The JogBlog DIY Hot Soup Dash

Five years ago, I took part in the Isle of Oxney Hot Soup Dash (now called the more descriptive, but not as pretty, Tenterden 5). It was cold, wet and windy, with a never-ending hill in the middle, but they gave us soup at the end and I will always run for soup.

I had planned to do it again this year but I’ve been reviewing a Bodychef diet plan over on my Planet Veggie blog and, as well as running for soup, I also run for roast lunch and beer and, unsurprisingly, no matter how hard I studied the diet sheets, nowhere did I see roast lunch and beer mentioned.

So, I decided to do my own 5 miler here and have a cup a soup after. I told Facebook I might even make myself a medal.

My run was slow and muddy (made slower by the interruption half way by Shaun checking up on me on his mountain bike on his way out to buy some eggs but, let’s be honest, I don’t really need much of an excuse to stop running) but the weather was perfect – not too cold, sunny-ish and barely any wind.

After a shower and some dicking around on Facebook, it was time to make my lunch, which – with it being the Hot Soup Dash – had to involve some cup a soup. I made it in my new Helly Hansen mug which is black-ish when it’s cold.

Helly Hansen mug sans soup

Helly Hansen mug sans soup

and reveals a picture when hot liquid is added.

Souped up mug

Souped up mug

As you’d expect from a Helly Hansen mug, it has pictures of sporty things, like this girl out running who, if you look at it from far away and squint between a tiny gap in your fingers, could be mistaken for me running through Ashford.

Will run for soup

Will run for soup

And yes, I made myself a medal, too.

JogBlog bespoke medals are available by arrangement

JogBlog bespoke bling is available for commission

I’m going to send this off to the London Marathon medal design dudes. They’ll be sure to commission me to make theirs in the future.


Race: The JogBlog Hot Soup Dash
Distance: 5 miles
Pace: sloooooooooooooow
Interruptions by Shaun going to buy eggs: 1
Cup a soups: 1
Bespoke medals: 1

Folkestone Santa Fun Run 2014 Report

Saturdays, for me, are traditionally long run days, even if my long runs do seem long ago in the past. However, Fridays are still usually alcohol-free days but not last Friday, oh no. A friend had organised a local pub crawl and seeing as a local pub crawl was my idea in the first place, I sort of had to go, didn’t I? Although the crawl only crawled through two pubs and I swear I only had a few pints of lager, I had no idea how or when I got home and didn’t get up until 4:30pm the next day. This meant my Saturday night involved nothing more exciting than sitting at home on my own with my cat, drinking hot chocolate, like the old spinster of the parish, despite living directly across the road from a pub. On the upside though, this also meant that while I was not in the pub ruining any chances of seeing Sunday morning but sitting at home browsing Facebook instead, I saw a friend mention a Santa Fun Run taking place the next day.  It was only a few miles away (countryside miles, that is. In the countryside, if something is 15 miles away, you can be there in 20 minutes. In London, if something is 15 miles away, it’s a day trip with possibly an overnight stay). Bonus. It also didn’t start until the civilised time of 11.30. Even bigger bonus. So I decided if I was up in time, then I’d go along. And up in time I was and Shaun agreed to drive me to Folkestone to take part with all the other people who had been sitting at home with their cats the night before and therefore weren’t too hungover for a little jog by the seaside.

Folkestone Santa Fun Run 2014

Ho ho ho

Unlike last time I did a Santa run, Shaun decided not to join in because ‘I’m not doing any races this year’ (despite me pointing out that a bunch of people running around in Santa suits could hardly be described as a race). But, just like last time I did a Santa run, when we left the house, it was minus-something Celsius but I remembered the Santa suits were warm and the hat keeps your ears cosy, which is just as well as, although one of the incidental benefits of earphones – aside from their more obvious main purpose – are that they keep the wind out of your ears, they don’t exactly keep your ears warm when it’s minus-something Celsius outside.

We got to Folkestone in plenty of time to spend some time drinking hot chocolate in Costa Coffee and using their toilets to change into my Santa suit (sorry to anyone who was waiting outside, bursting for a wee) and off I went to the start line.

Running in a Santa suit surrounded by others in Santa suits is fun, as anyone who’s done it can tell you. It’s only fun for about three minutes though and then it’s too hot and uncomfortable. Although I didn’t have the beard on my face but hung around my neck, that got thrown in the first bin I saw and the sleeves soon got rolled up. Then rolled back down when I walked up the never-ending hill. Had I known, however, that not long after the never-ending hill would be the end, I might have made more of an effort and not walked so much. But because the website said the route would be approximately 5km and the entry form said approximately 6km, I was expecting the run to be roughly somewhere in between – say, 5.5km exactly – when I got to the end at just 2.85 miles (which even with my shoddy maths skillz is obviously quite short of 5km), I was slightly perturbed. Although not as perturbed as the man Shaun told me should have won but didn’t because someone took a short cut and crossed the line before the man who should have won. But it’s a charity fun run and not to be taken too seriously and I did get some bling at the end and I only run for bling, after all.

Folkestone Santa Fun Run 2014 Medal

Will run for bling

Well, bling and beer and burgers.

Googies burger and chips

Will run for burgers

(Okay, it’s wine but I was going with the alliteration thing.)

The good and the bad of the Great South Run

Slightly late with my Great South Run report and I can’t remember the specifics now, so here’s a bit of a list of what I liked and what pissed me off.

like-image The Portsmouth Marriott Hotel

The hotel was fab. It had a big squidgy bed and whenever I go to bed now, I feel like I’m sleeping rough. 16 pillows were a bit OTT though.

Pizza Express

Brilliant service in the Pizza Express, unlike the ignorant sloths they employ in their Ashford branch.


The VIP tent

Best thing ever. I am INSISTING on being a VIP at all future races. It was warm and comfy and there were free drinks and free food and clean, flushable toilets with no queues and we got to hang out with Iwan Thomas, Kelly Holmes and Sally Gunnell (standing a few feet away = hang out with, ok?) My blue fleece was still in there after I’d finished running, too (except someone had taken the 50p that was in it).

Lo-fiving children

Yeah, I know I’m not a fan of squawking, screaming, badly behaved brat things but children wanting to lo-five me was cute.

My Nike Vapor Windrunner Jacket

We parked two miles away from the race and I would have frozen if I hadn’t had my new Nike Vapor Windrunner Jacket. It kept me warm and dry and folded up small enough to put in my bag.

The flatness

It was flat.  There were no hills. This was good.

The water stations

A bit strange, as there wasn’t any water until about five miles, so I hung on to mine in case that was it, but then there was water station after water station after water station… (One was a Powerade station – blimey, that Powerade gave me a much needed boost, that’s for sure.)


I played Audiofuel’s marathon long run training sessions which are 2 x 1 hour each. So… two hours of Audiofuel and I finished in 2 hours, when I was expecting it to be nearer 3. Coincidence? I don’t think so – Audiofuel is magic.

The race bling

Bling is good.


Post-race beer and food

Burger, chips and beer. My favourite post-race food. (To be fair, any food after a race is my favourite, as long as it’s accompanied by beer.)



Sorry, Portsmouth, but the bits I saw in the evening were just not pretty. We visited two areas to check out the restaurants but they were both a low-rent Canary Wharf and I flipping hate Canary Wharf. Cold and characterless.

The route

The most boring, unattractive route ever. A pretty first mile with some ships and stuff then 9 miles of run down residential areas. At least there weren’t any hills.

The bands

I’ve got my own music, thank you.

Charity runners

Because I’m slow, I get stuck at the back with all the charity divs who start walking after half a mile. I also don’t appreciate being surrounded by people who support vivisection (i.e. people wearing Cancer Research UK or British Heart Foundation vests). And while I’m moaning about charity runners, Harvey Army – if you read this, you were fucking annoying when you started chanting for ten minutes at the 10k mark.

The last two miles

Bloody windy.

The baggage drop

The baggage drop was a room where you left your bag. No check-in, no security, just dump it on the ground and hope it’s still there when you come back.

The finish

I just want to finish and fuck off not walk for three miles back to the bag drop.

The chip removal woman

The chip removal woman was a sour-faced old moo who stood on my foot to give herself more leverage to remove my chip. I HAD BLISTERS AND YOU STANDING ON MY FOOT FUCKING HURT AND I HOPE YOU NEVER EVER EVER VOLUNTEER AGAIN YOU SOUR-FACED OLD MOO.

So, would I run the Great South Run again? Doubtful. The organisation was great, it all went smoothly, it started on time, so there’s no criticism there, it’s just put me off big charity runs. Virgin London Marathon is now looking unlikely.

Royal Parks Half Marathon report

I know I should have blogged about the Folkestone Half. I even started it a day or two before the actual race but then didn’t finish it. I did finish the half though, although in a very very very slow time. Afterwards, me, iliketocount, helsbels, Travelling Hopefully, Travelling Hopefully’s husband Rich and helsbels’ two friends Jimmy (who will be getting a blog as he will be doing Janathon) and Helen, went to Googies for lunch. You can see my lunch and my recent recreation of it on my Planet Veggie blog.

Helen, Jimmy and Helen drove back to London afterwards, while me, iliketocount, Travelling Hopefully and Rich went to the pub. A very strange pub that you’d never think was in Folkestone due to its mahogany tables, crystal sherry glasses behind the bar, a baby grand piano and Mendelssohn and Brahms coming through the speakers (I know it was Mendelssohn and Brahms: not because I’m a secret classical music fan, not because Shazam told me (although I did try it) but because the Classic FM DJ told me).

Shaun then took us to his favourite pub in Folkestone. Shaun’s favourite pub is a dirty shithole full of scary people with more tattoos than teeth and so we quickly drank up and left Travelling Hopefully and Rich to continue with their Folkestone pub crawl while we headed back to Ashford.

That was two weeks ago.

I almost didn’t make it to the Royal Parks Half. I looked at the train times and the only train to get me to the start on time was leaving at a stupidly early hour and there was no way I was getting up at 4am to run a race I hadn’t trained for. Even if there was going to be pizza and beer afterwards.

helsbels kindly offered me her sofa bed and at first I accepted, mostly due to the fact that it meant we could go out for pizza and beer the night before the race but then I declined as I knew I just wouldn’t be able to sleep as I can’t sleep in a strange bed.

But then, hurrah! a new train was added to the high speed timetable that would get me to the start on time without leaving at a stupidly early time.

So yesterday morning, I got up at 6am and caught the 7:43 to St Pancras. I arrived at Hyde Park with what I thought was plenty of time to put my bag in and go to the toilet.

Then I saw the baggage queue.

It was a long queue. Luckily, it did go down quite quickly and then I joined the toilet queue. Which didn’t go down quickly and I was still in the queue well after 9:30 when the gun for the first wave went off.

I eventually crossed the start line at around 9:55am and did my first mile in under 10 minutes, fast for me at the moment. The second mile didn’t take much longer. 5k came quite quickly and I was feeling fine until 5 miles when my leg started hurting. My leg has been hurting all through my training and during Folkestone Half but luckily hadn’t turned into an injury. Because I didn’t want it to turn into an injury, I seriously thought about DNFing at 5 miles as I didn’t want to walk/limp for 8 miles. Then I decided I didn’t want to wait ages for everyone else to finish and I also didn’t want to turn up at the restaurant and tell everyone I was a loser.

Then at 6 miles a smile spread across my face as I saw Shaun on the pavement, camera poised. I gave him a ‘thumbs up’ (which is really naff and almost as annoying as that ‘fingers-as-quotation-marks-thing’ that makes me want to bash with a hammer the fingers of the person who is doing it) and said ‘my leg hurts’, to which he replied ‘no pain no gain’ which made the girl running behind me laugh. Seeing Shaun gave me a bit of a boost and I carried on running, albeit very slowly, until about mile 8 when my leg started hurting too much for me to carry on running and so I started walking. Shaun popped up again at mile 12 and told me to stop walking and to start running. I hobbled along a bit quicker for a while then started walking again, when he ran up to me and said not to start walking as soon as he was out of sight. Bah.

I walked up to the last stretch and Shaun, Helen and Jimmy were there to cheer me on but I didn’t have it in me to run again until I was practically at the finish line. I ran/limped over the line, turned off my Garmin, which despite me taking flipping hours, was still ticking over, and got my medal and goody bag. Which was just a bag with nothing in it. I JUST RAN 13.1 MILES AND YOU GIVE ME A BAG WITH NOTHING IN IT? It’s a swindle! Luckily in the park there was a tent giving out free stuff and we got free biscuits, Shreddies, teabags and toothpaste.

A pub was found, then we went off to meet fairweatherrunner, fortnightflo and abradypus – who had also done the race – for lunch at Prezzo.

Then, strangely enough, me, helsbels, Jimmy and Shaun went to another pub on the way home.

Ashford 5K: The Movie

I saw a camera on a tripod at the beginning of the Ashford 5k on Friday, but thought nothing of it at the time. Then a video nasty appeared on Nice Work’s Facebook Page.

You can see me wonkily lumbering past at about 30 seconds, just as the race had started, and not quite in last position yet.

I had trouble embedding the video, but you can watch it here.

You can also see iliketocount part-way through the race at 8:41 and crossing the finish line with a very manly grunt at 15:18.  

There’s also lots of interviews with the winners and a few other runners (she didn’t want to talk to me though. Not that I saw her talking and filming anyone, but that’s not the point).

Ashford 5k Summer Series

It was the last of the local 5ks on Friday. I made a last minute decision to run it and when I got to the park, realised that in my haste to leave the house, I had forgotten my Garmin. While getting my race number, I mentioned to Martin – Nice Work’s race director – that I’d forgotten it and he immediately offered me his to borrow. What a gent!

The race started, I trotted around the park for 31 minutes and 49 seconds and crossed the finish line…

… last!

But with a time of 31:49, that’s not really something I can be ashamed of. And anyway, seeing as I was hardcore and ran for longer than anyone else, I reckon I was the winner really.

So there.

Ashford 5k Summer Series report

And so… on the 31st day of Juneathon, I cycled to the gym, did twenty minutes on the rowing machine, fifteen minutes on the stationary bike, a forty-five minute body pump class, cycled back home, submitted a story for a local event, started writing an article for submission to a magazine, went downstairs to read a book in the conservatory where I promptly fell asleep as it’s so warm in there, got woken up when Shaun came in who asked if I still wanted to do the 5k, as he didn’t really want to do it as he was knackered from cycling to and from work all week, but I wanted to do it because it was local and because I’ve never done a properly measured 5k before and because it was a lovely sunny evening and it was being held in a nice park and so we drove over to the park where there was a girl in her underwear and men doing stretches and things, i.e. proper athletes, and so I held off from entering as there were only a few people there and after seeing the results for Staplehurst 10k where the final finisher finished in only 1 hour and 12 minutes, I was scared I’d be last but we paid our entry fee and the race director said to me oh Cathy, we’ve got the medals now if you want one and I said for the Hamstreet race? and he said yes and I thought how does he know who I am and I said did you see it on my blog? and he said yes, it’s a good blog and I said thank you and thought, yay, I’m famous and then Shaun wanted to go to the toilet but the toilets were closed even though the race organisers had organised for them to be open and so we drove back home again and went to the toilet then drove back to the race and there were a couple of women carrying pink water bottles and I thought surely I can beat women who carry pink water bottles round a 5k and I set Cedric to pace me for 11 minute miles although I thought this was probably a bit optimistic, given my current running speed and we all walked up to the start and I said to Shaun I think it’s a couple of laps round the park and a man next to us said yes, it’s a couple of laps and I said I’ll follow you then if you know the way, how fast do you go and he said oh, only 17 minutes and I think only? and I say, I’m not following you then and then the race started and it started on a nice downhill bit and everyone sprinted off and then I slowed down and fell into a consistent pace and I kept ahead of Cedric all the way and there were marshals in all the right places except for the one in the middle of the slightly slopey bit really big hill as I don’t like to walk past marshals and so I had to run up the really big hill so as not to look like a lightweight in front of the marshal and the last two miles were spent behind a man who seemed to be plodding gently along and I overtook him for a bit then with .4 miles to go he steamed ahead of me for his final sprint and I thought I’m not going to try and catch you up as that really big hill is just around the corner and as I get to the hill for the second and final time one of the women with the pink water bottles is just behind me and I think fuck, I’m going to be beaten by a woman with a pink water bottle and I wonder if I sprint off will she decide to  pick me off and sprint past me and I get to the final downhill bit and I run and I run and I run and I get through the finish line and a man puts a medal round my neck and I’ve done my fastest 5k ever ever ever and I go and get a Jaffa Cake and say to Shaun shall we go now and he says let’s wait for the prizes shall we? there can’t be many more to finish and the last finisher comes in and we go to the prize-giving thingy and the race director gives the prizes to the overall winners and then he gives out the prizes to the category winners and he calls Shaun’s name out and I give a sharp intake of breath and Shaun says what? who? me? really? and the race director says yes, you and so Shaun goes and gets his prize which is a bottle of wine and although he hates wine he says I can’t have it because he won it and he’s never won anything before and then we go home very very happy.

Distance: 3.19 miles
Time: 31:16
Pace: 9:48 m/m
Calories: 336
Days of Juneathon: 31
PBs: 1
Prize winning boyfriends: 1
People very happy: 2

Hamstreet 10k race report

The official website said “The course will be run along quiet country lanes and we’ll be looking to set a flat or slightly undulating course to enable some fast times to be posted.”

Hmm, nice, I thought.


The Runner’s World page said: “A first-time race around the tracks and trails around the village of Hamstreet, and, primarily, through Hamstreet Woods.”

Run Britain called it ‘Hilly

Hmm, I thought. Who is right? Surely, the official website?



It was muddy and hilly and hilly and muddy and muddy and hilly and hilly and muddy and, well, you get the picture. This picture, in fact.

You can see from my splits that the hills may have slowed me down a tad.

I’m glad the official website was wrong though, as it was great fun and definitely a challenge, as I’ve never run that far through woods before.

Unfortunately, it proved to be a touch too challenging for one poor chap who I passed as he was lying on the ground being attended to by marshalls (who tried to block my view of him; I wasn’t being a vulture, I was making sure it wasn’t Shaun [who passed him on the course and upon seeing he was in trouble tried to help him]).

Shaun was there to meet me just before the finish line and told me to give it one last big push but I had nothing left in me and I shuffled around the lap of the field and to the finish line where I was given a generic medal

instead of one engraved with ‘Hamstreet 10k’ on the back of it. Presumably they’d run out of those by the time I finished. They’d also run out of goodie bags too, but apart from those two minor points and the major point that the official website described the route in a way they couldn’t have got more wrong, I went home weary and happy and headed for the pub for lunch.

Distance:  6.25 miles
Time: 1:15:41
Pace: 12:07 m/m
Calories: 628
Lying official websites: 1
Hills: All the ones in the world ever
Flat bits: None
Mud: Lots
Generic medals: 1
Roast lunches: 1
Boats of gravy: 3

Crisis Square Mile Run 2011

After dozing off on the futon in the conservatory on Wednesday afternoon, I spent the evening feeling massively tired and didn’t wake up feeling any better on Thursday and so I emailed Shaun at work to tell him that I was officially pulling out of the Crisis Square Mile Run. This ended up with him coming in at 3:30pm and pulling me out of bed and dragging me on the train to London with him.


Although, it wasn’t bah really as I felt really sad at the thought of missing Crisis as it was my first ever race and I’d done it five years in a row and if there was ever a race I wasn’t going to miss, it was that one.

This year, my feelings towards Crisis had changed and this year was going to be my last due to me not being very happy about changes to the organisation this year.

First, the entry fee went up by £6 from £12 to £18. That’s quite a big rise and makes it quite an expensive race, considering the organisers never know exactly how long the route will be (last year it was advertised at 3.5 miles but turned out to be 4.2) and so it is just a fun run.

Still, with eyebrows slightly raised, but unperturbed, I went to sign up and pay my entry fee. Now I did get perturbed. Muchly perturbed. To enter this year’s Crisis, I was FORCED to create a Virgin Money fundraising page. Fucking cheeky pisstakers. I even emailed them to tell them they were fucking cheeky pisstakers (I promise I was more tactful than that).

A few weeks later, I received a cardboard cut-out of a foot, in an envelope, with postage paid on it, reminding me to sign up for the race. I SIGNED UP WEEKS AGO, WHY ARE YOU WASTING CHARITY MONEY SENDING PIECES OF CARDBOARD IN ENVELOPES TO PEOPLE? Shaun also received the same piece of cardboard in an envelope. Was he equally rankled? Oh yes. He was rankled enough to email them and complain.

Then everyone received an email saying how delighted Crisis were to be offering chip timing this year. What the hell is the point of offering chip timing for a route that is a different distance each year? Pointless. And to be even more pointless, you could only get the pointless chip timing if you collected your chip from London the day before the race, which is fine if you live or work near the chip collection place. Not so fine if you live, say, 60 miles away in Kent.

I decided that this year would be my last run for Crisis due to the immense arseholery of this year’s organisation.

This year though, we walked the mile or so from London Bridge to Paternoster Square where we met up with Tom and Grant and picked up our red t-shirts. I usually get changed in Corney & Barrow but this year there were scary looking bouncers outside so I decided to get changed in the toilets in the square.

Because I’d told my friend Gary the bag lookerafterer I was officially pulling out of Crisis and therefore he was off bag looking after duty, we had to use the official bag storage and so we dumped our bags then went back to the square to wait for the start. Along with the usual embarrassingly cringeworthy dancing warm-up thing, everyone had to lie on the floor for a photograph to be taken to raise awareness of people sleeping on the streets.

The race started on time. Yes, on time. Proper on time and everything. 7pm on the dot. Shock shock horror horror shock shock horror, etc.

At 2 miles, I decided I’d had enough of people pushing me and cutting me up and elbowing me (that really hurt; can’t fat people have fat elbows too?) and I wondered which was the best way to get back to St Paul’s but then I thought I might as well carry on the last two miles as it’d probably take me longer to find my way back and anyway, did I really want to DNF? and I decided I didn’t really want to DNF, as it wasn’t like I was injured or anything, I was just feeling a bit sick and fed up and so I carried on and I was walking and walking until I got to the path that leads under the Millennium Bridge and I saw Shaun standing next to Tom and Grant on the bridge and so I started running as I didn’t want them to see me walking but they all had their backs to me and there were two men in white t-shirts next to them waving to someone and I thought about trying to get their attention so they could poke Shaun and make him turn round SO HE COULD SEE HIS GIRLFRIEND RUNNING UP TO THE BRIDGE but I didn’t get their attention and so Shaun didn’t see me and when I got under the bridge I thought fuck it then and started walking and I walked over Southwark Bridge and got over taken by two ladies of a certain age wearing those skanky “I Red heart 2 Run” Royal Parks Half Marathon 2009 t-shirts and I thought you flipping well don’t look like you heart to run as you’re shuffling along looking very uncomfortable indeed but they are at least going faster than me and they get quite a way ahead and so I make it my personal target to beat them and so I start running again and when I get to the bottom of Southwark Bridge, there’s stairs going down to the path that leads up to the Millennium Bridge and I think I could cheat and go down there and it wouldn’t really be cheating as it’s not like I’m going to win or the time’s being recorded or anything and anyway, I would declare it on my blog but then I think I might get caught and so I decide not to cheat and I go the proper way and as I go round the block and back onto the path, two girls who have OBVIOUSLY CHEATED run past and the marshall looks a bit surprised in a ‘where did they come from’ kind of way and I’m glad I didn’t cheat as I think the girls look like twats for cheating and I catch up the I heart to run ladies and they’re walking up the Millennium Bridge and I don’t think I’m in any danger of them doing a sprint finish and so I run past them and run all the way down the bridge to the finish line and then Tom goes home and me, Shaun and Grant go to Harry’s Bar and get one of the nicest pizzas ever and then Grant heads off to King’s Cross and me and Shaun head back to London Bridge and Shaun goes into Londis and buys butter and milk but won’t buy me a Nutrageous Bar as he says at 89p they’re too expensive. Bah.

Distance: 4.19 miles
Time: 49:38
Pace: 11:51 m/m
Calories: 438
Crisises done so far: 6
Crisises doing in the future: 0
Ladies of a certain age: 2
Girls cheating: 2
Nutrageous Bars: 0 Black Sheep

On the 13th day of Juneathon, I did the Great Kent Bike Ride

They short-changed me. I entered in good faith a 35 mile bike ride and my Garmin only measure 33.39 miles.


I got to the park where the start was and although it was supposed to be a ride and not a race and a family event, it was full of serious looking cyclists wearing lycra and on proper bikes, not pink ones with wicker baskets. I felt like I was in fancy dress.

Still, I cycled 33.39 miles around Kent and got a few ‘hellos’ and ‘mornings’ and one ‘OH MY GOD, LOOK AT YOUR BIKE, I WANT THAT BIKE. THAT IS AWESOME!!!s’ and got to the finish line and the man on the tannoy said ‘that’s the first proper bike I’ve seen come through so far’ and I go and buy a nice red t-shirt from the nice lady on the stall who says I’m the spitting image of her cousin and then Shaun comes to collect me and we go to Wetherspoons and I have a roast dinner containing 1,039 calories and he has burger and chips containing 1,270 calories.

That’s a lot of calories.

Stats (cycling):
Distance: 33.39 miles
Time: 3:10:50
Speed: 10.5 mph
Calories: 1,099
Proper cyclists on proper bikes and wearing lycra: hundreds
Unproper cyclists on pink bikes with wicker baskets not wearing lycra: 1
Roast dinners containing 1,039 calories: 1
Burgers and chips containing 1,270 calories: 1

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