JogBlog running blog

I wake up to the fake sunrise and hear something going bleep bleep bleep downstairs and I think what’s that? and I realise it’s my watch alarm and I wonder why I don’t hear it every morning and I realise that that’s because it’s Saturday and usually I have my alarm clock bleeping at me and my mobile alarm bleeping at me and I get up after a restless night of dreams of grey furry hats, grey fleeces, orange umbrellas and male rape and my quilt’s half on the floor and I think I’m too tired to go for a run and I think I have to go for a run, I even forsook my Friday night bottle of wine so I could get up early and I think but I always get up early on a Saturday anyway and then I think I’ve got lots and lots of things to do this weekend and I think but I have already organised everything I’m going to do in my head and my time is accounted for including going out for a four mile run first thing Saturday and then I think I don’t even want to do a stupid half-marathon anyway, I’m not going to be able to put the training in, what’s going to happen when I have to do a ten mile run and I’m going to have to be out of the house for about two hours? and I think oh well I don’t have to think about that at the mo and I think it’s only 8:20, I should go now while it’s still quite early and then I think I need more songs on my iPod so I waste some more time putting songs on my iPod and then I think I need The Cure on my iPod too and I look to see how many Cure songs I have and it’s 144 and I think bollocks, that’ll take ages to load and I really want to leave the house now so I don’t bother with The Cure and I eventually make it out of the house at 9:00 and go to do my four mile route and I also decide to go without my camera, eek, and I get to the marshes and as I approach where the cows live I’m hoping they’re not standing up waving and pulling funny faces just because they know I haven’t got my camera with me but they’re not, they’re just standing around doing their usual cow thing and I decide to run up to the marina which is a way I haven’t gone before and I can’t see the bridge and the marshes look never ending and then I get to the bridge and the boats and I can see into someone’s kitchen and it looks really cosy and they’ve got a washing machine and I think I really really want to live on a boat and I think I could live on a boat and make jewellery and I think that would really suit me then I wouldn’t have to deal with annoying people in offices and I’m running alongside the river and a woman is running towards me on the same side and I think oh shit, I wonder if I can force her to move to the other side, I don’t want to go near the water’s edge, I might fall in and she does move and then a cyclist comes along and I think I’m certainly not moving for a cyclist and he moves and then another cyclist comes along and I wonder if my luck with people moving out of the way has run out and I think it has as he’s hugging the side and I think well I’m not moving but he doesn’t look like he’s moving either so I think I could either get run over or get on to the verge so I move out of his way and the wanker doesn’t even bother to say thank you and then I get to the bridge that has Tottenham Marshes on the other side and I think the last time I was up here was in July at my last race and after that I couldn’t hardly walk for two months and I think was that really only three months ago? it seems ages ago and it was nice and sunny then and I got sunburnt and that must have been the only hot day of the year and then I’m back on the street and I get to the tube station and my Garmin says I’ve done 4 miles exactly and I think oh shit, I was only meant to do 4 miles and I’m about a mile from my house and I think never mind, it’s all downhill from here, I’ll just do another mile and I think my house must be in a dip as whichever way I approach it, it’s down a hill and I think that means that if there’s a flood, my house will be submerged and I think that doesn’t sound like a good thing and then there’s a man walking in front of me and he turns round and moves to the side and I think don’t bother mate, I’m going so slowly I’m never going to catch you up and then he gets to a tree and stops to let me get past so I feel obliged to speed up so he can get on his way and I just about manage to say thanks and then I’m half a mile from home and think now I can spend all day staring at code and customising my new online jewellery shop, which at the mo looks like it’s going to consist purely of bracelets as I made another one last night

and then I’m home after doing my longest run for ages and ages, hurrah.

Today’s route

Stats
Distance: 4.91 miles
Time: 52:52
Pace: 10:45
Calories: 451
Cyclists getting out of my way: 1
Cyclists not getting out of my way: 1
Music
The Twang
Muse
The Polyphonic Spree
Hole
Black Wire
The Damned

Yesterday I was going to go for a run after work but I forgot and I also forgot that I was going to make pizza last night although I’d been to Sainsburys to buy pizza making provisions and so I went to the gym today at lunchtime and when I got to the changing room I realised I’d forgotten my trainers which is really dumb as they live on the floor under my desk where I put my rucksack and so I went back to work and thought I’ll do a run tonight and then the electricians came to do some electrician thing to my computer and other electrical appliances and I thought what shall I do while they’re doing their electrician thing? and I thought I know, I’ll go for a cigarette, and then I thought oh but I don’t smoke anymore, how could I forget? and the agency rings me with news of the media firm who they sent my cv over to and says they want to see you and I think hooray and wonder if she’s lying about them giving a 10% bonus each year because agencies lie a lot and the salary they’re offering is only a couple of hundred a year more than I’m getting now and she says she’ll see if they can see me one evening after work and will call me back and later in the afternoon there’s a missed call but no message and I wonder if it’s the agency and my boss lets me go home early and I get on the train and call the agency and say did you phone me, I had a missed call? and she says yes, can you go for an interview on Wednesday at 5? and I say yes, that’s fine and she says can you come and see me on Tuesday after work and I say yes I can be there about 5:30 and she says that’s great and I think I’m going to have to lie to my boss about why I want to leave early although he doesn’t usually ask why but I’m going to have to sneak into the toilets after work and get changed into something smart and hope no one sees me leave the building and I hate the sneaking about but I want a new job although my boss is still pretending to be a normal person but the bimbo in the office next door is still annoying and so a new job would be good I think and I remember I’m going out for a run tonight and I think I can’t really be bothered but then I think this half-marathon’s not going to run itself and although it’s five months away it’s going to take me that long to train and I think but it’s cold and then I think it’s going to be cold every day between now and March and anyway, since when did I mind running in the cold? and I think but I’m bored of the songs on my iPod and I think I can put new songs on my iPod and then the Polyphonic Spree comes on and I think I’ll listen to Polyphonic Spree, they always liven me up and I get home and there’s three packages of jewellery supplies waiting for me along with the Bobby Conn tickets that I’ve been waiting for since August and I think yay, it’s like Christmas every day in this house and I’m still trying to force myself to get outside and run and I go upstairs to put the Polyphonic Spree and Black Wire on my iPod and I get changed and go downstairs and inspect the packages and bollocks, one of them is the wrong stuff but never mind and I say goodbye to the cat and I get out the door and I do my 2.7 mile route but I want to make it 3 miles tonight, although I should be doing 4 but I only have one 4 mile route and I hate it hate it hate it and I need to find a new one and I keep going near my house and I still haven’t done 3 miles so I keep going until I do and I eventually get home and I think that was a nice run, why can’t I just remember how good it is sometimes and then I might have less of a struggle getting out the door and I go upstairs and my internet connection is down and I think bollocks and I phone Virgin Media and there’s a recorded message saying if you live in Walthamstow you might find a disruption to your internet service and I think eek.

Today’s route:

Stats:
Distance: 3.11 miles
Time: 34:47
Pace: 11:10
Calories: 271
Interviews: 1
Internet connections: 0
Music:
Polyphonic Spree
Black Wire

Royal Mail eventually decide to deliver some wire to me and I stay up late drinking wine and making this

and this

and after I’ve finished drinking wine and being a famous jewellery designer, I set up the bread machine and go to bed and awake to the smell of freshly baked bread and then I remember that along with being a famous jewellery designer and a domestic goddess, I am also a finely tuned athlete and I go out for a four mile run round the marshes and there’s a nice blue sky

and I decide to start with the most boring mile in the world ever although it does have a lake

but the lake is mostly hidden by a fence and then I get to the bridge where Ben came off his bike and broke his jaw and I look under the bridge and I think I can see someone on the other side but my eyesight is shit and I’m not really sure and I get through the bridge and there is someone there and I can’t see a dog as I only trust people over the marshes if they have dogs but he hasn’t got a dog but he has got a scooter and I think should I trust people with scooters? and I think na, people with scooters are well dodgy and I get round the corner and there’s a swan cleaning itself

and I get to the marina and run alongside the river and I get to the bridge that gives a nice view of the marshes and I stop to take a picture

and a woman comes along and stands next to me and starts stretching and she’s about an inch away and I think are you sure you’re fucking standing close enough to me or what? and I decide she looks dodgy and I put my phone back in my pocket and run off and then I get to where the cows live and I look at my Garmin and I’ve only gone two miles and I think shit, my house isn’t two miles away, how am I going to do four miles and I think I’ll have to do a lap of the park when I get back and I get to the stables and walk through the gate and then I realise I’m still walking and I think oops, I’m supposed to be training for a half-marathon so I’d better start running and I think I need someone to write me a schedule and nag me into doing it and I also think that I need to cut out the Friday night bottle of wine as it doesn’t help me much with my Saturday morning run but at 6 o’clock last night in Sainsburys it seemed like the best idea in the world and then I get to my house and I’ve only done 3.7 miles so I do a lap of the park and then go home to investigate the freshly baked bread.

Route

Stats
Distance: 4.16 miles
Time: 47:12
Pace: 11:20
Calories: 404
Blue skies: 1
Swans cleaning themselves: 1
Loaves of freshly baked bread: 1
Music
Peter, Bjorn & John
Cardiacs
Bobby Conn
The Young Knives
Stereo Total

I get up and think I’ll go to the gym at lunchtime, I’ll be too tired after work to run due to being up late due to going out to see the Greatest Musician In The World Ever and then I think no I will force myself to go out for a run and go to the gym tomorrow lunchtime and so I go to work and on the way home I’m thinking I’ll do my three mile route and then I get home and yay some wire’s arrived so I can make some more jewellery and I think I need to change the songs on my iPod because they are shit and I think while my iPod is updating with some good songs I will look at the wire but not start playing with it and so I start updating my iPod and I get the wire out and I have some thicker wire and I wonder how easy it is to bend and I get my pliers out and make a spiral and think stop it, put down the wire and the pliers and get changed and then I wonder if the pink wire is very thin and I make a coil out of it and then I think later I’ll make a bracelet out of pink wire and the pink and black spiky rubber beads I bought and I think put down the pliers, go and get changed and my iPod still hasn’t updated and then there’s scratching and scrabbling in the attic and I think oh shit, what’s that? mice? rats? birds? big spiders? squirrels? and I hope it’s squirrels and I think perhaps I won’t go out for a run, perhaps I’ll stay in on squirrel watch and make jewellery and then I think no no no you must go out, you told yourself you were going to this morning and I think I can’t be bothered to do the three mile route and then I think I know, I’ll compromise and do the two mile route and I think why am I compromising with myself? I can do what I want and if I don’t want to go for a run I don’t have to and then I see my belly in the mirror and think, hmm, maybe I should go for a run and I think while I’m out there I can think about the jewellery I can make and so I get changed and I think maybe I’ll stay in and I think no no no, you’ve even got changed, just get out there and my iPod is finally updated and I get my Garmin and I go out and do the two mile route which brings me nicely downhill all the way for the second mile down the market and I think well, that wasn’t too bad after all.

Stats:
Distance: 2.15 miles
Time: 22:48
Pace: 10:35
Calories: 208
Music:
Stereo Total
Bobby Conn

I went to bed early last night in an attempt to get up early and go for a run before work so I set my alarm for 6 but my brain decides to wake me up at 5 and I’m still awake at 5:30 but then feel myself drifting off so I get up and the cat looks at me like, yeah right, course you’re getting up and she reluctantly follows me down the stairs and I give her her breakfast and she looks at it and yawns and goes back to bed and I think cat, you’re not helping me stay awake here and I make a cup of tea and make my breakfast to take to work with me and I empty the dishwasher and I check my email and the usual websites and then it’s coming up to 6:30 and I think I’d better go out for my run now but it’s still dark and I think where shall I go? I don’t want to go to the park in the dark and anyway I want to do three miles this morning and I’m not running around the park eight times because I will get dizzy and my brain will fall out and I think will it be safe round the streets, they’ll be empty and I think it’ll probably be ok and I get my Garmin, iPod and alarm and think I can’t hang around the street waiting for a signal, people will think I’m a nutter hanging around in the dark so I decide to go to the bus stop and pretend I’m waiting for a bus but the bus stop is busy and I think a bus must be coming soon, they’ll think I’m a nutter if I don’t get on the bus so I walk up the road a bit and wait and it doesn’t take long for my Garmin to get a signal and I start to run and there’s a lot of traffic and people and I think so much for me having the streets to myself, it’s not a lot quieter than a Saturday lunchtime and I go to the cross the road and nearly get run over by a cyclist who hasn’t got his light on and I think dickhead, put your light on, and I get to the bridge at Bakers Arms and a man turns round and sees me and stops and I have to squeeze through a 2 inch gap between him and a pillar and he says sorry and I think why couldn’t you have moved out of the way? and then a cyclist comes down the pavement without his light on and I think fucking cyclists, stick to the road you dickhead, and put your light on, and then there’s another cyclist coming down the pavement without his light on and I think what the fuck, no one told me it was National Cycle Down The Pavement In The Dark Without Lights On Day and I get home and my alarm’s going off and I thought I’d turned it off before I left and it’s still not daylight yet but my fake sunrise has come on and the cat has finally got out of bed and I am minging but I haven’t got time to wash, dry and straighten my hair and I’m going out tonight to see the Greatest Musician In The World Ever, eek.

Stats:
Distance: 2.75 miles
Time: 30:02
Pace: 10:55
Calories: 266
Cyclists without lights on: 3
Music:
Bobby Conn
Cardiacs
The Cure
Pharcyde
Stereo Total

As I’m up reasonably early and have a few hours to spare before going out for lunch on a Routemaster bus that’s been converted into a vegan restaurant, I decide to continue with my finely tuned athleteness and go for a short run and I decide to try it unencumbered with my usual assortment of running essentials and put all my trust in my Nokia N95 and so I say goodbye to my Garmin and iPod and tell them it’s nothing personal and I get to the park and try and find a bit of bench to sit on that’s not covered in pigeon crap while I wait for my phone to pick up a signal and two girls are jogging down the path towards me and as they get closer I realise they haven’t been girls for a very long time and when they get past me they stop and start walking and I think oh shit, if I run past them will they think I’m showing off in a “you lightweights, look, I’m not walking, I am a finely tuned athlete and you clearly are not” but then I think well I can’t sit here on this pigeon shit encrusted bench all day and my phone’s picked up a signal and I turn on the music and am shocked at the appalling sound quality and I run round the park and up to the sports field and half way round the sports field the phone has lost its signal and I think this smartphone isn’t really very smart at all but as I’m nearing my house the signal comes back and it seems to have caught up with itself and I’m still thinking the sound quality of the phone is really shit and then I realise that the sound’s coming from the speakers and not the headphones and I think oh my god, how embarrassing, now everyone I’ve passed this morning is going to go home and tell their families about the antisocial woman running round the park with music blaring out of her phone. Oops.

Stats:
Duration: 14:05
Distance: 1.31 miles
Speed avg: 5.6 mph
Pace avg: 10:44 min/miles
Phones blaring out music: 1

Due to me staying up late making this bracelet in a bid to progress in my new career as a famous jewellery designer

I get up late and think oh shit, it’s a bit late now to go over the marshes and I pick up my phone to check for messages and then I’m reminded that I want to try out Sports Tracker so I get up and get changed and put my N95 out into the garden to get a satellite and it does get a satellite and so I say bye to the cat and go and sit on the wall and wait for my Garmin to pick up a signal and I think duh I could have put it out in the garden at the same time as the N95 and then the Garmin’s ready and I switch both on and I think I’ll have to carry the N95 which is a pain but I can’t see it working in my pocket even if Tracey says hers works in her flat and I think she must have moved into a tent and didn’t tell me because how can it work through walls? and I shut the slider and it doesn’t like it and the signal goes so I slide it up again and it comes back on and I think I don’t really want to carry it but I’ll have to and I get to the marshes and then I’m wondering if I can use Sports Tracker and the camera at the same time but I don’t go near the cows but I can see them and they’re near the fence and I think typical, the only time I don’t go near the cows they’re right by the fence and they must have known and I think cool, psychic cows, and then I go under the bridge and stop to walk up the really steep hill and then I’m on the most boring mile stretch in the world ever

and there aren’t even any cows on this bit although there is a lake and the occasional Canadian Goose and I get home and try to work out how to get the data from my phone onto my pc and it saves the route map as a screenshot

and it can also be exported to Google Earth

which tells me where I went the fastest but very tactfully doesn’t tell me where you went the slowest but that’s probably because it was all slow and there wouldn’t be enough room on the map to write the word slow all over it but my fastest was very very fast indeed according to my phone as it says my max speed was 37mph which is equivalent to 1:37 minute miles and I think wow, I’m faster than I thought, I really am a finely tuned athlete after all, hurrah.

Garmin stats:
Distance: 3:00 miles
Time: 33:42
Pace: 11:13
Calories: 291
Psychic cows: 6
Sports Tracker stats:
Duration: 33:43.76
Distance: 3.19 miles
Speed avg: 5.7mph
Speed max: 37.0mph
Pace avg: 10:35 min/mile
Pace max: 1:37 min/mile
Music:
The Killers
The Cure
Manic Street Preachers
Jamiroquai

My boss has spent the day steadily creeping back to his old ways, although trying to cover it with a smile, and I think well that’s a week longer than I thought it’d take, I only gave him four days so two week’s not bad, and I go home growling but slightly cheered by the fact that I can try out my new toy and I get home and I realise my phone’s about to run out of battery so I put it on charge then I go downstairs and feed the cat and eek this spider’s on the ceiling in the kitchen

and I’m scared of spiders and so I text Bear and send him a picture of the spider and say help there’s a spider in the kitchen, eek, but he doesn’t say don’t panic, I’ll be right over, he just texts back and says that’s a big one and I think what if the spider’s gone when I come back, that’s even worse than it still being in the same place because how do I know it’s left the building and isn’t just sitting somewhere else, maybe getting comfy in my bed or something? but I decide to be brave and go for my run anyway and not sit in the kitchen all night on spider watch and I wonder if my cat can get up a ladder and eat it for me and I decide she probably can’t and I go and get my phone and my Garmin as I’m not trusting my phone to work and I go and sit on the wall and my Garmin gets a signal in a few seconds but my phone’s not doing anything and so I walk up the road a bit and keep waiting and keep waiting but it’s still not picking up a signal and I think maybe it’s too built up, maybe I should go home and put it in the garden but then I think if I do that there’s  no way I’ll get out the door again and so I put the phone in my pocket and head off for my old three mile route and it doesn’t take me long before I’m reminded why I don’t like running round the streets in the evening and that’s because there’s so much traffic and people and I have to stop every few feet for a road or a person or even worse a fucking cyclist on the pavement who needs shooting, especially the one that nearly ran me over going the wrong way up a one way street after work, but after a mile and a half it clears a bit and I start enjoying my run and think it’s nice to run in the dark with a nice cool breeze and I look at my Garmin and I think I don’t think this is going to be 3 miles, this must be the 2.7 mile route and I think oh well, I’ll just do 2.7 miles and I get home and feel unstressed and I upload the data and I’ve gone a lot quicker than I’ve managed in the last few weeks and I think to myself I must go running outside in the evening more often, yay.

Stats:
Distance: 2.79 miles
Time: 29:39
Pace: 10:38
Calories: 270
Big spiders in the kitchen: 1
Music:
Devo
Editors
Eminem

Because I am a finely tuned athlete and not a finely tuned pisshead I go to the gym at lunchtime and while I’m getting changed my bra strap snaps and I think shit I hope it’s just come apart and hasn’t broken and I investigate and bollocks it’s broken and I think what am I going to do? I can’t wear my sports one after a workout, it’ll be completely minging and I think I’ll have to ask at reception if they have a safety pin and I think I’ll worry about it later and I go into the gym and I can’t see any empty treadmills then I find one at the end of a row and I get on it and realise I’m right in front of a mirror that hasn’t got any televisions obstructing it and I have a clear view of myself on the treadmill which I could really do without but at least now I know my newly dyed red hair doesn’t really go with a green t-shirt and while I’m on the treadmill there’s a girl sitting on a weights machine reading the paper and not actually doing any weights, but just sitting there reading and I think what the fuck? don’t just sit there and read, this is a gym, not a library and one of my laces comes undone and I think why does one of my laces come undone at least once everyday and 99.9% of the time it’s the right one and I do 20 minutes on the treadmill and decide to go back to work and I go up to the girl on reception and ask her if she has a safety pin and she says no, sorry, we don’t have any, is it for something specific? and I say my bra strap broke and she says oh dear, how about an elastic band? and I say I don’t think that’ll work and she says how about a staple? and I say oh, that might work, thanks, and she gets out a stapler and I think what are people going to think if they see me in the changing room stapling a bra and I think they’ll think I’m a nutter and I say it’s ok, I’ll just wear it strapless until I get to work and get a safety pin and she says if I’m sure and sorry she can’t be more help and I go back to the changing room and decide to try it with one strap and it’s ok and I go back to work and Tracey sends me an email saying did I know I can get a sports tracker for my Nokia N95 and I say no, what’s that? and she says it tells you your speed and distance and logs it in a diary and I say I want it, where do I get it from? and she says go to downloads on your phone and get it but downloads doesn’t work on my phone and I investigate on the internet and find it here. Yay. And when I get home I download it and upload it to my phone and now I have a new toy to play with, yippee. In fact, I will probably have to go for a run tomorrow night just to test it.

Stats:
Treadmill: 20 minutes /8.5kph
Bra straps breaking: 1
New software for my N95: 1

I get up earlyish and waste two hours doing nothing at all really and eventually go to get changed into running gear and the trousers I put on have a red stripe on them and I pull out a green t-shirt and I think red and green should not be seen, and wonder if I should put on a different t-shirt but I think bollocks to it, it’s only a bit of red, I’m sure it’ll be ok and I put a sock on and it’s inside out and inside out is unlucky but changing it so it’s not inside out anymore is even more unlucky and I don’t want to go over the marshes and be unlucky so I’m not sure what to do so I take it off and put other socks on instead making sure that they’re not inside out and and I go downstairs and wonder why I’m so superstitious and superstitions are all rubbish anyway and if I was that superstitious why did I get a black cat and I go over the marshes and run alongside the river and there’s a heron in my path and I stop to take its photo but it flies off  and I get to where the cows live and I think ha, you can’t fly off and I take their photo whether they like it or not.

And I go past the stables and back to the path leading up to the footbridge and there’s a screech behind me and I turn round and there’s a cyclist about two inches away from me and I jump and he smiles and says sorry and I move to let him get past and I get over the bridge and up the not very reassuringly named Black Path and I want to walk and I think no no no no walking, it’s not far to go now and I stop to walk and I think no no no no walking and I start running again and I get home and think yay, I’ve got two days to do nothing but learn jewellery making and php but then I remember I’ve got some website work to do and I think oh shit.

Stats:
Distance: 3.23  miles
Time: 37:27
Pace: 11:35
Calories: 313
Herons: 1
Cows: 6
Cyclists 2″ away from me: 1
Music:
Bobby Conn
The Divine Comedy
Hole
Babes in Toyland
Manic Street Preachers
Jeff Buckley
Citizen Fish
Long Blondes
Garbage
The Holloways