Juneathon 2009 Day 4 Part 1

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Tonight is the Crisis Square Mile Run which is a run to help the homeless and not just an excuse to run with your mates for half an hour or so and then go and get pissed and eat pizza, and which I’m going to be doing for the fourth time.  As I now live far far away just left of the middle of nowhere, the report will have to wait until tomorrow.  In the meantime, you can read the previous years’ reports here (which was my first ever race), here and here.

But because I am a dedicated and committed Juneathoner, and of course extremely hardcore, I took my trusty little steed out for a short spin.  Shorter than anticipated but a short spin nevertheless.

Once again, I am true to my hypocrisy (as ever so kindly pointed out by Emma) and cycle up the pavement but then I see an old lady walking towards me and there aren’t any more slopey bits that I can go down and go on the road and so I slow down and stop while the old lady passes me as I don’t want to run into her like I ran into the man the other day and I manage not to run the old lady over and then I go over a stone and I think oops, hope I don’t get another puncture like I did the very first time I took my bike out and I get to the turning and there’s a sign saying warning, hedge cutting taking place or something like that I look down and there’s a big hedge cutting thing taking up the whole of the road and I think how the fuck am I supposed to get past that? and I think I can’t and so I turn round and go back home and I cycle in the road and there’s a car wanting to turn into his driveway and I wonder if I should stop for it and let it go in but I don’t know anything about roads and so I carry on and then I hear something big about to overtake me and it’s a huge lorry and I think bollocks to this, I’m going back on the pavement but I see the old lady up ahead and I think she’s going to get really pissed off if I keep going past her on the pavement and so I stay on the road and get home without running over any old ladies.

Stats (cycling)
Distance: 0.96 miles
Time: 6:07
Speed: 9.4mph
Calories: 27
Hedge cutting things: 1
Huge lorries: 1
Old ladies run over: 0
Weight: 9st 3
Juneathon’s completed: 4/30

Juneathon 2009 Day 3 – A gentle row

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For today’s Juneathon I decide to utilise Shaun’s (I don’t know why he insists on calling it mine; he paid for it, it’s in his computer/exercise room and he uses it) rowing machine and you’d think this would be as easy as walking the twenty feet from my computer room to the back bedroom but no, I have to move the radio and then it’s out of tune and although Radio 1 was seriously bugging me yesterday (I can’t get a good signal for XFM down here), the first station my radio tunes into is sounding scarily like Terry Wogan and I think am I 60?  Should I be listening to Terry Wogan? and I decide I shouldn’t and so I keep trying to find another station and something comes on that doesn’t sound too annoying and then I realise that I need that plug socket to plug the rowing machine into and so I go downstairs to get a double plug but the only one I can find has the holes in the wrong place and the rowing machine adaptor is too big to go on it and then I realise that the plugs next to it are turned off so I unplug them and plug the adaptor in and because I’d unplugged the radio again, it’s untuned again so I retune it and start to row and have it on the manual resistance and it’s still bloody hard and after about 9 minutes I decide to see if I can turn the resistance down and I press the down button and the whole screen goes off and I think eek, I’ve broken Shaun’s rowing machine and I’ll get told off like I did when I put the cold drinks in the hot drinks cupboard and the tinned tomatoes in the wrong place and I’m pressing the buttons and nothing’s happening so I turn it off at the wall and turn it back on again but it’s still dead and so I pull the adaptor plug thingy out of the machine and plug it back in again but still nothing, so I unplug it at the wall and the machine and plug it back in and then it beeps back into action and I think hooray, it’s working again and I get back on it and can’t remember how many minutes I’d done but it was about 9 and I’d planned to do 30 so I decide to stay on it for another 20 minutes and it’s bloody knackering and after a few minutes I decide to be brave and press the button again to lower the resistance and hooray, it doesn’t break this time and this is far far far easier and after a few more minutes I decide to stop being a lightweight and turn the resistance back up and I eventually get to 30 minutes and this rowing machine is far far far more hard work than the ones in the gym.

Junethon day 3 part 2

After spending the rest of the morning writing 500 words as part 1 (of 3) for my Open University assignment that’s due in on Friday, I decide to take the bike out for a spin before lunch.  I ride up the pavement as usual but there’s a car parked on the pavement and a man walks along towards me with a dog and I’m going to have to go on the road and the man with the dog stops to let me go past and I say thank you and I feel bad as I shouldn’t be on the pavement anyway and I’m going to have to go on the road in any event as there’s a car parked on the pavement and I can’t get past it so I’m brave and go on the road and the cars are overtaking me but I’m brave and don’t wobble and I turn off and cycle up to the tree and there’s a man walking up ahead of me and I don’t want to overtake him as I think my jeans are falling down and he’ll see my bum but he gets to the tree before me and I go round the tree and go back the way I came without the man seeing my bum and I pull my jeans up with one hand and there’s a couple of people walking up the road and I think more people? I don’t usually see anyone here and they give me a half smile and I give them a half smile back and then I’m back on the main road and I think I’ll be brave and cycle back on the road and anyway the car’s still there parked on the pavement so I don’t really have a choice and I cycle on the road and weeeeeeeeeeeeee, I feel liberated but the cars are going fast and I don’t care if the sign a few feet ahead of me says there’s a speed limit of 30, I think they’re doing about 180 and I get home and feel proud of myself for not being a wimp and sticking to the pavement.

Stats (rowing)
Distance: about a mile
Time: about 30 minutes
Strokes per minute: about 20

Stats (cycling)
Distance: 2.09 miles
Time: 11:46
Speed: 10.6 mph
Calories: 67
Weight: 9st 4
Juneathon’s completed: 3/30

Juneathon 2009 Day 2 – A narrow escape

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After being woken at 3:30am by my lovely boyfriend apparently trying to break my wrist, I wake up and politely ask him what the fuck he’s doing and he comes up with the lame excuse of having a bad dream where big boys were bullying him.  A likely story.  I go back to sleep keeping one eye open in case of any more “bad dreams” but after three hours I’m getting eyelid ache so I get up and check the house for booby traps but the kettle hasn’t been set up to electrocute me or anything and I go into the garage carefully in case there’s been a guillotine set up in there overnight but the coast is clear and there’s no guillotine in the garage waiting to chop my head off so I get out my little Raleigh Shopper, complete with its new basket and drink holder

Raleigh Shopper with basket and drink holder

but I haven’t got any tassles for the handlebars yet but as I’m owed big time by the little bloke for trying to murder me in my sleep I think there might be some on their way.

I check it to make sure there’s no bombs attached to it, ready to explode as soon as I get to the dizzy heights of 5mph but it would seem untampered with and so off I go for today’s Juneathon.

As it’s nice and sunny out, I decide to wear my new supercool sunglasses as sent to me by the modern day Jim’ll (i.e. the nice lady from the marketing company) and wonder if it’s the rush hour and will there be loads of cars and Shaun would have wasted his time trying to kill me when the rush hour will do it for him or maybe that was his Plan B, if Plan A  failed, as he knew I’d get up early if I woke up early and then the rush hour will get me instead and he’ll be exonerated.

Still, off I go, fearless in my quest to fulfil today’s Juneathon and not letting a little thing like attempted murder bother me and I’m on the pavement before I go to turn off where there aren’t any pavements anymore and a man’s walking towards me and I wonder if he’s going to move even a little bit and I can’t move any further over otherwise I’m going to fall into the road with the traffic coming in the wrong direction and I’ve already had enough near misses this morning what with boyfriends trying to kill me and invisible booby traps and guillotines and bike bombs and the man doesn’t move even a little bit and as I go past I scrape him with my handlebars and I say sorry and I carry on and I wonder if I should have stopped and said sorry but it’s too late now and I get round the corner and it’s quite dark and I’m wondering maybe I shouldn’t have worn the sunglasses if it’s going to be dark as I won’t see all the holes in the road, of which there are many, and I go through the tree tunnel and I hope the cars can see me and I think they’ll probably be able to see my bright white bike and then I see a dead crow and I go round the corner and there’s some horses.

 

Horses

I carry on going down the road and it’s nice and quiet and there’s nothing around except lots of greenery and blue skies

Nothing except a lot of green

and a beasty lands on my arm and it’s the same kind of beasty that came and sat with me in my room yesterday until I chucked it out of the window carefully placed it outside

Beasty

so I stop and flick it off my arm and there’s a truck coming out of a driveway and I wonder if I should stop and let it go first but I carry on and then there’s a bus and there’s hardly room for it to go past me but I don’t end up under its wheels and then I see another horse

Horse

and I stop and stand my bike up on its stand and it promptly falls over so I pick it up and try to stand it up again and it does and I stay and stroke the horse for a bit

Horse

and I say bye to the horse and carry on and then I’m on a busier road and the cars are going fast and I look at my Garmin and it says I’ve got another two miles to go and I don’t want to go another two miles with all the cars going so fast and then I see some houses and I don’t remember seeing houses yesterday and I realise I’m nearly home and I’m on a proper road with houses and cars and stuff and I’m cycling in the road like a proper cyclist and not freezing with fear every time I see a car and as I pass the primary school I realise I’m slap bang in the middle of the school run and there’s cars everywhere and I get on the pavement then get back on the road when some people walk up the pavement towards me and then I go back on to the pavement so I can wheel my bike up the hill like the lightweight I am and then I’m back home unscathed and unmurdered despite everyone’s best efforts.

Route

Splits

Stats (cycling):
Distance: 7.31 miles
Time: 48:25
Speed: 9.1mph
Calories: 201
Weight: 9 st 6
Bad dreams cited as reason for attempted murder: 1
Invisible guillotines: 1
Bike bombs: 0
Men cycled into: 1
Dead crows: 1
Horses: 4
Cars going fast: lots
Juneathons completed: 2/30

Juneathon 2009 Day 1

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Juneathon IIII hate my scales.  Last week they said I was 9st 2, today they say I’m 9st 6.  I haven’t put on 4 lbs in a week so scales, f**k off.  But as if my scales lying to me weren’t enough to push me out the door, today is obviously the start of Juneathon III (and if you don’t know that, why not?) and as Juneathon is mostly about running, I decide I should go for a run although I want to get out on my lovely little Raleigh Shopper (which is now complete with basket and drink holder) for 7 miles.

I decide to just do the two mile route, partly because I ran yesterday and I don’t usually run two days in a row and partly (ok, mainly) because I’m a wimp.

I take my little quiet route where there aren’t any nasty bends but there are a couple of cars and I wonder why I’m scared of them when I’m running but not so scared anymore when I’m cycling and it shouldn’t make any difference as, if they can get round me when I’m cycling, then they can get round me when I’m running as I don’t suddenly expand to twice my width when I’m running, at least not as far as I know anyway and then I see the tree and think hooray, half way there and then I realise it’s not the tree, it’s just a tree and I have to go further before I can turn round and then there’s some dirge playing on my iPod and I realise it’s Radiohead and Thom Yorke’s singing (and I use the term “singing” loosely) about cutting a kid in half or something and then I get to the tree and I’m tempted to touch it and say tag before turning round and going back the way I came but I resist the urge and the tree remains untouched and then I start to walk and I say to myself stop walking and get running you wuss and so I do but then I hear a strange noise and I stop to see if I can see what’s making the strange noise that’s like a cross between a duck and a pig or something but I can’t see anything and then the noise stops and I’m still walking and so I tell myself I haven’t got any reason to keep walking now the noise has stopped and so I start to run again (and I use the term “run” loosely) and I can see the main road and I want to walk again and when I get to the pavement I turn up my iPod and skip through it to see if there are any motivational tunes on there and Terrorvision’s Perseverance comes on and I think that’s quite appropriate for a lightweight like me.

Splits

Stats (running):
Distance: 2.16 miles
Time: 23:39
Pace: 10:58 m/m
Calories: 202
Weight: 9 st 6
Lying scales: 1
Duck/pig hybrids: 1
Juneathons completed: 1/30

Stats (cycling):
Distance: 7.32 miles
Time: 48:29
Speed: 9.1mph
Calories: 202

Music:
Radiohead
Blur
Terrorvision

Polaroid Polarized sunglasses

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After subtly hinting to the nice lady at Marketing Zone that I quite fancied trying out some Polaroid polarized sunglasses that she recommended, she quickly threw on some bling, put on a dodgy tracksuit, lit a cigar, changed her name to Jim’ll and fixed it for me to have some nice new sunglasses to try out.

It’s taken me a while to get round to trying them as a) I fell down a rabbit hole and hurt my ankle; b) there’s been no sun; and c) I forgot, but today as I woke up with the sun streaming through the curtains I thought today will be the day to try them out.

I’m not really a sunglasses wearing person as I look stupid in them.  I actually think everyone looks stupid in sunglasses but being from London automatically makes me waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay cooler than anyone else round here so I think I can get away with it.

Here’s the case they come in

Polaroid polarised sunglasses case

and here they are in the case

Polaroid polarised sunglasses in case

My able assistant offers to take my photo and I say ok but hang on, I’ve just got up, let me brush my hair first and he says no, you’re going running, you don’t need to brush your hair so here’s a scruffy photo of me.

Me wearing Polaroid polarised sunglasses and looking stupid

So I take myself and my new sunglasses out for a run and they’re very light and don’t move at all and I get round the corner and there’s a big tractor thing coming down the road and I stop to let it pass and then it stops and I think why has the big tractor thing stopped? and I look up and the nice man is waving me past and probably thinking what are you doing you stupid townie? and I smile and say thank you and walk past and carry on running and trying to remember the way I’m supposed to be going as it’s a new route and a route which avoids the bad road with the bends and rabbit holes and there’s a man coming along pushing a buggy and as I get closer I realise it’s not a buggy but a wheelbarrow and I wonder why he’s pushing his baby along in a wheelbarrow and maybe he grew it along with some potatoes or something and it’s a nice sunny day and obviously I haven’t got the sun in my eyes as I’m wearing my new supercool sunglasses and they don’t make everything dark and I keep forgetting I’m wearing them and then I turn off and hope I’m going the right way and a coach comes up behind me and I’m not liking these country lanes and why can’t they build some pavements or maybe just cover the whole place in concrete and then I’m on a bit with bends and I thought I was going to avoid any bends and I stop to let a car go past and then four more cars go past and I’m wobbling and shaking so much I have to hold on to a branch to steady myself and stop myself from wobbling into the road and getting squished and I think I must have gone the wrong way but at least this road is smooth and not covered in holes like most of them are and then I SEE COWS and I wish I’d brought my camera as the cows are right up near the fence, so close I could poke them but I decide not to poke them in case cows don’t like being poked and I say goodbye to the cows and carry on and I’m walking most of the time now and not liking these roads and cars and there’s quite a few cars today and they’re all going quickly too and pass me too closely and I want to get home and I think I must have gone the wrong way and I wonder how much of a detour I’ve done and then I see some houses and I realise I’m on the road that will have a pavement in a minute and then I’m on the pavement and I walk up the hill and go home.

Route

Splits

Stats:
Distance: 3.45 miles
Time: 43:07
Pace: 12:08 m/m
Calories: 317
New pairs of sunglasses: 1
Big tractor things: 1
Babies in wheelbarrows: 1
Cows: 9
Cars: lots
Bends: a few
Music:
B52s
Faith No More
Nirvana
Sleeper
Young Knives

Juneathon III roll call

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Juneathon III

As you should know by now, this year’s Juneathon starts on Monday.

The original Juneathon was started by Joggerblogger‘s mate Preston, who wanted to get fit for his holiday or something.  His Juneathon lasted two days.  However, the hardcore Mr Joggerblogger carried it on in his absence and rallied up the troops (i.e. the rest of blogland) and now Juneathon is a yearly occurrence with JB at the helm.  Thanks JB.

So, a quick recap of the rules:

  • Run or exercise every day
  • Blog about it (if you don’t have a blog, join the Facebook group and post your efforts there)
  • Visit your fellow Juneathoner’s blogs and leave a comment in support (or call them a slacker)

That’s it.  Easy, huh?

And, in no particular order, here is a roll call of this year’s blogging Juneathoners.

Me
Fit Artist
iliketocount
Seaside Strider
Sore Limbs
The Red Bucket
Running From 30
Emily & Michael
The Big Runner
Runner Susan
Running and Thinking
More To Life Than Weight
Strumming, Running & Drinking
Blobbyjogger
Jo H
Hauling My Carcass
Eating Trees
Running From Myself
Tom Roper
The Virtual Runner
Running Matters
Sound mind, sound body
Travelling Hopefully
The Fat Runner
Top Secret Training Blog
Between the Miles
Run DMT
Running Betty
Hot Mama
Carl’s Get Fit Blog

If I’ve forgotten anyone, let me know.

Good luck, and no slacking!

Spit or swallow?

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After sleeping all the way through the night un-wine-induced for the first time since I got here, I decide today I really should start some kind of training, seeing as I’ve got the Crisis Square Mile Run next week and the Staplehurst Carnival ‘n’ Fete 10k in four weeks and although the Crisis run won’t be a problem (especially if we get that 15 minute standing break under London Bridge again this year, not to mention the first half mile being practically at a standstill anyway), I struggle with 10ks at the best of times.  So, even though I was dying to get back out on my SGB again, I put my trainers on and head out for the two mile route and as I get up the road I see an ambulance and an old lady looking at it and I wonder if it’s like hearses and maybe I should slow down out of respect but then I realise it’s just a BT van and the old lady is at a bus stop and the old lady says morning and I think Random Bus Stop Old Lady is very polite and I go round the corner onto the road that’s about two feet wide and an old man on a bicycle comes past and says morning and I think old people are polite round here and then a fly flies into my mouth and I think ick and it’s on the back of my tongue and I think spit or swallow? and I think, I’m vegetarian, I can’t swallow a fly and perhaps I’ll die and so I spit it out although I think spitting is disgusting and if I see anyone spitting I give them a dirty look and call them a dirty peasant and then I can hear a car coming up behind me and so I follow Adele‘s advice and stay on the road and let it go around me and it does indeed go around me and I don’t end up splatted on the road with tyre marks over my back and I get to the tree and turn off and there’s roadworks and a sign that says wait when the light shows red but the lights aren’t showing anything and I don’t think they apply to me anyway and then I get to the pavement and turn my iPod up and I’m pretty knackered and not sure I can make it up the hill butI give it a go but get too tired and stop to walk but leave my Garmin on so it can shame me with my stats for being a slacker.

 

Route

Today's route

 

Splits

Splits

 

Stats:
Distance: 2.25 miles
Time: 23:21
Pace: 10.22 m/m
Calories: 199
BT vans pretending to be ambulances: 1
Polite random old ladies at bus stops: 1
Polite old men on bicycles: 1
Flies in mouth: 1
Flies spat out: 1
Red lights: 0
Hills masterfully conquered: 0
Music:
Garbage
Faith No More
Nirvana

A little (Raleigh) Shopping

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I don’t care if my scales say I’m 9st 2, my scales are lying.  Either that or my mirror is as I am turning into a dumpy country thing and I have no intention of being fat and forty, so I think today I will run and then I remember this

Raleigh Shopper

is living in the garage, having arrived yesterday and after giving it a test run last night, decided it’s the best bike in the whole world, even though when I was given a pink Raleigh Shopper by my parents when I was about 10, I wasn’t very impressed, as I hankered after a racer like my brothers had and didn’t want to be seen on a stupid girl’s bike and especially a pink stupid girl’s bike with a basket but now I love my stupid girl’s bike and will even buy it a basket especially although I won’t be going so far as to spray it pink. and so I decide to take my stupid girl’s bike out for a couple of miles and then come home, get changed and go out for a run and so I get my SGB out of the garage and venture outside on a bike on my own for the first time in about 30 years and I get to the tree a mile away and I think I don’t want to go back yet, I want to go further and maybe I can do the 7 mile loop I looked at on gmaps but it was ages ago I looked on gmaps and I can’t remember what the route is and so I just keep on going and I see lots of bunnies and not dead ones this time and there’s a car coming up behind me and I try not to wobble and remember what Shaun said about they don’t want to hit me and it overtakes me and woo hoo, I don’t wobble and it doesn’t hit me and I go past a road and I wonder if I should turn off there but I still carry on going straight and  I see some horses and I think that makes a change from sheep and I go past some houses that the owners probably think are posh but they look new and like they should be in Essex and after a while I get to a residential area and I think hmm, I think I’ve gone tReebok 5 Series Roweroo far and so I turn round and go back the way I came and I can hear something behind me and I don’t know what it is but it sounds big and it overtakes me and it’s a trailer or something with HUGE wheels and I think I don’t want to end up under them and then I’m back at the tree and the road is very narrow and a car comes along and there’s only just enough room for both of us and I pretend not to be scared and then I’m home and decide not to run but because I am sort of hardcore, I try out our new rowing machine which is harder than the one in the gym and after 15 minutes I’m knackered.

Route

Stats:
Distance: 6.91 miles
Time: 40:53
Speed: 10.1mph
Calories: 212
Stupid girl’s bikes: 1
Bunnies: lots
Horses: some
Trailer things with HUGE wheels: 1
Rowing machines: 1
Runs: 0

Hedgehogs

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Shaun’s growing some hedgehog cucumbers in the greenhouse at the moment but although they’re called cucumbers, they’re not for consumption so we’ll just have to keep them as pets and recently I was pointed in the direction of the walking boots man again although now he’s a beardy walking boots man making videos for Webtogs about North Face Hedgehog trainers so I watch the video to see if the trainers are for running or just to be kept as pets.  He doesn’t mention anything about pets which is a shame but says they’re their bestseller and to be used for low level trail walking and running out on the hills.  As usual, he uses a lot of technical words I don’t understand but apparently this particular shoe (I’m assuming he means the other in the pair too, and not just the one he’s fondling in the video) is breathable, keep your feet dry (but he said that about the sandals and they had huge holes in them so I’m not sure he’s to be fully trusted) and protect your feet from stones.  He also says that the air bubble puts a spring in your step.  Ah, so that’s what the bubble’s for then.  He then jauntily flips the shoe over to show us the sole and goes on to say they have fantastic grip and traction but I want to know when I’m going to see a hedgehog and maybe one will wander past in the video but, alas, no hedgehogs appear.

I also haven’t seen any hedgehogs round here either.  I have seen a dwindling number of sheep in the field at the bottom of the garden which have either dwindled further or disappeared altogether as I haven’t seen them for a couple of days, lots of bunnies (the dead/alive ratio wasn’t looking good for a while but that rectified itself yesterday on an early bike ride), a few horses and a few cows.  But no hedgehogs.  And I thought the countryside was full of animals, not just a few dead bunnies?

 

Countdown to Juneathon III

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The Joggerblogger is back and has come to take over his rightful place as Chief Juneathoner; visit his blog for the full rules and join the Juneathon Facebook group here.

As I sprained my ankle on my second outing in the countryside and haven’t run for over a week, and haven’t been to the gym for three weeks, I’m feeling like a fat, unfit bloater and I decide my ankle was feeling better and so thought I’d give it a try and I get outside and after half a mile the pavement disappears and a disabled man walks past and says hello and then an old man cyclist cycles past and says hello and he must be a proper cyclist as he’s wearing those dorky clothes that proper cyclists wear and then my biggest fear of the countryside happens, two cars are coming in opposite directions but I’m on a better bit of road which does actually have a proper verge, unlike the one where I fell over and hurt my ankle and after the cars have passed each other, I look behind me to check nothing else is coming and there’s a car about two inches away from me and I think oops and then I’m on a pavement again and I think hooray for pavements and I turn my iPod up and then I’m tired and I’m walking and I see come kids coming up the road and I wonder if they’re going to laugh at me and I wonder if I care and I decide I don’t really and I go past the library and remind myself to wear my glasses next time I go in there as I didn’t wear them when I went to join it and then I couldn’t borrow any books as I couldn’t see them and then I walk up the hill to go home and I’ve done a very very slow walk/run because I am a feeble lightweight.

Stats
Distance: 2.15 miles
Time: 25:40
Pace: 11:56 m/m
Calories: 190
Cyclists wearing dorky cyclist’s clothes: 1
Cars: 3
Glasses worn to the library: 0

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