B&Q bathroom installation – day 13

Yawn, here we go again.

I ring the B&Q installation service centre at 11:18 and speak to Jackie who says that Alan was speaking to someone about my bathroom a while ago and that he’s on a tea break and will call me back in 10 minutes.

At 11:50 Alan calls and says that the installation manager can’t come out to visit for another week and obviously that’s too long. His manager is in a meeting at the moment and will speak to him when he’s out of the meeting to see what can be done and will call me back in a hour.

This is obviously another one of those B&Q hours. They live in a world where one of our minutes equates to about five of theirs.

Update
No one’s rung by 2:36 so I ring and Jackie answers and I say Alan said he was going to speak to his manager, has he done that yet? She said she knows that he’s been busy all day trying to get things resolved and speaking to the expert team and that she’ll ask him to call me. I say he said he was going to ring back in an hour and that was at 12 and she said well, like I said, he’s been running here, there and everywhere trying to get it sorted, I don’t think it will be resolved today, but I’ll ask him to give you a call.

Alan calls back at 2:45 and said the fitters will give you a call to explain a solution they have for the taps. I say why are they phoning me? He says so they can explain what they’re going to do, I can’t explain it, it’s too complicated. I said but why do they have to phone me to say what the solution is, why can’t they just come round and do the solution? He says, I don’t really know, I think it’s so they know that it’s what you require. I said I just require taps on my bath, that’s it. He says he tried to get different fitters but none are available. I say will they come round tomorrow? He says he’s not sure, they’ll ring me and he’ll ring me before he goes home to make sure they do ring me.

Sigh. This is doing my head in. It’s only a bath. It’ s not even a fancy bath or anything. I just want my bath installed. I suppose I should be grateful that I do have a toilet installed. Could be worse I suppose.

Bah.

Update #2
Alan rings at 4:45 and says have the fitters called you? I say no. He sighs and says he’ll chase them for me.

The fitter rings at 5:00 and says he can put the spout and the hot and cold taps in the corner by the wall. I say fine. He says but then where does the shower spray go? I say I thought you or someone from your company had spoke to Donald at the store so he could tell you how to fit the bath? He says he doesn’t know anything about that. I say as far as I knew, you and Donald were going to meet at my house and sort it. He says he can put the taps in the corner but the shower spray won’t fit on the other corner, the hose won’t be long enough. I say can’t you get a longer hose? He said B&Q will have to source one. I say aren’t they standard? He says one end is smaller than the other. His phone is very crackly and breaks off. Either that or he got fed up and scrunched up a packet of crisps and hung up.

I have a brainwave and phone him back and say if I scrap the shower spray and get an electric shower instead, can you just put the taps on? He says no, the shower spray is connected to the taps underneath the bath.

We go round and round in circles about how the taps won’t fit. I say but we’ve been through this, the taps come with the bath, they’re designed to go anywhere on the bath. He says in the store in Romford the taps are on a different bath. I say I know the one you mean but the bath I’ve got is part of the range, it’s the one you get if you get a straight edged bath, I’ve seen this bath on the website with these taps. He said have you seen the bath on the website with those taps? I said yes. He said where are the taps placed? I said, well, from memory, the taps are in the corner and the shower spray is just to the side of them on the edge. He said I can do that if you’re happy with that. He says I’ll look on the website tonight to see where the taps go and call you tomorrow.

WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!! I’ve been saying for two weeks, I don’t care where the taps go, I just want my bath installed. Two weeks of f*****g around and plumbers saying the taps don’t fit and all he had to do was be shown a picture?  I printed the photo from the website, think I’ll draw a big red arrow on it pointing at the taps, that might help the fuckwit out.

I think I’m going to kill myself.