Category: Juneathon

Juneathon 2009 Day 4 Part 1

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Tonight is the Crisis Square Mile Run which is a run to help the homeless and not just an excuse to run with your mates for half an hour or so and then go and get pissed and eat pizza, and which I’m going to be doing for the fourth time.  As I now live far far away just left of the middle of nowhere, the report will have to wait until tomorrow.  In the meantime, you can read the previous years’ reports here (which was my first ever race), here and here.

But because I am a dedicated and committed Juneathoner, and of course extremely hardcore, I took my trusty little steed out for a short spin.  Shorter than anticipated but a short spin nevertheless.

Once again, I am true to my hypocrisy (as ever so kindly pointed out by Emma) and cycle up the pavement but then I see an old lady walking towards me and there aren’t any more slopey bits that I can go down and go on the road and so I slow down and stop while the old lady passes me as I don’t want to run into her like I ran into the man the other day and I manage not to run the old lady over and then I go over a stone and I think oops, hope I don’t get another puncture like I did the very first time I took my bike out and I get to the turning and there’s a sign saying warning, hedge cutting taking place or something like that I look down and there’s a big hedge cutting thing taking up the whole of the road and I think how the fuck am I supposed to get past that? and I think I can’t and so I turn round and go back home and I cycle in the road and there’s a car wanting to turn into his driveway and I wonder if I should stop for it and let it go in but I don’t know anything about roads and so I carry on and then I hear something big about to overtake me and it’s a huge lorry and I think bollocks to this, I’m going back on the pavement but I see the old lady up ahead and I think she’s going to get really pissed off if I keep going past her on the pavement and so I stay on the road and get home without running over any old ladies.

Stats (cycling)
Distance: 0.96 miles
Time: 6:07
Speed: 9.4mph
Calories: 27
Hedge cutting things: 1
Huge lorries: 1
Old ladies run over: 0
Weight: 9st 3
Juneathon’s completed: 4/30

Juneathon 2009 Day 3 – A gentle row

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For today’s Juneathon I decide to utilise Shaun’s (I don’t know why he insists on calling it mine; he paid for it, it’s in his computer/exercise room and he uses it) rowing machine and you’d think this would be as easy as walking the twenty feet from my computer room to the back bedroom but no, I have to move the radio and then it’s out of tune and although Radio 1 was seriously bugging me yesterday (I can’t get a good signal for XFM down here), the first station my radio tunes into is sounding scarily like Terry Wogan and I think am I 60?  Should I be listening to Terry Wogan? and I decide I shouldn’t and so I keep trying to find another station and something comes on that doesn’t sound too annoying and then I realise that I need that plug socket to plug the rowing machine into and so I go downstairs to get a double plug but the only one I can find has the holes in the wrong place and the rowing machine adaptor is too big to go on it and then I realise that the plugs next to it are turned off so I unplug them and plug the adaptor in and because I’d unplugged the radio again, it’s untuned again so I retune it and start to row and have it on the manual resistance and it’s still bloody hard and after about 9 minutes I decide to see if I can turn the resistance down and I press the down button and the whole screen goes off and I think eek, I’ve broken Shaun’s rowing machine and I’ll get told off like I did when I put the cold drinks in the hot drinks cupboard and the tinned tomatoes in the wrong place and I’m pressing the buttons and nothing’s happening so I turn it off at the wall and turn it back on again but it’s still dead and so I pull the adaptor plug thingy out of the machine and plug it back in again but still nothing, so I unplug it at the wall and the machine and plug it back in and then it beeps back into action and I think hooray, it’s working again and I get back on it and can’t remember how many minutes I’d done but it was about 9 and I’d planned to do 30 so I decide to stay on it for another 20 minutes and it’s bloody knackering and after a few minutes I decide to be brave and press the button again to lower the resistance and hooray, it doesn’t break this time and this is far far far easier and after a few more minutes I decide to stop being a lightweight and turn the resistance back up and I eventually get to 30 minutes and this rowing machine is far far far more hard work than the ones in the gym.

Junethon day 3 part 2

After spending the rest of the morning writing 500 words as part 1 (of 3) for my Open University assignment that’s due in on Friday, I decide to take the bike out for a spin before lunch.  I ride up the pavement as usual but there’s a car parked on the pavement and a man walks along towards me with a dog and I’m going to have to go on the road and the man with the dog stops to let me go past and I say thank you and I feel bad as I shouldn’t be on the pavement anyway and I’m going to have to go on the road in any event as there’s a car parked on the pavement and I can’t get past it so I’m brave and go on the road and the cars are overtaking me but I’m brave and don’t wobble and I turn off and cycle up to the tree and there’s a man walking up ahead of me and I don’t want to overtake him as I think my jeans are falling down and he’ll see my bum but he gets to the tree before me and I go round the tree and go back the way I came without the man seeing my bum and I pull my jeans up with one hand and there’s a couple of people walking up the road and I think more people? I don’t usually see anyone here and they give me a half smile and I give them a half smile back and then I’m back on the main road and I think I’ll be brave and cycle back on the road and anyway the car’s still there parked on the pavement so I don’t really have a choice and I cycle on the road and weeeeeeeeeeeeee, I feel liberated but the cars are going fast and I don’t care if the sign a few feet ahead of me says there’s a speed limit of 30, I think they’re doing about 180 and I get home and feel proud of myself for not being a wimp and sticking to the pavement.

Stats (rowing)
Distance: about a mile
Time: about 30 minutes
Strokes per minute: about 20

Stats (cycling)
Distance: 2.09 miles
Time: 11:46
Speed: 10.6 mph
Calories: 67
Weight: 9st 4
Juneathon’s completed: 3/30

Juneathon 2009 Day 2 – A narrow escape

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After being woken at 3:30am by my lovely boyfriend apparently trying to break my wrist, I wake up and politely ask him what the fuck he’s doing and he comes up with the lame excuse of having a bad dream where big boys were bullying him.  A likely story.  I go back to sleep keeping one eye open in case of any more “bad dreams” but after three hours I’m getting eyelid ache so I get up and check the house for booby traps but the kettle hasn’t been set up to electrocute me or anything and I go into the garage carefully in case there’s been a guillotine set up in there overnight but the coast is clear and there’s no guillotine in the garage waiting to chop my head off so I get out my little Raleigh Shopper, complete with its new basket and drink holder

Raleigh Shopper with basket and drink holder

but I haven’t got any tassles for the handlebars yet but as I’m owed big time by the little bloke for trying to murder me in my sleep I think there might be some on their way.

I check it to make sure there’s no bombs attached to it, ready to explode as soon as I get to the dizzy heights of 5mph but it would seem untampered with and so off I go for today’s Juneathon.

As it’s nice and sunny out, I decide to wear my new supercool sunglasses as sent to me by the modern day Jim’ll (i.e. the nice lady from the marketing company) and wonder if it’s the rush hour and will there be loads of cars and Shaun would have wasted his time trying to kill me when the rush hour will do it for him or maybe that was his Plan B, if Plan A  failed, as he knew I’d get up early if I woke up early and then the rush hour will get me instead and he’ll be exonerated.

Still, off I go, fearless in my quest to fulfil today’s Juneathon and not letting a little thing like attempted murder bother me and I’m on the pavement before I go to turn off where there aren’t any pavements anymore and a man’s walking towards me and I wonder if he’s going to move even a little bit and I can’t move any further over otherwise I’m going to fall into the road with the traffic coming in the wrong direction and I’ve already had enough near misses this morning what with boyfriends trying to kill me and invisible booby traps and guillotines and bike bombs and the man doesn’t move even a little bit and as I go past I scrape him with my handlebars and I say sorry and I carry on and I wonder if I should have stopped and said sorry but it’s too late now and I get round the corner and it’s quite dark and I’m wondering maybe I shouldn’t have worn the sunglasses if it’s going to be dark as I won’t see all the holes in the road, of which there are many, and I go through the tree tunnel and I hope the cars can see me and I think they’ll probably be able to see my bright white bike and then I see a dead crow and I go round the corner and there’s some horses.

 

Horses

I carry on going down the road and it’s nice and quiet and there’s nothing around except lots of greenery and blue skies

Nothing except a lot of green

and a beasty lands on my arm and it’s the same kind of beasty that came and sat with me in my room yesterday until I chucked it out of the window carefully placed it outside

Beasty

so I stop and flick it off my arm and there’s a truck coming out of a driveway and I wonder if I should stop and let it go first but I carry on and then there’s a bus and there’s hardly room for it to go past me but I don’t end up under its wheels and then I see another horse

Horse

and I stop and stand my bike up on its stand and it promptly falls over so I pick it up and try to stand it up again and it does and I stay and stroke the horse for a bit

Horse

and I say bye to the horse and carry on and then I’m on a busier road and the cars are going fast and I look at my Garmin and it says I’ve got another two miles to go and I don’t want to go another two miles with all the cars going so fast and then I see some houses and I don’t remember seeing houses yesterday and I realise I’m nearly home and I’m on a proper road with houses and cars and stuff and I’m cycling in the road like a proper cyclist and not freezing with fear every time I see a car and as I pass the primary school I realise I’m slap bang in the middle of the school run and there’s cars everywhere and I get on the pavement then get back on the road when some people walk up the pavement towards me and then I go back on to the pavement so I can wheel my bike up the hill like the lightweight I am and then I’m back home unscathed and unmurdered despite everyone’s best efforts.

Route

Splits

Stats (cycling):
Distance: 7.31 miles
Time: 48:25
Speed: 9.1mph
Calories: 201
Weight: 9 st 6
Bad dreams cited as reason for attempted murder: 1
Invisible guillotines: 1
Bike bombs: 0
Men cycled into: 1
Dead crows: 1
Horses: 4
Cars going fast: lots
Juneathons completed: 2/30

Juneathon 2009 Day 1

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Juneathon IIII hate my scales.  Last week they said I was 9st 2, today they say I’m 9st 6.  I haven’t put on 4 lbs in a week so scales, f**k off.  But as if my scales lying to me weren’t enough to push me out the door, today is obviously the start of Juneathon III (and if you don’t know that, why not?) and as Juneathon is mostly about running, I decide I should go for a run although I want to get out on my lovely little Raleigh Shopper (which is now complete with basket and drink holder) for 7 miles.

I decide to just do the two mile route, partly because I ran yesterday and I don’t usually run two days in a row and partly (ok, mainly) because I’m a wimp.

I take my little quiet route where there aren’t any nasty bends but there are a couple of cars and I wonder why I’m scared of them when I’m running but not so scared anymore when I’m cycling and it shouldn’t make any difference as, if they can get round me when I’m cycling, then they can get round me when I’m running as I don’t suddenly expand to twice my width when I’m running, at least not as far as I know anyway and then I see the tree and think hooray, half way there and then I realise it’s not the tree, it’s just a tree and I have to go further before I can turn round and then there’s some dirge playing on my iPod and I realise it’s Radiohead and Thom Yorke’s singing (and I use the term “singing” loosely) about cutting a kid in half or something and then I get to the tree and I’m tempted to touch it and say tag before turning round and going back the way I came but I resist the urge and the tree remains untouched and then I start to walk and I say to myself stop walking and get running you wuss and so I do but then I hear a strange noise and I stop to see if I can see what’s making the strange noise that’s like a cross between a duck and a pig or something but I can’t see anything and then the noise stops and I’m still walking and so I tell myself I haven’t got any reason to keep walking now the noise has stopped and so I start to run again (and I use the term “run” loosely) and I can see the main road and I want to walk again and when I get to the pavement I turn up my iPod and skip through it to see if there are any motivational tunes on there and Terrorvision’s Perseverance comes on and I think that’s quite appropriate for a lightweight like me.

Splits

Stats (running):
Distance: 2.16 miles
Time: 23:39
Pace: 10:58 m/m
Calories: 202
Weight: 9 st 6
Lying scales: 1
Duck/pig hybrids: 1
Juneathons completed: 1/30

Stats (cycling):
Distance: 7.32 miles
Time: 48:29
Speed: 9.1mph
Calories: 202

Music:
Radiohead
Blur
Terrorvision

Juneathon III roll call

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Juneathon III

As you should know by now, this year’s Juneathon starts on Monday.

The original Juneathon was started by Joggerblogger‘s mate Preston, who wanted to get fit for his holiday or something.  His Juneathon lasted two days.  However, the hardcore Mr Joggerblogger carried it on in his absence and rallied up the troops (i.e. the rest of blogland) and now Juneathon is a yearly occurrence with JB at the helm.  Thanks JB.

So, a quick recap of the rules:

  • Run or exercise every day
  • Blog about it (if you don’t have a blog, join the Facebook group and post your efforts there)
  • Visit your fellow Juneathoner’s blogs and leave a comment in support (or call them a slacker)

That’s it.  Easy, huh?

And, in no particular order, here is a roll call of this year’s blogging Juneathoners.

Me
Fit Artist
iliketocount
Seaside Strider
Sore Limbs
The Red Bucket
Running From 30
Emily & Michael
The Big Runner
Runner Susan
Running and Thinking
More To Life Than Weight
Strumming, Running & Drinking
Blobbyjogger
Jo H
Hauling My Carcass
Eating Trees
Running From Myself
Tom Roper
The Virtual Runner
Running Matters
Sound mind, sound body
Travelling Hopefully
The Fat Runner
Top Secret Training Blog
Between the Miles
Run DMT
Running Betty
Hot Mama
Carl’s Get Fit Blog

If I’ve forgotten anyone, let me know.

Good luck, and no slacking!

He hasn’t deserted us, Chief Juneathon is back!

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I can’t run.  I have a very swollen and bruised ankle because of the stupid countryside roads without pavements.  I never fell over in the marshes, oh no.  I did fall over a football during my first 10k but that was nearly three years ago and since then, except for wine based unbalancing acts, I have stayed upright.  Until I moved to the flipping stupid poxy waste of space countryside.

So, today, instead of running I played on the computer and was speaking to Joggerblogger (or [rich] as he likes to be known these days) on Twitter and I asked him if I should take over Juneathon or was he going to do it?  And he said I should take over, as he’d feel a fake as he can’t run.  So I said but you can draw everyday and he liked this idea and hurrah, our leader is back and going to post up the new run, exercise or draw Juneathon 2009 rules shortly.

Yippee.

The end of Juneathon 2008

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My trip to Cornwall didn’t quite go as planned due to our glorious June weather dumping fog on top of Newquay airport and therefore not allowing the plane to land but to divert to Bristol where they informed us they’d get us a coach to take us to Newquay but not until midnight so I call up my knight in shining armour who promptly jumps on his white charger (ok a black Jaguar [one which I promise to stop calling the Mike Baldwin car]) and comes to get me and drives me back to Kent. We get back at 10am and after a couple of hours sleep decide to go to the beach for a Juneathon walk

and I say will there be donkeys? and I’m told it’s unlikely and I say Emily promised me donkeys and so my knight in a Mike Baldwin car shining armour makes me a donkey.

As I have a suitcase full of clothes I decide to have my holiday in Kent instead of Cornwall and the next day we Juneathon by taking a walk in the countryside and although I had to do the walking in the road because there aren’t any pavements in the countryside thing, this is slightly made up for by the fact that I get taken to see cows

and when we get back, the sheep are out doing their sheep thing.

I head home for London and get up today, which is the last day of me being a lady of leisure as it’s a return to the rat race tomorrow and my Juneathon consists of a feeble run up to the Post Office to collect a vegan cookbook as my month of being vegan starts tomorrow.

Saturday’s route

Sunday’s route

Weekend’s stats:
Miles walked: 1.5 / 3.8
Time: 43:10 / 1:29:19
Trips to Cornwall: 0
Knights in shining armour: 1
Mike Baldwin cars: 1
Beaches: 1
Donkeys made out of pebbles and twigs: 1
Cows: a few
Sheep: a few but nowhere near 22

Today’s stats
Distance: 2.14 miles
Time: 27:02
Pace: 12:40 m/m
Calories: 166
Vegan cookbooks: 1

In the country

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Emily invited me to visit her and Mik in Cornwall although I think I may have invited myself and so later today I will be forgetting how much I hate the countryside and will be getting on a plane to the end of the country although it shouldn’t be too much of a culture shock as I practised looking at a field on Tuesday and even saw some sheep although practising looking at sheep was a waste of time as Emily says she hasn’t seen any sheep for ages but she has promised me donkeys. Yay.

But as it’s still June, that means the laws of Juneathon must be upheld and so I go out for a quick mile round the park which seems to have been invaded by twenty million kids under the age of three who seem to be having a party although the party seems to be in two groups but I can’t tell which group has the coolest kids in.

I start to run and can hear my feet and I’m wondering why I can hear my feet and then I realise I’VE FORGOTTEN MY IPOD. How the fuck did that happen? I’ve only ever once run without my iPod and that was because I was conducting an experiment and I think that doesn’t bode well for the rest of the day and hope I don’t miss my flight due to forgetting which airport I have to go to or something.

Stats:
Distance: 1.11 miles
Time: 10:18
Pace: 9:16 m/m
Calories: 92
Kids under the age of three: about twenty million
Music:
None, as I am an idiot and forgot my iPod

Salomon XT Wings Challenge – the end

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As today is the last day for my Salomon XT Wings Challenge, I have to make up the shortfall of the 100 miles which is about ten miles. Eek. I had promised Monica I would go up to Alexandra Palace but that would work out more like 15 miles and I’m feeling lazy and Monica is currently in Italy and therefore will never ever find out so I decide to go round Victoria Park and I get out the door and hurrah, there’s two new clean and shiny recycling bins on the wall and I’m wondering which ones they are that I ordered as I ordered two twice online and two on the phone as they were taking about sixteen million years to deliver them so maybe I’m going to get four more and they’ll think I’m greedy but my one disappeared one day and so I stole my next door neighbour’s recycling bin as she hasn’t lived there for about two years and her latest tenants had moved out but then the day after I stole her recycling bin I saw her and she said she was moving back in and I’m thinking you haven’t lived here for two years and now you move back in the day after I steal your recycling bin? and I’m feeling guilty for stealing her recycling bin but the next time the recycling bins get emptied I don’t get my stolen one back and now it doesn’t matter as I have my own bins now that aren’t stolen and I’m thinking guilt free recycling bins are the best ones to have and I get to the marshes and I’m wondering whether to miss out Springfield Park and I think if I skip it then I’ll miss out on my new favourite view and so I go into the park and there’s some kids there doing some running thing and then about 20 million more kids come down the hill and I’m thinking there must be some kind of sports day going on and then another 20 million kids come down the hill and I’m thinking this is a bad day to be in the park and I get up the hill and there’s a man on the bench where the God Women were the other day and I wonder if he’s a God Person but he doesn’t appear to have any magazines with him and I get past him without being offered any magazines and I see my new favourite view which isn’t as good as usual and I’m thinking the novelty must have wore off and I’ll have to wait until August when I go up some mountains and as I’m going past where the cows used to live and will hopefully live again come July there’s a man with no shirt on walking up the path towards the bridge and I’m wondering if I should follow the man with no shirt on over the bridge or should I go over the road and I decide to go over the road in case the man with no shirt on is dodgy which he might well be seeing as he’s over the marshes with no shirt on and without a dog to make him look less dodgy and as I get to the sex change pub I see a sign for a hypnotist

and it reminds me of my dream last night when I dreamt that I was in the pub smoking and Paul McKenna came over and said he could stop me smoking and I said to him I don’t actually smoke, I haven’t smoked for two and a half years and I don’t know why I’m smoking this and after I’ve finished this packet, I’ll stop again and also in my dream was a photo of me and Tracey looks at the photo and says were you half the weight you are now and I say yes and also half the age and when I wake up I’m thinking I must be feeling old and fat but at least the fat bit is my fault.

After I’ve finished being reminded of dreams about hypnotists and old photos I go through to the Middlesex Filter Beds which apparently were used to clean the water for the residents of North London until 1969 which is the year I was born so they obviously didn’t think I was worthy of clean water and thought I should just drink sewage or something and then I stop to take a photo of which I assume is a pump from the olden days when they used to clean the water and not try to kill me with sewage.

And another one.

And then there’s the plaque about the magic fish.

But you can’t see the magic fish, all you can see is weeds.

And I’m thinking Hackney Council need to get their gardeners on the case as I couldn’t see the deer the other day because of the weeds and now I can’t see the magic fish although I have seen the magic fish and they’re a bit crap really but it’s typical that the one day I want to take a photo of the magic fish I can’t.

I get to the end of the marshes and decide I don’t want to go to Victoria Park and I carry on going round and there’s a man on a bicycle and he stops to look at the helicopter that’s flying overhead.

And it’s just hovering in the sky and I’m thinking it must be looking for an escaped convict or something and I don’t want to be in the marshes with an escaped convict and so I think I’d better get out of there and then a man comes towards me and I’m wondering if he’s an escaped convict and I decide he’s not as he’s got two dogs with him and then when I get to the end of the foresty bit there’s another man coming towards me and I decide he does look like an escaped convict but not one that’s likely to murder me, maybe he just didn’t pay his TV licence or something and I must be looking at him like I think he’s an escaped TV licence payment dodging convict as he waves and says hello and I give him a sort of half smile and I carry on and get over the bridge back to Walthamstow and leave Hackney the home of the escaped convict and I decide to go up past the river and as I’m going over the boardwalk and I can see the helicopter still there hovering in the sky and then it turns towards me and I’m wondering if it’s a guardian helicopter and it’s come to look after me while I’m in the marshes but then it turns in the opposite direction and I decide it hasn’t come to look after me after all and I’m hoping the cows come back soon as they’re due back in July and then I get onto the path and decide to run again and then something wiggles across the path and I jump over it and then I’m thinking IT’S A SNAKE! How cool, I’ve never seen a snake over the marshes before and I get my camera out but it’s too quick and wiggles into the grass and I go to have a look but I can’t see it any more and I think bollocks, I wanted a picture of a snake but the snake is gone and the rest of the journey is pretty uneventful and there’s no more hypnotists, men without shirts, helicopters, escaped convicts or snakes, just this broken tree

and I’m wondering how the tree got broken and I get to the park and I’m not sure if I’ve done my 100 miles yet so I decide to do another half a mile and I’m skipping through my iPod to find an uplifting song and Is This The Life by Cardiacs comes on and I think how perfect it is that my favourite band in the whole world ever ever ever are going to be the soundtrack to the finish of my 100 mile challenge.

Stats
Distance: 10.06 miles
Time: 2:17:37
Pace: 13:41
Calories: 837
Hypnotists: 1
Filterbeds not working since 1969: 1
Magic fish: 0
Helicopters: 1
Escaped TV licence payment dodging convicts: 1
Cows: 0
Snakes: 1
Broken trees: 1
Salomon XT Wings Challenges successfully completed: 1
Juneathons completed: 20/24
Music
Stereo Total
Rolling Stones
Beatles
Graham Coxon
The Smiths
Levellers
The Mission
Cardiacs
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed
100.42 out of 100 / end of challenge

Juneathon Day 23

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I get up bright and early and sing along to the Dandy Warhols while I’m doing the usual first thing in the morning stuff like make tea, empty the dishwasher and feed the cat and then I do my usual second thing in the morning stuff like stalk people on Facebook and then I suddenly can’t keep my eyes open and I go back to bed but I can’t sleep so I get up again and I feel sick and I think oh no, I can’t do my planned six miles and tomorrow I’ll have to do all 10.77 miles that’s needed to complete my challenge and I think can I manage three miles? and I reckon I probably can but then I’m feeling paranoid and don’t want to go over the marshes so I decide to just do .77 miles and then I’ve only got ten miles to do tomorrow and I go over the park and there’s a muslim woman with a dog and she stops to let me go past and then there’s a family taking up all the space on the path so I go around them and then I lap the muslim woman and she stops again with her dog and I think why does she keep stopping, there’s enough room for me to get past unlike the family who are taking up all the path and then there’s a girl running towards me and I remember how much I dislike people running in the opposite direction to me in the park so I cut through the middle of the park and have to go past the family taking up the whole path and I think there really isn’t enough room in the park for more than one person at a time and obviously the person with the highest priority should be me.

Stats
Distance: 1.13 miles
Time: 10:28
Pace: 9:16
Calories: 114
Muslims with dogs: 1
Families taking up the whole path: 1
Girls running in the opposite direction: 1
Juneathons completed: 19/23
Music
The Damned
My Bloody Valentine
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
90.36 out of 100 / 1 day left

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