Category: Juneathon

New shoes on Thursday

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Yesterday in the post came a letter from the crooks offering me a decent amount of compensation, so like any self-respecting money grabbing whore, I decide to take the money and run and I book a flight to Cornwall so I can go and visit Emily in a couple of weeks, yay.

And after I’ve finished getting letters from crooks and booking flights to Cornwall, I sit up late drinking, watching Lost and ringing people to laugh at them for being over 40 tomorrow and therefore officially old, I get up too late for the yogalates class I’d planned on going to at the gym.  Still, because I am not a wuss and because it’s still the month of June and therefore Juneathon must be done and also because it’s not the 24th yet and I still need to clock up 100 miles, I decide to run to the gym.

Because I’ve decided to ditch the Nike+ Sportband due to it being a worthless piece of crap, I put on my new shoes

although my new shoes are trail shoes and I can’t remember there being any trails between my house and the gym and they’re not very comfy but they get me to the gym in a weedy run/walk kind of way and I get to the gym and do 20 minutes on the rowing machine and go to do 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer but wimp out after 1k and then manage a feeble 2k on the bike and then I walk home and it’s 2:15 and I think where did the day go?

Stats:
Distance: 2.07 miles
Time: 29:28 minutes
Pace: 14:15
Calories: 165
Letters from crooks: 1
Flights booked to Cornwall: 1
Runs to gym: 1
Walks back from gym: 1
Feeble efforts in the gym: 1
Juneathons completed: 5/5
Music
The Beatles
Young Knives
Plain White Ts
Manic Street Preachers
Mark Ronson
The Cure
Sisters of Mercy
Hard-Fi
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
35.01 out of 100 / 20 days left

Walkathon day 4

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Unlike yesterday, when it pissed down constantly, today is a beautiful sunny day and I take my unemployed pikey self round the marshes and think to myself, this is far better than sitting in a windowless office in the City being frozen to death by the air conditioning.

And as today’s run is going to be a leisurely affair, I stop to see what the sign about cyclists on the boardwalk says

and it says the boardwalk is for pedestrians and cyclists can piss off. Yay.

Then across the river I see something being built and I wonder if it’s affordable housing and can I get one seeing as I’m unemployed now and then I can rent it out and live on the rental income and not bother getting a proper job.

And then a cute bloke with a dog comes over the bridge and I wonder if he’ll marry me and let me spend my days not working but taking pictures of building sites instead and I decide probably not and maybe I’ll have to go and get one of those job things and then an ironman runs past me and I know he’s an ironman because he has the ironman tattoo on the back of his calf and I think it would look better on his ankle but apparently you’re not supposed to call them tattoos although I wasn’t told what you’re supposed to call them instead as it looked like a tattoo to me and then I get to the filterbeds and there’s a lock on the gate

so I have to take the path along the river instead

and then I see some lilypads

and I wonder if there’s any frogs as I like frogs but I can’t see any frogs so I continue on my way and try to get over the disappointment of not seeing any frogs and then I get to the bit of the marshes where there’s going to be a half marathon

and it’s going to comprise of six laps or something and I think SIX LAPS ROUND THE FIELD? Fuck that, I would lose the will to live after a lap and a half and it looks like it’s all going to be on grass and I don’t like running on grass unless they’re going to take in the foresty bit too and then I see a tower block

and I think fuck off tower block, you’re spoiling my view, but what do I expect? I’m in Hackney and Hackney is the home of the council estate and then I get to a bridge I’ve never been over before

so I go over the bridge I’ve never been over before but it doesn’t seem to go anywhere so I go back over the bridge I’ve never been over before which is now the bridge I’ve been over twice and there’s a sign saying no fishing

and there’s a fine of £2,500. £2,500? Blimey, would be cheaper to go to the chippy I would imagine, not that I would know how much fish costs in the chippy and people shouldn’t be fishing anyway. Poor little fishes.

And then I’m back at the stables

and a horse comes over to see me

and then my phone tells me it’s run out of memory and so I can’t take any more photos so I think I might as well go home then.

Stats:
Distance: 6.51 miles
Time: 1:44:29 minutes
Pace: 16:04
Calories: 477
Sunny days: 1
Cyclists not allowed on the boardwalk: all of them
Building sites: 1
Cute men with dogs: 1
Ironmen: 1
Locks: 1
Lilypads: lots
Frogs: 0
Towerblocks: 1
New bridges: 1
No fishing signs: 1
Phones running out of memory: 1
Juneathons completed: 4/4
Music
The Secret Machines
The Levellers
The Beatles
Morphine
Fuzzbox
Stereo Total
Nirvana
Young Knives
Plain White Ts
Dexys Midnight Runners
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
32.94 out of 100 / 21 days left

Juneathon Day 3

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I get up early (and remember, to anyone unemployed, any time before lunchtime Neighbours is early) with the intention of doing a mile before heading off to agency no. 1 to see if they can de-unemployed pikey me and it has to be just a mile as I have to give off an air of sleek professionalism and not that of a drowned rat and my hair will ming far less after a mile than after three miles but then I look out of the window and FUCK, IT’S RAINING and that puts paid to that then and I think bollocks, I’ve got another agency to go to this afternoon and then I’m coming home, just to near enough go straight out again to meet up with an old boss from years ago who, although I’m very much looking forward to seeing again, can’t ask him for a job because a) he’s just taken on a new assistant; and b) he pays fuck all what with there not being a huge amount of money in the literary agency world.

But I am not destined to fall into the Juneathon failure bucket just yet as I have a cunning plan in that walking from the Liverpool Street agency to the Chancery Lane one counts. And it doubley counts if I walk back as well. And it’s not even hiding an unemployed pikey money saving excuse as I have a travelcard. So there.

Oh, and look, I’ve inspired someone. Yay, go me.

Stats:
3 miles walking
Juneathon days completed: 3/3
People inspired by me: 1

Juneathon Day 2

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Not only is it the second day of Juneathon but it’s also the first day of my new life as a lady of leisure, which I have decided sounds better than unemployed pikey.  I email the agency and say those crooks at [enter name of crooks here] have given my job back to their old secretary who came back from travelling the world early, i.e. after two weeks, the lightweight, and the agent does sound genuinely upset for me and not just because of the commission he’s just lost although he will be even more upset when he hears that the other new secretary rang the crooks this morning and told them she wasn’t going back in an act of solidarity and therefore that’s quite a lot of commission he’s just lost.  Oops.

After emailing the crooks and telling them I know about the other girl coming back, I fix up an appointment to see another agency tomorrow morning and then decide to get some Juneathoning done before continuing on my new unemployed pikey lady of leisure lifestyle and I decide to wear my new shoes but I’m wearing a red t-shirt again but I decide that not wearing red and green together hasn’t done much for my luck so far in my 38 years and so I decide to be reckless but then remember that my new shoes have weird Salomon quicklaces on them

and so I can’t tie my Nike+ pouch to them and although it’s completely pointless me taking the Nike+ Sportband out because it’s inaccurate and the calibrating didn’t work, I still want to take it out because it updates the Nike+ challenge widget thing over there on the right and makes me look like I’ve run a lot of miles and even more importantly, run further than Warriorwoman although I don’t think that’s cheating as much as trying to make out going on a Wii is valid Juneathoning.

Stats:
Distance: 3.03 miles
Time: 31:42 minutes
Pace: 10:27
Calories: 305
Agencies losing lots of commision: 1
Agencies to see tomorrow: 1
Crooks emailed: 1
Days of being a lady of leisure: 1
Juneathons completed: 2/2
Music
The Secret Machines
The Levellers
Toyah
Muse
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
26.43 out of 100 / 23 days left

City of London Race for Life 2008

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After getting the sack from my new job on Friday for the spurious reason that my twat of a boss found me a bit abrupt, I later find out that his old secretary came back from her travels early and asked for her job back. Wanker. I spend Saturday drinking and sulking and decide that I’m not getting out of bed today, let alone go and run a Race for Life with 10,000 women wearing pink and walking really slowly but by the time I drag myself off to bed at 3am I decide to set my alarm anyway and see how I feel in the morning. In the morning I feel shit but I decide to do my race and, after all, Juneathon starts today and the laws of Juneathon must be upheld.

I get in the right lane this year, the lane for runners, unlike last year when I joined the walkers by mistake and I think we’ve set off but everyone’s still walking and I don’t see a start line and then we get round the corner and I see the start line so we haven’t started yet and then there’s a countdown and it takes three minutes to get across the start line so I decide my Garmin time will be my official time and by the time we’ve gone .2 of a mile, people have already started walking and I decide to push anyone walking out of my way and then I see some shops that look familiar and I realise we’re running down Cheapside and I’ve just gone past my ex-work and I think I should have brought a petrol bomb with me or something and after about 2 miles I overtake a girl who had been walking in front of me and who’d I’d already overtaken and I think how did she get there? and then I realise SHE CHEATED!! She must have crossed over the island and CHEATED and I’m pretty sure if you cheat in a charity run then you definitely go to hell and then some woman barges into me so I elbow her in the ribs and she says sorry and at last the race is over and my Garmin says it was only 2.75 miles but because I spent most of it stuck behind people walking slowly I don’t qualify for free pizza which I have been promised if I can do a sub-30 5k and I go and get my medal and my goody bag which consists of a granola bar, cranberry juice, moisturiser, face wash, deodorant and a horrible brown lipstick but at least I got a goody bag unlike Shaun, who, in his last race only got a paper cup and speaking of Shaun he’s just started a blog so he can join in Juneathon, so go and take the piss out of say hello to him here.

Goody bag

Today’s route

Stats:
Distance: 2.75 mile
Time: 32:32 minutes
Pace: 11:50
Calories: 276
New jobs: 0
Hangovers: 1
Women wearing pink and walking really slowly: 10,000
Juneathons: 1
Music:
The Mission
Sisters of Mercy
Madonna
Faith No More
The Secret Machines
The Levellers
Baby Teeth
Hole
Chumbawamba
THE 100 MILE CHALLENGE
 Miles completed so far
23.46 out of 100 / 24 days left

A walking commute

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Sex and the City has a lot to answer for.  At least, Paramount Comedy does by showing it every night.  I mean, what’s a girl to do?  Stay up late watching it and drinking wine?  Exactly.  But staying up late drinking wine and watching telly is not conducive to good running performance, whether that be a 10k race or a 10k running commute.  Maybe I should just give up 10ks.  Hmm, now there’s a thought.

Or perhaps I can blame it on not being mentally prepared for a full commute tonight, as my workmate said she was going to walk half of it with me but come 5:30 this afternoon she comes over and says she’s wimping out and getting the train home instead.  Tsk, what a lightweight.   I walk up with her to Moorgate and then I’m waiting about three hours for my Garmin to pick up a signal but it doesn’t look like it’s going to so I start without it and just time myself instead and it picks up a signal somewhere along the way and I walk most of my commute like a complete weed, which is a bit crap really because I’ve got more races coming up; the Salomon XT Wings Challenge encompassing the challenge within the challenge which starts on Saturday; and then we’ll have Juneathon again which I will leave Joggerblogger to tell you about if he remembers not to forget about it again.

Stats
Distance: 5.65 miles
Time: 1:20:19
Pace: 14:13 m/m
Calories: 453
Late nights drinking wine and watching Sex and the City: too many
Running breaks: a couple
Music
Duran Duran
The Mission
Transvision Vamp
B52s
Delorean
Echo & The Bunneymen
Sisters of Mercy
Arctic Monkeys
Manic Street Preachers

Juneathon Day #30. The end.

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We made it, the end of Juneathon! But I wimped out of the 8 miles my training schedule had down for me due to, um, not really feeling like it but still, I couldn’t wimp out totally, what with it being the last day of Juneathon and that so I loaded up my iPod with some of my favourite tunes, although for some reason my favourite tune ever ever ever wasn’t in my iTunes folder and you’d think with 5,000 songs in there, my favourite one ever ever ever would be in there and so I decided that I couldn’t leave the house without it and eventually found it hiding in an external hard drive and so with my 18 minutes of tunes decided to run for 18 minutes and I went out in the rain, hardcore stylee, and went round the park and up to the sports field and because I am the only hardcore stylee finely tuned athlete in Walthamstow had the place to myself and it’s raining and I’m getting soaked and my favourite tunes are being blasted into my ear drums and I get back to the park and Joining the Plankton by Cardiacs which is my favourite song ever ever ever comes on and I think this is the last song but I’ve only done 15 minutes, I thought I put another song on and then Stereo Total start singing I Love You, Ono and I think can I get round the park before this song finishes so I speed up and I don’t quite make it to the gate before the song finishes and I go home having completed Juneathon and I think I should win Juneathon because, um, I like winning things.

Stats:
Miles: 2.12
Total time: 19:31
Average pace: 9:11
Total calories: 196
Music:
The Damned – Smash It Up
Graham Coxon – You & I
Delorean – As Time Breaks Off
Cardiacs – Joining The Plankton
Stereo Total – I Love You, Ono
Juneathon stats:
Days completed: 28/30
Miles: 71.95

LARDATHON – THE RULES
Right then, who’s up for Lardathon?

Lardathon is simple. The rules are

Lose weight.
No eating crap allowed (unless it’s your birthday or anniversary or your friend’s coming round to see your new bathroom and you’re going to your favourite Italian restaurant after)*.
You must post your food diary every day and confess to any crap eaten.
You are allowed to drink but not 20 pints every night.
You can drink more on beer drinking weather days.
You can drink in any pubs where smoking is banned.
Do lots of exercise (doesn’t have to be every day).
If you want a logo, design it yourself 😉

*Crap includes pizza, crisps, chocolate, cakes, ice cream**, donuts, anything containing large quantities of cheese, cream and butter, lard. This list is not exhaustive.

**Free ice cream is allowed.

I will make up some more rules later.

Today my scales said I was 9st 4 and I want to be under 9st. Ideally, 8.7 st. Actually, I’d like to be 8st but then people start moaning at me for being too skinny (I’m 5 ft 6).

Juneathon Day #29

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It’s the penultimate day of the Juneathon and I decide to take it easy on the running front and just do some cross-training down the gym at lunchtime in the form of the rowing machine and the elliptical trainer but when I get there, I can’t resist the lure of the treadmill as I have got strangely addicted to it, although not so addicted that I want to buy one and bounce up and down on it whilst watching Eastenders, although I suppose it would be handily near the fridge and they do have those beer can size holders in them, but anyway I do 15 minutes on the treadmill and then 15 minutes on the rowing machine and I go back to work nicely energised but my good mood doesn’t last long as my boss decides to be a twat again and I’m thinking he has got the man in his 40s syndrome in a big way and eventually it gets to 5 o’clock and I can go home and I get on the train and I must have committed some kind of bad karma sin by blogging about the Juneathon candidate the other day who was the size of two seats, as another one gets on the train and sits next to me and squishes me all the way home.

Stats:
Treadmill: 15 minutes
Distance: 2.5k
Speed: 10kph
Rowing machine: 15 minutes

Juneathon Day #28

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Because I’ve decided my running commute is seriously bobbins, I decided to attempt 10k on the treadmill but almost had an excuse not to do it when at 5:20 my boss asked me to do something which would have involved me leaving work late but then he changed his mind and so I trotted off to the gym and started my running commute which wouldn’t get me home at the other end of it and neither would it take me past Somerfield and their plentiful supply of chilled white wine.

When I get to the gym I’m told that they’ve swapped round the men’s and women’s changing rooms and she does tell me why but I didn’t hear and I say is it every day and she says no just today and I wonder why it’s just for today but I don’t bother to ask her and so I go into the men’s changing rooms which is v. weird and they’re bigger than our changing rooms and there’s a girl in there who puts deodorant on and then puts on her gym kit and goes to the mirror and does her hair and make up and I think what is the point in that and I go and get on a treadmill and six minutes later make up and hair done girl gets on the treadmill next to me and starts walking on it really slowly and I’m thinking ha, you lightweight, you need Juneathon and then she starts running on it and she does 35 minutes and at the end she looks exactly the same and I think well if my hair and make up stayed the same I might do the same thing but I look like a drowned rat after about five minutes and then another Juneathon candidate gets on the other treadmill next to me and she walks really slowly on it for five minutes and gets off and I think well at least she’s in the gym and a year and a half ago I wouldn’t have dreamt of going in a gym and then I’m watching the news on the telly and they’re showing politicians but I don’t know who they are and then they’re showing the Spice Girls and I think Posh looks kind of freaky and not in a good kind of freaky way like Bobby Conn but in a Bride of Wildenstein kind of freaky way, especially next to the other Spice Girls who look healthy and normal and I think Posh probably thinks she looks the best out of all of them and then Keane comes on my iPod and I think what the fuck is Keane doing on my iPod, although it’s the song that sounds like U2 which I will admit to sort of liking although I don’t actually like U2 but I’m still thinking what the fuck is Keane doing on my iPod and then it gets to 53 minutes and I’m thinking I’m quite enjoying this and maybe I’ll turn the speed up a bit when it gets to 60 minutes and it gets to 60 minutes and then it goes to 59 minutes and I think what the fuck, I must be hallucinating, I thought it was on 59 minutes before and then when it gets to 60 minutes it goes into the cooldown mode thing and I think what the fuck, bloody hell, that’s annoying and so I turn the speed back up and then a minute later it goes back down again and I think oh no, I’m going to have to turn the speed up every minute and that’s really annoying and so I think well, the quicker I go, the quicker I get to 10k so I turn it up faster and and keep doing the turning it up every minute thing until it eventually gets to 10k and then I let it do its cooldown thing it obviously so desperately wants me to do and as soon as I finish on the treadmill, a girl jumps on it and I think ooh, I did hog it a bit, oh well never mind.

Stats:
Treadmill: 67 minutes
Distance: 10k
Speed: 9/9.5/10/10.5kph

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