Poodle attack

For the next two weeks I am a lady of leisure. Hurrah. So today I get up at 6am and decide to go over the forest for 14 miles in preparation for the 15 mile xc race in two weeks but then I decide to do 14 miles over the marshes instead and so I go onto the gmap-pedometer site and decide to be adventurous and go over Victoria Park to make the miles up and I plot a 14 mile route and take my big iPod and my crappy iPod headphones as I am still Shuffle-less and decent-headphones-less until Wednesday when I’ll see Tracey and go make up shopping girly style and then go to the casino for the half price drinks and I’m under strict instructions not to drink wine and I don’t think I want to drink wine again anyway if it involves me leaving my coat behind with my iPod in it.

I leave the house armed with a map that will hopefully help me find Victoria Park and I get through Walthamstow Marshes and Hackney Marshes and out onto the street and I go the way I think the park is and I get to the road I think I need to go down but obviously because I need to see a road sign there isn’t one but when I get to the end of the road there’s a road sign and it tells me I’m in the right road and I think ha, I am the master of navigation and I find the park and then I have to decide whether to go clockwise or anti-clockwise and I decide to go anti-clockwise and I’m trying not to think about the girl jogger who got murdered here a few years ago and I think it was about 8:30 in the morning and I wonder what the time is and my Garmin tells me I’ve been out for about 30 minutes and I left my house about 8 so it’s about 8:30 in the morning, and I think eek, but then I think there’s so many people here, she must have tried REALLY hard to get murdered and I stick to the edge of the park as I don’t want to get lost as I’ve only ever been here at festivals and don’t know the park well but it doesn’t look that big to me and I keep going round the edge and then I see a sign that says deer pen. DEER PEN? Ooh ooh ooh. I haven’t seen deer since, um, fuck knows when and so I deviate from my stick to the edge so I don’t get lost plan and head off in the direction the sign’s pointing but I can’t see any deer, only a tennis court which isn’t anything like deer, and then I see a sign that says deer pen pointing in the direction I’ve just come and I think JUST TELL ME WHERE THE DEER ARE and I think I’m going to stamp my foot or something if I don’t find any deer and I go round a corner and yay, THERE’S DEER, hurrah. And obviously this is a real photo based emergency so I stop to take a photo.

And another one

Then after my deer based photo emergency I carry on and try to find the edge of the park and I get attacked by a poodle. A FUCKING POODLE. The shame of it. And the owner’s saying I’m sorry, it’s ok, he won’t do anything and I say it’s ok, I’m just trying not to tread on him and she says just tread on him and I think aw, I can’t tread on him even if he is really annoying and trying to bite my ankles and ruining any street cred I may have thought I ever had and then her other dog comes over and pushes the poodle away and they run off and I get to the edge of the park and I think shit, I’ve gone the wrong way I need to go the other way so I turn back and I see poodle woman again and I don’t think I can go through the humiliation of being attacked by a poodle again and hope they don’t come over but they stay where they are and I eventually find the gate I came through in the first place and I’ve gone about 7 miles and I think bloody hell, I’ve got to do that distance again and I’m knackered and I get back to Hackney Marshes and to Walthamstow Marshes and I’m going so so so so slowly and I get to the marina and the recycling bins and I’ve just finished my drink so I chuck it in a recycling bin and then it feels weird to be running without holding anything and I get back onto the street and I’ve done 12 miles, so another 2 to go and I think shit, I can’t do another 2 miles, especially as I’m only a mile and a half from home so I’ll have to do a lap of the park which always kills me and I get to the park and do a lap which brings me to 14 miles and I decide to be hardcore and not switch the Garmin off and go immediately into walk mode but to carry on ’til I get to my house and I give myself a 1 in 10 chance of being able to walk tomorrow. Ouch.

Today’s route

Stats:
Distance: 14.39 miles
Time: 2:47:52
Pace: 11:40 m/m
Calories: 1390
Deer: 3
Poodles attacking me: 1
Music:
Cardiacs
Muse
Ludes
The Gossip
The Cure
Kate Nash
Faith No More
Rollins Band
The Cribs
Bobby Conn
Ben Folds Five
White Stripes
The Young Knives
Ween
B52s
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
The Wombats
Manic Street Preachers
Air
Hole
Blur
Dirty Pretty Things
Siouxsie & The Banshees
80s Matchbox B-Line Disaster
Soft Cell
Scissor Sisters
Franz Ferdinand
Elastica
Supergrass