JogBlog

When I woke up this morning, I wondered if running was a good idea after cycling 20 miles yesterday, but I felt ok so I went downstairs to see if the mystery banana thieves had been in overnight but lo! there were bananas sitting happily on the kitchen worktop, so I had a banana and blueberry smoothie and went back upstairs to play on Facebook do some very important work and I look out the window and it’s raining and I think maybe I shouldn’t run and then I think but I like running in the rain and I wonder if I should wear a long sleeved top as I might be a lightweight and walk most of my run and then freeze and I ponder this on Twitter and get a few answers along the lines of long sleeves will slow me down when they get wet (thanks @joliciousjewels); it’s still too hot for long sleeves (thanks @warriorwoman); and arms dry quicker than clothes (thanks @haulingmycarcas) and so I pull out a dark blue t-shirt from the drawer but then I think that it’s a bit grey and dark outside and maybe I should wear something a bit brighter as I’ve got to run on these stupid country roads and the country people might need more of a visual clue that I’m there running along the stupid country roads and I get outside and there’s a van on the pavement and I think HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET ROUND YOUR VAN MR WHITE VAN WANKER MAN? and I can’t walk around it as the road’s too busy and I’ll get squished and so I squeeze through the gap between the hedge and the van and I duck to get under the mirror but I unduck too soon and hurt my shoulder on the mirror and I hope I’ve broken his mirror and I think bah and I start running and I get to the vegetable house and there’s nothing there; no eggs, no vegetables, no price list, no jar for money, no board or anything and I wonder where the vegetable people have gone and maybe they’re on holiday or moved or got shot by the gypsies or something and then I turn off round the little road that is so small you wouldn’t think any cars would ever go down it but every time I go down it there is a car, including this time as a car goes past me and I step onto the verge to get out of its way and the man in the car gives me the half-wave-while-still-keeping-a-thumb-on-the-steering-wheel-thing and I get round the corner to the busy road that Shaun said he wouldn’t run on but that’s because he’s a lightweight and I am obviously far more hardcore than he and the house that on Sunday was selling the bikes outside for £10 each is still selling them but they’re both kid’s bikes and I don’t think I’ll get looked at down noses if I got one of them any less than I would do on my Pashley Poppy if I do the 40 mile cycle race I’ve entered and then I get back to the land of pavements and houses and I decide to carry on going and go the long way back and the camber’s killing my leg and I go in the middle of the road but I don’t like it in the middle of the road so I go back to the side and I get to the tree and I think hooray, just a mile to go and can I make it without walking? but I doubt it and a car goes past and there’s plenty of room for him to get past me but he goes half on the verge and I think why are you doing that, you moron? there’s plenty of room and so I go on the verge to let him pass and he doesn’t bother to do the half-wave-while-still-keeping-a-thumb-on-the-steering-wheel-thing and I think well next time I’ll just let you run me over and then I think that’ll probably hurt me more than it will hurt him and I get to 3.85 miles and I stop to walk and I think NOOOOOOOOOOOO, NO WALKING and so I start to run again and I get to 3.91 miles and I start to walk again and I think in a second I’ll be going past the cows and I can’t let the cows see me walking because they will mock me and so I start to run again and I think at least make it as far as the road and I’m not too far from the road and if I laid down and stretched out really far, as far as I can, stretching all the way from my toes to my fingertips then, um, I still wouldn’t reach the road but it’s not that far away and I make it to the road and I decide to walk the last half a mile but I sort of run/walk it back to the house.

Today’s route

Stats:
Distance: 4.59 miles
Time: 52:25
Pace: 11:26 m/m
Calories: 475
Mystery banana thieves: 0
White van wanker mans: 1
Hurt shoulders: 1
Vegetable houses with vegetables: 0
Car drivers doing the half-wave-while-still-keeping-a-thumb-on-the-steering-wheel-thing: 1
Car drivers not doing the half-wave-while-still-keeping-a-thumb-on-the-steering-wheel-thing: 1
Cows mocking me: 0
Music:
Foo Fighters
The Smiths
Muse
Nirvana
Basement Jaxx
Blur

When I did the three peaks (Ben Nevis, Scafell Pike and Snowdon) last year, we were encouraged to take a waterproof jacket with us.  I went to the outdoor shops such as Blacks and that other one whose name I can’t remember and bloody hell, they’re expensive.   But I found a lightweight one that folded up into it’s own little hood, kind of like a cagoule but nothing like a cagoule, as cagoules aren’t cool, are they?  Oh no.  Anyway, I found this little black foldy up one and it was reduced from about £30 to a tenner or so, which pleased my pocket greatly.  It did come in handy on the mountains, too.

Gareth from Webtogs is back with a brand new beard and this time he’s talking about (yes, you guessed it) waterproof jackets.

He’s wearing a rather nifty little red and black number himself, and although I don’t know if it’s waterproof or not, it’s certainly looks warm and comfy.  But he’s not here today just to talk about the one he’s wearing, he’s talking about waterproof jackets in general and goes through the different types, such as coated ones and membrane ones and then discusses the technical stuff like breathability and non-technical stuff like price.  As I found out last year, they cost anywhere between £30 and over £300 so you need to know what you’re getting for your money.

He then goes on to discuss the different features you can get in a waterproof.  For example, if you’re a dog walker, you don’t need a short jacket that you can clip a climbing harness to.  Unless you’re going to walk your dog up a mountain or cliff face I suppose.

But there are no dogs in this video, so I’m assuming they don’t make jackets for people who want to walk dogs up mountains.

They do make jackets with hoods though, and Gareth demonstrates this by showing us the hood in the nifty red and black number he’s wearing.  It has a stiffened peak which keeps the rain off your face, but it just makes him look like a scary bearded man.

Think I’ve sussed why I don’t like running here, it’s too claustrophobic.  I’m surrounded by trees, hedges and bushes and don’t get to see much of the fields behind them and so I don’t get that feeling of being the only one for miles around that I felt when I ran over the marshes (plus it was always a novelty feeling like you’re the only person for miles around when you’re in an overpopulated part of London) but today I thought I’d give it another go and I had a look on gmaps to see how long the route past the vegetable house is if I don’t go the long way back past Cost Cutter and it’s about 3.2 miles and I think ah, perfect, I’ll do that then as I prefer loops to out and backs and then I think I bet the vegetable house will have eggs today as I’ve been past there practically every day on my bike and they never have any eggs and although I’ve bought some nice flowers from them and some apples, I have a huge urge to buy some fresh eggs from a local house instead of giving my money to Sainsburys, although I don’t even like eggs very much, apart from the gorgeous Thai vegetable omelette I made last week and so I get outside and I go down the road and get to the vegetable house and THERE ARE EGGS THERE and I think bah and I think oh well, never mind, I’ll cycle up there later and get them if they’re still there then and I go round the corner and down the road and the cars are going past me fast and I think maybe if enough cars go past me, I’ll get over my car phobia, assuming I don’t get squished by a 4×4 that is and I get back to civilisation (i.e. Cost Cutters) and a van indicates that he’s turning and I think bah, now I’ve got to stop and I haven’t stopped for the whole of my run and I run down the road and a street cleaner stops to let me go past and just as I get to him a gust of wind makes my t-shirt rise up and I think WAA, I’VE JUST FLASHED A STREET CLEANER but I don’t think he noticed and I get to the bottom of the road and walk up the hill and I’ve done 3.1 miles, hurrah.

Today’s route

Stats:
Distance: 3.1 miles
Time: 34:58
Pace: 11:17 m/m
Calories: 248
Vegetable houses with eggs: 1
Street cleaners flashed at: 1
Music:
Nine Inch Nails
Silvery
Chrome Hoof
Blur
Stereophonics

It’s official. I hate running in the countryside.  Can I go home now?

After Monday’s six miler, my legs are still aching a bit but a schedule is a schedule and should be sort of strictly adhered to although in my case a schedule is more like just a piece of paper to be used as a placemat or something to doodle on and I spend the first part of the morning on Facebook until I remember it’s Wednesday and therefore it’s Facebook-free Wednesday and after getting my final assignment back from the OU A174 Start Writing Fiction course which I passed, even though my tutor said I had too many short (yes, I did say short) sentences, I sign up for the next one – A215 Creative Writing – and then as it’s Facebook-free Wednesday there’s nothing else to do so I decide to go out for two miles and I decide to set up Cedric to pace me for 10 minute miles but after .75 of a mile I want to walk and not only do I want to walk, I do walk and I think to myself what a lightweight and so I start running again but my legs are really tired and I run and walk to the tree and PJ Harvey starts singing something about good fortune and I turn my iPod up and then I hear something rumbling behind me so I look round and there’s a tractor and I wonder if it’s going to catch me up or can I stay ahead and I get round a corner and I decide to stop to let the tractor go past but the tractor’s stopped and I think he’s stopped for me so I wave my thanks but as I turn round there’s a Campervan in front of me and the tractor must have stopped for the Campervan, not for me and I wasted a thank you wave and everything and so I carry on and I can hear the tractor behind me but the road’s not far ahead so I decide to race the tractor and bomb it down to the road and I get round the corner and I don’t want to stop in case the tractor sees me walking and thinks I’m a lightweight and I don’t want to turn round to see if the tractor came my way or not but then I can’t run any more and I stop to walk and I walk/run the rest of the way home.

Splits (can you see where I raced the tractor?)

Stats:
Distance: 2.16 miles
Time: 25:01
Pace: 11:36
Calories: 170
Facebook-free Wednesdays: 1
Passes for OU courses: 1
Short sentences: too many
Campervans: 1
Tractors raced: 1
Music:
Silvery
PJ Harvey
Blur

As I slacked as per bloody usual at the weekend, I decided to carry the weekend’s long run over to Monday, like I did last week and I get up and decide to be brave and get on my new scales and they say I’m 9 st 8.5 and I think WHAT THE FUCK? and so I get on my old scales and they say I’m 9 st 9 and I think oooooooooooooooooooooh dear, I’d better go and do that run then and I decide to keep a food diary and record what I’m eating and drinking and I remember reading that people who have breakfast lose more weight and I haven’t been having breakfast every day since I’ve been here but I don’t usually eat before a run and so I make a banana and blueberry smoothie and decide to run past the egg house as it was quite quiet when I cycled up there last week and I get out the house and run down the hill and hope I can remember which way to go and not go the wrong way like I did last week and I don’t go the wrong way and I turn off when I’m supposed to and a woman with a dog says hello and I say hello back and then a man in a wheelchair comes past and I wonder if I should stop and walk in case he thinks I’m taking the piss because I can run and he can’t even walk and then I think he might not be a bitter and twisted wheelchair man and he might think make the most of your health and fitness while you’ve got it and I run past him and I go past a house with some cucumbers and eggs and an aubergine on a table and I wonder if they’re for people to take and leave a donation like the house I went past a couple of weeks ago but there’s no sign and I haven’t got any money on me anyway and then I go past a field full of cows and then I can see some tents or something and I think oh no, I hope they’re not gypsies as the gypsies shot at Shaun last year and I don’t want to get shot by gypsies and then The Levellers come on my iPod and I think flipping heck, crusties are everywhere and then I think are crusties the same as gypsies? and I decide they’re not, as crusties just sit around drinking Special Brew and cider or taking their dogs on strings for a walk and don’t go around shooting people and I go past the field and I don’t get shot and I go past the egg house but they still haven’t got any eggs for sale and I get to three miles and I stop and turn around and go back the way I came and I’m going to try and run four miles without stopping to walk which will be a bit of a record for me at the moment and a cyclist comes past and he’s a proper cyclist with a helmet and sunglasses and dorky clothes and everything and he gives me a big smile and a wave and says hello and I think WHAT THE FUCK? a friendly cyclist? when did they start making them? and I quickly get over my shock and say hello back and then I go past a field with two sheep in and I think why are there only two sheep in that huge field? and I wonder where the sheep at the bottom of the garden have gone and the man in the wheelchair comes past me again and he says hello and I say hello back and I think people will have to stop saying hello to me as I’m running out of oxygen and then I go past the vegetable house again and take a good look at the board but no, there’s no mention of any money and then I’m back on the pavement and I hope I turn off the right way and not go the way that makes me go back through the village as riding through the village on my pretty pink Pashley Poppy is one thing but running through the village sporting an unattractive shade of crimson is another but I don’t go the wrong way and I get to the hill and I walk/run up the hill and outside a house is a wooden cabinet thing with a sign saying free, just take it and I wonder if it’s National Give Things Away Day today and then I get home and I’ve done my six miles, and only ran/walked the final two, hurrah.

Route

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Splits

Stats:
Distance: 6.12 miles
Time: 1:13:07
Calories: 633 
Woman with dogs: 1
Men in wheelchairs: 1
Houses giving away vegetables: 1
Egg houses with eggs: 0
Friendly cyclists: 1
Sheep in big field: 2
Music:
Cardiacs
Silvery
Levellers
PJ Harvey
Blur
The The

Although not so much on the running side, but definitely on the blogging side.  You see, I have to confess.  I’ve done three runs that remain unblogged.  Oops.  And now Shaun’s calling me a slacker and threatening not to draw his dinner unless I blog.  So, what happened on those three runs?  Not a lot really.  I went out with Audio Fuel’s Shoot the Breeze for last Thursday’s three miler but the less said about that the better really.  The music and the run.  I don’t know which was more crap.  The run, probably.  At 42:55 to do three miles, that’s a pretty poor show and I probably can’t blame the music, although it didn’t help, certainly wasn’t my cup of tea (or glass of wine). 

I further slacked at the weekend, preferring instead to while away the time indoors before making our way on the rain-soaked motorway to Folkestone to see

who was absolutely brilliant although I could have done without the women of a certain age in front of me bashing me with their oversized umbrella which they were trying to keep their oversized arses dry with.

Monday I attempted to make up for the weekend’s slackness by attempting to do the five miles my schedule had me down for.  I replaced Shoot the Breeze for the 45 minute Full Tilt, ignoring the fact that it’s supposed to be for a hard workout.  I quite liked this one.  So much in fact that I took it out again for yesterday’s 3.5 miles, although I couldn’t be arsed to do 3.5 miles and so only did two, one of which was mostly walked.

Tomorrow I will be further slacking as Gary’s coming up to play Scrabble and we’re going to spend the day in Canterbury first being cultural and looking at cathedrals and going on river trips and stuff.  That’s if I don’t get eaten by the big cats that we’re going to go and see later today.

Can someone teach me how to run again please?

Stats:
Distance: 3.04 / 4.93 / 2.02 miles
Time: 42:55 / 1:12:04 / 24:30
Calories: 880
Runs unblogged: 3
Rain-soaked motorways: 1
Gary Numans: 1
Women of a certain age: some
Big cats: some
Days out in Canterbury: 1
Music:
Audio Fuel’s Shoot the Breeze / Full Tilt compilations

It’s that Webtogs man again.  This time he’s talking about marmots.  Marmot jackets this is, and not to be confused with small furry creatures or Marmite but after last time when he was talking about hedgehogs and no hedgehogs materialised in his video, I’m not holding my breath to see any cute furry creatures this time either.

This time he’s getting excited about a blue jacket (which clashes with his red t-shirt).  I know he’s excited because he says so.  And one of the reasons he’s so excited is because it only weighs 198g and he says if it was any lighter they probably wouldn’t be able to call it a jacket.  What would they call it then?  A penguin?  A non-jacket?  Hmm.

He then goes on to tell us about how waterproof and breathable it is and this is because it’s made from their own proprietory fabric, called membrane strata.  This probably means as much to you as it does to me.  Unless you work for Webtogs, then it’s probably all perfectly clear.

Now he proceeds to go through and describe the rest of the jacket (and remember, if it weighed any less than its 198g, you wouldn’t be able to call it a jacket) starting with the hood.  It’s got a thin raised peak and some kind of velcro thing on the back to adjust the, er, back.  It’s also got wires on the front of the hood so you can tighten it up around your chin and look like a real dork.  He tells us that one of the reasons it’s so light is because of the waterproof zips although I think that was just his way of sequing into his narrative about the zipped pockets of which there are two; funnily enough, one on the right and one on the left.  There’s also a hem drawcord and this almost too light to be called a jacket, jacket is available in a version called Mica for the boys and a version called Crystalline for the girls.

And I was right about the absence of any small furry creatures.  Bah.