Category: Jogging

Post Office run

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I got home last night to find a card from the Post Office saying they had a parcel for me. Hurrah! New running kit! Damn, I was going to go for a run over the marshes tomorrow and do the route up the river and get four miles in, as I’ve been an idle cow for weeks now. Can I leave my new running kit in the PO all weekend and wait until Monday to get my grubby little mitts on my shiny new stuff, therefore allowing me to go for a run along the river? Na, can I fuck. I’ll get up early to avoid the queue that goes round the block and run up there and back.

My new alarm clock fails to wake me up at 8 and I don’t get up ’til 9:30. Ooh no, the queue’s going to be massive and it’s raining and I’m going to be standing outside in a queue for about an hour getting wet. Can I leave my new running kit in the PO all weekend and wait until Monday to get my grubby little mitts on my shiny new stuff, therefore avoiding getting soaked? Na, can I fuck.

So I brave the elements and run up to the Post Office, bit feeble though and have to walk some of it. I’m praying on the way to the god of Post Office queues that the queue’s not too long and, bloody hell, there’s no queue! Result! I get my parcel and run/walk off home with it and inspect my purchases. I am now the proud owner of a nice black and red rucksack which is tiny and isn’t going to hold much more than my gym membership card and a t-shirt and I’m going to spend the rest of the day working out how to adjust the straps, as at the moment they’re set for someone who’s about 26 stone. It looks nice though. I am also the proud owner of a fluorescent yellow long sleeved top. Oh yes, very stylish. And a pair of trousers that don’t have any pockets so I don’t know where I’m supposed to put my keys. Hmm. And the nice people at Start Fitness have given me a pair of gloves and a water bottle. Thank you nice people at Start Fitness.

Stats:
Miles: 2.01
Total time: 24:41
Average pace: 12:17 minute/mile
Average speed: 4.9mph
Max speed: 7.4mph
Total calories: 175
Weather: 44F
Music:
Siouxsie & The Banshees – Cities in Dust
Scissor Sisters – Might Tell You Tonight
Scissor Sisters – Intermission
Graham Coxon – You & I
Graham Coxon – Leave Me Alone
Soft Cell – Where The Heart Is

First run of the year

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After being gently woken up by my new gadget (no, you mucky lot, it’s nothing dodgy), I felt near enough recovered after the Christmas excesses and tried to decide whether to go to the gym or go for a run tonight. I decided to go for a run and spent all day at work looking forward to it although I did at one point think I was going to be struck down by the mysterious sleeping disease but a trip to the shops to buy a new top sorted that out and I was energised again.

I get home and put my Garmin outside and opened the post. There’s an invoice from the roofer who I spoke to today who said that he’d been round on Tuesday and done my roof. I said great, thanks. Then I thought, but hang on, how do I know you’ve done the roof? I asked him if I’ll be able to see it from the street and he said um, you should do. Hmm, how do I know he’s done it without getting up on the roof and having a look? Ah well, as I said to Bernard, if he was going to scam me, it’d probably be for more than £80. He’s also called me Kirsty on the invoice. Why do people have such a problem with my name? My neighbour across the road sends me a Christmas card each year to Caroline. A woman who I work with sees emails with my name on every day which clearly shows it spelt with a C yet still gives me a Christmas card with it spelt with a K. I should have said something earlier, my neighbour might wonder why I’ve let him call me Caroline for five years.

Also with my post was a letter from my home insurance company saying my insurance is up for renewal and how to contact them if I had a leaking roof. How did they know? Did they come round and throw bricks at my roof so I had to get them to fix the roof therefore allowing them to put my premiums up? And can I get them to pay for it? Even though I’ve got an invoice addressed to Kirsty? Maybe I can get my mate Kirsty to pay for it. I’ll say this came for you. She’ll say but I don’t live there, I live in High Wycombe with a big Scottish man and a small baby, you pay for your own roof to be fixed.

And also with my post (who knew post could be so interesting I can get three paragraphs out of it?) was a card from the Post Office saying they had a parcel for me. Ooh, I love parcels, it’s either a book or some new running kit. Yes, I need new running kit. I need another long sleeve top as it’s too cold for running in short sleeves and I only have two long sleeve tops and I’m going to be running a lot more, honest, and I need a rucksack with a chest strap so I can run to the gym because the one I have is impossible to run with.

Anyway, after getting my mega-exciting-three-paragraph-worthy post (although I could stretch it to four paragraphs but do you really want to know the contents of my NTL bill?), I went for a run and it wasn’t as feeble as I thought it’d be.   In fact it wasn’t feeble at all and I really enjoyed it.  I didn’t enjoy almost getting knocked down by the car I ran in front of though. Oops, sorry driver. Better luck next time, eh?

Stats:
Miles: 2.25
Total time: 23:55
Average pace: 10:38 minute/mile
Average speed: 5.4mph
Max speed: 11.3mph
Total calories: 186
Weather: 48F

Yearly round up

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Woo, we’re in 2007 already. How did that happen? Almost a year since I started running (apart from a majorly feeble effort in December) and stopped smoking and started writing a blog (not necessarily in that order). I used to think blogs were for seriously sad people, now I wouldn’t be without mine. It was supposed to be about my progress at running but soon turned into a place for me to rant. And then it turned into a soap opera about B&Q.

Right then, here are my 2006 heroes:

Joggerblogger for being the first person to comment on my blog and for continuing to do so. He has encouraged me so much, he’s even managed to get me to do a half marathon this September. And I’m going to try very hard to call him Rich and not Joggerblogger when I meet him. I have 9 months to practice.

Phil, aka Sore Limbs. A very honest blog. He swears a lot, even more than I do in one of my B&Q posts. Everyone is jealous of his job.

The other bloggers who comment on my blog, i.e Julie and Adam, thank you.

The pizza delivery people. Not Pizza Perfecto who I sacked due to them taking over an hour and a half to deliver my pizza ages ago, but Pizza Gogo who are extremely polite on the phone and can speak English, which comes in handy. It was getting embarrassing phoning Pizza Perfecto anyway, as the man who answered the phone got to recognise my voice and knew what I wanted to order. One day my mate was round and wanted chicken pizza and the man said, chicken? You don’t usually order that, don’t you want a vegetarian hot?

Bobby Conn for being the greatest musician in the world. Ever. And he’s playing in London 3 weeks tomorrow, yah!!!

Cardiacs for being the greatest band in the world. Ever. And for continuing to play their once a year gig at the Astoria. Which is closing down. Where will they play? Life without Cardiacs is not worth contemplating. I have only missed them play in London twice since 1988. They used to play more than once a year but they’re getting on a bit now, bless their little cotton socks.

My cyberpals over at Designers Block. Some not so cyber now and actually friends in real life. Sometimes I remember to use their real names too.

And as for the 2006 villains, guess who’s straight in at no. 1? Yeah, you guessed it:

B and bloody bastard Q. For being the most incompetent bunch of fuckwits ever. As the Sex Pistols said, I can’t stand these useless fools. Although they were talking about EMI, not B&Q but if Sid Vicious had ever been straight enough for him and Nancy to take a Sunday afternoon trip down to their local B&Q Superstore to buy a flatpack shelving unit, then undoubtedly they would have changed the title to B&Q instead of EMI.

So what am I giving up this year then? I’m giving up drinking. As soon as I finish off the lager and wine that’s in the fridge. I’m going to be thinner and richer and as the saying goes, you can’t be too thin or too rich. Yay for me.

Happy new year everybody.

Monthly stats – November
Miles: 17.08
Time: 3:23:29
Average pace: 11:54 minute/mile
Calories burnt: 1442

Monthly stats – December
Miles: 11.31
Time: 2:13:21
Average pace: 11:47 minute/mile
Calories burnt: 1067

Yearly stats
 Miles: 186.05
Time: 35:50:18
Average pace: 11:33 minute/mile
Calories burnt: 16,482

Time to get my act together

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After barely leaving the sofa for two days, let alone leaving the house, and after my diet of cheese, chocolate, champagne, wine and lager, I got up today and tidied the house which took about an hour and a half.  Who’d have thought two people could make such a mess?  I then decided that as I was feeling relatively energetic, I’d attempt a short run.  And short and feeble it was.

Now I have to decide when birthday celebration no. 3 is.  Yes, I get three birthdays this year, I’m posher than the queen 🙂

Have I really not been out for a run since 14 December?  Eek!  Will do better next year.

Stats:
Miles: 1.34
Total time: 15:29
Average pace: 11:31 minute/mile
Average speed: 5.2mph
Max speed: 8.3mph
Total calories: 109
Weather: 46F
Music:
Soft Cell – Numbers
Secret Machines – Lightening Blue Eyes
Graham Coxon – Freakin’ Out

B&Q bath…. no wait, it’s XMAS!!!

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Yah!!! My favourite time of year. I have my birthday celebrations, the day after I stay in bed saying ouch I’m hungover a lot, then it’s Xmas Eve, and last night me and Mark went round Tracey’s and drank lots and then this morning we got up and drank champagne, as it’s the only day of the year when you can drink in the morning and not look like a complete pisshead, but now I’ve been banned from the kitchen while Mark’s making dinner. He said why are you in here? I said, why am I in my kitchen? Because I own it. He didn’t think that was a good enough reason so I said well then, I’m going to go and play on the internet, so here I am, and I would just like to wish everybody a very very merry Xmas and a happy new year, especially my new blogging pals joggerblogger, sore limbs, and adam, who comment on my blog, even when there’s nothing worth commenting on 😉

Have a good one, everyone 🙂

One year on

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Today is the anniversary of my first venture into running. It lasted about 30 seconds.

I can remember clearly the days leading up to it. I was about halfway through my first attempt at stopping smoking and couldn’t sit still for five minutes so needed to find something to keep me busy and to burn the excess energy so I said to Kate, I might go and buy some trainers and take up jogging. She said you? Yeah, right. You don’t even believe in leaving the house in the daytime and you get taxis everywhere. But the next day I went to the shopping centre, braced myself and ventured into the scary sports shops that I thought were only for chavs, sporty people and, um, more chavs. I got myself a cheap pair of tracksuit bottoms and a hooded top and looked for a pair of trainers but couldn’t see any I liked (i.e. they had none in purple and I thought that only chavs wore trainers anyway) so I got a cheapy pair for ten English pounds in the cheapy shoe shop. I went home with my purchases and pledged that the next day I would wear my new strange clothes and go running.

And venture outside I did. On 18 December 2005 I got up and thought to myself, I know, I’ll do a few laps of the park. So I put on my new strange clothes and went to the park and started running. After half a lap of the park – point two of a mile – I stopped, gasping for air. I thought, fuck, I thought I could do better than that, I was really good at running at school. I attempted the second half of the park, but stopped after about three yards, so thought, sod it, it’s cold and this is no fun, I’m going home.

I couldn’t walk for three days after that and thought shit, I’m not going to be able to jump up and down at the Cardiacs’ gig on my birthday but Kate said, I’m sure you’ll be better by then and I was. I didn’t attempt to run again for a few weeks though. And started smoking again in the meantime on Christmas Day, but packed them in again on 3 January 2006 which is where my running story started again…

B&Q bathroom installation – day 39

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My carefully laid plans for Friday and Saturday were to go to the gym after work on Friday and get up early on Saturday, go for a run, see the roofer at 11, then go to B&Q to get the bath end panel.

What happened was that I got to work on Friday morning and Tracey’s sent me an email saying do you want to come for a drink tonight?  I said, ooh, tempting, very tempting, as I haven’t had a drink all week, but I was going to go the gym tonight.  She said you can go to the gym tomorrow.  I said my rucksack is very heavy.  She said there’s a cloakroom in the bar, sorry I’m being a bad influence, aren’t I?  I said that’s ok, bad influences are good, hmm, if I’m tempted to go for a drink now at 9:50am, then there’ll be no hope for me come 5 o’clock.  I said if you’re working in Farringdon, shall we go for a vegan Chinese first to soak up the alcohol?  She said good idea.

So we went and stuffed our faces with a vegan Chinese all you can eat for £5 buffet in Leather Lane and then went and drank organic lager, dutch lager, wine and champagne cocktails which wasn’t exactly conducive to me getting up early this morning to go for a run.  In fact I only got up half an hour before the roof man came round.  I was scared about the roof man coming round as the TV programmes would have you believe that all roofers do is charge you £2,000 to go and sit on your roof and eat chips and drink tea but this roof man said to be honest, it’s not too bad, it only needs a bit of pointing, it’ll cost £80.  £80!  Cool.  He said you haven’t got any lead flashing like the other houses but it doesn’t really matter.  I said how much would that cost.  He said £800.  So it’s up to you, £80 or £800, I know what I would do.  I said yes, I think I like the £80 solution best, when can you do it?  He said probably mid-week, it depends on the weather, I can’t do it when it’s raining as it will just wash away.

So hurrah, I’m going to get my roof fixed and it won’t rain inside the house now when it’s pissing down outside 🙂

After my good roofing news, me and my hangover take a little walk down to B&Q and go up to the bathroom department but Maryam’s busy designing a bathroom for someone (eek, don’t do it!!!) so I say to Kuldip I’m here to pick up a panel.  Mayam overhears and says yes, it’s in the warehouse.  Kuldip goes off to the warehouse and comes back and says what kind of panel?  I say it’s an Aloha one.  He goes back off and comes back with the panel and says is there any paperwork, do you have to pay?  I say no, I don’t have to pay for it.  He says hmm, I think you should pay with bribery.  I let him off for being unfunny as he has a nice voice and as I’m leaving the security man says did you come in here with that panel?  I say no, I just came to pick it up.  He says you came to pick it up?  I say yes, if you want to check you can ask Maryam.  He says it’s ok and decides not to arrest me for stealing an end panel.

So now I have the end panel, I have everything I need to finish my bathroom.  Except the fitters who, woo, what a surprise, didn’t ring me yesterday to say when they were coming back.

But I don’t care because my roof’s only going to cost £80 to fix and as I was walking to B&Q I saw a poster for a funfair in Hyde Park and I like funfairs, only problem is most of my friends are too scared to go on the good rides so it looks like I’m going to have to drag Bernard there, as he likes the scary rides too 🙂

My first piss-taker

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I was true to my word to myself and went out for 3 miles.  Almost.  But I can let myself off the .16 miles under 3 that it was.

Not that I ever have an easy run, but that was hard from start to finish.  I am absolutely knackered now, think I’ve been struck down by the mysterious sleeping disease again which is weird, as I’ve been feeling energetic today and was spurred on to run tonight by my scales which told me I’m 8 stone something for the first time in weeks.  Yay.  Fuck off 9 stone.

Went past another big yellow sign appealing for witnesses to another serious sexual assault which happened in a car in the road next to my old road.  I’ll be too scared to leave the house soon.  That’s the fourth one recently.  I’ll continue to wear my big orange personal alarm.  And maybe get a gun too.  Then I’ll be fully armed with my big orange personal alarm, a gun and my “don’t fuck with me” look.

Aah, then I had my first piss-taker, bless.  A man decided it would be funny to do arm movements, like he was running.    I feel honoured now I’ve had my first piss-taker.  Don’t suppose it’ll be the last.

Stats:
Miles: 2.84
Total time: 31:23
Average pace: 11:02 minute/mile
Average speed: 5.4mph
Max speed: 7.0mph
Total calories: 232
Weather: 57F
Music:
Graham Coxon – Spectacular
Graham Coxon – Are You Ready
Scissor Sisters – Lights
The Secret Machines – Alone, Jealous and Stoned
The Secret Machines – Faded Lines
Siouxsie and the Banshees – Peek-A-Boo

B&Q bathroom installation – day 36

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Feels more like day 365, yawn…

I ring Alan at the installation centre at 2:50 and say no one’s rung to say when I’m getting the end panel. He says it’s not at the store yet, he rang them at 1:30. I say oh ok, I can always go and get it from the store on Saturday, I assume it’s not that heavy? He says that’s fine, he’ll make sure it’s definitely at the store by Saturday and will let me know.

I say there’s other things the fitters can be getting on with, is it that they just don’t want to come back until I’ve got the panel? He says he believes that is the case, yes.

Lazy bastards.

But I’ve found myself a 5k to enter at the end of January and this has made me happy. Why has the thought of having to get up really early on a Saturday morning and travel for about an hour to go and run round a park in the freezing cold made me happy?

Update
Big boss lady Yvonne at the fitters leaves a voicemail on my mobile at 6:30 while I’m at the gym. She says they did some work in my bathroom on behalf of B&Q and has noticed I haven’t returned the completion note. She carries on to say that if there is still work outstanding, then I can tick box B and write down what is left to be done, but if all work has been done, then tick box A and send it back. She says she’d really appreciate it if I could either tick box A or B and send it back to her.

Fuck off you dozy bitch. You don’t even know if your fitters have finished the job? Why not ask them, or if they’re too stupid (as I imagine they are) to know if a half-finished bathroom is finished or not, then ask the B&Q installation service centre who can tell you that it is not finished. And as for appreciating it if I’d send the completion notice back, well, I would have appreciated it if you had turned up on 9 October to start work like you were supposed to and finished it that same week; not start work three weeks later and, even then, seven weeks down the line it’s still not finished. And not only would I appreciate it if your fitters didn’t throw the pipes out of the window into my back garden and leave them there where they still reside, I would also appreciate it if your fitters didn’t leave my window wide open twice, didn’t leave my keys in the gas meter box, didn’t rip my kitchen floor, turned up on time (and that’s when they even bothered turning up) and didn’t leave me notes that I can’t do anything about when I get home late but instead call me and let me know if there’s a problem.

I think you know where you can stuff your completion notice, don’t you?

Aah, I feel better now 🙂

Stupid cow.

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