Nokia N95 Sports Tracker

6 comments

Due to me staying up late making this bracelet in a bid to progress in my new career as a famous jewellery designer

I get up late and think oh shit, it’s a bit late now to go over the marshes and I pick up my phone to check for messages and then I’m reminded that I want to try out Sports Tracker so I get up and get changed and put my N95 out into the garden to get a satellite and it does get a satellite and so I say bye to the cat and go and sit on the wall and wait for my Garmin to pick up a signal and I think duh I could have put it out in the garden at the same time as the N95 and then the Garmin’s ready and I switch both on and I think I’ll have to carry the N95 which is a pain but I can’t see it working in my pocket even if Tracey says hers works in her flat and I think she must have moved into a tent and didn’t tell me because how can it work through walls? and I shut the slider and it doesn’t like it and the signal goes so I slide it up again and it comes back on and I think I don’t really want to carry it but I’ll have to and I get to the marshes and then I’m wondering if I can use Sports Tracker and the camera at the same time but I don’t go near the cows but I can see them and they’re near the fence and I think typical, the only time I don’t go near the cows they’re right by the fence and they must have known and I think cool, psychic cows, and then I go under the bridge and stop to walk up the really steep hill and then I’m on the most boring mile stretch in the world ever

and there aren’t even any cows on this bit although there is a lake and the occasional Canadian Goose and I get home and try to work out how to get the data from my phone onto my pc and it saves the route map as a screenshot

and it can also be exported to Google Earth

which tells me where I went the fastest but very tactfully doesn’t tell me where you went the slowest but that’s probably because it was all slow and there wouldn’t be enough room on the map to write the word slow all over it but my fastest was very very fast indeed according to my phone as it says my max speed was 37mph which is equivalent to 1:37 minute miles and I think wow, I’m faster than I thought, I really am a finely tuned athlete after all, hurrah.

Garmin stats:
Distance: 3:00 miles
Time: 33:42
Pace: 11:13
Calories: 291
Psychic cows: 6
Sports Tracker stats:
Duration: 33:43.76
Distance: 3.19 miles
Speed avg: 5.7mph
Speed max: 37.0mph
Pace avg: 10:35 min/mile
Pace max: 1:37 min/mile
Music:
The Killers
The Cure
Manic Street Preachers
Jamiroquai

Eek

5 comments

My boss has spent the day steadily creeping back to his old ways, although trying to cover it with a smile, and I think well that’s a week longer than I thought it’d take, I only gave him four days so two week’s not bad, and I go home growling but slightly cheered by the fact that I can try out my new toy and I get home and I realise my phone’s about to run out of battery so I put it on charge then I go downstairs and feed the cat and eek this spider’s on the ceiling in the kitchen

and I’m scared of spiders and so I text Bear and send him a picture of the spider and say help there’s a spider in the kitchen, eek, but he doesn’t say don’t panic, I’ll be right over, he just texts back and says that’s a big one 😛 and I think what if the spider’s gone when I come back, that’s even worse than it still being in the same place because how do I know it’s left the building and isn’t just sitting somewhere else, maybe getting comfy in my bed or something? but I decide to be brave and go for my run anyway and not sit in the kitchen all night on spider watch and I wonder if my cat can get up a ladder and eat it for me and I decide she probably can’t and I go and get my phone and my Garmin as I’m not trusting my phone to work and I go and sit on the wall and my Garmin gets a signal in a few seconds but my phone’s not doing anything and so I walk up the road a bit and keep waiting and keep waiting but it’s still not picking up a signal and I think maybe it’s too built up, maybe I should go home and put it in the garden but then I think if I do that there’s  no way I’ll get out the door again and so I put the phone in my pocket and head off for my old three mile route and it doesn’t take me long before I’m reminded why I don’t like running round the streets in the evening and that’s because there’s so much traffic and people and I have to stop every few feet for a road or a person or even worse a fucking cyclist on the pavement who needs shooting, especially the one that nearly ran me over going the wrong way up a one way street after work, but after a mile and a half it clears a bit and I start enjoying my run and think it’s nice to run in the dark with a nice cool breeze and I look at my Garmin and I think I don’t think this is going to be 3 miles, this must be the 2.7 mile route and I think oh well, I’ll just do 2.7 miles and I get home and feel unstressed and I upload the data and I’ve gone a lot quicker than I’ve managed in the last few weeks and I think to myself I must go running outside in the evening more often, yay.

Stats:
Distance: 2.79 miles
Time: 29:39
Pace: 10:38
Calories: 270
Big spiders in the kitchen: 1
Music:
Devo
Editors
Eminem

Snap

2 comments

Because I am a finely tuned athlete and not a finely tuned pisshead I go to the gym at lunchtime and while I’m getting changed my bra strap snaps and I think shit I hope it’s just come apart and hasn’t broken and I investigate and bollocks it’s broken and I think what am I going to do? I can’t wear my sports one after a workout, it’ll be completely minging and I think I’ll have to ask at reception if they have a safety pin and I think I’ll worry about it later and I go into the gym and I can’t see any empty treadmills then I find one at the end of a row and I get on it and realise I’m right in front of a mirror that hasn’t got any televisions obstructing it and I have a clear view of myself on the treadmill which I could really do without but at least now I know my newly dyed red hair doesn’t really go with a green t-shirt and while I’m on the treadmill there’s a girl sitting on a weights machine reading the paper and not actually doing any weights, but just sitting there reading and I think what the fuck? don’t just sit there and read, this is a gym, not a library and one of my laces comes undone and I think why does one of my laces come undone at least once everyday and 99.9% of the time it’s the right one and I do 20 minutes on the treadmill and decide to go back to work and I go up to the girl on reception and ask her if she has a safety pin and she says no, sorry, we don’t have any, is it for something specific? and I say my bra strap broke and she says oh dear, how about an elastic band? and I say I don’t think that’ll work and she says how about a staple? and I say oh, that might work, thanks, and she gets out a stapler and I think what are people going to think if they see me in the changing room stapling a bra and I think they’ll think I’m a nutter and I say it’s ok, I’ll just wear it strapless until I get to work and get a safety pin and she says if I’m sure and sorry she can’t be more help and I go back to the changing room and decide to try it with one strap and it’s ok and I go back to work and Tracey sends me an email saying did I know I can get a sports tracker for my Nokia N95 and I say no, what’s that? and she says it tells you your speed and distance and logs it in a diary and I say I want it, where do I get it from? and she says go to downloads on your phone and get it but downloads doesn’t work on my phone and I investigate on the internet and find it here. Yay. And when I get home I download it and upload it to my phone and now I have a new toy to play with, yippee. In fact, I will probably have to go for a run tomorrow night just to test it.

Stats:
Treadmill: 20 minutes /8.5kph
Bra straps breaking: 1
New software for my N95: 1

TFI Saturday

2 comments

I get up earlyish and waste two hours doing nothing at all really and eventually go to get changed into running gear and the trousers I put on have a red stripe on them and I pull out a green t-shirt and I think red and green should not be seen, and wonder if I should put on a different t-shirt but I think bollocks to it, it’s only a bit of red, I’m sure it’ll be ok and I put a sock on and it’s inside out and inside out is unlucky but changing it so it’s not inside out anymore is even more unlucky and I don’t want to go over the marshes and be unlucky so I’m not sure what to do so I take it off and put other socks on instead making sure that they’re not inside out and and I go downstairs and wonder why I’m so superstitious and superstitions are all rubbish anyway and if I was that superstitious why did I get a black cat and I go over the marshes and run alongside the river and there’s a heron in my path and I stop to take its photo but it flies off  and I get to where the cows live and I think ha, you can’t fly off and I take their photo whether they like it or not.

And I go past the stables and back to the path leading up to the footbridge and there’s a screech behind me and I turn round and there’s a cyclist about two inches away from me and I jump and he smiles and says sorry and I move to let him get past and I get over the bridge and up the not very reassuringly named Black Path and I want to walk and I think no no no no walking, it’s not far to go now and I stop to walk and I think no no no no walking and I start running again and I get home and think yay, I’ve got two days to do nothing but learn jewellery making and php but then I remember I’ve got some website work to do and I think oh shit.

Stats:
Distance: 3.23  miles
Time: 37:27
Pace: 11:35
Calories: 313
Herons: 1
Cows: 6
Cyclists 2″ away from me: 1
Music:
Bobby Conn
The Divine Comedy
Hole
Babes in Toyland
Manic Street Preachers
Jeff Buckley
Citizen Fish
Long Blondes
Garbage
The Holloways

Thank f**k it’s nearly Friday

5 comments

As my blog is the only active blog on the internet, I thought I’d better get active although I have quietly been being active since Friday when I went to the gym, and also went to the gym on Monday and Tuesday and I decided to try and exercise some damage limitation after last night’s vodka, lager, wine and Lebanese food and went to the gym at lunchtime today after an annoying morning which started off with my iPod annoying me by running out of charge on the way to work which meant I wasn’t protected from the noise of the world which included a girl saying “fantastic” to whoever she was talking to on her mobile and then the woman at amazon credit card annoyed me by trying to sell me card protection and other protection when all I wanted to do was activate my new credit card which gives me the not very impressive loyalty bonus of a £15 voucher when I’ve spent £1,500 and so I went to the gym and on the way to the gym there was a man saying “fantastic” to whoever he was talking to on his mobile and I think why is everyone saying “fantastic” today? and I get to the gym and there’s a sign saying anyone not wearing an item of pink has to pay £2 to enter the gym and I think oh no, I’m probably not wearing pink and I look at what I’m wearing and I’m wearing black Converse, black trousers, a black t-shirt and a black hooded top and I think hmmm, not much pink there then but I manage to get in without paying a £2 no pink clothing penalty and get to the changing room and remember that my rucksack is pink and think hurrah, saved by my rucksack and I go into the gym without my iPod as it has no charge but take my headphones and decide to watch an antiques programme which has an annoying bloke presenting it and then a woman gets on the treadmill next to me and she starts singing or humming or mumbling or something fucking annoying anyway and so I get off the treadmill as the dirty looks I’m throwing her way aren’t giving her the hint of will you please shut the fuck up and I go on the rowing machine and then the bike and and I decide to watch the news and there’s a little girl in China whose dad makes her run from 3am ’til the sun comes up then he makes her go to the track and there’s another girl who trains in the sea with her arms and legs tied up and I’m glad I’m not a finely tuned Chinese athlete as I don’t think I’d like to be in the sea with my arms and legs tied up and I decide to go back to work in case my boss comes back early although he wouldn’t be annoyed if I was late as he is still on his best behaviour since I handed in my notice and then unhanded in my notice and it’s been a week and I wonder if his tongue is very sore with him having bitten it for a week and I go past the bookshop and think if I’m doing a creative writing course in the new year I should probably read a book as I haven’t read anything except web design, running and jewellery making magazines and books since fuck knows when and I buy a couple of novels and get back to the office where the idiots in the office next door proceed to talk absolute crap all day and by the end of the day I’m seriously considering emailing them asking them if they can keep their door shut and then I go and get on the train and the carriage is empty because the train has just come and a girl gets on and sits next to me and I think what the fuck? the carriage is empty, go and sit somewhere else, although I know the carriage will fill up and I won’t get seats to myself but I’m pissed off and then another girl gets on and she’s talking really loudly on her mobile and another girl gets on and sits opposite me and she’s talking on her mobile too and I think I’m losing the will to live and then the girl next to me starts eating and I think don’t eat on the train you peasant, it stinks and you’re going to get crumbs everywhere and then she starts playing a game on her mobile and she hasn’t got the tones turned off and I spy a row of empty seats so I go and nab the window seat and get away from the annoying people with phones and food and then another girl gets on and she’s eating McDonald’s and I think what the fuck? don’t you know that stinks and then I’m reminded that I have to start a Facebook group called Equal Rights for Veggies at Christmas due to me receiving the office party menu today which gives meat eaters turkey, traditional trimmings, vegetables and potatotes, whilst us veggies get a fucking risotto and why can’t we have vegetables and potatoes instead of a bowl of rice? and what about vegans? vegetables and potatoes are vegan, risotto isn’t and I’m not vegan and I’m not going to the party anyway but that’s not the point and then a woman sits next to me on the train and she’s on her mobile and I think for fucks sake is there anyone on this train not on their mobile? and she finishes her call and gets her newspaper out and starts flick flick flicking through it and I think just read the god damn paper and stop flick flick flicking and then the train goes past the marshes and the sun’s going down and I think bloody hell, it’s only ten to six, it’s getting dark already and then I come out of the station and there’s two men shouting at each other and it’s really annoying and I wonder how many other people are going to manage to annoy me in the five minutes I have left until I get home and I go to the shop and manage to leave there without getting annoyed but the annoying foreign people are standing on the corner making the place look untidy as usual and I eventually make it home without killing anyone.

Stats
Treadmill: 10 minutes
Rowing machine: 10 minutes
Bike: 10 minutes
Annoying people: far too many to count

I love lists

7 comments

I especially love lists that put me in the top 100 health and wellness blogs (no.54 to be precise), so motivated by this I take a quick spin round the park before work (yes I remembered I still had a job) and when I’m on the sports field a train goes past and it’s only half a train and I think it’d better not be only half a train when I get to the station later as the train’s only been half a train three times in the last week and it’s bloody annoying as you can’t fit everyone onto half a train and I get squished and I don’t like getting squished and I think if it is only half a train, I’m going to complain and I think I’m getting good at complaining as I complained about the food in Wetherspoons on Saturday and I’m going to complain to the restaurant that we were going to go to but didn’t and I complained to a seller on ebay for charging me too much postage and I wonder if my new found complaining skills are a sign of me getting assertive or just a sign of me getting even grumpier in my old age. Hmm.

Stats:
Distance: 1.35 miles
Time: 14:09
Pace: 10:30
Calories: 130
Half size trains: 1
Music:
Human League
The Strokes
The Polyphonic Spree
Hard-Fi

Decisions, decisions…

3 comments

After a sleepless night I get up early having made a decision and not only have I made a decision but it’s a firm decision and I’ve never had one of those before but a cup of tea and a couple of emails later and once again I’m undecided.  Aarrgghh.  So I make do with a different decision and then decide to go and see the cows over the marshes and a train goes past and I don’t think that’s my train and then another train goes past and I think that train goes to Liverpool Street and I should be on that train going to work but I’m not and I’m nervous about going back tomorrow but I have to go sooner or later and I think sooner would be a good idea and it’s bright and sunny over the marshes and I remember the radio said it was going to be cloudy and thundery all day and I’m wondering how the weather people get it so wrong every single fucking day and why don’t they just look out the window to see what the weather’s like instead of spending billions of pounds on machines that clearly do not work very well at all and then I’m out of the marshes and back on the street and there’s a girl walking down the road towards me so I go to the side and then she goes to the same side and I’m thinking aarrgghh, I hate it when people do that and so I go to the other side instead of pushing her into the bushes like I should do really and then I get home and I’ve done 5k hurrah.

Stats
Distance: 3.14 miles
Time: 37:18
Pace: 11:52
Calories: 305
Cows: 6
Music
Good Charlotte
The Cure
Hot Chip
Pixies
Hard Fi
Subhumans

Minging Monday

6 comments

I must have been hallucinating when I woke up as I could have sworn sunshine was streaming through the blinds but when I ventured out from under my duvet and looked out the window it was raining like I’d never seen it rain before and I thought oh shit my roof’s going to leak again and I’d got up early to virtually wave Bear off on his first day at school and the radio kept saying the rain was going to stop but the radio must have been lying because it was just raining and raining and raining and I thought sod it I’ll go out for a run anyway, it’s nice over the sports field when it’s raining and so I went out and fuck it’s cold and I’m thinking I should have put on a long sleeved top and I get to the park and there’s an old man on the bench reading and I’m thinking his book must be really soggy but as I get up to him I see he’s got it in a transparent folder and I think wow that must be a really good book for him to come out in the pouring rain to read a book in the park but why can’t he read it in his house? and I get up to the sports field and The Polyphonic Spree start singing and that immediately brightens my mood and I think maybe if I just listen to The Polyphonic Spree then I’ll feel happy all the time and then Soft Cell come on and I’m wondering if Joggerblogger’s going to make a comment about how my playlists always used to contain Soft Cell and then it stops raining and I think shit, I was enjoying running in the rain and I get round the sports field and a train goes past on its way to Liverpool Street and I think how would I feel if I was on that train going to work and I feel sick and I think oh shit, will I ever be able to go back? and I have to stop to retie my hair which has come out of its band and I get back to the park and go past the old man who is still reading his book through a transparent folder and then I go past two young muslims who are on a bench snogging and I wonder if muslims are allowed to snog and I think well why not? and then I wonder if I can do another lap of the park and I think I need to build my mileage up as I’ve been struggling to do even one mile lately and I try to think who can draw me up a schedule and I get to the old man reading his book through a transparent folder again and realise I’ve gone past the gate so I have to do another lap and I think it’s quite simple really, run more, eat better and drink less and everything else should fall nicely into place and I get home and I’ve done two miles and I think aaaaah, I feel better now.

Stats
Distance: 2 miles
Time: 22:36
Pace: 11:19
Calories: 193
Old men sitting on benches reading in the rain using a transparent folder: 1
Muslims snogging on a bench: 2
Music
The Polyphonic Spree
Soft Cell
The Cult
The Cure

The week that was

6 comments

This is the week that saw me do absolutely fuck all and not wanting to face the world.  So I didn’t.  But Saturday mornings are for thinking what did I do this week and why is my house so untidy as my house being untidy isn’t a good sign and so Operation Get My Shit Together (Part 2) will have to begin.  Starting with getting out of the house for a run.  So I did.  Plus I was spurred on by the fact that I could wear my  Robin Hood t-shirt and as it mentions the full marathon people will clearly think I’m a finely tuned athlete and not think that I did the fun run that it also mentions.

I went up to the park and just as my Garmin kicked into action I could see a girl running on the path towards me and so I thought FUCKING BOLLOCKS and turned round and went in the other direction and there were a load of people on the path and so I thought I’d go up to the sports field and I as I get there I can see a couple of people up there and I stop and wonder if it’s going to be too annoying and I decide it probably won’t be that annoying as it’s only a couple of people and if I can’t even handle two people in a big fuck off field then I am in trouble and so I run round the field and I look at my Garmin and it says 6 minutes and I think 6 minutes? fuck, it feels like 6 hours and I feel like stopping but I think I can’t stop at 6 minutes and I carry on but a few minutes later I do stop and I walk to the end of the field and get back onto the street and I think surely I can run the rest of the way home and so I start to run again but after about six feet I stop and turn off my Garmin and go home to continue with Operation Get My Shit Together (Part 2).

Stats:
Distance: 1.19 miles
Time: 13:56
Pace: 11:40
Calories: 107
Music:
Devo
The Cure
Sex Pistols
Primal Scream
Hard Fi

A taxing day

5 comments

I get woken up by a text message at 7am and I think why the fuck is my alarm going off, I thought it was Saturday and then I’m confused and I’m thinking it is Saturday isn’t it? and I think yes it’s Saturday and I think I should go and see the cows and then come back and be a geek all day and go through my new php book and then dye my hair and then I think bollocks, I was going to do my tax return today as I’ve been putting it off since April as I do every year and it’s mid-September so I should do it now really and as my accounting system consists purely of me chucking receipts and invoices in a drawer it’s not a job I’m looking forward to and I go over the marshes and not to be outdone by joggerblogger I take a picture of today’s blue sky to prove that it’s not all pea-soupers down here.

And I go past the cows but the cows are sitting down and I can’t see them very well and I think bastard cows sitting down, they should be standing up so I can see them and then I go past the stables and a horse comes over to say hello but when I get my camera out it walks off so I follow it and it sticks its head over the fence again but when I get my camera ready to take its picture again it walks off again and I think horse, you’re really annoying, and so I go home and on the way I see this car that doesn’t have much left of it.

And then I get home and I think I could barely run 3 miles and I’m glad I don’t have to do that three and a bit more times tomorrow at the Robin Hood half and joggerblogger can run it for me by proxy but he’d better get me a decent time though.

Stats:
Distance: 3.11 miles
Time: 37.12
Pace: 11:56
Calories: 289
Cows sitting down: 6
Camera shy horses: 1
Cars with not much left of them: 1
Music:
The Like
Peter, Bjorn & John
Kaiser Chiefs
Courtney Love
The Young Knives

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