Category: Juneathon

Juneathon Day #27

5 comments

Because I woke up with my right knee and my left ankle hurting, and nothing whatsoever to do with the alcohol consumed last night, I decided to rebel and not do Juneathon today.

While I’m at work our computers decide to break at lunchtime and I’m stuck with no internet to play with and because I had rebelled out of Juneathon, I had no gym kit with me and my boss says he hasn’t got the authority to send anyone home but I can go home at 4 but try to do it without anyone noticing as they’ll start whinging so I go home early and get on the train and a woman the size of two seats sits down opposite me and I think she needs Juneathon and then a little plan starts to form in my mind and I think I’m going to get cards printed to hand out to obese people to let them know about Juneathon and the benefits of this will be threefold: The obese people will be healthier and more people will be able to sit down on the trains if the seats aren’t taken up by people using two of them to park their fat arses on and the people who get the freed up seats will have their stress levels reduced by not having to stand on the train all the way to work. Result. And I’m thinking I could write a health and fitness book called The Juneathon Plan and then maybe it will get made into Juneathon The Movie and I’m wondering if I can get Sandra Bullock to play me and maybe Ant and Dec can play Joggerblogger and Preston and then we’ll need a tall bloke to play Bear and maybe we can get Jude Law to do it and then I’m thinking that if Jude Law does star in my film then sorry Sandra but I’m going to play myself and then the train gets to my stop and I go home and think I will do Juneathon, I must practice what I preach and I go for a quick spin round the park in the rain.

Stats:
Miles: .47
Total time: 4.25
Average pace: 9.25
Total calories: 40
Plans for Juneathon to take over the world: 1

Juneathon Day #26

12 comments

With it being Tuesday, that means it’s a half-marathon training schedule day and as I would never ever ever ever ever not stick to my schedule, I went off to the gym at lunchtime for an interval session as I had been ordered encouraged to do 22 minutes at 9/11kph.  Ouch.

I get to the gym and it’s busy but I find an unused treadmill hiding behind a pillar and get on it and notice the man on the bike in front of me has no neck and I wonder why he hasn’t got a neck and after a few seconds some of my hair has come out of its band and is flapping in my face and won’t stay behind my ear and it’s really bugging me and so after 5 minutes I have to stop to do some girly hair-adjusting type stuff and I carry on and my hair has come loose again and I think fuck it, I’ll be sweating like a pig glowing in a ladylike fashion in a minute and I can just plaster it onto my head and I’m thinking I don’t think I can do all 22 minutes today, maybe it’s too much the day after body pump and only five hours sleep but I carry on and it eventually gets to 18 minutes and I think can I do the final four minutes that I was ordered encouraged to do? and I think well I’ll have a go but I think I’m going to faint or puke or an extremely unladylike combination of both and I eventually get to the end without dying.  Result. 

Someone tell me again why I’m doing this please?

Stats
Treadmill: 22 minutes
Distance: 3.58k
Speed: 9/11kph

Juneathon Day #25

3 comments

Some people take Juneathon seriously and some people sit in the pub all day, having sunk 5 pints by 2:30 in the afternoon.  I, of course, being a finely tuned athlete, fall into the former category so off I diligently went after work to the gym to go to body pump.  I had loads of time to spare before the class started so I jumped on a treadmill but the ones near the telly that shows Neighbours were all taken so I had to make do with some cartoon sheep and the spin class that was going on in front of me for entertainment and I stayed on the treadmill for 30 minutes then went to body pump where I proceeded to show just how weedy I am by having lighter weights than everybody else and still not managing to do the whole class without stopping a few times.

Stats:
Treadmill: 30 minutes
Distance: 4.45k
Speed: 9kph
Class: Body pump

Juneathon Day #24

6 comments

Last night’s excesses weren’t as excessive as originally planned and although I was slightly hungover this morning I needed to clear my head and a spin round the marshes seemed more appealing than a two mile walk to the gym. So off I went with my newly charged wireless headphones and loaded my iPod with the album I first ran to over the marshes and it’s quiet over the marshes and it’s raining and I’m getting soaking wet and I’ve turned up my iPod so loud my ears are bleeding. Bliss.

And while I’m running I’m thinking about next month’s Lardathon and how I want to lose a stone and be the size I was before I stopped smoking and if it wasn’t for the fact that the smoking ban comes into force in a week I’d start smoking again although not really because then I’d just sit around smoking and doing fuck all else like I used to and I’m thinking about how I only bought my scales last year because I thought I’d put on weight and then my scales said I was 8 st 8 and now they say I’m 9 st 5 and how could I have put on nearly a stone when I eat reasonably healthy most of the time except for yesterday’s double caramel magnum, pizza and banoffee pie and next month there will be no crap eating at all except for the free ice cream at the end of the month because free ice cream doesn’t count.

And as usual I try and get round the marshes in less than 30 minutes and as usual I don’t manage it but that would probably be because I always stop to walk up the small slope big massive hill.

Today’s route

Stats:
Miles: 2.96
Total time: 30:09
Average pace: 10:11
Total calories: 278
Hangovers: 1
3 mile marshes routes done in 30 minutes: 0
Music:
Black Wire – God of Traffic
Black Wire – Attack! Attack! Attack!
Black Wire – Smoke And Mirrors
Black Wire – Promote The Happy Hours
Black Wire – Hard To Love Easy To Lay
Black Wire – 800 Million Heart Beats
Black Wire – Broken Back
Black Wire – Both Your Houses

Juneathon Day #23

4 comments

I wake up and get up and then realise that I don’t know what the time is so I check the time and fuck me it’s only 5:45 so I go back to bed but I’m wide awake and I think I should just get up and go out for a run and anyway I’ve got new running kit to try on which is still in its bag and I haven’t even looked at it yet and then my alarm goes off at 7 and I think why the fuck did I set my alarm last night? and I get up and turn it off and go back to bed and then I fall asleep and wake up at 8:30 and I get up and wonder if the bottle of wine I had last night was a good idea when my half marathon training schedule has an 8 mile run down for me today and I decide it was a good idea although I probably shouldn’t have drank half of it before I made my dinner because trying to make my dinner of aubergine and smoked tofu parcels when I was pissed wasn’t very easy.

I decide to leave my camera at home for once and ponder whether to take my phone in case of any broken legs in the middle of the marshes emergencies and needing to call for help and I decide that I should take it in case of an emergency and I get all of a mile when the charge on my wireless headphones runs out. Fuck. And I don’t know what to do, I’ve got 7 miles left and I’ve never run without my iPod before and I can’t go back and get my other headphones as if I go back, I’ll never go back out again and so I continue without music and all I can hear is my heavy breathing and my feet banging against the ground and although I had no delusions about being a delicate little flower floating gracefully over the ground, I didn’t realise I sounded like a herd of chain smoking elephants either.

I get round the marshes and I have two miles left to go and I go up to the sports field and I can see someone running round it and I think fuck off out of my sports field and when I get up the bank I can see there’s loads of people in the sports field and I think bollocks, I’m not going up there then, what am I going to do? I can’t do two miles round the park, that’s going to do my head in but I don’t want to go round the streets so I’ll have to go to the park, so I go to the park and there’s someone running in there the opposite direction to the way I want to go and I think for fuck’s sake and I must have said it out loud because she leaves the park and I have the park near enough to myself and I think I’m going to lose the will to live if I have to go round the park four times and at 7 miles I stop to walk a bit and my feet are dragging along the ground and I start to run again and I think shall I continue ’til I get round the park as that will be over 8 miles but as soon as my Garmin hits the 8 mile mark I turn it off and walk home and then have the dilemma of whether to have a sausage sandwich or crunchy peanut butter on toast and I can’t decide and I wonder what a sausage and crunchy peanut butter sandwich would be like and I decide it would probably be crap.

Today’s route

Stats:
Miles: 8.02
Total time: 1:32:25
Average pace: 11:31
Total calories: 715
Headphones running out of charge: 1
Music:
Cardiacs – Plane Plane Against The Grain
Graham Coxon – Fags And Failure
Graham Coxon – My Idea Of Hell

Juneathon Day #22

11 comments

More Juneathoning down the gym at lunchtime today. I spend the afternoon wanting to kill my boss and anyone else really and I’m thinking that although I wasn’t going to drink tonight and even left my wallet at home so I couldn’t go to the offy on the way home I’m thinking I might have to rescue my wallet and go out to the shop and I’m thinking this week has been such a pain in the arse and I don’t appreciate being spoken to by my boss like a 5 year old with a less than average intelligence even if he does always apologise and when I get home there’s an answerphone message from someone in B&Q’s legal team who says that they’ve decided to settle my claim in full and pay my court fees. YAY GO ME FUCKING RESULT OR WHAT? And then I’m happy again 🙂

Stats:
Treadmill: 15 minutes
Distance: 2.3k
Speed: 9.5kph
Rowing machine: 15 minutes
B&Qs successfully sued: 1

Juneathon Day #21

6 comments

I read back the rules of Juneathon and re-read them and re-read them but I still couldn’t see where it says you’re excused from Juneathon if the night before you had consumed vast quantities of popadums, curry, nan bread, ice cream (in a cow cup), beer and wine and it didn’t say I was excused on my half-marathon training schedule either so off I duly went to the gym at lunchtime for another interval session (ooh get me, learning the lingo and everything).  I managed 18 minutes on the treadmill before it was looking likely that the vast quantities of aforementioned foodstuffs and drinkstuffs was going to make a reappearance so I wimped out of the last four minutes and went back to work.

I really did have ice cream out of a cow cup, look:

Stats
Treadmill: 18 minutes
Distance: 2.95k
Speed: 9/11kph

Juneathon Day #20

4 comments

Despite still being partly crippled from Monday’s body pump class, I am not as crippled as Joggerblogger who apparently is now sporting a rather fetching wrist strap (photographic evidence to be produced shortly) and what with him being a show off hardcore still managed to go out for 8 miles before 6:30 this morning, I ignored my rumbling stomach which was telling me to forget Juneathon and do Lunchathon instead and went to the gym.  I jumped on my new best friend the treadmill and did a v. slow 10 minutes, then turned up it up for another 5, then up again for another 4 then up again for the last minute then got on the rowing machine for 15 minutes but stayed on for 20 and left the gym feeling energised and returned to the office to stuff my face.

Stats
Treadmill: 20 minutes
Distance: 3.1k
Speed: 9/9.5/10/11kph

Juneathon Day #19

8 comments

Although yesterday’s body pump class (description here for those of you who want to know what it is) left me unable to move my arms this morning, my legs weren’t so bad so I packed my rucksack in preparation for a running commute.  But as I sit at my desk for 99% of the day my legs were beginning to stiffen up and so I went for a walk at lunchtime to loosen them up but because I don’t do walking for the sake of walking I went shopping and bought some clothes which I was in dire need of because I hadn’t bought any new clothes since this morning when I bought some on the way to work.

During the afternoon I was still feeling pretty stiff and was wondering if I should maybe wimp out of the running commute and just take my new purchases home to try on instead, because not only had I made two shopping trips today but my delivery of new running kit had also arrived and I wasn’t sure I was patient enough to leave everything overnight in the office and I had a shitload of stuff to do tonight anyway and then at about 5 o’clock it starts raining and I think oh no, it was warm and sunny all day and now it’s raining, maybe I should wimp out of my running commute and I check my email and there’s an email from Bear saying don’t think you’re wimping out of your running commute just because it’s raining and I think ha, how little do you know me, I don’t do wimping out and I say I’m not wimping out, and I leave my purchases on the floor under my desk and go out into the rain although it’s not actually raining any more and my Garmin takes about three weeks to get a signal and I eventually start running and as usual after about two feet I want to stop and it’s chokka at Angel as usual and I go past a pub that says it’s the coolest pub in London and I think that needs investigating one day and then it starts raining which is nice and cooling and I’m doing a lot of walking and I’m thinking this running commute really does go through the dullest, grimmest and most boring route possible and I’m wondering if I can do six miles on the treadmill instead  without dying of boredom because this running commute thing isn’t really doing it for me and I get to Pembury Road and I decide it’s a hill and walk up it and then I’m still walking and still walking until I get to Murder Mile and I take a little jog to the roundabout and get to Lea Bridge Road and I think I’ll go through the marshes because it will be more scenic and also has the added bonus of saving me the trauma of seeing B and bloody Q and not having cyclists running me over every three feet so I go through the marshes and I try to run but I end up walking again and I get to the stables and stop to stroke a horse and I manage to jog a few feet but have to walk again and again and again and I think when I get through the factory I’ll run the rest of the way but that doesn’t happen either and I end up walking home like a lightweight and when I get home there’s a card from the Post Office to tell me there’s a package there for me and that’ll be my new pink digital watch, hurrah.

Stats:
Miles: 5.99
Total time: 1:26:28
Average pace: 14:25
Total calories: 484
Music:
Calvin Harris
The Damned
Bobby Conn
Courtney Love

Juneathon Day #18

5 comments

For the first time this year I’ve managed to get on the body pump class, now that all the new year people have buggered off. So after a day of me wanting to kill my unreasonable tosser of a boss and hoping he hasn’t heard me mutter fucking prick under my breath for 99% of the day I try and remember where the gym where the class is held is and I eventually take the right turning and get there and I have half an hour before the class starts so I get on the treadmill and I’m thinking about my dream last night where someone broke into my house to attack me and I asked him if he could come back another day instead and he said ok and when I woke up I thought that’s pretty handy, I’ll have to remember that and it reminded me of my conversation with Gary when he said that it was really hard to strangle people and I said yes because you could just tickle them, and after 10 minutes on the treadmill I turn the speed up to 10 and then up to 11 for the last minute and then I get off and go on the bike for 12 minutes then go to the body pump class which I haven’t been to for over six months and the music’s better now and I think I’ll stick to the lightest weights as I remember not being able to move my arms or legs for about three days after the first time I went last year and so just about get through the class and stagger out of the gym and my arms and shoulders are stiff and I think oops, I don’t think I’ll be able to do the running commute I had tentatively planned for tomorrow. Ho hum.

Stats:
Treadmill: 15 minutes
Speed: 9/10/11kph
Distance: 2.3k
Bike: 12 minutes
Class: Body Pump
Arms working properly: 0

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