Category: Juneathon

Stupid Juneathon.

Stupid stupid Juneathon.

That’s what I thought when I realised that I was going to have to do some exercise today, as Mondays are usually spent wishing I hadn’t had a bottle of wine the night before.

But, Juneathon can’t be ignored so I decided to go for a walk and take a photo of some cows.

There was a baby cow in this field last week but I couldn’t see it today, so it must have been hiding or something (this is what I tell myself about all farm animals when I try and convince myself that they’re pets).

I was going to walk a mile but the sun was shining, so I extended it and walked a mile and a half.

Stupid Juneathon.

Oh, by the way. WordPress isn’t letting me comment on any blogs, including my own, but I am reading the blogs and enjoying them – keep up the good work!

For Day 2 of Juneathon, I went up a hill.

This hill.

It’s got a chalk horse on it, but you can’t see it in this pic, so you’ll just have to take my word for it.

You can see Dungeness from here, but you can’t see it in this pic, so you’ll just have to take my word for that too.

Hello Internet

Today, for Juneathon, I did a press up on a castle.

Anyone else done a castle press up?

No? Thought not.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, Juneathon!

I know you love it really.

Go and sign up, go go go.

Juneathon 2013 website

I cycled to the gym and then I went on the rowing machine for twenty minutes and then I went on the cross-trainer for twenty minutes and Jeremy Kyle was on the television and although I was quite happy listening to a comedy podcast and didn’t plug my headphones into the television, the subtitle was ‘How many people did you have sex with in the B&B?’ and I wanted to know the answer too and then I thought oh, my mum had a B&B, I wonder if she had sex with all her guests too and I then thought na, probably not, especially not the dodgy 60-year-old one from Newcastle that had a boat and a 13 year old boy in Egypt and I never got to find out how many people the man on Jeremy Kyle had sex with in the B&B and then I went to my body pump class and then I went on the treadmill for fifteen minutes and then I cycled home and got ready to go out tonight to see Knifeworld.

Stats
Cycling: 4.5 miles
Rowing machine: 20 minutes
Cross-trainer: 20 minutes
Body pump: 45 minutes
Treadmill: 15 minutes
People man on Jeremy Kyle had sex with in the B&B: don’t know
Knifeworlds: 1

After being inspired by Warriorwoman’s Great Trail Challenge (the woman is mad – a half marathon in those conditions? No way), I put on my four-year-old Salomon trail shoes and headed for the fields, until I got to .3 of a mile and realised that my Salmon’s had hardened with age and were now as comfy as a brick.

I didn’t want to turn round and go back and get some other shoes so I carried on walking and walking and walking, sometimes breaking into a bit of a trot, but mostly walking and then I got to a field and saw a dead mouse on the floor but unlike the mouse in the garden that Shaun had tried to get me to come and have a look at, this one had a head and I wondered if it was just sleeping and not really dead and so I gave it a little nudge with my foot and, yep, it was dead and I wondered if next door’s cat had eaten the head off the one in the garden and maybe Shaun will find the head somewhere and try and get me to look at that too by insisting and persisting until I scream WHAT PART OF NO I DON’T WANT TO SEE A HEADLESS MOUSE DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? and I carry on through the field and go up the road a bit to the next field which is A MASSIVE HILL and much more massive than any titchy tiny slope that Warriorwoman had to go up (this might be a bit of an exaggeration) and two labradors come bounding towards me but they look friendly and I realise that it’s only the barking dogs that scare me (and by barking I mean going ‘woof’, not ones that are three stops short of Dagenham) and their owner says sorry and I say that’s okay, I love dogs and she says it’s just as well with her two and I decide to go around the woods instead of through them and I see what I think is another dead mouse but then I’m not sure if it is a dead mouse or just a mouldy plum or damson or something and I didn’t want to nudge it with my foot as I didn’t want a bit of mouldy plum or damson on my foot (and yes I know I was prepared to have a bit of dead mouse on my foot but some people wear bits of dead cow on their feet every single day) and then I finish my run/walk and get home and for some reason I’ve got Rule Britannia in my head, but the version from Jubilee which is one of my favourite films.

Stats
Warriorwomans inspired by: 1
Pairs of trail shoes as comfy as a brick: 1
Dead mice with heads: 1
Dead mice without heads: 1
Friendly labradors bounding towards me: 1
Dead mice that might have been a mouldy plum: 1
Rule Britannias from Jubilee: 1

I got to the gym in record time today – 13 minutes – and went on the rowing machine for twenty minutes and listened to some David Mitchell podcasts, including one about marathon running and I thought this is similar to the assignment I wrote for my non-fiction class although his podcast was funnier and why couldn’t I have heard this two months ago, then I could have stolen his jokes.

And then I get on the cross-trainer for ten minutes before my spin class begins and I can hear someone talking a few cross-trainers away and oh, what a surprise, it’s the girl who never shuts up and she looks like she’s put on a lot of weight and I need this podcast to hurry up and finish so I can put some music on and drown her out and then WOAH, she’s suddenly wearing different clothes and standing in front of the cross-trainer and she’s also lost about two stone in weight and then I realise that she hasn’t put on a lot of weight, THERE’S FLIPPING TWO OF THEM! and they both talk and talk and talk and never shut up and they even talk to themselves when there’s no one else to talk to and I wonder if they’re twins and if they talk all the time because when they were growing up they did it to take the attention away from the other one and pseudo-psychology bullshit aside, I just want them to shut the fuck up and then it’s time for my spin class and as I’m spinning I can see small twin down below in the swimming pool and I’m wondering if she’s going to talk while she’s swimming and yep, there she is, talking to someone while she’s swimming and then she’s swimming with her head under the water and I think surely she’ll shut up now and I’m looking for bubbles near her head but there aren’t any and so maybe she has shut up for however long she’s going to keep her head under the water and then my spin class finishes and I go into the changing room and big twin comes in and says apropos of nothing and to no one in particular that it smells like horses and I think is that what people say when they’ve got nothing to say? that places smell of horses? and I think if that’s the case then I’m glad I’m a taciturn kind of person.

Stats
Cycling: 4.45 miles
Rowing machine: 20 minutes
Cross-trainer: 10 minutes
Spin: 45 minutes
Big twins: 1
Little twins: 1
Twins who never shut the fuck up: 2

I hadn’t planned to go for a run today. I thought the most I would do would be a few minutes on the rowing machine but late morning, a run suddenly seemed appealing. This was probably a combination of an email from Nice Work telling me about the local races coming up (the Ashford 5k summer series is appealing, although being fit enough to run the July one in a reasonable-for-me time is unlikely), and a little voice in my head reminding me that I’ve got a place in the Great South Run in October and I’ve just paid again to carry my London Marathon ballot place over to next year.

So, I decided I’d do my usual pathetic-but-better-than-nothing 1.5 mile route but when I got to where I turn off, I decided to keep on going and I added an extra mile on to my run. Not only that, but I actually enjoyed the run – can someone remind me of this please next time I can’t be arsed?

Stats
Distance: 2.67 miles
Emails telling me about local races: 1
GSRs coming up in October: 1
London Marathons coming up next year: 1
Extra unplanned miles run: 1

I was happy reading in the conservatory when I was forced out for a bike ride. We rode up to Mersham, a place I haven’t been before and it’s so posh, it has people playing cricket on the village green.

It also has a shop. I miss shops. We have a massive Tesco up the road but no local shops to nip into to get beer and cat food.

Mersham also has two pubs. People of Mersham are spoilt.

Then we cycled back and there was an old man peeing by the roadside into some bushes. On the other side of the bushes were some cows and I was hoping the cows would bite that dirty old man’s dick off but they just ignored him.