Category: Juneathon

Last night I dreamt I had a squirrel stuck up my nose. Not just his head up there with his little feet sticking out my nostril, but properly up there. In my dream I didn’t want to try pulling him out as I thought he’d be too big, so I left him up there and carried on with my day.

That dream is going to stick with me forever.

That dream wasn’t actually anything to do with Juneathon but I just wanted to share it (even though you’ve probably already read about it on Twitter or Facebook. Yes I’m one of those sad people who catalogues their every waking (or dreaming, in this case) moment via social media).

Still, as traumatised as I was, Juneathon had to continue. I decided to just do a couple of miles today, as I’m doing – for the fifth year running – the Crisis Square Mile Run on Thursday, along with Eating Trees and Fit Artist. This year’s bag-looker-afterer will be the Artist Formerly Known As Little Crutchey Man, aided by my friend Gary.

So off I went down the road and then I decided to go exploring down the footpath which isn’t a path at all

and I think countryside people need to go and look up ‘path’ in the dictionary and all I can see is a field and I’m thinking do I just run round the field, or what? and then I come to a stile (is that the right spelling? It can’t be ‘style’, as countryside people have none)

and I think aah, I’m allowed to cross over stiles without getting shot by ruddy-faced farmers and then I see a sign on it pointing the direction for the Greensand Way

and I think hurrah, as I’ve been trying to find out where it is for ages and ages and so I decided to follow the Greensand Way, although not all the way, as it’s 108 miles long and then I’m in another field

and then I cross over another stile and there’s a little bridge type thing

and then another little bridge type thing

and when I get over the little bridge type thing, lo! there’s a path!

and I’m glad someone round here knows what a path is and I decide the field must belong to a Londoner and I decide this even more strongly when I get to the next stile and see it’s held together with barbed wire

and there’s quite a nice view

until I look to the right and see the housing development that reminds me I’m in Ashford

because, like in London where you’re never more than six feet away from a rat, in Ashford, you’re never more than one hundred yards from a housing development, and then I get to the end of the field and there’s a road

and although I don’t want to follow the Greensand Way any further, I’m wondering if I go right, will the road take me back? but I don’t want to climb over the stile, as it’s covered in stinging nettles

and so I decide to go back the way I came

and when I get to the next road I see a roundabout

and although Ashford is the home of the roundabout, I think I recognise it and wonder if I should go back by road but I decide to continue back the way I came and I go back through the fields and back onto the road and my T-shirt is rising up in the wind and there’s someone coming towards me so I try to pull my T-shirt down but it doesn’t want to go down and so I suck in my stomach instead but I don’t want to flash my belly button as it’s a naked belly button as I had to have my belly button ring taken out as it went manky and the person coming down the road is a little old man and he smiles and I think aaah, nice little old man and he smiles back and then I get home and read up on the other Juneathon blogs and The Red Bucket has done a nice little pie chart and I think I WANT ONE and therefore he is my Juneathon Hero of the Day.

Stats:
Distance: 3.01miles
Time: 44:33
Pace: 14:48 m/m
Calories: 238
Dreams of squirrels being stuck up my nose: 1
Greensand Ways: 1
Stiles with barbed wire: 1
Stiles with stinging nettles: 1
Housing developments: 1
Roundabouts: 1
Little old men: 1
Nice little pie charts: 1