This year’s Crisis Square Mile Run started off a bit differently from other years. About 60 miles differently. Instead of walking up the road after work to take my place with the rest of the red t-shirt brigade, I get on a train for an hour and meet Shaun, who’s been on a course in Ye Olde Londone Towne (well, Brentford to be precise), at London Bridge outside the cycle shop and he points and says what do you think of that
and I think it’s the prettiest bike in the whole wide world and it’s got a silver pump and a bell and everything and Shaun eventually tears me away from the window and we walk up to St Paul’s and I say I’m hungry, can we skip the running bit and just do the beer and pizza bit and Shaun says ok then but I don’t think he means it and I go into Pret to get some water and accidentally buy a packet of Croxton Manor Cheddar & Red Onion Crisps which I scoff in about three seconds and we get to Paternoster Square and I get my red t-shirt and Shaun queues up for his as he didn’t get a registration pack but they’ve got his name down and I go to Corney & Barrow to get changed and Shaun strips in the street
then we go to St Paul’s station to wait for Bernard who’s not running AGAIN but is going to be the official bag looker afterer again although he’d been emailing me all day to say he wasn’t a donkey, and even sending me a picture of a donkey
just to reinforce this fact and Gary turns up and says he can’t run as they’ve lost his registration and I say are you going to run anyway? and he says no, he’s got a dodgy knee and the run’s about to start and Shaun takes his place with the speedy types and the gun goes off and I’m not sure where I’m supposed to start so I wander over to the pens and it says fast runners only and I look at the people there and I think no way are they fast runners, especially the middle aged woman with the fashion rucksack over one shoulder and so I start there and we get over the start line and people have started to walk already and I think YOU COULD AT LEAST RUN OVER THE FLIPPING START LINE and as usual the first half a mile is a bit of a stop/start but not as bad as previous years and we don’t stand under London Bridge for quarter of an hour this time and at 0.8 miles I get a stitch and I think oops, maybe I shouldn’t have eaten those crisps and I think I can’t stop to walk after a mile, I’ll look like one of those annoying walking people but the pain gets worse and I have to stop and walk and it eases and so I start running again but I’m quite tired and it turns into a walk/run kind of thing and then we get to the London Eye and I walk across the grassy bit as I don’t like running on grass and then I see an upside down cow thing and I wonder what that is and it says bar open and I think AN UPSIDE DOWN COW BAR, HOW COOL IS THAT? and I want to go to the upside down cow bar and we get off the grassy bit and I start to run again, happy that I’ve seen an upside down cow, and we go over Blackfriars Bridge and a girl behind me asks a man where his sister’s from and he says Cheshire and I think shut up, I don’t care where your sister’s from, stop talking and I’m getting really tired and want to finish and go and get a pint and a pizza and I wonder what route this is going to take as I can’t see it finishing any time soon and I’m a bit confused and then there’s a girl on my shoulder and I want to shake her off and so I speed up to lose her but then she’s there again and I think get off my shoulder and speed up again and I eventually lose her for good this time and then we’re going over Southwark Bridge and I think maybe this is the finish as we’ve done three miles now and usually the route is less than the advertised 3.5 miles and usually under 3 and I don’t want to go any further and I think is this ever going to finish and I thought it ended over the Millennium Bridge but that’s far away and it’s going to be way over 3.5 miles and I eventually get to the Millennium Bridge and my Garmin says we’ve gone 4.17 miles and I think HALF A MILE EXTRA, ARE YOU TAKING THE PISS OR WHAT? and Bernard sees me coming over the bridge and takes my photo
but Shaun misses me as he’s busy inspecting the contents of his goody bag and we go to the pub and have a couple of pints, the second pint making us a few minutes late to meet Megan and Meg (sorry we were late, great to meet you both) at an inexplicably empty Harry’s Bar for more beer, garlic bread (with and without cheese) and pizza.
Distance: 4.17 miles
Pace: 11:45 m/m