Author: jogblog

Competition winner announced!

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A few days ago I held a limerick competition to win a copy of Born to Run by Christopher McDougall.

After receiving twenty six brilliant entries, I decided to pass the choosing of the winner to the Independent Adjudicator.

Personally, I’d have been very strict about the meter but it wasn’t up to me and so the Independent Adjudicator has spoken, and in his own words:

Frances Green has to be the winner for the pink dressing gown, despite it not strictly adhering to the limerick definition. Hels was ok but she can’t win just because.

Mark would have won for his Kent based theme but for having read the book and Suzie for name-checking Local Adventures are worthy of a mention in despatches but Frances gets it.

So, well done Frances, you win the book. And well done to the runners up. You don’t win anything though, sorry.

The winning poem, by Frances Green

There once was a runner from Kent
Whose time was haphazardly spent
racing miles through the town
in a pink dressing gown
turning heads in each street where he went

The runners up

Hels’ limerick

There once was a runner from Kent
A lovely free book she was sent
She said, “freebies, ta”
Then went to a bar
To ask for a free beer, she went

Mark’s limerick

There once was a runner in Kent
Round Chatham and Margate she went
Five miles past Dover
She nearly keeled over
And by Ashford was totally spent

Suzie’s limerick

There once was a runner in Kent
Who always ran at 100 percent
So when juneathon came
and local adventures abstained
He thought “I could win this event!”

Blogging, jogging, logging, limerickagogging

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Ok, I made the last word up, but when I said that the Independent Adjudicator had chosen the winning limerick for my competition but that I would announce it later as I first had to blog my jog on JogBlog, Helen said I should blog my jog in limerick form and I said hmm, could I? and she said go on! and so I accepted the challenge and so here is today’s run in limerick form.

There once was a runner in Kent
Whose time should have been better spent
With drinking less beer
And wearing more gear
So out into the fields she went

She ran though the fields climbing stiles
In an effort to put in the miles
When she got to the fifth
Her counting went adrift
As her brain went a bit immobile

She got to the foresty bit
Bears sat around having a shit
They didn’t really
But she is nearly
Running out of words that will fit

She got to the end of her jog
And sat down and started to blog
But then Helen said
Write a limerick instead
But do not forget you must log

That’s a bit of a wonky limerick but I’ll post the winning one later to show you how it should be done.

Stats
Distance: 3.51 miles
Time: 44:13
Pace: 12:36 m/m
Calories: 335
Wonky limericks: 4
Winning limericks to be announced later: 1

Hot sticky scenes, you know what I mean

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First I Juneathoned at around midnight by running for the last train at Stratford International (n.b. adding the word ‘International’ to a station does not make the town any more glamorous. See also Ebbsfleet and Ashford for further proof). I also Juneathoned around 1am by cycling 2.5 miles home from the station. But because I am hardcore and because last year I said to myself that this Juneathon I would run every day, I decided I’d better go for a run. I was only going to do one mile but on looking at my training schedule, it says to either do 2 miles or cross-train, so 2 miles it was to be.

Half of my brain seems to be under the impression that I can’t run without a) my Trion:Z bracelet; b) drinking a Voltz Energy Shot; and c) listening to Audiofuel. The other half of my brain tells me this is all bollocks and I can run perfectly well without any of these things. But something has made me go from a 13 minute miler to a 10-something minute miler within a few weeks and I put it all down to the above and not the fact that I’ve been doing classes and cardio at the gym three times a week for a few months now.

I do decide though that despite being slightly hungover, drinking an energy shot for two miles is a tad unnecessary but you’d have to chop my arm off to make me stop wearing my Trion:Z bracelet and I need Audiofuel to run with. I have a look in iTunes to see if there is any Audiofuel of around 22 minutes to see me through my two miles and spot the (almost) perfect track to start off this year’s Juneathon:  The Juneathon 2010 Mix. Oh yeah. (If we ask Sean really nicely, maybe he’ll do us a 2011 mix…)

Because I’m only going two miles, I wonder if I can do it in twenty minutes, i.e. a 10 minute mile pace. Then I remember that there are two sure-fire ways of getting a running injury and they are a) speed; and b) increasing mileage too quickly (ok, three then: c) getting run over by a bus) and so I decide just to take it easy but hopefully get under 11 minute miles.

Despite the rather annoying traffic lights trying to thwart my plan of under 11 minute miles, my hangover making me want to stop and walk and the heat threatening to melt me into a sticky gooey mess, I do just about scrape into the 10-somethings.

And that’s my first Juneathon 2011 done. Yay.

Stats
Distance: 2.02 miles
Time: 22:06
Pace: 10:58 m/m
Calories: 212

Intervals with Martin Yelling

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Not actually with him, of course, but I thought I’d be brave and try out Audiofuel’s Yelling Performance 180 MAX Interval Training which lasts for 43 minutes and 8 seconds. I’m only used to doing the Pyramid interval training which lasts for 22 minutes. Eek.

After yesterday’s shopping trip for a pair of sandals, I came home with four bras, a silver and purple ring, a top (I had originally thought it was a dress but on further inspection and a quick reminder to myself of the date of birth on my birth certificate, decided it was better off as a top), a dress (of an appropriate length for my age), three books, and a white and pinky-purpley running vest.

I don’t usually wear running vests unless it’s proper hot, but decided today would be an exception as I wanted to wear my new one and so I put that on and then realised that with my pinky-purpley running vest and my pink socks and my pinky-purpley running shoes, if I was five stone heavier, people would think I was out training for a Race for Life.

I set off for my intervals and Marty (I am allowed to call him Marty, aren’t I?) does the ‘run to the beat 1 2 3 4’ thing but I still can’t keep in time and so I just plod along in my own haphazard fashion sticking to my own haphazard beat and then it gets faster and then we’re on a recovery bit and I stop to walk and I wonder if we’re allowed to walk on these recovery bits but Marty doesn’t say anything about walking and so I start to run again and then I’m about to go downhill and I think RAMP IT UP MARTY, I’M ON A DOWNHILL BIT AND I CAN GO FAST ON DOWNHILL BITS and then he’s telling me to run with my arms down by my sides and I think HUH, YOU WANT ME TO RUN LIKE A SPAZ? and I refuse to run with my arms down by my sides, especially as there are three people in my immediate vicinity and then as I get near the bottom of the hill, Marty decides to ramp it up and tells me to go faster and I agree to do this because of the aforementioned three people in my immediate vicinity and I’m thinking ha, look at me as I fly past you, I can see you’re mightily impressed with my athletic prowess and graceful running ability and then a fire engine goes past and I think YEAH, BABY, I’M GOING SO FAST I’M ON FIRE and then we’re going slowly again and Marty says again to run with my arms at my sides and to shake them about but NO WAY AM I GOING TO DO THIS AS I’LL LOOK LIKE PHOEBE IN FRIENDS

and then we’re going fast and then slow again and I get to the traffic lights and my Garmin says I’ve done 2.98 miles in just under 33 minutes but the lights won’t change and I think I’m not going to make under 11 minute miles again and I think CURSE YOU, YOU RATHER ANNOYING TRAFFIC LIGHTS (‘rather annoying’ may not be the exact words that were in my head) and my Garmin ticks over and I need to do another half a mile and so I go up the road and as I cross over Marty says it’s the last fast bit and tells me to give it everything and so I run and run and run and run and run and I run through the park and back home and when I get in my Garmin says I have indeed done under 11 minute miles.

Splits (you can see where the rather annoying traffic lights held me up)

splits_310511

Stats
Distance: 3.5 miles
Time: 37:04
Pace: 10:35 m/m
Calories: 368
Martin Yelling interval programs: 1
Shopping trips to buy a pair of sandals: 1
Pairs of sandals bought: 0
Runners wearing too much pinky-purple: 1
People in my immediate vicinity: 3
Fire engines: 1
Rather annoying traffic lights: 1

Adrenaline Junkie

One comment

After seeing Audiofuel Sean mention on Facebook that Adrenaline Junkie 2 would be out soon, I thought to myself ‘I don’t remember trying out the old Adrenaline Junkie’ and so I looked in iTunes and lo! Adrenaline Junkie wasn’t there. I thought to myself ‘this must be rectified immediately’ and like someone who cares about her friend’s business and livelihood should, I bought it off the Audiofuel website emailed Sean and said ‘oi, I haven’t got the old Adrenaline Junkie, can you send me a link to it please?’ and Sean being the nice guy he is, said fuck off freeloader ‘of course you can, here you go’ and so, hurrah, I had some new old Audiofuel to try out.

As if turned out, I did have most of the tracks on Adrenaline Junkie in my collection but having all the tracks run on to each other with coaching from Howie telling you how long each track will last for and at what intensity was great. (Except for the two tracks where he said I’ll be running at 190bpm when I promptly told Howie in my head to fuck right off.)

It’s just as well I don’t see many people out and about round here, as today’s sartorial decisions in all things running made me look like I’d got dressed in the dark. I had on a blue sports bra, orange and black capris, a pink top and my new blue Run Breeze socks which apparently are anti-blister and ergonomically designed and left and right-footed and breathable and moisture managed and have mid foot grip for anti-slipping.

run_breeze_socks

Whatever.

They look nice and were very comfy and didn’t give me blisters and that’s all you need to know really.

Today’s schedule called for four miles and as I got to 3.95 miles, it looked like I was going to make it in under 11 minute miles and so I ran and ran until I got to the titchy terraced house two doors away whose owners had decided to hire a digger to dig their front garden which is all of about two square feet big which meant that only the spadey bit of the digger was in their garden and the rest of the digger was taking up the whole of the pavement and so I had to stop and walk in the road around it and that is my excuse for doing over 11 minute miles.

Stats
Distance: 4.01 miles
Time: 44:24
Pace: 11:04
Calories: 422
Adrenaline Junkies I didn’t have: 1
Adrenaline Junkies nice Sean gave me: 1
Number of colours worn at once: about 8
New pairs of running socks: 1
Diggers on postage stamp sized gardens: 1
Under 11 minute average miles: 0

p.s. You can get Adrenaline Junkie at half price on the Audiofuel website by using the discount code Juneathon

p.p.s. Talking of Juneathon, don’t forget to sign up for it. Slacking is not an option

p.p.s.s. There’s still time to enter my limerick competition to win a copy of Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

Who turned the winter back on?

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I decided to get some new running gear for the summer and thought I’d try out Simply Sweat as their prices seem reasonable for active wear. A lot of my first choices were out of stock (something I hope they rectify soon) but I managed to pick up two vest tops (Nike and Reebok) and a pair of Nike capri pants for about £50. I did want to pay by PayPal but each time I tried, it came up with an error message (something else I hope they rectify soon). Delivery was very quick though and the postie delivered my parcel of new running gear within 48 hours.

I was going to wear one of my new vests on today’s run but on looking out of the window and seeing horizontal rain, changed my mind and so on went the new capris with an old top.

As it was pissing down raining a bit, I decided not to go through the fields and up to the foresty bit as originally planned but to stick to pavements and so I plotted out a three mile run and set off.

I was happily speeding along gracefully and gazelle-like when I came to the road by Tesco where I had to stop for aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages while cars went past (excuse no. 1 for going really slowly) and I got to the island in the middle of the road where I had to stop again to wait for a clear bit (excuse no. 2). I eventually get across the road and resume my graceful gazelle-likeness.

No more road-based obstacles thwart me but the wind I’m running head-first into is giving me a facelift and slowing me down (excuse no. 3) and then I get to a road and a woman driving a horse trailer turns up the road and stops and so I stop and I’m wondering if she’s going to carry on going up the road or is she reversing or what but she doesn’t know what she’s doing and I think make your fucking mind up, twatface oh good, my favourite kind of driver and she eventually decides what she’s going to do and I can continue on my run (excuse no. 4) and I go through the field where they’ve put about three million more gates (this may be a slight exaggeration) that I have to stop and open (excuse no. 5) and I go past a new stile and I didn’t think you could get new stiles, I thought they were all from olden days and I get to the top of the hill and Thru the Gears comes on and I zoom down the hill as fast as a peregrine falcon (this may be a slight exaggeration) and I go round the corner and run past the house until I get to three miles, then I turn my Garmin off and shuffle back sloth-like.

Stats
Distance: 3.00 miles
Time: 35:13
Pace: 11:45 m/m
Calories: 315
New running vests: 2
New capri pants: 1
Excuses for going really slowly: 5

p.s. Don’t forget to enter my competition to win a copy of Born to Run by Christopher McDougall (see yesterday’s post)

Competition: Win a copy of Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

christopher_mcdougall_born_to_runAfter saying to Tom that I’d look forward to his Juneathon sestina (after being promised one for Janathon, dum de dum…), Tom asked if I would make do with a limerick instead.

I said no.

But, it did inspire me to have a bit of fun before the hard work of Juneathon commences and hold a competition, so I’m giving away a copy of Born to Run by Christopher McDougall.

I’m not much of a book reviewer (and it’s been a while since I read it) but it’s a book about a bloke who goes running with those Tarahumara dudes in Mexico. It’s a highly entertaining read and a brilliantly written book, as you can see from the glowing reviews on amazon.

To win a copy, all you have to do is write a limerick and post it below. The one I like the best, wins.

To start you off, here’s the first line:

There once was a runner in Kent

Off you go then!

Terms and conditions
Competition closes midnight Tuesday 31 May 2011
UK entrants only (unless you want to pay the postage)

Thru the hardcore Pyramid

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Hal says I have to do three miles this morning. Hal also said I was supposed to have stretched and strengthened yesterday but I spent the day trawling the mean streets of Maidstone (successfully) looking for a new book club venue and then going to Pizza Express for lunch and then going (even more successfully) shopping in Ashford on the way back and then I couldn’t be bothered with all that stretching and strengthening nonsense but I decided the runs are more important than the stretching and strengthening nonsense anyway, aren’t they?

So I get up this morning and my shoulders are hurting as I must have slept funny or something and I can’t be bothered to go out for a run but I don’t want to slack off this early in my training schedule as I have got two half-marathons just two weeks apart to train for after all and then I’m on Twitter and Travelling Hopefully says she was going to do intervals and I think ooh, intervals, that’s a good idea but the Audiofuel Pyramid 180 Max interval session only takes me about two miles and so Travelling Hopefully says that sometimes when she does intervals, she rounds it up to three miles and I think, well, I can’t be outhardcored by her and so I plot a three mile route and decide to do the Pyramid followed by Thru the Gears and when I go back to Twitter to waste some more time, Lissy Runs tweets that she’s got two halfs to do but there’s only two weeks between them and she’ll have to ditch one of them and so I say

‘I must be stupid two then as I’m doing two halfs with two week’s between them’

and then I delete my tweet and correct the embarrassing ‘two’ and tweet it again, as yes, I’m that sad that I edit my tweets and then I delete it again and write it again, this time without the unnecessary apostrophe, as yes, I am that sad that I will edit twice the same tweet and then helsbels comes on to say to Lissy Runs that we’re doing two halfs with only two weeks between them and if we can do it, she can do it and I remind Lissy Runs that Juneathon participants are hardcore and then fairweatherrunner comes on and says she’s done two halfs with only two weeks between them before and she survived and Lissy Runs says ok then, she will do it, so yay for her, and then I ask Travelling Hopefully if she’s been out for a run yet and she says yes, she went at 6am and so she has definitely outhardcored me there and I force myself out the door and turn my Garmin on while I’m still walking down to the gate as then my three miles will be up sooner and I cross the road and start running and I do the interval session and I walk most of the recovery bits although not all of them and then Thru the Gears comes on and I run along to that and when I get close to three miles my Garmin tells me that I’m close to doing it in under 11 minute miles for the first time in about two years and so I don’t stop to walk across the last two roads as would be befitting for someone who usually adheres strictly to the Green Cross Code

(and not just because I’m scared that a weirdy looking man will turn up and call me Dumbo) but run across them as befitting for one of those small children who run out in between cars* in one of those scary public information films they made you watch at school**

and I do indeed manage three miles in under thirty-three minutes which is pretty cool considering that included walking breaks.

Stats
Distance: 3.02 miles
Time: 32:33
Pace: 10:46
Calories: 318
Stretches and strengthenings slacked off of: 1
Runs slacked off of: 0
Time wasted on Twitter: some
Hardcore Twitterers doing two halfs in two weeks: 3
Roads run across: 2
Miles over 11 m/m: 0
Music
Audiofuel – Pyramid 180 Max
Audiofuel – Thru the Gears

*I am not as brave as I sound. There weren’t actually any cars coming.
** I didn’t go to school in the 1940s but that’s all I could find.

Oh no, you won’t see any cars on that road…

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And so I get up the morning after having had two pints of lager and a huge vegetable burrito for lunch at the monthly tweet up and a burger, crinkle chips, baked beans, a fried egg and fried mushrooms for dinner and a can of ready-mixed vodka and apple juice and a can of ready-mixed vodka and cranberry and two glasses of the chilli vodka I made, with lemonade and a splash of lime, and a can of Budweiser and a Sainsbury’s fake Snickers bar and a packet of cheddar and onion McCoys but all this has no effect on me as I am hardcore and I need to do four miles and I decide to do it on the road, that is until I see a tweet from Dee with a photo of where she’s staying at the mo in the Cotswolds and there’s a hill and trees and stuff and it makes me want to go up hills and see trees and stuff and so I go to the Gmap Pedometer website and I plot out a four mile route that’s half fields and half on the road and I ask Shaun if the road will be quiet and he says oh yes, it’s very unlikely any cars will go past, it’s a very quiet road, and so I think ok then, I would trust you with my life, so I can trust you if you tell me the road will be quiet as obviously you wouldn’t lie to me and want me to get squished by a car would you? it’s not like I’ve got any life insurance you can cash in is it and I haven’t written a will so you’re not getting my savings or my house anyway, and so I head off on my route and I get to the gate that doesn’t open

gate

and so I climb over it and then I’m in the horse field

horse_field

but there’s no horses in it so I haven’t got any excuse for walking and then I get to the top

hill

and have to go over the stile that someone very thoughtfully has put barbed wire on the bit you put your hand on

barbed_wire

and then I’m in the toilet field and it has a nice view

view

until I get to the end of the field where someone’s dumped a toilet

toilet

and a basin

basin

and then two gypsies with a horse go past on the road the other side of the stile and one of them’s got a mullet and everything and I know I shouldn’t generalise and not all gypsies are bad (probably) but I am scared, especially as gypsies shot at Shaun once but I am at least somewhat comforted by the fact that I’m too old to be grabbed and I go over the stile and the gypsies are just standing there with their horse but they don’t shoot or grab me and then I go past the gypsy house and down the road that I have been told will be really really quiet

quietroad

and no cars will go down it and a car comes round the corner and a car comes up from the other direction and by the time I’ve got to the end of the road which is only about half a mile long, eleven cars have gone past, which isn’t exactly oh no, you won’t see any cars, don’t worry, is it? and I will be having words with a certain short-arsed-speccy-eyes when I get home and then I get to the closed off road and at the top is a pylon I’ve never noticed before

pylong

and then I get home and I tick off today’s run from my schedule and I have successfully completed a whole week’s training as I did body pump and spin on Monday, a three mile run on Tuesday, spinning and gym on Wednesday, three mile run on Thursday, body pump on Friday, four mile run today and rest day tomorrow.

hal

Stats
Distance: 4 miles
Time: long time as stopped to take photos
Pace: see above
Calories: 378
Gates that don’t open: 1
Horses in horse field: 0
Barbed wire stiles: 1
Toilets: 1
Basins: 1
Gypsies with mullets: 1
Quiet roads: 0
Short-arsed-speccy-eyes in trouble: 1
Pylons: 1
Schedules stuck to: 1

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