Virgin London Marathon
Two magazines came through the door today. One had smiley people on it, one had rather pissed off people on it.
Guess which one I got?
Eek.
Author: jogblog
Dear Countryside, please look up the definition of ‘path’.
The sun was up, the sky was blue, it was beautiful and so was I, and when I stopped paraphrasing Siouxsie and the Banshees (not a Beatles fan, sorry), I decided to go running over the fields.
As soon as I started lumbering running, my tooth started to hurt and it reminded me of the time I was at work and a girl there said ‘there’s nothing worse than toothache’ and when I replied with ‘people with cancer might disagree with you’ was met with a blank look as she swiftly turned round and carried on the usual bunch-of-women-in-an-office conversation about husbands, kids, food shopping and X-Factor and then I went through the first field and over the stile and in the next field standing by the gate were a load of sheep and most of them gaily skipped through the gate except for this one sheep who just stood there and so I stopped and he took a step forward and I thought he was going to go through the gate and I could follow him and so I took a step forward but then he stopped to let me go first and so I stopped to let him go first instead and it ended up in a ‘no, you go first’, ‘no YOU go first’ typically British situation and I didn’t really want to end up in a side-to-side dance on the pavement thing with a sheep and so I went through the gate first and he followed me through and I got to the next field and oh fuck, like this time last year, the farmer had furrowed his field again and I thought to myself, if there’s a sign that says ‘footpath’ the least it could do is have a fucking path on the other side of it and not twenty acres of mud and so I trudged through the mud in the general direction I thought the next stile was but I couldn’t see it and when I got over the next little bridge the next field was also all mud and I wasn’t happy and I turned round and I didn’t want to do a Plan B run as I was pissed off by then and just wanted to go back but I didn’t go back the way I came, but did a little detour along the road and as I went down the nice downhill open stretch bit there was a learner driver stopped in the road and the cars couldn’t get around it and I rubbernecked while I went past to see what was up with the driver and briefly pondered if I should stop and pretend to do my laces up so I could get a proper look but there didn’t seem to be anything up with her and she was just sitting there and not thumping her fists frustratedly on the steering wheel like I would have been if I had forgotten where the go-forward-and-stop-holding-up-the-traffic-behind-you-pedal was and I carried on running down the hill and I got home severely pissed off that my training run was scuppered by the field full of mud.
Ashford 5K: The Movie
I saw a camera on a tripod at the beginning of the Ashford 5k on Friday, but thought nothing of it at the time. Then a video nasty appeared on Nice Work’s Facebook Page.
You can see me wonkily lumbering past at about 30 seconds, just as the race had started, and not quite in last position yet.
I had trouble embedding the video, but you can watch it here.
You can also see iliketocount part-way through the race at 8:41 and crossing the finish line with a very manly grunt at 15:18.
There’s also lots of interviews with the winners and a few other runners (she didn’t want to talk to me though. Not that I saw her talking and filming anyone, but that’s not the point).
Ashford 5k Summer Series
It was the last of the local 5ks on Friday. I made a last minute decision to run it and when I got to the park, realised that in my haste to leave the house, I had forgotten my Garmin. While getting my race number, I mentioned to Martin – Nice Work’s race director – that I’d forgotten it and he immediately offered me his to borrow. What a gent!
The race started, I trotted around the park for 31 minutes and 49 seconds and crossed the finish line…
… last!
But with a time of 31:49, that’s not really something I can be ashamed of. And anyway, seeing as I was hardcore and ran for longer than anyone else, I reckon I was the winner really.
So there.
Skip-a-dee-doo-dah
I’d actually forgotten that after my last long run, my leg was hurting badly and I was limping for a few days after. Along with my cold came a bad back that lasted for a week and I didn’t even notice that my leg had got better until fellow running bloggers fairweatherrunner and thereisasixpackunderhere reminded me today by saying on Twitter that their injuries seemed to be better now.
After yesterday’s successful trip to the gym, I thought it was probably time I got back out for a run. Just three miles to see how I got on and to make sure my leg didn’t fall off, a la Travelling Hopefully’s barometer of a successful run.
The first mile was done in 10 minutes and 25 seconds and I thought whoop whoop, go me, but the next mile was quite slow but I was still finding it quite easy but then Kate Nash came on my iPod and put me off my stride and I stopped to skip her as although I used to like her, now I just think she’s an annoying little girl and after I’d skipped her, the next few seconds were spent with me standing in a field skipping songs until I found one that met with my approval for continuing with this morning’s run.
Matt Stevens… skip…
The Shins… skip…
Jesus and Mary Chain… skip…
Cardiacs… skip…
The Wombats… skip…
Sleeper… Ah! Yes! Sleeper! 90s indie Britpop at its finest! You can’t go wrong with a bit of 90s indie Britpop (unless it’s Menswear) and so I carried on with my run and wondering if maybe I should get some headphones with some kind of controllable doo-dah on them so I don’t have to keep stopping while I’m skipping and I think my iPod came with some controllable headphones but I’m not wearing the shitty crappy headphones that Apple make and Steve Jobs should be out of a job for selling something so shit and then I remember that Steve Jobs doesn’t actually have a job anymore and I get further down the field and there’s a slug on the path and I’m worried that the slug will get squished and I want to move him onto the grass but I can’t remember if slugs burn if a human touches them or is that only caterpillars? and maybe slugs only burn when humans put salt on them and so I leave the slug on the pavement and think sorry slug, I’ll just have to leave you with the lesson that life isn’t fair and it’s a dog eat dog or, at the very least, a human squish slug kind of world and I get home after doing three miles which makes me think maybe I can do tomorrow’s 5k race after all.
Achoo!
I don’t want to do one of those lame-o ‘Sorry I haven’t blogged for a while’ posts (I mean, does anyone even notice when someone hasn’t blogged for a while? And even if they have noticed, do they care? I, personally, a) don’t usually; and b) don’t anyway, but maybe that’s because I’m just a grumpy old moo) but I’m trying to get into the habit of writing regularly and not just mini-reviews on Planet Veggie describing a cup of artichoke tea as ‘beyond minging’ and ‘probably tastes like a turtle’s anus’.
My training for the Folkestone Rotary Half Marathon and the Royal Parks Foundation Half Marathon was going sort-of-okay until I got a bit of a sniffle was horrifically struck down by a crippling immune system destroying virus which meant that any running- or gym-based activities came to a bit of a slow down. OK, so what I mean is that they stopped completely and I have done fuck all exercise for over a week.
And now the Folkestone Half is only two-and-a-bit weeks away.
Eek.
But just to reassure you that I have got my priorities right, I checked out our post-half eating and drinking venue – Googies – last Saturday and very nice it is too.
Winner announced! Win an iPod Shuffle and VIP tickets for the Royal Parks Foundation Half Marathon
A couple of weeks ago, I gave a reader the chance to win an iPod Shuffle and VIP tickets for the Royal Parks Foundation Half Marathon. All you had to do was register to run the race for Team Mind and then tell me what your top running tune was.
Helen Tamblyn won with Meat Loaf’s Bat Out Of Hell.
Helen said:
“Yes, it’s a long song, but when you’re nearing the end of a tough run and you want something to power you through the last mile, this is the perfect length and who can help but run faster to the lyrics “like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone, gone, gone.”
Well done Helen!
Vivisectionists need not apply
You all know I’m a veggie. If you’re a friend of mine on Facebook or are following me on Twitter, you’ve probably seen me ranting about Race for Life and Cancer Research UK. Cancer Research UK are vivisectionists. If you raise any money for them, you are funding animal experimentation.
So stop it.
Run as many Race for Lifes as you like, I don’t care. I’ve done a few of them myself. The race entry only goes towards directors’ salaries, admin fees and those tacky medals you get at the end. My conscience got the better of me eventually and now my efforts no longer go on running approximately 5k whilst dodging a load of pink-angel-wing-wearing fat women walking really slowly, but towards letting everyone know how much I hate Cancer Research UK.
There are alternative cancer charities. Lots of them. If you have a look at this list, you’ll find them. This list will also let you know if your chosen charity is an ethical one or not. If not, choose one that is.
And PR/marketing people, if you’re emailing me to ask if I’ll promote a charity that conducts or funds animal testing, do one.
The Girl Who Didn’t Wait For The Green Man
I’m not going to start this blog by saying I have been running, honest.
Oh, I just did. Oops.
Anyway, I can never think of how to start a blog post; thinking of a title’s hard enough [so hard that sometimes I just revert to lyrics from obscure songs [for ‘obscure’ read ‘unpopular’] that no one ever gets the reference to] so that will just have to do.
A while ago, I lost one of the little rubbery bits on my headphones that go in your ear. I put the larger ones on but they keep falling out as I obviously have little titchy tiny girly ears. It’s either that or I just have really sweaty ears that keep pushing the larger ones out. We’ll go for the former, eh? I was fed up with them falling out all the time, so looked around for some new ones and thought about getting some Sennheisers but the ones within what I wanted to spend didn’t look like they were in-ear ones, and I NEED in-ear ones to cut out the noise from people on the train annoying me by talking to each other (I mean, really? How dare they have a conversation) or on their mobiles (see previous comment). Although I’d never had any before, I quite fancied some of those over-the-ear ones, as I’d heard they do actually stay on. These Panasonic ones seemed to fit the bill as they’re in-ear and over-ear, and also really cheap.
And they’re brill.
They don’t move at all when they’re on and they’re so comfy, you don’t even notice they’re there (I really want to put a ‘their’ in there somewhere but don’t know where). As far as I can tell, the sound’s quality’s good but I wouldn’t exactly call myself an audiophile, so don’t sue me if you buy these and then tell me you "can hear a coloration that in my experience has shown to indicate a treble peak” [I obviously nicked that from somewhere. If you want more lovely words I don’t understand pretentiousness, you’ll find it here].
With my lovely new headphones in place, I set out the door for my run. Although, from inside the house, the world outside looked dull and grey, once outside, the sun was out and I wondered if I should go over the fields for a change but then I thought no, I only did intervals the other day and I need to get the miles in and not the really really really slow miles I will do if I go over fields and so I set off down the road then down the cycle path then past the vets and to the traffic lights and there was a woman at the traffic lights with her little girl in a buggy and we were waiting for the lights to change and while we were waiting there was a big gap in the traffic, big enough for me to run across without the risk of getting squished but I didn’t want to set a bad example to the little girl as then her mum would have to explain that I was naughty crossing the road before waiting for the green man and then if I ever saw them again the little girl would point and say LOOK MUMMY, THERE’S THAT NAUGHTY WOMAN WHO CROSSED THE ROAD WITHOUT WAITING FOR THE GREEN MAN and everyone in the immediate vicinity would turn and look and point and give me the evils and I’d be forever known as the Girl Who Didn’t Wait For the Green Man and so I stand there thanking Garmin for the autopause feature and the lights change and we all cross, safe and sound with reputations and integrity intact, and I get to the narrow, lonely and deserted trail and there’s a man.
Without a dog.
And I think waa, there’s a man without a dog, where do you think you’re going? you’re not allowed down the narrow, lonely and deserted trail without a dog and then I think it’s quite sad that if women (and I know it’s not just me, I’ve seen this mentioned on other women’s blogs) see a man without a dog in a wooded/grassy area without a dog we think RAPIST but then if we see a man in a wooded/grassy area with a dog we think AW, NICE MAN WITH NICE DOGGY and it reminded me of a few weeks ago when just after the looters (I refuse to call them rioters. Rioters are protesting about something. This lot weren’t protesting about anything, they were just twats [violent, thuggish twats, but twats nonetheless]) and I was out for a run and I saw a couple of young lads on bikes and I looked at them with pure suspicion although we didn’t have any looting anywhere near us and then that reminded me of the London bombings when anyone with a rucksack was regarded very suspiciously and if you looked a bit foreign then a) you were probably a Muslim; and b) about to blow the whole of London up (and possibly a few unlucky home counties along with it).
I continue on my run without suspecting any more men of being rapists, young lads on bikes of being looters or people who look a bit foreign of being terrorists and get to the sheep field and there’s a load of acorns on the ground and I think of that saying about from little acorns, great oaks are grown (or something like that) and I think from run/walk beginner’s schedules, marathons are run and I think that’s pretty deep for me and I try to think of a simile or metaphor for acorns but I can only think of big, shiny, round bogies and I think oh, maybe I’m not so deep after all.
Stats
Distance: 4.01 miles
Time: 47:08
Pace: 11:45 m/m
Calories: 421
Titchy tiny little girly ears: 2
New headphones: 1
Little girls set a good example to: 1
Girls Who Didn’t Wait For The Green Man: 0
Men who probably aren’t rapists: 1
Young lads who probably aren’t looters: some
People who look a bit foreign who probably aren’t terrorists: a few
Deep meaningful similes to describe acorns: 0
Run for Mind and win an iPod Shuffle
Despite not having blogged any runs for ages, I have been running. Just very very slowly. I hope I get a bit quicker, as Folkestone Half is in six weeks and I’ve arranged to meet Travelling Hopefully, Helsbels, Fit Artist, Tom Roper and Highway Kind afterwards for lunch, but at this rate I’m not even sure I’d make it in time for dinner.
Two weeks after Folkestone, is the Royal Parks Half, where I’ll be meeting up with fairweatherrunner, Helsbels and abradypus for drinks after (I don’t do races just for the socialising afterwards, honest). Speaking of the Royal Parks Half, if you didn’t get in the ballot and still fancy doing it, if you register to run for it through Mind, you can enter their competition to win an iPod Shuffle and tickets for the VIP tent (where you will get fed after the race).
The competition
Mind would like you help them to create the ultimate feel-good running playlist on Spotify. From pumping energiser to guilty pleasure, we’ve all got a favourite exercise soundtrack, and they want you to tell them what your top running tunes are.
To enter the competition and be in with a chance of winning 1 of 5 iPod Shuffles and a pair of VIP tickets, all you need to do is leave a comment on this blog post including:
– Name of artist
– Song title
– Why this song makes you feel-good
– Entrant’s name
Even if you don’t want to run for Team Mind, they would still love to know what your favourite exercise tracks are, so please leave a comment anyway.
Info:
To register to run for Team Mind, visit their Royal Parks web page.
You can read the full terms and conditions of the competition here.
The competition closes on 26 August 2011 and the winners will be announced on 31 August 2011.