a sign drawing-pinned to the fence.

The housing development has got its own chip van. Bastards. I want one. Or a pizza van, at least. Although, if the wait for chips from the chip van is anything like the wait in the fish and chip shop down the road or in the Chinese takeaway, I’d be better off waiting for the potatoes that Shaun has planted (or about to plant, I don’t know about these gardening things) to grow and make my own. Bit of a cheek though, calling it The Village Chippy. The development isn’t even finished yet. Can a not-yet-finished development be a village?

Anyway, that’s my exercise for the week done. I’m having a rest day tomorrow as on Friday I’ve got a fitness assessment at BUPA. I was going to go before but Warriorwoman’s report (and subsequent conversations on Facebook/email) scared me off with tales of topless exercising so I cancelled it. Instead of emailing the man who arranged it for me ‘IF YOU THINK I’M EXERCISING WITH MY TITS OUT, YOU‘VE GOT ANOTHER THINK COMING, MATEY’, I tactfully said I couldn’t make it to London that day. Unfortunately, he saw me moaning about it on Twitter and emailed me to say that I could keep my t-shirt on and a sports bra with no underwire is fine too and would I be willing to reschedule it? I waited for Rachel’s report and Rachel’s report (and subsequent conversations on Facebook/email) reassured me that there was no topless cycling and so I emailed the man back and said ok then, book me in. So, hopefully, as I’ve had a week of exercising and a week of NO ALCOHOL AT ALL, they won’t find me too much of an unfit bloater.

A report of my un-topless exploits in King’s Cross will follow next week.

The most boring spin class in the world

How the hell can someone make a spin class boring? I don’t like the ones where the instructor tries to encourage everyone to wave their arms in the air, but I can see that that would be fun for some people, just not me. But today… blimey, that was about as much fun as being stuck in a lift with John Bishop.

I’d booked myself into a spin class today and tomorrow as I’m on my Easter Holidays and therefore have a lot of spare time (if I ignore the fact I’ve got four 2,000 word essays to write). I was looking forward to these classes as it’s with my favourite instructor (i.e. the one who doesn’t try to make me wave my arms in the air and say ‘woo’) but when I got there there was a different instructor, a woman I’d been in a class with but not by. But that was fine, from what I’ve seen of her in the past, she’s warm and friendly but not too lively and energetic (Duracell Gym Bunny instructors aren’t for me) and so I thought, yes, this will be a good class.

It wasn’t. It was bobbins. Either she had the music on too loud or her microphone wasn’t turned up enough but I couldn’t hear anything she said (although she didn’t seem to be saying much anyway, and I like my instructors to talk a lot). The music was rubbish (except for Toxic by Britney Spears. Shut up, it’s a fab pop tune) and we seemed to be doing the same thing in each track. Where was the variation and motivation?

I kept looking at my watch, willing it to be over. Eventually it was and I went home and cancelled tomorrow’s spin class (which the instructor said she was taking instead of the usual instructor). I’m going to go for a run instead, it’ll be more fun.

As I said yesterday, I did try out the Scosche Wireless Pulse Monitor in my spin class. Before doing the class, I went on the rowing machine and upped my heart rate from 120-ish to 130-ish while I was on it and I kept an eye on it during spin where my heart rate maxed at 172 (I don’t know how many calories it said for spin because I kept the monitor on to see what my heart rate did on the cycle home and it gave me a total of 1133 calories for rowing, spin and cycling), but I can hardly say I was making a massive effort during that class. Kind of like the instructor, really.

 

Review: Scosche Wireless Pulse Monitor

scoshe

This thing was a right pain in the arse. I’d been sent it a couple of months ago, along with the Jabra Sport Wireless Headphones and while I’d figured out the headphones easily enough, this Scosche Wireless Pulse Monitor was like going back to the 90s in a ‘what the fuck is this thing supposed to do then?’ way; not intuitive at all.  But unlike in the 90s, when I was happy to sit all day playing with techie things and making them work, then breaking them, then making them work again,  now I just want things to work straight away with no faffing around.

What I hadn’t really gathered was, was that there wasn’t really anything to gather. The monitor (which you wear on your upper lower arm (don’t you love my grasp of anatomical terms?) works with the myTREK app (which you’ll be prompted for when you set up your first workout) via Bluetooth. You tell the app you want a new workout, name it, choose your activity (running, cycling, mountain biking, yoga, walking, aerobics, resting and other), then choose free training or a ‘zone’ to train in (resting, weight loss, fitness, performance or red line), then the type of training (free workout, free distance, time, workout and distance, distance [setting the distance] or calorie).

Setting up your profile on the app is simple enough. You tell it your gender, date of birth and weight and it sets your max heart rate for you using the dubious 220-your age calculation, setting mine at 178 (you’ll see later why this is bollocks).

After I was all set up, I gave it a test run in the house, just by walking around doing usual things like sitting on the sofa. My heart rate skipped along merrily between 55-70 bpm until I got up to get a beer from the fridge when it shot up to 191. Huh? I know I like a drink, but I didn’t think I found it that exciting.

I tested it again a couple of days later and I didn’t name the workout so don’t know what I was doing but whatever it was, it must have been good, as my heart rate hit a max of 231bpm and I burned 202 calories in 22 minutes. If I knew what that was, I’d do it again.

Looking at the calendar now, there are a couple more I haven’t named, so I’ll ignore these, but the next one looks like I’ve managed to set it up better and it says I walked for 35 minutes, burned 78 calories and had an average pulse of 69 bpm. Actually, I’ve just decided this is rubbish as it says that walk was 0.17 of a mile and it doesn’t take me 35 minutes to walk 0.17 of a mile.

A few days later I tested it again on the rowing machine in the conservatory. Determined this time not to fuck it up, I made sure I set it up correctly. It says I rowed for 30 minutes with an average pulse of 117 bpm (max 131), which sounds about right. The only thing that doesn’t sound right is the calorie count of 288 calories. The rowing machine display said I’d burnt 55. Hmm.

Shaun also tested it on the rowing machine (putting his details into the profile settings). His results were 18 minutes, 91 bpm average pulse (138 max) and 98 calories which, seeing as he puts in much more effort than me on the rowing machine (judging by his smelly-dog-that’s-just-been-in-a-river impression on his exit from the conservatory), is probably about right.

The one thing I thought this monitor would be useful for, for me, would be down the gym, to see how many calories I burn in spin and body pump classes. I haven’t been brave enough to go to a class yet with a monitor on my arm (no need for your phone to also be on your arm – the signal from the monitor travels up to 33 feet [although if you do want to wear it on your arm because you use your phone for music, you can control the music from the monitor strap, as well as get audio alerts while you workout]) but yesterday, I wore it down the gym and used it while I was on the machines to see what the results were and how they compared to the display on the machines.

I got on the rowing machine and kept my phone on the floor so I could see the display (your current heart rate is displayed in big white numbers so very easy to see). During my 20 minutes on the rowing machine, my heart rate kept at a steady 120bpm. This all changed when I’d finished on the rowing machine and got on the treadmill to do the Audiofuel Thru the Gears interval session. I love this interval session, the music is fab and really motivates me to push myself. This is now scientifically proven by the heart rate monitor reading which shows that my heart rate went up to 183 bpm then went back down as I cooled down and then went on the cross-trainer, where my heart rate stayed at a steady 160 bpm (obviously still raised after pushing myself on the treadmill).

After I’d finished in the gym, it said I’d burned 890 calories, which I reckon is way over, especially as the machines in the gym said I’d burned about 430. Unless the monitor takes into consideration the calories I’d be burning anyway, just by living, and it’s not just exercise calories burned?

So, I’ll be using it down the gym so I can make sure I’m making more effort on the rowing machine but I’m not sure of its accuracy. How accurate can it be with the dubious 220-your age calculation? Especially as I went over my ‘max’ heart rate more than once? For serious heart rate training, I’d say it was useless, unless you know about the zones and which zones you need to be training in. I’m not sure you can set these yourself though so maybe even if you do know about zones, it’s still useless.

Another thing I’m not impressed with is that I thought there must be more to it than that for the RRP of £139? Some pretty maps and charts and graphs and stuff? But no. It’s £139 just to tell you your current heart rate and there are a lot of watches around that will tell you that for a lot less money.

I’m going to give it a spin at my spin class tomorrow, and I’ll let you know the results.

I’ve got a new hoody and well nice it is too

As I feel a bit of a dick sometimes, riding my bike with my parka on when it’s not quite parka weather (although, seeing as it doesn’t take much for me to get cold, that’s only about two days a year), I bought a lightweight outdoorsy type jacket from Sports Direct. I liked it in the shop but when I went to wear it a few days later, decided I hated it and it was far too anoraky for me.

So, when Go Outdoors emailed me and said would I like to choose something from their website, I thought yay, I can get a new fleece or something instead of my minging anoraky thing.

My first choice wasn’t available for home delivery but then I saw a black softshell hoody with a pink zip.

softshell_hoody

Pretty hoody.

This turned up a couple of days after ordering it and today – as it certainly wasn’t parka weather – wore my new hoody on my cycle up to the gym for my spin class.

I am well pleased with my hoody. It’s beautifully light, fits well, looks cool and is comfy. My only criticism of it is that the arms are slightly too short for me – they don’t quite reach my wrists. Apart from that though, I think I’m going to be wearing this hoody a lot when I’m out on my bike.

Introducing Viceathon

devilShaun has a drink problem. Only, the problem is that it’s not his drinking he has a problem with, it’s mine. So, last night, as I came out of the supermarket clutching eight cans of Budweiser (‘that’ll see you through’, he said), Shaun thought up a little challenge for me: ‘For each drink you have, you have to run a mile’.

Usually, I just tell him to shut up if he moans about me drinking but he’s a sneaky little chap, and knows I’m fond of challenges and so I thought about it and said ok, but I’m adding in cycling miles too.

So, this morning, after telling Twitter I had a new challenge for everyone (oh, sorry, did you think I was going to do this on my own?), a little discussion was born between me, Helen, Adele, Rachel and Jo who were all up for it.

I am aware that there are lots of moderate drinkers out there and so 1 pint = 1 mile isn’t going to be much of a challenge for someone who only drinks 2 pints a month so, if (like Adele) you’re more of a cakehead than a pisshead, you can use baked goods. Shaun, who is neither a pisshead nor cakehead, is going to run a mile for every 5 minutes of Peggle (a game on his phone) he plays.

It’s a personal challenge, so you can use whatever you like, e.g. 1 prostitute = 10 miles. (I appreciate that you might not want to write on your blog that you’ve been shagging prostitutes, so if you want to substitute the word ‘prostitute’ for ‘cake’ that’s fine.)

You don’t even have to run or cycle or go to the gym. If you want to walk a mile for every half hour of TV you watch, that’s ok. Unlike the other ‘athons, there’s no need to blog every day, but if you want to share what you’ve been up to, I’ve created a Viceathon Facebook Group.

The challenge starts on Sunday 1 April, so you’ve got a couple of weeks to think about what your vice miles will be. You don’t need to do your miles the next day, you just need a balance of zero by midnight Monday April 30. So, if you’re planning to eat a lot of cakes or go to the pub for six hours on 30 April, make sure you’ve got enough vice miles in the bank to cover it.

My personal challenge is:

1 drink (1 pint/glass of wine) =

1 running mile; or
2 bike miles; or
15 minutes in the gym

If this is too easy, I’ll up the bike miles and gym minutes.

Got it? Cool!

If you’re in, leave a comment below (with what you’ll be doing if you’ve decided yet) and I’ll add you to the list of Viceathoners in the sidebar.

Cycling commute (includes rhinos and baby goats)

I’ve been exercising, honest. It’s even involved some running (4 miles on 3 March to be exact. I have GPS proof if you don’t believe me), but yesterday I decided as it was such a beautiful bright day, I’d cycle into uni, 16.5 miles away.

The first ten miles were down quiet country lanes, past the usual fields of sheep, sheep and more sheep, but then I got to a field of chickens and lo! there were some cute furry brown things with four legs skipping about amongst their feathery clucking friends.

Although I’m a townie (although I read recently that ‘townie’ means ‘chav’ and I wouldn’t describe myself as a chav (others might, but hey ho) and I use the word townie to mean I come from a town and know fuck all about the countryside), I knew these brown things weren’t lambs but didn’t know what they were so I decided they were baby goats. They weren’t these ones (I couldn’t be arsed to get off my bike and take a photo) but they looked like them, so yes, I think they were baby goats.

Further along on my commute, I cycled past a field of rhinos. YES! FUCKING RHINOS! (No, I don’t mean the rhinos were fucking, I added the fucking for emphasis but now I’ve explained it, I just look like a dick).

The rhinos were supposed to be there – they hadn’t got the ferry over from Africa or anything – they were in the Port Lympne Wildlife Park (N.B. Lympne is pronounced ‘limm’ and not ‘limp-knee’ as I pronounced it for the first year of living in Kent) and, although I, once again, couldn’t be arsed to get off my bike and take a photo, here’s a photo of a rhino in the wildlife park from when we went there a couple of years ago.

After ten miles, I reached the beginning of Hythe, and therefore a rather long hill. Luckily, it’s a downward hill but I’m not keen on downhills on bike (although I prefer them to uphills) and so I gripped the handlebars and gritted my teeth and kept the brake on (just the brake on the right hand side – the left hand one squeaks like fuck) until I got to the bottom, a mile later. Phew.

I rode through the town centre until I got to the sea and cycled along the seafront for the final four miles until I reached uni.

A fab bike ride that I will do again when a) it’s a nice day; and b) it’s not an early seminar (am I bollocks leaving the house at 7am to get to uni).

(p.s. If you want to know what I’ve been getting up to at uni, sometimes I blog about it at my general writing blog.)

Stats
Distance: 16.56 miles
Time: 1:43:15
Speed: 9.6mph
Calories: 514
Fields of chickens and baby goats: 1
Fields of rhinos: 1
Mile-long downhills: 1
Miles along seafronts: 4