Category: Gym

Lardathon Day #30

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It’s the penultimate day of the Lardathon and although I somehow managed to spend most of the month being heavier than I started, today my scales were kind to me and said I was 2 lbs lighter so all I need to do now is not eat anything until Wednesday and I should be ok. Except I won’t be ok, I’ll be hungry, so that’s probably not going to happen.

It was my first day back at work after a week off and I get in, turn on my computer and do my usual morning routine of checking my personal email on the web but what the fuck? they’ve gone and blocked my webmail. It took them long enough to suss it though as they’d blocked all the usual suspects about a year ago but I found a cool website that lets you check any email account. But now I can’t use it anymore. Bastards.

I decide to go to the gym after work for an hour but after 15 minutes on the cross-trainer, my iPod battery runs out and I decide that I can’t stay without my iPod so I wimp out after 20 minutes and get the train and make smiley templates on my mobile because my posh new mobile has no smilies on it which I think is a total con but now I have smilies again, yay.

Lardathon stats:
Starting weight: 9 st 4
Current weight: 9 st 3
Breakfast: Yoghurt with muesli and berries
Snack: 2 x plum / 1 x pear / 1 x peach
Lunch: Quorn sausage and green chili sandwich / 1 x pear / 1 x peach
Dinner: Lentil shepherd’s pie with cheesy sweet potato mash / peas, carrots, green beans
Gym:
Cross-trainer: 20 minutes

Lardathon Day #26

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I take the meaning of procrastination to new heights this morning and three hours after first thinking I’ll go to the gym, I finally get my lardy and lazy arse out the door and when I get out of the shop after buying the bus fare, there’s a message from agency number one who says to ring him asap as he has an interview for me this afternoon and I think bollocks, do I go home and go to the interview instead, or shall I go to the gym? and I think I’ll go to the gym, I don’t want to go to an interview today, I’ve got two interviews tomorrow and I am supposed to be on holiday and I get on the peasant wagon and I ring agency number one and he says what are you doing today? and I say I’m going to the gym and he says what are you doing after that? and I say nothing much and he says can you go to an interview at 3.30 and I say no, I’m going to be ages in the gym and then I’ll need to have a shower and wash my hair and stuff and it’ll take too long and can’t I go tomorrow in between the other two interviews and he says no, one of the interviews has had the time changed and there won’t be time but don’t worry, you can go for an interview next week in your lunch hour, the company’s just one minute walk from where you are now and I get to the gym where I struggle through thirty minutes on the cross-trainer and get through a bottle of water in the meantime and I’m wondering if maybe the bottle of wine I had last night has something to do with my weediness and dehydration this morning and I think na, it won’t be the wine, it will be the exertion of walking in high heels yesterday and I think well I’ve paid my £2 on the bus so I might as well stay here for a while and I go on the rowing machine and the mind-numbingly boring bike and then I see the step machine and wonder if I can make it go up and down now unlike last time I tried it and so I give it a try and I manage to do a pitiful five minutes on it but I can barely make it move and after I’ve got changed I see two girls on the step machines and they can make it go up and down fast so I must just be a mega weed and I get outside and I try to run for the bus and OUCH that hurt and I limp onto the bus and then I go home and make myself a toasted sandwich that tastes remarkably like a pizza. But it wasn’t a pizza, honest.

Lardathon stats:
Starting weight: 9 st 4
Current weight: 9 st 5
Breakfast: Toast
Lunch: Cheese, tomato, onion, capers and green chili toasted sandwich
Dinner: Thai flavoured mushroom stroganoff with rice / two slices of bread
Other: 2 x pear / 1 x peach / 1 x plum
Gym:
Cross-trainer: 30 minutes
Rowing machine: 30 minutes
Bike: 18 minutes
Step machine: 5 minutes

Lardathon Day #24

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In keeping with this week’s Operation Get My Shit Together I braved the peasants on the bus and went to the gym and managed not to walk into the ramp on the way back to the peasant stop this time. Result.

And also in keeping with this week’s Operation Get My Shit Together I have sent my CV off to three agencies, two of which I’m going to register with tomorrow so hopefully I can get away from my pain in the neck boss before he completely does my head in. Knowing full well how amazingly crap I am at interviews, I’m not expecting to get a new job any time soon but merely the fact that I’ve taken steps to do something about it has made me feel better already. Yay.

Lardathon stats:
Starting weight: 9 st 4
Current weight : 9 st 5
Breakfast: Toast
Lunch: Cheese, onion and tomato toasty (no it’s not a pizza!)
Dinner: Laksa / nasi goreng /rice noodles
Other: 2 x peach / 2 x plum
Gym:
Cross-trainer: 30 minutes
Rowing machine: 30 minutes
Bike: 15 minutes

Lardathon Day #20 to #23

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Update for Lardathon day 23

I have been to the gym so I am back on the Lardathon track and a finely tuned athlete once again.  I came out of the gym with my leg feeling much better, until I walked into a step while rummaging around in my bag looking for an umbrella and it jarred my leg and ooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww fuck that hurt, waa.

Lardathon day 23
Cross-trainer: 25 minutes
Rowing machine: 20 minutes
Bike: 15 minutes
Food: Crunchy peanut butter on toast / Quorn fillets with Thai curry sauce and long grain rice

I confess. I have failed the Lardathon in a big way. I have eaten nothing but crap for over a week now and I can’t remember the last time I went to the gym. Oops. But I woke up this morning with a new resolve to get my act together and I am going to the gym later this afternoon. I am. Honest. I just have some work to do first. I have the week off from my day job this week though, hurrah.

Lardathon Day 20 to 22:
Starting weight: 9 st 4
Current weight: 9 st 5
Food: See below
Lard based confessions: Ice cream, chocolate, crisps, pizza, beer, wine
Exercise: Not sure I remember what that is, is that something other people do?

Lardathon Day #10 and #11

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Day 10 of Lardathon consisted of eating cake and not going to the gym which after the week I’ve had which, amongst other things, consisted of me getting caught up in this storm on my way home on Monday which resulted in it raining inside the landing, bedroom, spare room and my trainers being still soaking wet two days later, I think is justified. A hailstorm? In July? ‘kin hell. Still, last night I cooked a healthy meal of some kind of Oriental-ish inspired vegan noodle and rice thing and a not so healthy back of a can of condensed milk inspired banoffee pie. With added Baileys. Only 600+ calories a slice, but who’s counting?

Today was marginally better on the exercise front and also on the cow front. On the way to work this morning, which was a smoother journey than yesterday when, after having got up early so I could go to the bank before work, the train was late and when it eventually arrived it was only half a train so everyone was squished and then it sat at the platform for about 15 minutes so I thought fuck this and got off and walked the 20 minutes to the tube station and so didn’t get to Holborn early enough to go to the bank, plus because I had to get the tube instead of the train meant I didn’t get my daily cow sighting fix which royally pissed me off but anyway, today on my way to work I counted six cows. Yes, six cows, yah!! They’ve added two more, Big Brother stylee. Wonder if they’ll have evictions too although they won’t be able to moan about who’s the laziest as from what I’ve seen so far all any of them do is lie down all day although there were three standing up when I went past them on my way home tonight. And also on my way home tonight I started thinking about things that wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t stopped smoking 18 months ago and one thing that did occur to me is that I wouldn’t have a bad leg.

Lardathon Day #10
 Starting weight: 9 st 4
Current weight: 9 st 5
Breakfast: Muesli & soya yoghurt
Lunch: Quorn ham slices and salad sandwich on granary bread
Dinner: Laksa, nasi goreng
Other: Nectarine
Lard based confessions: Banoffee pie, wine, beer
Exercise:
None.  Oops.

Lardathon Day #11
Starting weight: 9 st 4
Current weight: 9 st 3
Breakfast: Muesli & soya yoghurt
Lunch: Quorn ham slices and salad sandwich on granary bread
Dinner: Laksa, nasi goreng
Other: Nectarine
Lard based confessions: Banoffee pie
Exercise:
Walking: 1.5 miles
Elliptical trainer: 18 minutes
Rowing machine: 20 minutes

Tottenham Marshes 5 Run the River race report

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My leg had been hurting after my 6 mile run/walk/stop to take photos on Saturday in the same way it’d been hurting on Wednesday after my 8 mile treadmill extravaganza on Tuesday but it felt ok on Sunday and I’m not one to waste my race entry fee and miss out on a post-race piss-up so walked the three miles to the start of the race and everything was fine until I got to 2.5 miles and I thought oh no, my leg is hurting, I’m going to have to stop and walk the last 2.5 miles and then a girl overtook me and her shorts were falling down and showing her bum crack and I though oh no, I can’t look at her bum crack for 2.5 miles, I’m going to have to either speed up or slow right down but I can’t speed up as my leg’s hurting and I carry on and she falls behind and I get to 2.9 miles and the path turns to grass and I think oh shit, nobody told me I’d have to run on grass, I don’t like running on grass as it’s all soft and lumpy and bumpy and it’ll do my leg in more but at 3.3 miles it turned back to path so yay, and at 4 miles I think my leg’s going to fall off and I walk for a few seconds and Bum Crack Girl overtakes me but luckily she’s pulled her shorts back up by then and at 4.4 miles I have to stop and walk because my leg is seriously hurting and I think I’m going to be limping over the finish line and then I think am I fuck limping over the finish line and so I start running again and I get to the finish line and my Garmin tells me I’ve done it in 50:27 which is my fastest time ever. Yay. But I don’t get any of the brownies or muffins because Bear fails to tell me that they were there but we walk a mile back down Tottenham Marshes to the pub and just as we’re about to order lunch, our table gets invaded and invaded by smokers nonetheless which, as a non-smoker, impresses me not, so we go through Walthamstow Marshes and and try to spot the cows that are still lying down, the lazy bastards, and go to the pub by the river which is overrun with screaming and scabby babies and then we go to another pub and by the time we leave we are a bit pissed. And I am a bit sunburnt.

Stats:
Distance: 4.98 miles
Time: 50:27
Pace: 10:07
Calories: 484

Lardathon Day #8
Lunch/dinner: Spinach and ricotta cannelloni with salad and garlic bread
Lard based confessions: Shitloads of beer
Exercise:
Running: 5 miles
Walking: 8 miles

Lardathon Day #9
Starting weight: 9 st 4
Current weight: 9 st 2
Breakfast: Muesli & soya yoghurt
Lunch: Quorn ham slices and salad sandwich on granary bread
Dinner: Thai flavoured mushroom stroganoff with golden rice
Other: Apple, nectarine
Lard based confessions: Few squares Green & Black’s Dark Chocolate, wine, beer
Exercise:
Walking: 1.5 miles
Rowing machine: 20 minutes
Elliptical trainer: 10 minutes

Lardathon Day #3

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I’m sorry but I can’t blog today due to my brain being left behind on a treadmill somewhere in Holborn.  I think I need a lie down.  And my feet hurt.

Stats
Starting weight: 9 st 4
Current weight: 9 st 3
Breakfast: Soya yoghurt and muesli
Lunch: Quorn sausage sandwich with lettuce, cucumber and light mayo
Dinner: Wholewheat spaghetti with aubergine and tomato sauce
Other: Mini baby bel, nectarine
Lard based confessions: 0
Cows: 0
Exercise:
Treadmill: 90 minutes
Distance: 13k
Speed: 8.5/9/9.5kph

Lardathon Day #2

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Although I couldn’t get on my body pump class tonight (probably because of blokes booking all the places so they can ogle the girls), I pack my gym kit anyway and in the morning, ten minutes before I have to leave, I remember that I only have five songs on my little iPod and so I take my big iPod too and after work I go to the gym and do a feeble attempt on the treadmill and a not so feeble attempt on the rowing machine and on the way home I look out for the cows again but they’re still not there.  Damn, maybe tomorrow.

Stats
Starting weight: 9 st 4
Current weight: 9 st 5
Breakfast: Soya yoghurt and muesli
Lunch: Quorn sausage sandwich with lettuce, cucumber and light mayo
Dinner: Caribbean coconut, courgette, spinach and pumpkin curry with wholegrain brown basmati rice
Other: Mini baby bel, nectarine
Lard based confessions: 0
Cows: 0
Exercise:
Treadmill: 20 minutes
Distance: 2.85k
Speed: 8.5/9kph
Rowing machine: 30 minutes

Juneathon Day #29

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It’s the penultimate day of the Juneathon and I decide to take it easy on the running front and just do some cross-training down the gym at lunchtime in the form of the rowing machine and the elliptical trainer but when I get there, I can’t resist the lure of the treadmill as I have got strangely addicted to it, although not so addicted that I want to buy one and bounce up and down on it whilst watching Eastenders, although I suppose it would be handily near the fridge and they do have those beer can size holders in them, but anyway I do 15 minutes on the treadmill and then 15 minutes on the rowing machine and I go back to work nicely energised but my good mood doesn’t last long as my boss decides to be a twat again and I’m thinking he has got the man in his 40s syndrome in a big way and eventually it gets to 5 o’clock and I can go home and I get on the train and I must have committed some kind of bad karma sin by blogging about the Juneathon candidate the other day who was the size of two seats, as another one gets on the train and sits next to me and squishes me all the way home.

Stats:
Treadmill: 15 minutes
Distance: 2.5k
Speed: 10kph
Rowing machine: 15 minutes

Juneathon Day #28

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Because I’ve decided my running commute is seriously bobbins, I decided to attempt 10k on the treadmill but almost had an excuse not to do it when at 5:20 my boss asked me to do something which would have involved me leaving work late but then he changed his mind and so I trotted off to the gym and started my running commute which wouldn’t get me home at the other end of it and neither would it take me past Somerfield and their plentiful supply of chilled white wine.

When I get to the gym I’m told that they’ve swapped round the men’s and women’s changing rooms and she does tell me why but I didn’t hear and I say is it every day and she says no just today and I wonder why it’s just for today but I don’t bother to ask her and so I go into the men’s changing rooms which is v. weird and they’re bigger than our changing rooms and there’s a girl in there who puts deodorant on and then puts on her gym kit and goes to the mirror and does her hair and make up and I think what is the point in that and I go and get on a treadmill and six minutes later make up and hair done girl gets on the treadmill next to me and starts walking on it really slowly and I’m thinking ha, you lightweight, you need Juneathon and then she starts running on it and she does 35 minutes and at the end she looks exactly the same and I think well if my hair and make up stayed the same I might do the same thing but I look like a drowned rat after about five minutes and then another Juneathon candidate gets on the other treadmill next to me and she walks really slowly on it for five minutes and gets off and I think well at least she’s in the gym and a year and a half ago I wouldn’t have dreamt of going in a gym and then I’m watching the news on the telly and they’re showing politicians but I don’t know who they are and then they’re showing the Spice Girls and I think Posh looks kind of freaky and not in a good kind of freaky way like Bobby Conn but in a Bride of Wildenstein kind of freaky way, especially next to the other Spice Girls who look healthy and normal and I think Posh probably thinks she looks the best out of all of them and then Keane comes on my iPod and I think what the fuck is Keane doing on my iPod, although it’s the song that sounds like U2 which I will admit to sort of liking although I don’t actually like U2 but I’m still thinking what the fuck is Keane doing on my iPod and then it gets to 53 minutes and I’m thinking I’m quite enjoying this and maybe I’ll turn the speed up a bit when it gets to 60 minutes and it gets to 60 minutes and then it goes to 59 minutes and I think what the fuck, I must be hallucinating, I thought it was on 59 minutes before and then when it gets to 60 minutes it goes into the cooldown mode thing and I think what the fuck, bloody hell, that’s annoying and so I turn the speed back up and then a minute later it goes back down again and I think oh no, I’m going to have to turn the speed up every minute and that’s really annoying and so I think well, the quicker I go, the quicker I get to 10k so I turn it up faster and and keep doing the turning it up every minute thing until it eventually gets to 10k and then I let it do its cooldown thing it obviously so desperately wants me to do and as soon as I finish on the treadmill, a girl jumps on it and I think ooh, I did hog it a bit, oh well never mind.

Stats:
Treadmill: 67 minutes
Distance: 10k
Speed: 9/9.5/10/10.5kph

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