Author: jogblog

Juneathon Day 23

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I get up bright and early and sing along to the Dandy Warhols while I’m doing the usual first thing in the morning stuff like make tea, empty the dishwasher and feed the cat and then I do my usual second thing in the morning stuff like stalk people on Facebook and then I suddenly can’t keep my eyes open and I go back to bed but I can’t sleep so I get up again and I feel sick and I think oh no, I can’t do my planned six miles and tomorrow I’ll have to do all 10.77 miles that’s needed to complete my challenge and I think can I manage three miles? and I reckon I probably can but then I’m feeling paranoid and don’t want to go over the marshes so I decide to just do .77 miles and then I’ve only got ten miles to do tomorrow and I go over the park and there’s a muslim woman with a dog and she stops to let me go past and then there’s a family taking up all the space on the path so I go around them and then I lap the muslim woman and she stops again with her dog and I think why does she keep stopping, there’s enough room for me to get past unlike the family who are taking up all the path and then there’s a girl running towards me and I remember how much I dislike people running in the opposite direction to me in the park so I cut through the middle of the park and have to go past the family taking up the whole path and I think there really isn’t enough room in the park for more than one person at a time and obviously the person with the highest priority should be me.

Stats
Distance: 1.13 miles
Time: 10:28
Pace: 9:16
Calories: 114
Muslims with dogs: 1
Families taking up the whole path: 1
Girls running in the opposite direction: 1
Juneathons completed: 19/23
Music
The Damned
My Bloody Valentine
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
90.36 out of 100 / 1 day left

Hampstead Midsummer 10k race report

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I still haven’t learnt how to prepare for a race and I sit up late drinking and watching BB on Saturday night and don’t go to bed ’til 3am and I wake up at 6:30 and remember I’ve got a race and my alarm will be going off at 7 and I’m wondering if I can be bothered to go to the race and I’m thinking Golders Green is far north and why do people go there to get married and I think oh no, that’s Gretna Green which is even further north and I’m still trying to decide whether or not to go to the race and my alarm goes off and it reminds me of the olden days when I had a job and I lie there for 40 minutes listening to my alarm and thinking I should go to the race, I’ve paid for it, in fact I paid twice so I should definitely go and apparently you get a mug and I’ve never got a mug in a race before so I get up and get ready and leave the house at 8:30 and I get to Golders Green at 9:30 and there’s a couple on the tube and the man’s wearing shorts and I wonder if he’s going to the race and I can follow them to the start but I can’t decide if he’s a runner or not, he might just be wearing shorts today as it’s sunny and I get off the tube and as I’m standing on the corner peering confusedly at my map the man who was on the tube comes over and asks if I’m doing the race and I say yes, do you know where it is? and he says the newspaper vendor said it was this way and so I walk up to the race with the couple and I say to the girl you’re good, willing to stand around for an hour waiting for him and she says she decided to be supportive and it’s the first race she’s gone with him to but doesn’t think she’d wait at any races longer than a 10k and especially not if it’s raining and the man hasn’t got a number so he queues for his number and I put my bag away and we go to the start line and I say bye, good luck and the race starts and we have to go up the longest hill in the world ever and I think oh no, I’ve got to do that three times and I wonder how the speedy types will lap me as the pavements are narrow and after the first lap there’s a man spraying people with a hose and I think I don’t want to get my hair wet but I can’t avoid Hose Man and I think I don’t want to be sprayed by Hose Man another two times and after a couple of miles I’m getting lapped by lots of fit blokes and I think actually maybe laps aren’t so bad as then I get to see lots of fit blokes and as well as the longest hill in the world ever is a nice downhill bit but I’d better get used to hills anyway because I’m going to be seeing three very big hills when I do the Three Peaks Challenge in August and then I’m doing a lot of walking and my bladder is telling me maybe it was a mistake to drink three-quarters of a litre of orange juice just before the race and the marshals are very friendly and they’re clapping and I start to run again as it’s embarrassing to walk past a marshal and someone behind me says thanks marshal and I wonder how many marshals are called Marshal and I know a clerk called Clark and I walk/run the rest of the race and get to the finish and get my medal but there’s no signs of any mugs, only watermelon and I can’t see anyone with a mug and I think bloody hell, I got up early after only 4 hours’ sleep and I don’t even get a mug and I get back to the changing rooms and I still haven’t seen anyone with a mug and on the table are bottles of champagne for the speedy types and I unsurprisingly don’t see one with my name on it but I look at my Garmin and it tells me today I got a PB. Hurrah.

Racing bling

Today’s route

Splits

Stats
 Distance: 6.22 miles
Time: 1:06:33
Pace: 10:43 m/m
Calories: 625
Longest hills in the world ever: 3
Men with hoses: 1
Fit blokes lapping me: lots
Medals: 1
Mugs: 0
PBs: 1
Juneathons completed: 18/22
Music
Jeff Buckley
Ting Tings
The B52s
The Beatles
The White Stripes
Mark Ronson
Bobby Conn
Cribs
Straw
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
89.23 out of 100 / 2 days left

All Niked up and somewhere to go

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I dream Canary Wharf is burning down and I escape by boat and the boat’s heading in the direction of an iceberg and I wake up and try to get back to sleep as I want to see the iceberg as I don’t think you get many icebergs in the Docklands but I can’t get back to sleep so I get up and look out of the spare room window to see if Canary Wharf is still there but there’s a tree in the way so I think I’ll check on it when I go through the marshes and I get dressed in my new running kit which comprises a pink Nike t-shirt

three-quarter length Nike trousers

and some running socks

and all for the princely sum of about £20 and I think I’m getting good at being poor although I don’t have to be poor any more since I got my old job back and I get to the marshes and I can see the Gherkin but I can’t see Canary Wharf and I think ohhhhhhhhhhhh, maybe it really did burn down overnight but then I see it and I think hurrah, Canary Wharf hasn’t burnt down after all and I go round Springfield Park and there aren’t any God People in there today trying to give me magazines and I get to the bridge and there’s a piece of graffiti

although as it’s only one piece of graffiti, that would actually make it a graffito and I wonder what it means and it’s a question not a statement and I wonder if I’m running for my life and I decide I’m not and on the other side of a bridge is a ramp

and I think bloody hell, the amount of times I’ve crossed this bridge and I never noticed there was a ramp before and I get home and decide to go out shopping this afternoon to veganise my fridge in preparation for 1 July.

Today’s route

Splits

Stats
 Distance: 3.88 miles
Time: 43:01
Pace: 11:05 m/m
Calories: 356
New running t-shirts: 1
New running trousers: 1
New pairs of running socks: 2
Canary Wharfs not burnt down: 1
Graffitos: 1
Ramps: 1
Veganised fridges: 1
Juneathons completed: 17/20
Music
Manic Street Preachers
Soft Cell
Jeff Buckley
P J Harvey
Basement Jaxx
Ting Tings
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
83.01 out of 100 / 4 days left

Out with the new, in with the old

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Tuesday of last week I email my old boss and ask for my job back and he emails me back and says it’s fine with him but he’ll have to check with the HR woman who’s off ’til Monday. He emails me on Monday and says HR woman here has to check with HR in head office in Liverpool and he’ll email me the next day and when did I have in mind to start back and I say I don’t mind really, I can start any time although it would be nice to have a few days off first. He emails me back on Tuesday and says they’re waiting for a call from Liverpool but he’s confident he’ll receive the ok and can I start back on Monday 30 June and I write back and say can I come back on Tuesday 1 July as I’m going to Cornwall at the weekend and he writes back and says that’s fine. He emails me this morning and says HR here are waiting for one thing and he should get the go ahead later today. He emails me later and says yes it’s fine, I can go back to work and he’ll see me on 1 July. So from 1 July I will no longer be an unemployed pikey and a few days ago I decided not to drink in July and for some reason last night I decided to be vegan in July so during the month of July I shall be an employed tee-total vegan.

After I’ve recovered from the shock of my lady of leisure life being taken away from me, I go to the gym and after I’ve been to the gym I go into TK Maxx and buy myself some new sports gear and also some new not sports gear but a cool hoody with pink and black striped sleeves and some black combats which I think are probably going to be too small but after a month of being a tee-total vegan should fit. Hopefully.
Juneathon stats:
Walking: 4 miles / 80 minutes
Cross-trainer: 1.55 miles / 15 minutes
Bike: 3.1 miles / 15 minutes
Rowing machine: 15 minutes
Treadmill: 1 mile / 9.5 minutes
New old jobs: 1
Tee-total vegans: 1
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
79.13 out of 100 / 5 days left

The Deerhunter

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I get up this morning and decide to go to Victoria Park to visit the deer, also taking in Springfield Park which I’ve always been too scared to go in to, due to it looking like a park that kept appearing in a recurring dream I used to have, but Adele said it’s a lovely park and I should go in there and on the way there’s a dummy hanging off the bridge

and I wonder if it belongs to the screaming brat that was in Sainsbury’s yesterday as that could have done with a dummy to shut the thing up and then I get to Springfield Park

and it looks a bit hilly for my liking and so I walk up the hill and at the top of the hill are two women sitting on a bench and one of them says hello so I say hello back and she gets up and comes towards me and shows me a magazine called Awake! and on the front of it it says “How well do you know your children?” and I say I don’t have any children and she says I’ll show you this one instead and she goes to give me a magazine and I say I’m sorry, I can’t carry anything, I’m just out for a run and she says oh, ok, and I carry on walking and then I’m thinking I’d better start running as I just told the God Woman I was out for a run and if she sees me walking she’ll think I’m a liar and I’m not sure what happens if you lie to God People and I think they throw lightening at you or something so I start to run and then I get to a pond and it has a pond dipping platform

and I haven’t a clue what a pond dipping platform is and as far as I’m concerned it’s a photo based emergency platform and I go onto the photo based emergency platform and take a photo

and I get round the corner and I feel like I’m on top of a mountain and there’s a great view

and Springfield Park certainly is lovely and shall feature in future runs and then I’m running alongside the river and I see some swans sleeping

and I get to the Princess of Wales pub which I found out recently used to be called the Prince of Wales until Diana mania set in and now boaters call it the sex change pub.

I eventually get to Victoria Park

and I look for the deer pen and I find what I think is the deer pen but I can’t see any deer, all I can see are weeds

and I think bloody hell, I’ve come all this way to see deer and all I get to see is weeds and then I come across a garden

and a squirrel who stays still long enough for me to take its photo

and then I head back home and do half a lap of the park to take me up to ten miles and then I get home and because I am very stupid, I put the wrong postage on the envelope for my original entry form for this Sunday’s Hampstead 10k and because my cheque didn’t get cashed, I assumed it was languishing in a Post Office somewhere in North London so I re-entered online and got my race number last week and then today the postman has brought me my postal entry number so I have two numbers now. Any takers?

Today’s route

Splits

Stats
 Distance: 10.23 miles
Time: 2:24:05
Pace: 14:05 m/m
Calories: 826
Dummies: 1
Parks: 3
God Women: 2
Sleeping swans: 5
Sex change pubs: 1
Deer: 0
Squirrels staying still: 1
Numbers for the same race: 2
Juneathons completed: 15/18
Music
Primal Scream
Jesus & Mary Chain
Manic Street Preachers
Modest Mouse
Cardiacs
Soft Cell
Ash
Polyphonic Spree
Bee Gees
Blondie
Bobby Conn
Chumbawamba
Duran Duran
Foo Fighters
Beatles
Hard-Fi
Hole
Jamiroquai
Jeff Buckley
Levellers
P J Harvey
Suede
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
78.13 out of 100 / 6 days left

Who ate all the pies?

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I had planned on going to the gym today but then remembered that because my cunning plan yesterday of leaving early before going out for pizza and beer so I could go to a) the bank to pay in a cheque; b) buy a birthday card for my mum, thus preventing me being cut out of her will; and c) go to Currys to buy some new headphones was scuppered due to a) there being no deposit envelopes in the cashpoint; b) the card shops being shut; and c) Currys being shut so I had to do a), b) and c) today instead and the gym is two miles in the opposite direction and after I’ve done a), b) and c), I do d) go to Sainsburys and I get home and make some pesto, sun-dried tomato and pine nut bread and have a Linda McCartney Deep Country Pie for lunch and then I’m thinking oh no, I really should go and do at least a mile because a) it’s Juneathon; and b) I’m still on my Salomon 100 Mile Challenge and so I go to the park to do a mile but after about 100 yards I think the Linda McCartney Deep Country Pie is going to make a reappearance and I want to save myself for a long run tomorrow anyway so I cut my run short and go home and tomorrow I will redeem myself and also make my cat do some Juneathoning as while I was out last night it would appear that she stayed in and ate all the pies.

Stats
 Distance: .45 miles
Time: 3:48
Pace: 8:26 m/m
Calories: 42
Laps of park: 1
Pies for lunch: 1
Cats eating all the pies: 1
Most feeble Juneathons in the world ever: 1
Juneathons completed: 14/17
Music
Neneh Cherry
Primal Scream
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
67.90 out of 100 / 7 days left

Juneathon Day 16

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I am woken by scratching and scrabbling noises in the attic and I wonder what it is and Amanda emails me and says it’s squirrels and they’re going to eat my entire house and I think I don’t really want my entire house to be eaten by squirrels and I do some investigating on the internet and it says to play loud music and I wonder if there’s any music in particular squirrels don’t like but later on they’ve shut up and I decide to do my three mile route round the marshes as I haven’t got long to complete my Salomon Challenge and also I haven’t forgotten it’s Juneathon and I’m already down three days on that and I’m not going to win Joggerblogger’s cat and I get my personal alarm and my wireless headphones as my normal headphones have broken and as I’m waiting for my Garmin to get a signal I see Bad Cat’s Friend and before I get to the footbridge there’s a work’s vehicle on the pavement so I jump over the wall and go through the carpark but there’s a digger thing there and I think how am I supposed to get through? and the man stops the digger thing to let me go past and I go over the footbridge and past the stables and onto the path and through the bridge and back down the boring bit and there’s a squirrel and I think why don’t the squirrels stay over the marshes instead of coming to live in my attic and then I’m home and as usual I haven’t managed to do my three mile route in 30 minutes.

Splits

Stats
 Distance: 3.03 miles
Time: 32:31
Pace: 10:45 m/m
Calories: 285
Noises in attic: lots
Bad Cat’s Friends: 1
Squirrels in marshes: 1
Juneathons completed: 13/16
Music
Black Kids
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
67.45 out of 100 / 8 days left

Lap of Honour

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I get up this morning and think where shall I go today? and I think I could go to Finsbury Park and I look at the comments left on yesterday’s post and Monica says that she used to run in Finsbury Park and Clissold Park and that’s why she loves my blog and she also casts aspersions on the state of my mental health but I’m going to overlook that just this once and I think I will go and run round Finsbury Park in her honour and I’m thinking that to run there might be a bit far and maybe I’ll get the tube and then I consult www.walkit.com and it says it’s only 3.1 miles and I think hurrah, I can run there and it looks a pretty straightforward route too and I’m thinking how since I’ve been running London has shrunk and all the places I go to overground when before I only travelled underground and now I rarely get the tube and I decide to run up the steep hill and I think if I run up the steep hill that will be my I-missed-three-Juneathons redemption but then I’m walking up the hill looking at the steps leading up to the houses and I wonder why they’ve got so many steps and then I’m thinking I’m supposed to be running up the hill like Kate Bush not wondering why there’s so many steps leading up to the houses and then I’m in Stamford Hill and there’s a shop called Pound Plus Big Discount Shop and I’m wondering if the things in the shop cost over a pound or do the things in the shop cost £1 then discounted further? and then just before I get to Finsbury Park I cross the road and a man nods and smiles at me and I’m thinking that’s odd, why is that man smiling and nodding at me and I wonder if I have slept with him know him and then I’m at Finsbury Park and www.walkit.com didn’t lie as my Garmin tells me I’ve travelled 3.1 miles.

And I go to do a lap of the park and there’s some American Footballers or should that be people playing American Football as I don’t know if they’re American or not.

And I’m getting thirsty and I’m wondering if it’s because I’ve gone north and the high altitude is making me thirsty and I decide that it’s more likely I’m dehydrated after last night’s wine, beer and cocktails.

But I am high up and I’m thinking there must be a steep hill somewhere as over in the distance I can see houses high up in the sky.

And I go past a sign

and it says Highgate Wood is three miles away and I think ooh, somewhere else for me to investigate and then I’ve done a lap of the park and I head off back home after taking a picture of a flower.

And as I’m on the mile long boring stretch out of the marshes, a couple stop me and the girl says where’s the entrance? and I say the entrance to what? and she says to the lakes and stuff, is it all like this? and I say ah, it’s just another half a mile, keep going and you’ll come to fields and the river and boats and stuff and she looks happy and says thank you have a nice day and I say thanks, you too and I hope she’s not going to be disappointed with the marshes.

Today’s route

Splits

Stats
 Distance: 8.35 miles
Time: 1:45:38
Pace: 12:39 m/m
Calories: 760
Finsbury Parks: 1
American Footballers: lots
Cocktails: 2
Music
Black Kids
PJ Harvey
Blur
The Mission
Sisters of Mercy
Echo & The Bunnymen
The Beatles
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
64.42 out of 100 / 9 days left

Terrapins and Tofu Love Frogs

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Because Adele asked Londonjogger on her blog if she’d seen the terrapins in Clissold Park, I think I WANT TO SEE THE TERRAPINS and decide to venture over there and look for myself and I consult the A-Z and I think I know the way and when I get to the marshes, all the geese come to say hello to me

and they’re saying hello in a hissing kind of way and I’m glad they’re behind railings and I’m trying to remember the last time I went to Clissold Park and it must have been at an anti-Criminal Justice Act festival in the early 90s and I wonder how we got there as we certainly wouldn’t have walked and we certainly wouldn’t have had any money for taxis and I decide we probably got a bus and I’m trying to remember who played and I think there was a band with Frog in their name or something but I can’t remember and I go through the marina onto Spring Hill and it’s not lying about being a hill

and there’s a sign that says if you drop litter you’ll get fined £50,000

and I think bloody hell, £50,000 just for dropping a carrier bag? that’s steeper than the hill I’m about to run up and how would they get their £50,000? If I got fined £50,000 I’d have to sell my house to pay for it and I decide that it might be a good idea to just not drop any carrier bags in the first place and then I’ll still have somewhere to live and then I’m in Stamford Hill and I get to Abney Park Cemetery

and I think ah, I saw that in the A-Z, maybe I can cut through here to Clissold Park but I don’t know the way and I don’t even know if you’re allowed to run in cemeteries but then a man jogs past me so I decide it must be ok after all and so I go into the cemetery and it’s like a forest.

And in the middle of all this greenery is a single red rose.

And a grave with a lion on top

and I decide I want a lion on my grave but then I think no I don’t actually, I just want to be thrown in the sea and I’ll stick to Plan A and being thrown in the sea is probably a lot cheaper than having a big fuck off lion on your grave and I’m still running in the cemetery forest and I’m a bit lost and don’t know where I am and wonder why I keep getting lost in forests and it didn’t look very big on the A-Z so I can’t be far away from civilisation and I don’t want to be lost in the cemetery all day as I WANT TO SEE THE TERRAPINS and I eventually get to a bigger path and I see a gate and it’s the gate I came in so I’ve just gone round in a circle so I go down Stoke Newington Church Street and go past a shop that in the olden days repaired fountain pens

and I wonder how many people took their fountain pens in to be repaired and I wonder when Bics were invented and people didn’t have to take them in to be repaired, they just chucked them away but hopefully not in Spring Hill because then they’d get fined £50,000 and then I eventually get to Clissold Park and Emily told me to stop practising looking at trees because there are no trees in Cornwall but to practise looking at fields instead and I wonder if this is a field

and I decide it isn’t really but it’s the nearest I’m going to get to a field today as later I’m going to the Barbican and therefore will be surrounded by nothing but concrete and then I get to a lake

and I go up to the railings and I peer down into the water to look for terrapins but I can’t see any and then I’m hugely disappointed and I carry on going and I see a swan in the middle of the lake so I go over for a closer look and THE SWAN IS SITTING ON A LOG WITH TERRAPINS. Hooray for terrapins.

And I thought terrapins were little and lived in goldfish bowls and I would have thought these were turtles but what do I know? I only found out the difference between a crow and a blackbird last year and then I carry on going round Clissold Park and get back to where I came in and I head back home and go down Spring Hill

remembering to take care not to accidentally drop a carrier bag in case I have to sell my house to pay for the fine, therefore rendering me homeless like being jobless wasn’t enough for the time being and on the bridge is a sign for a festival

and it says the Tofu Love Frogs are playing and I think fuck me, that’s the name of the band I was trying to remember and I can’t remember if they were any good but I’ve got a race that day and so can’t go to the festival anyway.

Today’s route

Splits

Stats
 Distance: 8.22 miles
Time: 1:46:39
Pace: 12:59 m/m
Calories: 724
Geese: lots
Hills: 1
Cemeteries: 1
Lions: 1
Fountain pen repair shops: 1
Terrapins: 3
Music
Black Kids
PJ Harvey
5 o’Clock Heroes
Kate Nash
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
56.07 out of 100 / 10 days left

Crisis Square Mile Run 2008 race report

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Well it’s that time of year again when I get a free red t-shirt and run through the City of London with 1,999 other similarly attired runners. Yes, it’s the Crisis Square Mile Run which was my first ever race two years ago and therefore is my most favouritest race ever ever ever.

I decide to do another experiment and run without my iPod and “soak in the atmosphere”. My experiment lasts for approximately 100 yards when two girls next to me start screeching and I switch my iPod on to drown them out with my new favourite band, Black Kids.

We get under London Bridge and the race has come to a standstill as 2,000 people attempt to go up the stairs single file and we’re held up for ages and I look at my Garmin and it says we’ve gone .85 miles in 17 minutes which isn’t very fast really and I think we’re going to be a bit longer than the 35 minutes I said I’d be and Bernard the official bag looker afterer and beer getter inner will be getting bored and cold and there’s a man in zebra print and then there’s a dickhead dressed up as a doctor carrying a huge plastic hypodermic needle which he is perilously close to spiking people with, the twat, and we go past a lot of pubs and I have a brainwave and think next year, we could walk round and get a quick half in each pub along the route and then even lightweights like Bernard can join in instead of looking after the bags and getting the beer in although looking after the bags and getting the beer in is obviously a very important job and we get to the Millennium Bridge and have to do another lap and I do another lap and get back to the bridge and go up it and people are still just finishing their first lap and I think ha, I’ve lapped people, there’s a first time for everything and I get to the finish line and get my banana and water and go and wait for Kate to finish and I see her coming over the bridge and I start cheering and clapping and then Bernard says, er, that’s not Kate and I think oh shit I should have worn my glasses and I’ve just cheered and clapped a complete stranger and then a man on a spacehopper comes over the bridge and ha ha, Kate’s going to be beaten by a man on a spacehopper but Kate overtakes him and I make sure it is Kate this time and it is so I cheer and clap and then we go and rehydrate with beer and then go back to Paternoster Square to claim our goody bags

and I go and find Womble to say hello to and Kate and Bernard have picked up a goody bag for me then we go to the pub and near the pub is this nice building

then we go to Harry’s Bar to get pizza as Harry’s Bar does the nicest pizza in the City and when we’ve finished our pizza they bring us chocolates with the bill and they owe us 2p as they haven’t got any change so we say ok, we’ll let you off the 2p but you have to give us more chocolate and they do and then we go to another pub which is really crap and then I go to get the train home and at the station is a sign with a number you can text to grass up fare dodgers and for some reason I find this really funny.

Route

Splits

Stats
 Distance: 3.32 miles
Time: 44:37
Pace: 13:26 m/m
Calories: 282
Time spent under London Bridge: 15+ minutes
Men dressed as zebras: 1
Dickheads waving spiky plastic things around: 1
Pub crawl ideas: 1
Kate lookalikes: 1
Men on spacehoppers: 1
Music
Black Kids
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
47.85 out of 100 / 12 days left

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