Geek wannabe

4 comments

Surprisingly enough, I could still walk after my 14 miler on Monday so today I get up early and browse the internet for jobs and on the fourth page is MY DREAM JOB, a job for a geek, hurrah!  On an IT help desk and for proper money too.  But fuck, it’s on the fourth page and bound to have gone by now but I send my CV off to the agency anyway and also apply for a couple of other jobs too and then I grab my iPod and phone and head off for a short 6 miles and a mile later my phone rings and I think bollocks, that’ll be one of the agencies, do I stop and answer it or carry on? and so I carry on and three miles later my phone rings again and I think bollocks, that’ll be another agency and I think they can wait and I pass the slow bloke over the marshes who wears leg warmers and waves his arms around and we say morning to each other and I get home and there’s an email from an agency wanting me to go in and see them about a job I don’t want and I say ok, how about tomorrow at 11? and then my phone rings and I answer it and it’s another agency and they want me to go in today about a job I don’t want but I have to do lady of leisure type things this afternoon like go to the hairdressers and so I say how about tomorrow? and he says fine, how about 10? and I say yes and then I think bollocks, I’m supposed to be at the other agency at 11 and I’ll have to rearrange that one and I check my voicemail and hope the agency with the IT job has rung and the first message is from an agency I’ve already spoken to and the next message is from an old web design client who I decide not to call back as he’ll keep me on the phone for about three days and I thought he was getting his daughter to do his website for him now anyway? and then the next message is from the agency about the IT job and I ring him back and I say that’s my perfect job and he says looking at my CV he thinks I’m the perfect candidate for it and I say is it still available? and he says he’ll have to check with the client but he hopes so and I say I hope so too and I actually sound enthusiastic for the first time ever ever ever and now I’m going to spend the rest of the day crossing my fingers and toes that the job is still available and I can go and be a full time geek.

Stats:
Distance: 6.37 miles
Time: 1:10:00
Pace: 10:59 m/m
Calories: 606
Jobs I don’t want applied for: 2
Geek jobs I do want applied for: 1
Music:
The Damned
The Horrors
Manic Street Preachers
Bobby Conn
Rolling Stones
The Shins
Buzzcocks
Jamiroquai
Stereo Total
Bikini Kill
Ash
Dirty Pretty Things

Poodle attack

7 comments

For the next two weeks I am a lady of leisure. Hurrah. So today I get up at 6am and decide to go over the forest for 14 miles in preparation for the 15 mile xc race in two weeks but then I decide to do 14 miles over the marshes instead and so I go onto the gmap-pedometer site and decide to be adventurous and go over Victoria Park to make the miles up and I plot a 14 mile route and take my big iPod and my crappy iPod headphones as I am still Shuffle-less and decent-headphones-less until Wednesday when I’ll see Tracey and go make up shopping girly style and then go to the casino for the half price drinks and I’m under strict instructions not to drink wine and I don’t think I want to drink wine again anyway if it involves me leaving my coat behind with my iPod in it.

I leave the house armed with a map that will hopefully help me find Victoria Park and I get through Walthamstow Marshes and Hackney Marshes and out onto the street and I go the way I think the park is and I get to the road I think I need to go down but obviously because I need to see a road sign there isn’t one but when I get to the end of the road there’s a road sign and it tells me I’m in the right road and I think ha, I am the master of navigation and I find the park and then I have to decide whether to go clockwise or anti-clockwise and I decide to go anti-clockwise and I’m trying not to think about the girl jogger who got murdered here a few years ago and I think it was about 8:30 in the morning and I wonder what the time is and my Garmin tells me I’ve been out for about 30 minutes and I left my house about 8 so it’s about 8:30 in the morning, and I think eek, but then I think there’s so many people here, she must have tried REALLY hard to get murdered and I stick to the edge of the park as I don’t want to get lost as I’ve only ever been here at festivals and don’t know the park well but it doesn’t look that big to me and I keep going round the edge and then I see a sign that says deer pen. DEER PEN? Ooh ooh ooh. I haven’t seen deer since, um, fuck knows when and so I deviate from my stick to the edge so I don’t get lost plan and head off in the direction the sign’s pointing but I can’t see any deer, only a tennis court which isn’t anything like deer, and then I see a sign that says deer pen pointing in the direction I’ve just come and I think JUST TELL ME WHERE THE DEER ARE and I think I’m going to stamp my foot or something if I don’t find any deer and I go round a corner and yay, THERE’S DEER, hurrah. And obviously this is a real photo based emergency so I stop to take a photo.

And another one

Then after my deer based photo emergency I carry on and try to find the edge of the park and I get attacked by a poodle. A FUCKING POODLE. The shame of it. And the owner’s saying I’m sorry, it’s ok, he won’t do anything and I say it’s ok, I’m just trying not to tread on him and she says just tread on him and I think aw, I can’t tread on him even if he is really annoying and trying to bite my ankles and ruining any street cred I may have thought I ever had and then her other dog comes over and pushes the poodle away and they run off and I get to the edge of the park and I think shit, I’ve gone the wrong way I need to go the other way so I turn back and I see poodle woman again and I don’t think I can go through the humiliation of being attacked by a poodle again and hope they don’t come over but they stay where they are and I eventually find the gate I came through in the first place and I’ve gone about 7 miles and I think bloody hell, I’ve got to do that distance again and I’m knackered and I get back to Hackney Marshes and to Walthamstow Marshes and I’m going so so so so slowly and I get to the marina and the recycling bins and I’ve just finished my drink so I chuck it in a recycling bin and then it feels weird to be running without holding anything and I get back onto the street and I’ve done 12 miles, so another 2 to go and I think shit, I can’t do another 2 miles, especially as I’m only a mile and a half from home so I’ll have to do a lap of the park which always kills me and I get to the park and do a lap which brings me to 14 miles and I decide to be hardcore and not switch the Garmin off and go immediately into walk mode but to carry on ’til I get to my house and I give myself a 1 in 10 chance of being able to walk tomorrow. Ouch.

Today’s route

Stats:
Distance: 14.39 miles
Time: 2:47:52
Pace: 11:40 m/m
Calories: 1390
Deer: 3
Poodles attacking me: 1
Music:
Cardiacs
Muse
Ludes
The Gossip
The Cure
Kate Nash
Faith No More
Rollins Band
The Cribs
Bobby Conn
Ben Folds Five
White Stripes
The Young Knives
Ween
B52s
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
The Wombats
Manic Street Preachers
Air
Hole
Blur
Dirty Pretty Things
Siouxsie & The Banshees
80s Matchbox B-Line Disaster
Soft Cell
Scissor Sisters
Franz Ferdinand
Elastica
Supergrass

Short slow run

One comment

In keeping with my usual lacklustre approach to training, in preparation for the 15 mile xc race I have in two weeks, I don’t train for two weeks although I do have girlflu as an excuse which I was struck down with last Saturday after my little jaunt in the forest.

And after being ill for a week I go out for Tracey’s 30th birthday celebrations where I resolve not to drink. This resolution lasts until 7pm. Oops. I wake up on Saturday with a mega mega hangover and think oh shit, I lost my coat last night, it has my iPod in it, I can’t run without my iPod but then I think yay I can get an orange or pink one now and I look on Dixons’ website and they have iPods in purple and I think hurrah, I like purple and then I’m thinking maybe I should get a Nano because then I can get the Nike+ thing because I don’t think I have enough places to log my stats, I only have the SportTracks software, the Nokia Sportstracker website, the Buckeye website and Runlicious on Facebook and so I go into my bedroom to get dressed and I accidentally get back into bed and don’t wake up for four hours and I feel like shit and Tracey texts to say she has my coat and I don’t need to buy a new iPod after all but I am in no fit state to run anyway and I don’t even get dressed or leave the house and I buy my Lottery ticket online and it wins and I think hurrah, there are some virtues to being lazy after all and today I wake up early and I still feel like shit and I think I’m still a bit hungover from Friday and I’ve still got a sore throat and a cough but I need to train so I decide to do three miles over the marshes and I take my video iPod and my wireless headphones and on the way I post off my entry form for the Kent Coastal Marathon. A marathon? Eek. And I always said I’d never do a marathon. Oops.

And now I have two weeks off work, hurrah.

Stats:
Distance: 3.1 miles
Time: 32:36
Pace: 10:30 m/m
Calories: 282
iPods I thought I’d lost: 1
iPods actually lost: 0
Marathons entered: 1
Weeks off work: 2
Music:
Subhumans
Cardiacs
B52s
Faith No More
Blur
Babes in Toyland
The Crescent
X Ray Spex
Jamiroquai

Feeble Forest 5

7 comments

My apologies for the alliteration. I hate alliteration. But today’s run was feeble. And it was in a forest. And it was 5 miles. So calling this post Really Energetic Urban 14 wouldn’t really be appropriate.

I get up with the good intentions of going to practice running in the forest with my new trail shoes as I only have two training weekends before the Orion 15 which is being held in the forest so I get the train down to Chingford and I see the bus station and I think oh yes, this is definitely where I ended up when I was drunk a few weeks ago and I find the forest and there’s a sign that says BEWARE CATTLE

and I get unduly excited by the possibility of seeing some cows and I head off in the direction of the trees and on the right there’s something that looks distinctly like a hill and I think to myself that I should go up the hill as there’s hills in the race but my feet have other ideas and lead me off to the left and into the foresty bit and I haven’t even gone a mile and I’m knackered already and I’m not sure I like running on lumpy bumpy mud and I think I’m going to twist my ankle and it’s only just got better today after it having been hurting since Tuesday and I realise I haven’t a clue where I am in the forest and I’ll probably get lost and there’s hardly anyone around, just a few horseriders and dog walkers, and I keep on going but walk up anything that even slightly resembles a hill and I’m thinking is this the same girl who did a hilly half last Sunday? and then I get to a lakey thing

and I think ooh that’s nice, I didn’t know there was a lakey thing in the forest and I go round it and there’s a map and it says it’s Connaught Water which I’ve never heard of and looking at the map it seems I’m not far from the station and I’m wondering whether I should just ditch the run and go home as this running thing’s not really happening for me today and there’s no way I’m going to manage 14 miles but I decide to continue on but after about three yards I stop to walk again and so I think fuck this, I’m going home and I run back down to the station and go past a dead fox and I get the train home and I am feeble and I didn’t even see any cows. Bah.

Today’s route

Stats:
Distance: 5.32 miles
Time: 1:06:12
Pace: 12:27
Calories: 475
Hills run up: 0
Walking breaks: Lots
Lakey things: 1
Cows: 0
Dead foxes: 1
Music:
The Twang
Hole
Faith No More
Muse
The Damned

Roding Valley Half Marathon race report

10 comments

HILLS!!! There were hills. No one told me about the hills. Loads of them. And mostly uphill ones too. Did I mention the hills? Fuck. My shins are never going to talk to me again. (And yes they did used to talk to me, before you say “what? You have talking shins?”. And no, I can’t tell you what they used to say. A conversation between a girl and her shins is confidential.)

Anyway…

Actually, I need chocolate. To be specific I need a Peanut Butter KitKat Chunky. I have had pizza, garlic bread, twister fries (or whatever they’re called), wine, beer, Deep Heat, more wine, a hot bath, voltarol, more wine, procastination in the form of Scrabulous on Facebook and now I’m going to procrastinate some more before writing this blog in the form of going to the shop in the quest for a PBKKC.

Yah.

I think I need some crisps too.

Angela is harassing me on Facebook to write my blog.

I’ll be back.

In a minute.

After the Peanut Butter KitKat Chunky and crisps emergency.

I am back but Peanut Butter KitKat Chunky-less. Bah.

Right then, proper race report time.

I get up mega mega mega early at 5:30am (that’s 5:30 IN THE MORNING ON A SUNDAY, you know, the time people are getting out of clubs, pah) and look in my Ladybird book of How To Be A Finely Tuned Athlete and it says on race day to eat 800 calories for breakfast. WHAT THE FUCK? 800 calories for breakfast? I don’t even eat 800 calories a day on a non pizza day. Blimey. I decide to go against the grain of the not doing anything new on race day rule and have some toast and peanut butter and also an energy bar and then I think fuck, if there’s a don’t do anything new on race day rule then I might as well have gone out and got pissed last night as I can’t remember the last time I did a long run without a hangover, bollocks.

And then I waste some time on Facebook and check my emails but of course no one is emailing me at 5:30 IN THE MORNING ON A SUNDAY so I mooch around for a bit and check the bus times and I decide to go for the 7:13 bus to Leyton and I leave the house at 7ish and the bus is early and there’s no traffic and it zooms me down to Leyton and I get to the tube and it says the next Epping train will be in 17 minutes. 17 MINUTES? What the fuck? Blimey. I do have lots of time but I don’t really want to be standing around in the tube station for 17 minutes so I play on Facebook and check my emails on my phone but still no one is up because it’s only 7:30 IN THE MORNING ON A SUNDAY and the tube eventually comes and I get on it and get to Woodford and the girl opposite me is wearing running gear and looks like a proper runner to me and I reckon she’s doing the half so I wait for her to get off so I can follow her and she gets off so I follow her but she stops outside the station and I can’t see any other runners about which thwarts my plan of following everyone out of the station so I ask the lost looking girl if she’s doing the half and she says yes and she says do I know the way and I say no, I was hoping to follow you and she says I think it’s this way and so we walk off the way we think it is and there’s two guys behind us following us as they think we know where we’re going and we do find the playing fields and the clubhouse without getting lost and she goes to get changed and I go and sit in the corner and hide and hope no one outs me for being a fake runner and then I think hang on a minute, I’ve got this far and I’ve trained for this, I’m not a fake runner, I’m just a bit slow, and I venture out of my corner but only make it to the next chair and I sit down and hide again and I don’t know if I can leave my stuff here and I’m looking around and can’t see anyone with an iPod and I wonder if it’s a no iPod race and then I remember that I did read the race pack carefully and there was no mention of no iPods and I go to the loo and there’s a woman queueing with an iPod and I say ah, I’m not the only one with an iPod then, I thought I was and she says no, you’re not the only one and I say I thought maybe they weren’t allowed and she says why wouldn’t they be? and another woman behind her says because they’re dangerous and you can’t hear the marshals and the traffic and stuff and I think ooooooooh nooooooooooooooo, it’s one of those anti-iPod people but then I realise she’s also wearing an iPod and I’m pleased to be around kindred iPod spirits and I go outside and wait for my Garmin to get a signal which, being in the countrysideish, only takes a few seconds as opposed to being in the West Endish where it takes a few hours and I see the iPod wearing woman so I go over and say hello and she says I can run with her for the first few miles and I say cool, when actually I’ve just come out in a cold sweat at the thought of running a few miles in a race with someone else but I don’t want to look unfriendly so I stick with her and I say my name’s Cathy and she says she’s Gill and then I go to ask if it’s with a G or a J and then I think if I do that she’ll ask me if my name’s spelt with a C or a K and it’s just going to get complicated and it doesn’t really matter anyway and we make our way down to the start line and Gill says we have to do a lap of the track first, then there’s a smaller lap of about a mile and then there’s two big laps of about six miles with lots of hills and I think LAPS? HILLS? can I go home now? Fuck.

The gun goes off and Gill says to me that if I want to go faster than her then to feel free to just leave her and I say it’s fine, you’re faster than me anyway (having already had the what time are you looking at conversation in the toilet) and we do a lap of the track and then go to go outside the gate where already there has been a collision of runners, leaving three of them on the ground but they don’t look badly hurt and we continue for the first small lap and then there’s a hill which is the first of many and Gill says there’s a lot of hills and I think DON’T TELL ME THAT, I DON’T DO HILLS and about three miles and twenty six hills later Gill says what do you think of the hills and I say they’re not that bad really, not as bad as I was expecting and she says you must be better at hills than you thought (as we’d already had the I don’t do hills conversation) and I’m just thinking that I’ve just done a really slow 5k and I decide I want to speed up a little and just listen to my iPod and I leave Gill and feel a bit bad but think I need to run this race for myself and not be at another person’s pace and especially not for 13.1 miles and so I go off on my own and there’s no water for miles and miles and I’m glad I’ve got my sports drink although it is almost gone seeing as I drank most of it on the way there and I’m quite impressed for getting the hang of using the squirty top thing and that’s another don’t do new on race day thing that I’m doing and the sun is shining and it’s bloody roasting and a few miles later I’m going up ANOTHER HILL and a there’s a woman with a little girl and the little girl has a banner saying GO DADDY and I think aaaaaaaah, sweet and she’s going towards a man and a bit later I go past the 11 mile marker that I will see on the second lap and it reminds me I’ve got about 7 miles to go and I think fuck and I go to go past the man who’s daughter had a banner and he says hello how’s it going and I say I could have done without seeing that 11 mile marker, two miles I could cope with, I’m not sure about another 7 and he starts chatting and I say was that your daughter with the banner? and he says no, she was for someone else, I have all sons and I say ah, I thought she was yours, it was sweet and then I think oh shit, he might think I’m checking him out for kids and eek and I don’t want to run and chat to him for another seven miles and I’m wondering if I can lose him and I get my chance when he says hi to another runner and I speed off and the laps gets to the finish and I think shit I’ve got to do that again and there’s eventually a water station and I grab a bottle of water as my sports drink’s about to run out and there’s ANOTHER HILL and I think that’s unfair and there’s a girl walking and I wonder if it would be patronising if I try to give her some encouragement but she catches my eye and I give her a big smile and say come on and she starts running and we’re chatting and she tells me she left her proper running shoes at work and had to borrow some trainers from a friend and I think ouch and I ask her what other races she’s done and she says this is her first and I think ouch and I ask her if she’s done lots of training and she says a bit here and there and I think ouch and she says she’ll let me go as she’s had enough and wants to walk again so I leave her and go UP THE HILL and these bastard hills are killing me but then I get to the nice scenic downhill bit and my Garmin ticks over the 10 mile mark at 1:45 and I think fuck that’s quick for me and only three miles to go but at 11 miles my shins are burning like someone’s set fire to them and I don’t think I can carry on but I am determined to NOT WALK AN INCH OF MY FIRST HALF MARATHON and so I carry on and I get to the bit where the lollipop marshals stop the traffic but the lollipop marshal doesn’t seem to be stopping the traffic for me and I’m a bit dazed and confused by now so I go up to the marshal and he says just cross when the cars slow down and I think AREN’T YOU GOING TO STOP THE TRAFFIC FOR ME?  DON’T MAKE ME MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.  Fuck.  And so I have to cross the road on my own and I manage this without getting run over and I’m looking at my Garmin and it’s going so so slowly and I think my shins are going to leave me and get a taxi home and then at 12:9 miles I’m stuck behind two pensioners on crutches and there’s railings on the side of the pavement and I can’t get around them and I think fuck can I kick their crutches out from underneath them? and I think probably not and I eventually get around them and back to the playing fields and Ben, Sheila and Eleanor are there and they give me a big cheer as I get round the corner and I don’t know where the finish line is so I keep going and then I think I’ve finished and I hear someone call me and I look round and it’s Bernard and I think yay my friends have come to see me and I stop and say hang on a minute and I go and get my medal and my goody bag and then I go back down to see my mates and inspect my goody bag which consists of a bottle of sports drink and a Mars Bar and I have hated Mars Bars ever since I had one when I was five years old and promptly threw up afterwards and say who likes Mars Bars? and Bernard and Eleanor both say I do at the same time so I give it Eleanor what with her being 12 and that and then we try and find something to eat while I try to walk and we fail hopelessly at finding something to eat due to it being Mother’s Day and everywhere being booked and I fail hopelessly at walking due to my shins having left me and getting a taxi somewhere around mile 12, so we end up at Ben and Sheila’s eating delivery pizza, garlic bread, twister fries and lemon drizzle cake.  Yah.

Today’s route

Racing bling

Stats:
Distance: 13:15 miles
Time: 2:19:44
Pace: 10:37
Calories: 1272
Hills: Twenty six million
Mars Bars: 1
Shins leaving me to get a taxi: 2
Music:
The Twang
Hole
Faith No More
B52s
Bobby Conn
Arctic Monkeys
The Music
Muse
The Damned

Running commute #11

2 comments

After my and my anonymous friend with her anonymous blog‘s failed attempt at undertaking the Great Voucher Abuse Pub Crawl Challenge – which had it all gone to plan would have seen us using our get four bottles of Bud free vouchers at four Central London Pitcher & Pianos which would have meant 16 free bottles of Bud each with the slight possibility of a slight headache the next day – a few glasses of champagne later in a bar somewhere in Soho we decide to not be deterred and to continue on with the Great Voucher Abuse Pub Crawl Challenge on Monday albeit a mini version comprising of just the Liverpool Street and Fenchurch Street branches, me rapidly forgetting that I had given up drinking.  Oops.

But Monday comes and I have to bow out of the GVAPCC due to having some web design work to do although I have officially given up web design and it would seem I’m as good as giving up web design as I am at giving up drinking and I spend Monday night adding PayPal buttons to a site instead of going out drinking and because I’m no good at giving up drinking we rearrange to undertake the GVAPCC on Tuesday instead.  Hurrah.

We get to the Liverpool Street Pitcher & Piano but they have no Bud.  Bollocks.  So armed with my trusty map we navigate our way down to the Fenchurch Street branch where I can see lots and lots of brown bottles with red labels with Budweiser written on them in white writing.  Hurrah.  I give the barman my voucher and he says sorry we’re not accepting the vouchers anymore.  Bollocks.  I say but it doesn’t run out ’til 29 February and he says sorry we’re not accepting them anymore so I say but it doesn’t run out ’til 29 February and he says sorry we’re not accepting them anymore and I say but it doesn’t run out ’til 29 February and he says company policy, or some such bollocks like that.  Grr.  So we go to another pub and get a bottle of wine and decide to give up on the GVAPCC and then I go home and I get up not particularly hungover and I do my running commute on the way home which is largely uneventful although it was my quickest commute ever, yay.

Stats:
Distance: 6.22 miles
Time: 1:05:25
Pace: 10:31
Calories: 601
Successful GVAPCCs: 0
Blog posts mostly about running: 0
Music:
Straw
Cardiacs
Manic Street Preachers
Sex Pistols
Devo
Morphine
Harvey Danger
Rollins Band
The Twang

Countdown to the Roding Valley half

4 comments

I wake up from my dream about racing in Paris and remember that I need to get up early due to meeting Tracey early so we can undertake the Great Voucher Abuse Pub Crawl Challenge that we devised on Wednesday which if all goes to plan means we will be getting 16 bottles of Bud each for free although I’m thinking that drinking 16 bottles of Bud, free or otherwise, may not be the best plan in the world.

Today’s run is the last long run before the half next Sunday and earlier in the week I’d emailed Bear and said help, the postman stole my entry form for the Brentwood half, so I’m doing Woodford instead but it’s a week earlier and so the end of my training schedule needs changing, what should I do? and he says to do between 6 and 8 miles today and even though my knowledge of numbers is limited I can’t think of any other numbers between 6 and 8 except for 7 so I decide to do 7 miles and I eventually get out of the door which for some strange reason is unlocked, unchained and unlatched and I think bollocks, I could have been murdered in my sleep and I head off and woo hoo, NO PAIN. Result.

I get to the marshes and there’s a sign saying the bridge is closed and I wonder which bridge it is and I’m thinking it must be the bridge where Ben came off his bike and broke his jaw and when I get there it is indeed closed and I think bollocks, I’ll have to go the other way and my brain is not computing this into a 7 mile route as it’s usually my 3 mile route and there’s a man walking towards me and I can’t see a dog and I don’t trust men over the marshes without dogs and he gets nearer and I think yeah, he looks a bit of a nonce and I’m thinking I could do without a bloke who looks a bit of a nonce being in my immediate vicinity just as I’m about to go under the bridge where two girls were raped the year before last but then someone else comes running up the path and I think hurrah, safety in numbers, I probably won’t get murdered now and I go through the bridge and down to the other bridge which I think will take me through to Hackney Marshes without me having to go over the road and it does and a bit further on I look at my Garmin and it tells me I’m about to do my fastest 5k ever ever ever and I’m trying to resist the urge to speed up by telling myself I’m training for a half not trying to get my 5k time down but I can’t stop looking at my Garmin and as it ticks past 3.1 miles it says I’ve done it in 31:44 and I think yay and there’s a girl ahead of me wearing Lycra and her arse is wobbling about and I think I can’t look at that for another 4 miles so I speed up and overtake her and then there’s a girl running alongside the river who’s not wearing a sports bra and I think ouch and I think why are there so many girls running today, where are all the fit blokes? and I get back to Walthamstow Marshes and I’m looking at my Garmin and wondering if I’m going to do my fastest ever 10k and once again I try and remind myself I’m training for a half and I’m supposed to be doing a long slow run not a fastest ever long run and I get to 10k and I seem to have shaved 3 minutes off my previous fastest time and I think woo hoo, maybe there’s something in eating before running after all and I get home and it feels weird to have only done 7 miles and I open the post and things certainly do come in threes as the postman has brought me my race numbers for the Roding Valley half, the Orion 15 and the Hearts First Jog, hurrah.

Today’s route

Stats:
 Distance: 7.07 miles
Time: 1:12:30
Pace: 10:15 m/m
Calories: 664
Girls with wobbling arses: 1
Girls not wearing a sports bra: 1
Fit blokes: 0
Fastest ever 5ks: 1
Fastest ever 10ks: 1
Race numbers: 3
Music:
Courtney Love
Plain White T’s
David Bowie
Graham Coxon
Scissor Sisters
The Strokes
Black Wire
Charlotte Hatherley
The Dude

A slight change in half-marathon plan

4 comments

I am tempted away from going to my personal trainer open evening by an offer of wine and pizza so this morning I get up not very bright and not very breezy after four hours’ sleep and think oh shit I’ve got to do a running commute tonight and before I leave for work I email the organisers of the Brentwood half as I haven’t got my number yet and I’ve heard from others that they have so I ask them if they’ve all been sent out and if so, can they check I’m entered and I keep checking my email and I get a reply from the organiser who says that they have no record of my entry. Fuck. But I’m sure the cheque has been cashed and will have to check on the cheque situation when I get home but in the meantime I decide to enter the Woodford half instead which is on 2 March. As in A WEEK ON SUNDAY. Oh my god. It’s only a week before Brentwood but I’ve been following my training schedule diligently which finishes on race day which is 9 March not 2 March and it also means I’m going to have to drop out of the Heathside 5 but I must be destined not to do the Brentwood half as first I had problems entering online and now my postal entry has been stolen by a postman with a half-marathon postal entry form fetish. Just my luck.

And while I’m at work muttering “bastard half-marathon postal entry form fetishistic postmen” a lot, an email comes through from HR asking if anyone’s interested in getting corporate gym membership and I think hell yeah, and I email Kate and say woo hoo, I’m getting free or cheap gym membership although I really really don’t want work people in the gym when I’m there and she emails back and says yes, I wouldn’t want to have to make polite chit chat first thing in the morning and I email back and say yes and apart from that, I really really don’t want to see people I work with naked, seeing work people with no clothes on is JUST PLAIN WRONG. Very very wrong indeed.

5:00 eventually comes around and I go to get changed and go to do my running commute and my right knee and left shin are niggling a bit and I think why niggle now? you’ve been fine for two days and I’m hoping they don’t get any worse and my running commute is uneventful apart from nearly getting run over by a motorbike when I lose concentration due to turning up my iPod to an ear-bleeding volume when David Bowie starts asking is there life on Mars and when I get home my right knee and left shin are no more painful than when I started out and I think yay and I check out the chequebook situation and the chequebook is new and the first used cheque is dated after I would have sent off my Brentwood entry and I think shit I can guarantee I would have thrown away the stubs from the old chequebook and so I go online to check my bank statements but the website is down.

I am jinxed.

Oh and Phil aka sorelimbs is back in blogland, hurrah. Go and check him out.

Stats:
 Distance: 6.31 miles
Time: 1:10:12
Pace: 11:07 m/m
Calories: 593
Changes in half-marathons: 1
Postmen with a half-marathon postal entry fetish: 1
Motorbikes nearly running me over: 1
Music:
Courtney Love
Plain White T’s
David Bowie
Faith No More
Graham Coxon
Scissor Sisters
The Strokes
Black Wire
Charlotte Hatherley
Elliot Smith

A (relatively) pain free 12 miles

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I am woken up from my dream about being in New York by a text message saying have a good run and I think oh, it must be Saturday and I’m wondering if my right knee and my left shin are up to it as I’ve been resting since having to bail out of Tuesday’s running commute (which was actually two-thirds and not three-quarters so maybe after my creative writing course has finished I should do one in basic mathematics) and I haven’t even been to the gym and I am feeling like a fat lardy cow due to having been out drinking and eating pizza again this week and yesterday’s overconsumption comprised of having two lunches and troughing a whole malt loaf in one go and staying up late watching telly and drinking wine and eating chocolate and crisps in between icing my knee and applying voltarol to it and so I’m hoping I’m up to a 12 miler as per my schedule and I take control of my iPod and choose what it’s going to play instead of letting it randomly choose for me like when I’m cooking dinner and pretending to be a domestic goddess whilst trying to retain an air of cool sophistication when a six minute long Grease mega-mix comes on and any illusions of street cred I may have once thought I ever had rapidly disappear and I’m scared to go out in case it hurts but I eventually get out the door and head off and I think hmm, it’s a bit ouchy, and I reassess how I run and I realise I run very flatfootedly and if I put my heel down first it cushions the impact a bit and my shin hurts less and I think I will take it easy and go slowly and see how it is and after a mile I get to my favourite bridge and I stretch a bit and I get to the pub by the river and I look under the bridge to see where it leads from and I think I know where and I decide I will try that way next week and I get round Hackney Marshes ok without my leg falling off and I’m going over the boardwalk in Walthamstow Marshes when twins pass me and they must be in their 60s and they have an identical hairstyle and are dressed identically in the same scarf, coat and shoes and I think oh my god, they must have been like that their entire lives and will probably die after never having had their own identity and then I think I see the cows but realise they’re dogs and I think I seriously need glasses and I remember I’m going to go and buy some on Wednesday and Tracey’s coming with me to tell me how crap I look as glasses don’t suit me ever ever ever and then we’re going to drink free Budweiser and on Thursday I’m going out for beer and pancakes for Gary’s birthday and then I’m giving up drinking as I need to reassess my drinking habits and get fit and do a course in sports nutrition and I’m pretty sure drinking doesn’t feature very high in sports nutrition and I get to Tottenham Marshes and I think shall I stop off at the shop and buy a flapjack as I haven’t made any bread and I’m starving and I won’t be able to have any toast and I decide to carry on as I’m not thirsty and don’t really need to stop as I feel fine and anyway my half’s in three weeks so I only have today’s long run and next weekend’s to train and there will be no stopping to buy flapjacks in Brentwood and so I ignore the pictures of the ice cream at the shop and carry on and get up to the bridge at the end of the marshes and come back down the other side of the river and two people on a tandem go past me and I get to ten miles and I’m feeling a bit tired and I think only two miles to go and I get to eleven miles and I’m feeling a bit feeble but there’s only a mile left and I get home and my race number for the London Heathside 5 in two weeks is there, hurrah.

Stats:
 Distance: 12:36 miles
Time: 2:17:54
Pace: 11:09 m/m
Calories: 1,107
Old lady twins: 2
Tandems: 1
Stopping at shops to buy flapjacks: 0
Race numbers: 1
Music:
Courtney Love
Plain White T’s
Faith No More
Graham Coxon
Scissor Sisters
The Dude
The Strokes
Black Wire
Charlotte Hatherley
Elliot Smith
Divide & Kreate

Three quarters of a running commute

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Due to having plans to go out on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I bunk off the SAS in favour of a running commute so I can get home early and do exciting stuff like wash my hair and do my washing and I get to work knackered due to me having had too much sleep after sleeping solidly for 10 hours instead of 10 minutes for a change and I don’t get to go out at lunchtime as I have to go to a meeting and I think what the fuck? how nice of them to arrange that when I want to go out for a walk so I can loosen up a bit before my running commute and by the time I get to go home I’m stiff after having been sitting down for eight hours and as I start to run my shins hurt and I think ouch and then my knee starts hurting and I think oh shit that doesn’t feel right at all and I think I’m going to have to get on the train at Hackney Downs but I decide to continue but when I get to four miles my knee is hurting so much and I force myself to stop and to walk the last two miles home and I’m hoping my knee isn’t properly injured and when I get home there’s a man outside my house on the street and there’s another man talking to the  man next door and I’m hoping they’re not Jehovah’s Witnesses or something as I won’t be able to pretend I’m not in due to them having just seen me go in my house unless they’re blind which they’re probably not and when I go through my front door there’s a leaflet advertising a gospel concert and a second later I hear someone come through my gate and I think oh shit, I don’t want to talk to them, I want my dinner and then my doorbell rings and I think what’s more important, being polite to Christians or getting my dinner? so I go to put the oven on and have spicy bean lasagne, yay.

Stats:
Distance: 6.01 miles
Time: 1:16:56
Pace: 12:47 m/m
Calories: 522
Knees hurting: 1
Christians ignored: 2

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