Category: Treadmill

Girlflu

11 comments

And you lot thought I’d been slacking this week? No, not me, I had a bit of a sniffle girlflu but because I am a hardcore finely tuned athlete, I have attempted to run a bit this week, although Thursday and Friday’s efforts couldn’t really be called efforts as Thursday’s effort consisted of a mile with two walking breaks and Friday’s effort was similarly feeble with 20 minutes on the treadmill with two walking breaks.

But today I got up early early early after my extremely riveting dream about making bread to rectify this pitiful situation and not because I’m expecting delivery of a new shiny 22″ monitor, oh no. I got up early early early and went over the park and round the sports field and did, um, a mile. But it was a mile with no walking breaks this time, which isn’t bad for a girl with girlflu.

And now I am awaiting delivery of my nice new shiny 22″ monitor although I did seem to confuse amazon so I hope it does turn up, I’m even going to tidy the spare room so it doesn’t think it’s new home is owned by a scruff. Which of course it isn’t, as obviously this is the home of a domestic goddess. Only a domestic goddess would dream about making bread.

Stats:

Today
Distance: 1.37 miles
Time: 14:31
Pace: 10:38
Calories: 126
Music
Courtney Love
The Prodigy
Hole

Friday
Treadmill:
Distance: 1.65 miles
Time: 20:00
Pace: 12:08
Calories: 158

Thursday
Distance: 1.32 miles
Time: 14:55
Pace: 11:17
Calories: 114

Five minute wonder

7 comments

I have next week marked down as a healthy week which means no going out boozing and going to the gym every day but thought as my boss was off today I’d take advantage and have an extended lunch hour and go and see if the gym was still in its usual place and it was so I went in and had been on the cross-trainer for about 3 minutes when a man approached me and so I stopped and turned my iPod off and took my earphones out and I saw he was a personal trainer and he said can I ask you a few questions and so I thought well my boss isn’t in, I’m not in a huge rush and so I said ok then and he said have you ever used a personal trainer and I said no and he said do you ever use the weights and I said no and he said would you like to and I said no and he said would you like a personal trainer and I said no and I thought I’m getting bored now and this is my lunch break so I said I’m happy doing my own thing and can I get on please, I’m on my lunch hour and he said I just want to ask you a few more questions and I said sorry I haven’t got time and he said it won’t take long so I blanked him and put my earphones back in and turned my iPod back on and he eventually fucked off and I thought WHAT THE FUCK, I’m on my lunch hour, don’t come over here giving me the hard sell and I realise I’m actually pretty pissed off and think I’m going to complain and I think I’ll do it by email as I’m not assertive enough to complain at reception and it’s not the receptionist’s fault anyway and I don’t want to fuck about asking to speak to a manager so I just carry on and then Kate Nash starts singing Dickhead which pisses me off too for its complete ungrammaticalness (yes I know I just made up a word) and so I skip that track and I think it’s not fair, I wasn’t pissed off when I came in here and now I am and I go over to the rowing machines and there’s two girls on them talking and I think oh no don’t be talking that’s really annoying and so I push my earphones in deeper into my ears and turn my iPod up so I can’t hear them and then I go on the bike and then I’m wondering if my leg will take a minute or two on the treadmill but I don’t want to have to get on and get off immediately if I can’t even do one step but the gym’s quite quiet and there’s a row of empty treadmills so I get on one and I do a painless five minutes and then I’m not pissed off anymore but very happy indeed and I skip back to the office, well ok then, I didn’t skip as that would look fucking ridiculous but I’m skipping in my head and when I get back to work someone has left two cakes on my desk, yay.

Stats
Cross-trainer: 20 minutes
Rowing machine: 15 minutes
Bike: 15 minutes
Treadmills: 5 minutes
Personal trainers pissing me off: 1
Cakes: 2

Lardathon Day #3

11 comments

I’m sorry but I can’t blog today due to my brain being left behind on a treadmill somewhere in Holborn.  I think I need a lie down.  And my feet hurt.

Stats
Starting weight: 9 st 4
Current weight: 9 st 3
Breakfast: Soya yoghurt and muesli
Lunch: Quorn sausage sandwich with lettuce, cucumber and light mayo
Dinner: Wholewheat spaghetti with aubergine and tomato sauce
Other: Mini baby bel, nectarine
Lard based confessions: 0
Cows: 0
Exercise:
Treadmill: 90 minutes
Distance: 13k
Speed: 8.5/9/9.5kph

Juneathon Day #29

3 comments

It’s the penultimate day of the Juneathon and I decide to take it easy on the running front and just do some cross-training down the gym at lunchtime in the form of the rowing machine and the elliptical trainer but when I get there, I can’t resist the lure of the treadmill as I have got strangely addicted to it, although not so addicted that I want to buy one and bounce up and down on it whilst watching Eastenders, although I suppose it would be handily near the fridge and they do have those beer can size holders in them, but anyway I do 15 minutes on the treadmill and then 15 minutes on the rowing machine and I go back to work nicely energised but my good mood doesn’t last long as my boss decides to be a twat again and I’m thinking he has got the man in his 40s syndrome in a big way and eventually it gets to 5 o’clock and I can go home and I get on the train and I must have committed some kind of bad karma sin by blogging about the Juneathon candidate the other day who was the size of two seats, as another one gets on the train and sits next to me and squishes me all the way home.

Stats:
Treadmill: 15 minutes
Distance: 2.5k
Speed: 10kph
Rowing machine: 15 minutes

Juneathon Day #28

3 comments

Because I’ve decided my running commute is seriously bobbins, I decided to attempt 10k on the treadmill but almost had an excuse not to do it when at 5:20 my boss asked me to do something which would have involved me leaving work late but then he changed his mind and so I trotted off to the gym and started my running commute which wouldn’t get me home at the other end of it and neither would it take me past Somerfield and their plentiful supply of chilled white wine.

When I get to the gym I’m told that they’ve swapped round the men’s and women’s changing rooms and she does tell me why but I didn’t hear and I say is it every day and she says no just today and I wonder why it’s just for today but I don’t bother to ask her and so I go into the men’s changing rooms which is v. weird and they’re bigger than our changing rooms and there’s a girl in there who puts deodorant on and then puts on her gym kit and goes to the mirror and does her hair and make up and I think what is the point in that and I go and get on a treadmill and six minutes later make up and hair done girl gets on the treadmill next to me and starts walking on it really slowly and I’m thinking ha, you lightweight, you need Juneathon and then she starts running on it and she does 35 minutes and at the end she looks exactly the same and I think well if my hair and make up stayed the same I might do the same thing but I look like a drowned rat after about five minutes and then another Juneathon candidate gets on the other treadmill next to me and she walks really slowly on it for five minutes and gets off and I think well at least she’s in the gym and a year and a half ago I wouldn’t have dreamt of going in a gym and then I’m watching the news on the telly and they’re showing politicians but I don’t know who they are and then they’re showing the Spice Girls and I think Posh looks kind of freaky and not in a good kind of freaky way like Bobby Conn but in a Bride of Wildenstein kind of freaky way, especially next to the other Spice Girls who look healthy and normal and I think Posh probably thinks she looks the best out of all of them and then Keane comes on my iPod and I think what the fuck is Keane doing on my iPod, although it’s the song that sounds like U2 which I will admit to sort of liking although I don’t actually like U2 but I’m still thinking what the fuck is Keane doing on my iPod and then it gets to 53 minutes and I’m thinking I’m quite enjoying this and maybe I’ll turn the speed up a bit when it gets to 60 minutes and it gets to 60 minutes and then it goes to 59 minutes and I think what the fuck, I must be hallucinating, I thought it was on 59 minutes before and then when it gets to 60 minutes it goes into the cooldown mode thing and I think what the fuck, bloody hell, that’s annoying and so I turn the speed back up and then a minute later it goes back down again and I think oh no, I’m going to have to turn the speed up every minute and that’s really annoying and so I think well, the quicker I go, the quicker I get to 10k so I turn it up faster and and keep doing the turning it up every minute thing until it eventually gets to 10k and then I let it do its cooldown thing it obviously so desperately wants me to do and as soon as I finish on the treadmill, a girl jumps on it and I think ooh, I did hog it a bit, oh well never mind.

Stats:
Treadmill: 67 minutes
Distance: 10k
Speed: 9/9.5/10/10.5kph

Juneathon Day #26

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With it being Tuesday, that means it’s a half-marathon training schedule day and as I would never ever ever ever ever not stick to my schedule, I went off to the gym at lunchtime for an interval session as I had been ordered encouraged to do 22 minutes at 9/11kph.  Ouch.

I get to the gym and it’s busy but I find an unused treadmill hiding behind a pillar and get on it and notice the man on the bike in front of me has no neck and I wonder why he hasn’t got a neck and after a few seconds some of my hair has come out of its band and is flapping in my face and won’t stay behind my ear and it’s really bugging me and so after 5 minutes I have to stop to do some girly hair-adjusting type stuff and I carry on and my hair has come loose again and I think fuck it, I’ll be sweating like a pig glowing in a ladylike fashion in a minute and I can just plaster it onto my head and I’m thinking I don’t think I can do all 22 minutes today, maybe it’s too much the day after body pump and only five hours sleep but I carry on and it eventually gets to 18 minutes and I think can I do the final four minutes that I was ordered encouraged to do? and I think well I’ll have a go but I think I’m going to faint or puke or an extremely unladylike combination of both and I eventually get to the end without dying.  Result. 

Someone tell me again why I’m doing this please?

Stats
Treadmill: 22 minutes
Distance: 3.58k
Speed: 9/11kph

Juneathon Day #25

3 comments

Some people take Juneathon seriously and some people sit in the pub all day, having sunk 5 pints by 2:30 in the afternoon.  I, of course, being a finely tuned athlete, fall into the former category so off I diligently went after work to the gym to go to body pump.  I had loads of time to spare before the class started so I jumped on a treadmill but the ones near the telly that shows Neighbours were all taken so I had to make do with some cartoon sheep and the spin class that was going on in front of me for entertainment and I stayed on the treadmill for 30 minutes then went to body pump where I proceeded to show just how weedy I am by having lighter weights than everybody else and still not managing to do the whole class without stopping a few times.

Stats:
Treadmill: 30 minutes
Distance: 4.45k
Speed: 9kph
Class: Body pump

Juneathon Day #21

6 comments

I read back the rules of Juneathon and re-read them and re-read them but I still couldn’t see where it says you’re excused from Juneathon if the night before you had consumed vast quantities of popadums, curry, nan bread, ice cream (in a cow cup), beer and wine and it didn’t say I was excused on my half-marathon training schedule either so off I duly went to the gym at lunchtime for another interval session (ooh get me, learning the lingo and everything).  I managed 18 minutes on the treadmill before it was looking likely that the vast quantities of aforementioned foodstuffs and drinkstuffs was going to make a reappearance so I wimped out of the last four minutes and went back to work.

I really did have ice cream out of a cow cup, look:

Stats
Treadmill: 18 minutes
Distance: 2.95k
Speed: 9/11kph

Juneathon Day #20

4 comments

Despite still being partly crippled from Monday’s body pump class, I am not as crippled as Joggerblogger who apparently is now sporting a rather fetching wrist strap (photographic evidence to be produced shortly) and what with him being a show off hardcore still managed to go out for 8 miles before 6:30 this morning, I ignored my rumbling stomach which was telling me to forget Juneathon and do Lunchathon instead and went to the gym.  I jumped on my new best friend the treadmill and did a v. slow 10 minutes, then turned up it up for another 5, then up again for another 4 then up again for the last minute then got on the rowing machine for 15 minutes but stayed on for 20 and left the gym feeling energised and returned to the office to stuff my face.

Stats
Treadmill: 20 minutes
Distance: 3.1k
Speed: 9/9.5/10/11kph

Juneathon Day #18

5 comments

For the first time this year I’ve managed to get on the body pump class, now that all the new year people have buggered off. So after a day of me wanting to kill my unreasonable tosser of a boss and hoping he hasn’t heard me mutter fucking prick under my breath for 99% of the day I try and remember where the gym where the class is held is and I eventually take the right turning and get there and I have half an hour before the class starts so I get on the treadmill and I’m thinking about my dream last night where someone broke into my house to attack me and I asked him if he could come back another day instead and he said ok and when I woke up I thought that’s pretty handy, I’ll have to remember that and it reminded me of my conversation with Gary when he said that it was really hard to strangle people and I said yes because you could just tickle them, and after 10 minutes on the treadmill I turn the speed up to 10 and then up to 11 for the last minute and then I get off and go on the bike for 12 minutes then go to the body pump class which I haven’t been to for over six months and the music’s better now and I think I’ll stick to the lightest weights as I remember not being able to move my arms or legs for about three days after the first time I went last year and so just about get through the class and stagger out of the gym and my arms and shoulders are stiff and I think oops, I don’t think I’ll be able to do the running commute I had tentatively planned for tomorrow. Ho hum.

Stats:
Treadmill: 15 minutes
Speed: 9/10/11kph
Distance: 2.3k
Bike: 12 minutes
Class: Body Pump
Arms working properly: 0

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